meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the First Sunday in Lent

Friday, February 08, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the First Sunday in Lent

First Sunday in Lent

Genesis 2:15-17; 3:1-7
Psalm 32 (Ps. 32:10)
Romans 5:12-19
Matthew 4:1-11

These are the readings for today that have been translated:

Genesis 2:15-17

15 An Ceiling Cat took teh man, An put him into teh garden ov eden 2 takez care of it cuz Ceiling Cat wuz still pooped and wantedz another dai off.
16 An Ceiling Cat sed 2 teh man, ov every tree in teh garden iz ok u eatz:
17 But of teh tree of teh knowledge of gud An evil, you not eatz cuz wen u eatz taht tree i 4 sure mek u ded. srsly.

Genesis 2:15-17; 3:1-7

Bad Kittehs
1 Nao teh serpent wuz mor shneakay than any beast ov teh field which Ceiling Cat had made. An he meowed unto teh woman, liek I herd that Ceiling Cat said, u shall not eated fum any tree ov teh garden? Even dem trees on dat plate?
2 An teh woman said unto teh serpent, ov teh fruit ov teh treez ov teh garden ok fo' us eat:
3 but ov teh fruit ov teh tree which iz in teh midel ov teh garden, Ceiling Cat said, dun eatz it cuz if u eatz it he mek u ded.
4 An teh serpent said unto teh woman, he no mek u ded:
5 4 Ceiling Cat noes dat, teh dai u eat dat fruit, den u gon b able to c, An u be like Ceiling Cat, knowin gud An evil. An dis fruit, it has a flavr.
6 An when teh woman saw dat teh tree wuz gud 4 fud with flavr an everything, An dat it wuz cool 2 teh eyez, An dat teh tree wuz 2 b desird 2 make man wise, she nom nom nom its fruit; An she gaev sum 2 Adam, An he eated it.
7 An teh eyez ov them both were opend, An they knew dat their harbls were showin An stuff cuz Ceiling Cat didnt gaev dem no furz liek teh aminals; An they sewd sum fig-leavez togethr, An made themselvez clofs. Eve even maded firs thong but was vry vry itchy. srsly.

Romans 5:12-19

Adam's Dirtnap, Jebus Lives
12 Lissenup, I tellyuz one bad catz, anna dirtnap by Invisible Error, anna all catz ded, lotsa Invisible Error—
13 (Judge judy sez Invisible Error iz inna littrboxz, but Invisible Error still doin stuff even if not watchn judge judy.
14 Dirtnaps fur evry catz frum Adam to Moses, An demz too who et da applz lik Adam, whoze lik a Ceiling Cat who comes purring anna yammerin.
15 But a freebee iz notta furball. For iffn one cat koffs uppa furball many bit da dust, much more da graze uv Ceiling Cat anna new freebee frum one d00d kittn, Jebus Krisp, gibbin to all youse.
16 Anna freebee iz not a big furball. For da judge judy frum one furball wuz bad-bad, but the freebee frum many furballz izza new TV show, judge millz lane.
17 Fur iffn one catz furball cauzez dirtnappin, many many many more furballs willbe koffd up and da graze of freebee cheezbrgrz will be inna food dish frum da d00d, da One, Jebus Krisp.
18 Lissenup, one catz stuck furball maked uz sick, we don lik dat, even gibbin gud stuffz da freebee goes to all catz, makin no sense to mees, yammerin srsly.
19 One bad cat made many furball koffz, anna by one gud cat make nice bowl of kibble, sum warm milk anna cheezbrgrz, srsly.

Matthew 4:1-11

Teh temptayshun of Jesuz Christz0rz
1 So Jesus taiked hisself 2 teh desert to hang with teh Saitan, so Saitan cud tri 2 pwn him
2 N he et no cheezburgrz or cookies, even, fr 40 dayz n nites, srsly!
3 Den Saitan wuz der and sed “O hai if ur teh Ceiling Cat’s bebbeh, makes cheezburgrz outta da rocks kthx.”
4 t Jesus sed “Cheezburgrz am not da best, Ceiling Cat’s wurdz am best,” even tho he rly laikd cheezburgrz, laik, srsly.
5 Saitan wuz nt pwned, an tuk Jesus 2 teh tmple ruf.
6 sed, “if ur teh Ceiling Cat’s bebbeh, jump off and angelez will cotch u kthx.”
7 Jesus sed it wuz not cool 2 try 2 pwn Ceiling Cat.
8 Saitan tuk Jesus in ur mountain, sittin on ur summit, n showed Jesus all teh orsumness of teh wrld, srsly.
9 N sed, “All da base r belong 2 u if u am mai BFF, kthx.”
10 But Jesus sed, “STFU Saitan, R U DUM? Ceiling Cat am mai BFF cuz he am teh 1337!”
11 Den Saitan wuz pwnd, n angelez cam frm Ceiling Cat an gave Jesus all teh cheezburgrz an cookiez an brushded his fir.

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