Saturday, August 28, 2010

Give To A Shelter Instead!

Photo by Andrew via iPhone
Andrew had to go to an American Psychological Association convention in San Diego awhile back and sent me this photo of the cat and dog room service menu in his hotel room. People! Why don't you just bring your own Iams and give the rest to a shelter? C'mon already! Frontier Animal Society in Orleans needs your support!

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sunday, August 29, 2010
Jeremiah 2:4-13
Psalm 81:1, 10-16
Sirach 10:12-18
Proverbs 25:6-7
Psalm 112
Hebrews 13:1-8, 15-16
Luke 14:1, 7-14

Jeremiah 2:4-13

4 Hay everwun, Ceiling Cat sez dis:
5 Ceiling Cat sez "wai u ignoarz me nao?
6 U not wunderz were Ceiling Cat wentz!
7 Iz bringin u to awsum plaice so u can has cheezburgers. But u maed teh plaice bad an stuff!
8 Even preests not wunder were Ceiling Cat wuz! Everwun lisend to proffets of teh faek Catz!
9 Nao Iz mad at u. An Iz gunna be mad at ur grandkids." Ceiling Cat sez dat.
10 "Nao u goes to teh plaice wif teh funny naem, and u lukz at it, k?
11 Didz neone ever get new Catz? Ur new wunz not rael. An u traedz cheezburgerz foar bukketz!
12 Nao teh Ceiling gunna be mad an stuf." Ceiling Cat sed dat.
13 Mai peepz maed TWO Invisible Errorz! First dey ignoarz me, teh awsum water bowl. Den dey maekz broke litterboxes. (Iz not raelly water bowl. Iz bein all smart an stuff.)

Psalm 81

1 Sing happai to Celing cat our strongs
and be loud to Celing cat who made hoomanz
2 srsly, strt playinz moozicz, kthx.
3 whne skai is drkest, bloo teh horne tht is kitteh or goats saef
an tehn when is braight we shal have FUDS!
4 And Celing Cat makse shuer u are to do,
cuz is law. srsly.
5 cause Him siad so whne he gowez to store
and hrd hoomanz speek good.
6 no! iz treu! Celing Cat sayez "I took your bazkets and bukkits
and naowz youz are free of bazkets! Unless you aer Bazket kittehz but we can speek of
tht laytrez, kthx"
7 "You kitthez yowlzd at meh, so I came in claoudz and
ranied to maek youz fuzzeh, in baithtubz and shoawerz"
8 "Listinz, kittehz, so i can give wairngz, butchu
gotz to listinz!
9 "Frizt- youz gots tou stop worrshippingz hoomanz.
srsly - qutiz. I doo notz caerz how gudz fudz are. Or catnipz.
10 I am Celing Cat! I gievz you werdz! I takz from
Egyptz! Opan mowth and I stuff it with Cheezburgerz! WAI DOO YOO HAIT MAH!!?!
11 But Noooeeezzz, kittehz ignoerz meh. Kittehz
doo not suumitz.
12 So I saeyz shur, doo yoru thang.
13 If my Kittehz woould only liztne!
If my Kittehz woould follwz meh!
14 I woould subduez enaemize fazt
and tern the pointz and layzurs on teh dawgz.
15 Yoo thaht hait Celing Cat, will caowerz beefare him
and will be in shaowerz for teh evah!
16 but yoo woould be gievnz cheezburger!
with milks frum rock, i wld sassifai yoo. srsly."

Proverbs 25:6-7

6 Don b actin betur den teh Kings,
an don b finkin yuz speshul.

Proverbs iz al abowt da knowledge

7 Iz betur if he saiz 'yu comz heer
dan if he haz to saiz yu leevz

Psalm 112
Rychus wills neva b moveded

1 Praise Ceiling Cat! Blessed iz teh kitteh dat fears Ceiling Cat, who taeks heppehs in teh commandments!
2 His kittehs will be pumpeded wif katnip an shall p0wnz0rz da backyard, an the shall be kick ass.
3 Ceiling Cat iz liek rich an stufs, an him iz liek always gude.
4 He turns on teh light cause iz dark; him iz liek rly nice.
5 It iz wail when yoos rubs a humins legs an him scratcha an feeds yu.
6 For dah gude kittehs wills eva be fogottans.
7 Him noes fraid uf bad nuse.
8 His hart iz stedy; him will be no fraid, til he seez teh doggies.
9 Him has gives many cheezburgers to dah houseless kittehs; him shall beez rewardeds.
10 Teh bad kitteh seez teh gude kitteh ina his home an gnashes his teefs an goes away; gude kitteh lievs, bad kitteh gets wet.

Hebrews 13:1-8, 15-16

Jebus dont be changin

1 Kittehs better act niec to other kittehs an luv eech other an stuf.
2 Giv other kittehs fudz (cheezburgers ar preefured) and plaec to sleep if dey needz it. Sum kittehs has even halp sum birdcats and dey dont knows it! Woa!
3 If other kittehs be in cages at teh pound, treet dem like uz in dere wit dem. If other kittehs has been hurted, treet dem likz its u dat been hurted.
4 If u has a huzbnd or a wifey, dont be havin the CAWK GOES WHERE?! wit other kittehs. Ceiling Cat dont lieks dat, kthx.
5 Dont be greedy kittehs, cuz u gotta be happys wid ur stuf and real content. Srsly, dont wurrie bout gettin ur cheezburgers n stuf. Ceiling Cat sayin, "Be coolz, I gots ur back. I nevr leeve yu! Srsly." So we can meow deez words:
6 Ceilng Cat be dere, he gots my bak,
I isnt skeered.
Whoz or whats can pwn me?!
7 Dont furget da smrt kittehs who teached u da wurds of Ceiling Cat. Dey has gud behavyurs, so dont u furgets dat and u tries real hard to be guds liek dem too.
8 Happycat, he dont be changin. Not yesturdy, 2day, or CATURDAY!
15 Okays den. Kittehs, u keeps praysin da Ceiling Cat, and tells othar kittehs u frindz wit him.
16 Dont furget! U gotta do niec tings fur othar kittehs, and share ur cheezburgers and stufz wit kittehz who have nun. Dis maeks Ceiling Cat real happys.

Luke 14:1-14

Jebus at a Pharisee's Crib

1 OK so 1 caturday Jebus waz tasting flavorz with a fairsee and peepul waz watchin Jebus close.
2 den diz man with huge paws n feet came to Jebus.
3 Jebus waz liek "hay fairsees I can heal on caturday?"
4 fairsees sed nothing. Jebuz heeled him.
5 Den Jebus waz liek "ok guys srsly. if u had a lolcat dat fell into well on caturday, u wud save dem."
6 but de fairsees was liek afk.
7 Jebus waz lookin at gests an haow dey all chooz good placez. he waz liek
8 "wtf guyz. wen u gets invited, u no sit down in important spotz. maybe someone more important comingz.
9 An den ur host wud be liek 'hey nub move' An u wud be in lowest spot LOL.
10 dat iz y u sit in lowest spot so host iz liek 'd00d come sit up heer. den u can haz honor.
11 4 if u iz makin u self haz gr8ness den u be humbled, but if u iz humble den u can haz gr8ness."
12 den Jebus waz liek "ok guyz, also wen u haz a feest, invitez de poor lolcats stuck in printerz n stuff, not de rich catz.
13 rich catz invitez u bak, but if u invitez de crippled lolcatz
14 u r blessd srsly n I repay u l8r.

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Thursday, August 26, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for August 22, 2010

Sunday, August 22, 2010
Jeremiah 1:4-10
Psalm 71:1-6
Isaiah 58:9b-14
Psalm 103:1-8
Hebrews 12:18-29
Luke 13:10-17

Jeremiah 1:4-10

4 Ceiling Cat sed:
5 "Oh hai! Befour I maed u I knew u. U pwn n ur a prophet, k?"
6 I sed "No wai!"
7 Ceiling Cat sed "Wai! Do wut I tells u!8 Dun worry, I can help."
9 Den Ceiling Cat touched me an sed, "I'm in ur mouf, givin u werds."
10 Nao u maekz stuff an braekz stuff, k?

funny pictures of cats with captions
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Psalm 71

gud ceilin cat, u has kept me in teh snugglez ov ur luv thees lotz da yeers.
uve totally saved me lot ov tiems 4 REALZ.
ize comin 2 u lotz tiem when they all try 2 taek away mah cheezburgers!!!
i wuz always frum birf doin wut ceilin cat wantd.
but teh bad onez dat wants 2 taek mah cheezburgers when i wuz kitteh r still her an they try 2 find ways 2 RUIN EVERYTHIN 4 ME!!
nao i iz bout 2 dye srsly!!!
i wants luv from u ceilin cat.
i iz yelling dat ur teh bests totally i meen it an shout loud an i iz hopin u will gimie cheezburgers.

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Isaiah 58

1 Yu shud meow lotz cuz ya liek yu needa tell teh noobz there dumb.
2 Thar ahweyz lukin foar meh an liek but dat wuz before wen thay wuzent ghey.

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Psalm 103

1 Prayze Ceiling Cat, o mah soule, o Ceiling Cat, mah grate leeder, u is da shit. U gots nice fur too.
2 Prayz da Ceiling cat, O my fluffyness, an he stretchez out an purrs along the ceiling.
3 for Ceiling Cat iz grate for not skratchig de eyez out,
4 who letz youz live and letz you pettz him and snorgle
5 who gibs grate massazes with de paws and oh the clawz needin' da scalp and da swotting at birdz
6 for Ceiling Cat iz goooooood, an awwwwesome.
7 and u no when da ceiling cat iz there
8 wot wid da anger and de non petting an de strechin
9 he aint alwayz letz u pettz him, but he snuggles at nite
10 he duz the scratching when he wantz, eben when we be nice an feeeeed him
11 eben when da ceiling hi, he be there, redy to pounce
12 ceeling cat carez not as long as we feedz him
13 dont forgetz da fear, even wid da kittehs!!
14 cause he can kick out azzes enyday
15 watch da kittehs playin wid da grassez!!!! It eated da flower.
16 kitteh is ADD...a flutterby! me wantz it!!
17 be wary of ceiling cat, coz he gonna pounce on your bebbeh
18 'member da feedin and da pettin, and da no baths!
19 and no sittin in his ray-o-sun
20 obey!!! ceiling cat huuungry...gonna skratch if no food soon.
21 prayz da ceiling cat, for he be da koolest
22 prayz and feeded da ceiling cat, so he behave and no skratch u in eyez.

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Luke 13:10-17

Hurted Kitteh Gitz Maed All Bettr on Caturday
10 Den Jebus be teechng n sinagog on Caturday.
11 An him seez hurted kitteh. Her wuz all brokn an no cud walked fr ayteen yrs! Srsly!
12 An Jebus sez "O hai, uz all bettr now kthnxbai!"
13 An her sez "Yay Ceiling Cat!"
14 Endignent cat wuz endignent. Him sez "Is not spose to werk on Caturday! Dat meen no fix hurted kittehs on Caturday!"
15 An Jebus sez "U p0zr! Doan u taek caer ur moos an chikns on Caturday? So wai not dis kitteh dawtr ov Abrahamsammich who bin hurted by Basement Cat fr eyteen yrs git fixted on Caturday?"
17 Sew den Jebus's enemiz wuz ashamd, but evrybodee ellse wuz happi an sez "Woohoo! Ceiling Cat iz teh r0krz!!!!!11!!!1"

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, August 15, 2010

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Isaiah 5:1-7
Psalm 80:1-2, 8-19
Jeremiah 23:23-29
Psalm 82
Hebrews 11:29-12:2
Luke 12:49-56

Isaiah 5:1-7

1 O hai! Plz to be singing song fur mah bee-luved!
Dis song abaot mah luverz catnipz treez!
Mah bee-luved did haz catnipz farm
Dey wuz on srsly awesoem hill!
2 Nao, dis guy he be werkin hard to grow dat catnipz.
He maek da ground grate fur catnipz
He plant in dat ground sum awesoem catnipz
He even put a tall chaer der (all da bettar to watch catnipz!)
He wuz so exsaited fur da catnipz
But... wtf! Only wild catnipz growz nao! Dis NO GUD, srsly!!
3 "U lissen heer!" (sez Ceiling Cat)
"Kittehz uv Jerooselum
And lolcatz uv Joodah,
Plz to be tellin me abaotz mah catnipz farm!
4 "Wut else cud I haev dun fur deez catnipz?
I want da gud stuff! No wild catnipz!
Wai can I no haz gud catnipz?
5 "Furst, I sez wut I do wif dis catnipz farm.
I will dig up all deez bad catnipz,
Den I will kik at wall until it fallz.
6 "Den, I pee all over.
Dis farm be too stinkee! No can werk on it.
Weedz will grow, no catnipz!
Also, I tell claods not to rain. I can do dat."
7 Nao see, da catnipz farm of Ceiling Cat
Dat farm is da kitteh house,
And all dat catnipz, delishush catnipz,
dat is all u kittehz!
Ceiling Cat wantz gud kittehz,
But u kittehz is all bad!

Psalm 80

1 Heer us, shepurd of kittehs,
U hu leded Joseph liek herd of shepez;
U hu sitzed neks to teh cherubimimim, shiend on
2 Befur Ephraim, Benjamin an Manasseh.
Waek up, u strongz;
Com an saivz us!
3 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.
4 Oh hai, Ceiling Cat,
How longs u wil has smoldrin angryz
Aginst teh meows uv ur kittehs?
5 U has maided dem eets sad emo bredz;
U has maided dem drink sad emo watrz.
6 U can has maided us has problms wif teh kittehs neks dor,
An nao ar enuhmees mahkz us, srsly
7 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.
8 U bringed a vyn out ov Egypt;
U chaesd out teh othr nayshuns an putted it in a hol.
9 U cleerd teh urfs for it,
An it taekd ruut an filded teh hoel yard.
10 Teh mowntinz can has shayd,
Teh big treez can be cuvred wif it, tu.
11 It sentd out it bahwz to teh big watrz,
It has shuetz as far as teh skinyr watrz over der.
12 Why u has brokded its wals
So dat jus enibudy can has graepses?
13 Baorz frm teh foerst ravgez it
An teh amnals can eatdz it.
14 Ceiling Cat, coem bak!
Luk dwn from hole in ceiling and si!
Watch ovr dis vyn (masturbatin, LOL!),
15 Teh ruut ur riet hand can has plantd,
Teh babee u has raisd up fur urslf.
16 Ur vyn, it r cut dwn, it can be on fyr nao;
At ur rebuk ur peoplz dy, srsly!
17 Ur hand can sits on teh dood at ur riet hand (for hed scratchs tiem, yes?),
Teh sun of manz u can has raisd up fur urslf.
18 Den we wil not turnz awai frm u;
Halp us, an we wil sai ur naemz.
19 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

Psalm 82

1 Ceiling cat pwns in teh assembli he pwns faek ceiling cats, srsly!
2 Ho long will u defen teh bad catz and halp teh bad catz?! U R DOIN EET RONG! Stop an tink, nao, srsly, kthx.
3 O hai thar, halp teh weak an orphan catz; giv teh poor and oppressd catz cheeseburgrz an cookiez!"
4 Reskyu teh weak an needy; taek dem awai frm teh bad catz pawz.
5 Dei duno/understnd anyfing. Stoopid, srsly. Dei walk in teh dark; all of teh urfs' base iz shake.
6 Ai sez, 'o hai "godz"; u iz all sonz of teh vry high.
7 But u will dai! Srsly! UFAIL!!1!1!one!!1! Srsly! "Orly?" "Yarly." "Kthx." "Bai."
8 Get up nao, Celing Cat! NAO! kthx. Judge teh urfs! coz all teh nashuns iz ur inheritance. kthxbai

Hebrews 12
Ceiling Cat disipplens kittehs he luvs

1 K, we has lots of othar kittehs to halp us liv gud, so dont be lettin ur sinz wai u down, kthx. Ceiling Cat haz uh race, he wunts to show u it. U gots to run teh race fur him.
2 When u runnin ur race, be lookin at Jebus--hes teh champion!!!!1! He halp u. Srsly. He dide on teh cross, he pwn shame, n now he livs wit Ceiling Cat.
3 Member all teh meen stufz dat hapen to him, n he still pwn evryting, k? So dont giv ups!
4 Cuz u not givn in 2 sinz, no wai!!!!1!
5 Didz u furgetted alredy?! Ceiling Cat sez,
"O hai, u taeks mah disipplens srsly, k?
Dont giv ups if Ah taek ur cheezburger from u.
6 Cuz I only disipplens kittehs Ah luv,
N Ah thinks of u as mah litl kitten lolz."
7 So member teh Ceiling Cat treets u liek his very own kittns. Who evr heerd of kittn not gettin disipplens frum teh daddee or mommee kitteh?
8 If Ceiling Cat givs u no disipplens, dat meens u not his kidz.
9 Just liek we respck our kitteh parents, n do wat dey sez, we shud lissen to Ceiling Cat, so weez can liv wit him furever!!!1!
10 Cuz our kitteh momms and dadees onlie disiplens us for a few yrs, but Ceiling Cat givs us a disipplen whenevr we needz it, so we can has holyness liek he gots.
11 Disipplen is no funz, srsly. DO NOT WANT. But when we has a disipplen, we has a better lief after! Woa!!
12 So dont be discurged--be strongs! Make a strate path fur ur paws 2 follow!

Luke 12:49-56

Jebus Maeks Ppl Fiet

49 "I likez me sum firez on da urf,50 An Ima gettin impayshunt ta bringz dis firez!
51 U tink me coem 2 maek Peas on urf? WRONG!!!!1!! LOL!!!!! Me maek evrybody fiet!
52 If der 5 kittehs n 1 howse, den 3 fiet wit 2.
53 Daddi fiet wit son an mommi fiet wit dawtr an evrybody fiet wit evrybody."
See Wat Happnz
54 "Wen u see hoomin gits nekkid, u sez 'OH NOES!!!! Showr tiem!!!! Run awae!!!1'
55 An wen u see sunni spot, u sez 'w00t! NAPTIEM! YAY!'
56 P0zRz!!!1!! Wai u not seez wat happnz dis tiem?"
Git Along Wit Enemiz
57 "WTF, doan u evn no wat 2 do?58 Wen ur enemi takz u to cort, tri 2 settel owt ov cort, or u gettin thron into teh jael!59 An den u neber git owt! OH NOES!!!!1!!!!"

¡uʍop-ǝpısdn ɯnɹɟ n ᄅ uıʌɐʍ zı ¡ıɐɥ o

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Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Barton Village Yard Sale

Catgirl & Ironman in front of the library during the village yard sale
 Barton Village has a village-wide yard sale on the last Saturday of every June. It's a great kickoff to the summer and the village road is very busy, nearly impassable (as you can see above). I took Catgirl and Ironman to it this year and gave them each $1 to spend. I thought that they would spend it very quickly on the first thing they saw. But it took them two hours! We had to visit every single booth for a mile on both sides of the road before they would buy anything.. They compared prices, too! In the photo above, they are standing in front of the library, which was having a book/bake sale. No cookies for these two kids! Catgirl got a paper and fabric doll set and Ironman got a Catholic saint's medal (he's into men's jewelry lately). Six weeks later, the paper dolls and the necklace are still being used and worn.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Engine 202

Engine 202 of the Washington County Railroad
For years, I have been trying to photograph the train when it comes through town. It has a pretty regular schedule, but I don't. And if I am at the tracks when it passes by, I usually don't have a camera. But on this day I did! I was going shopping with my sister, so was on my way out of town when the train came. These are lousy shots because I had the long lens on. These photos were taken at the intersection of Rt 5 and 16 in Barton Village on June 24. Yes, I am still way, way behind on blogging!
The Washington County Railroad (WACR)  "is a shortline railroad operating in Vermont, forming part of the Vermont Rail System. The WACR began operating in 1980 over the old Montpelier and Barre Railroad in Washington County, which the state acquired to ensure the continuance of rail service, and ceased operations in early 1999. Later that year, after interim service by other companies, operations were transferred to a new WACR subsidiary of the Vermont Rail System. In 2003, operations were greatly expanded through acquisition by the state and operation by the WACR of a former Boston and Maine Corporation and Canadian Pacific Railway line between Newport and White River Junction, which had most recently been operated by subsidiaries of the bankrupt Bangor and Aroostook Railroad." source:
Train passes E. M. Brown's big, blue store

Monday, August 09, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for August 8, 2010

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Isaiah 1:1, 10-20
Psalm 50:1-8, 22-23
Genesis 15:1-6
Psalm 33:12-22
Hebrews 11:1-3, 8-16
Luke 12:32-40

Isaiah 1:1, 10-20

1 Tis be about a fantesi what a kitteh whats kawled Isaiah sawded, wen dere woz sum royel kittehs tellin uzza kittehs wat to do, n stuff.
10 Ffs, dis iz teh last taim ceiling cat iz gonna tel u:
11 "ZOMG GUISE, AI HAZ ENUF OV U KITTEHS! Tank u so much 4 kepin al teh mousez for me but ai kant eats dem al dat fast! Iz not lol ennimor! We iz waistin teh mousez! U iz can haz bein killin al teh mousez an i iz sik ov it!
12 "Eniwai, hu tolded u to get al teh mousez and be rekkin mai haus? Not ai. Ceiling cat don be tellin nowun to be makin teh mes u kittehs haz maid.
13 "So nau ceiling cat be tellin u to stop gettin al teh mousez,14 an u not be aloud to haz al nait partees enimor coz ceiling cat iz gettin jak ov it. Teh muzak iz too laud an teh nayborz don liek r0x0rz muzak eniwai. If u guise haz anuzza partee den ceiling cat wil be shautin 'oh hai everywun, i iz in ur partay and i iz shuttin it daun.'
15 "An i noes dat u iz gunna cumplain bout it, but ceiling cat iz gunna sai 'tork to mai por' and waiv hiz por arund soz that he kant here u kittehs cumplainin. It iz al ur foltz for not ternin daun teh muzak, an i iz punishin u al.
16 "Soz befor ceiling cat kikz ur kittehbutts outta teh haus, kleen it up alredi. Stop be trashin mai haus. uzzawize no mor cheezburgrz, EVA."
17 "Ceiling Cat sayz lerns teh gud; Find justices, k? Tell teh opprezzed dey can has cheezburgrz. Care 4 teh littel orphan bebes. N cry fur teh widowz."
18 At tis point, ceiling kat iz eetin a cheezburgr NOM NOM NOM to remaind teh kittehs hu da boss.
19 Ceiling cat sez: "I haz idea. If u kittehz do wat i sai den ai iz gonna let u haz free cheezburgrz for, ai dunno, maibe a weik? BUT ONLI IF U GOOD AN NO NOMNOMNOMIN EACH UZZA K?
20 "But let ceiling cat worn u: if ai faind so much az WUN, i tel u, WUN, ded maus in teh cubbord, an i haz not tolded u to maik it ded, or if u be hazzin parteez in teh smorl ouwaz wen ceiling cat are tryin to get sum sleip, den i be yuuzin mai milk kanon from teh ceiling to kick al u kittehz autsaid wair thair be lionz. Even wen i here u skreechin 'OMG!!! ITZ A LION GET IN TEH HAUS' an u kant get in teh haus coz ceiling kat haz lokked teh kittehflap, no that ai IZ NOT LETTIN U BAK IN! kthxbye."

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Psalm 50
Teh Song By Asaf

1 Teh mytee Ceiling Cat speekz to an sumuns teh Urf and teh uvva kittehs, frum teh sun cummin up to teh sunset, Srsly.
2 Frum teh Matrix, purrfect in booty, teh Cieling Cat Gloes.
3 Teh Ceiling Cat will beh cummin, and he wnt shup; uh fiyer eats afor him, and he iz in uh Storm.
4 Teh Ceiling Cat will make teh ceiling and teh urf come, Srsly, so tht he can watch teh uvva kittehs always.
5 He sed "Cum here my speshul kittehs, who pwomessed meh stuff by killin teh mices."
6 And teh Ceiling says tat Ceiling Cat is rite, cuz teh Ceiling Cat himselfs is teh judge, Cheezbrger.
7 Listen to meh kittehs! Cos ai iz gunna speek kittehs, and ai will testuhfai agaynst yooh!
8 Ai iz not gunnah shout a yooh kittehs fur yor sackriffisez or fur yor buhnt offrins what yooh alwayz gives meh.
9 Ai dunt want yor kows or yor horny beard kittehs frum yor howses.
10 Cuz ai alreddy haz all teh animulz in teh woodz, and all of teh cows on uh fowzand hillz
11 Ai'z frendz wiv orl of teh burdees in teh mowntins and teh creechers of teh feeld iz mine
12 If ai wuz hungree, ai woodnt tell yooh, ai would eet cheezbrgrz for ai can haz cheezbrgrz, and all tat is in dem
13 Do Ceiling cat eat teh skinz of kowz? or drinks teh blud of teh horny beardy kittehs?
14 Fank meh by killin teh d00ds like yooh pwomessed meh yooh wood, Srsly.
15 Ask meh for halpz when yooh wants it, ai will halp yooh, and yooh will return teh fayva

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Genesis 15:1-6

1 An den, Abram can has dream of Cieling Cat, and he sez
"Don be fraidy cat Abram,
i blocks teh attacks,
and den you can has cheezburger"
2 but Abram wuz liek "Cieling Cat, i has no kittehs to giv mah homez and sandboxz and littrbox and such
3 with no kittehs, my servants can has mah homez and stufs
4 Cieling Cat sez "STFU Abram, i can givez you a kitteh to play WoW with"
5 He takes Abram outside and is liek "look at teh starz and hevenz, if yous can count them, so is ur kittehs"
6 And Abram was liek srsly? All cause Ceiling Cat is Righchus

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Psalm 33

1 Sing teh happeh songs for teh Ceiling Cat, cuz that maek him happeh. Srsly.
2 Maek teh cool songs wif ur guitars and ur keyboards about teh Ceiling Cat.
3 Maek up ur own songs for him, but don be a n00b, be gud at playin ur guitars.
4 Teh Ceiling Cat nevur lies, if he sez he give u Cheezburgr, den he give u cheezburgr.
5 Ceiling Cat lieks all teh good things. Srsly. Teh urfs is full of his cheezburgrz.
6 Ceiling Cat maded teh urfs all by himselfs. Just by breethin, cuz he is that cool.
7 He cud, liek, put all the waterz into a big jar if he felt liek it. But he dusn't.
8 Be afraid of Ceiling Cat! Srsly, he cud taek away ALL teh cheezburgrz. Be respekting of him, srsly.
9 Cuz all he did was spaek, and it maded teh urfs. all teh cheezburgrz are bcuz of him.
10 He is liek totally in charge of ALL teh goingz on. if he DO NOT WANT you do sumthin', he stop you.
11 But if what you want to do is teh saem as Ceiling Cat's plans, that is cool.
12 All teh gud peoplez who are singing teh songs to teh Ceiling Cat will get lots of cheezburgrz. Ceiling Cat lieks you, and he picked you bcuz ur songs wer cool.
13 Ceiling Cat luks down from teh Ceiling at all teh peoplez.
14 It is eazy bcus he is up so high!
15 Ceiling Cat maded u. Srsly. All teh thingz u do, is bcuz he lets u!
16 No Just bcuz ur armiez r big, does not maen u can has win teh battelz.
17 Evun if u r reely strong, u can not has teh biggest cheezburgr.
18 But Ceiling Cat feelz bad for all teh n00bz, specially teh onez who r afraid of him.
19 Ceiling Cat gives u all teh cheezburgz, u no can has hungriez.
20 All teh good kittehs wait for teh Ceiling Cat bcuz he be protekting them. srsly.
21 He maeks us happeh and we sing for teh Ceiling Cat!
22 Pleez to be laiking us and teh songz we maded about u, Ceiling Cat!

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Hebrews 11
Approyinchingz ceiling cat n Stuff (DON NOT WANT)

1 Fayth be liek da real stuffs underz da stffs ur hopin for and da proofs of stuf u cant seez (evn us kittehs and we seez in teh dark).
2 Thats wut teh old peeps sais, srsly.
3 Wif fayth we shud unde-unda-kno dat ceiling cat maded teh things so us can seez the things to seez.
4 By fayth Abel offerd ceiling cat better than Cain (srsly Cain, no want veggies!) Ceiling cat gived Abel cheezburger an maded him ritechuss manz cuz he has teh better offer, srsly. Now he can stil speek tho he iz dead (ben daed long tiem ago).
5 Bi fayth Enoch-cat waz takens ups so him would n0t get wet, n "him ws fuond no' mo' cause ceiling cat had taken him." B4 him waz taked upz it waz sed to haev made ceiling cat happeez likz catnip.
6 bt wit 0ut any fayths it gonna b impsaBBle to give his catnipz. 4 Any 1 w0h aprochez ceiling cat m0ust has cheezeburgers and gives him catnipz
7 Bi da fayth and flavorz of n0ah, warnedned waht was not gon b yet seed, builded an arks 4 his famuhlee so they cud liv. Thr3w dis he condom'd da earthz and inhairted the ritechussness that comez thruz fayth.

Mor fayth stuf
{{verse |
8=Bai fayth abrahamb (membr from loooooong tym go u gota listen srsly d000d.) obodieds wen him was called to go to a pleace that him was to getz as a preznt (PREZNTS!, FTW!!111!!!!!!1111`1!111111!!!!!!!. SRSLY) he wentz oyt n0t noin where he was gon to be goin. |
9=N wen abrahamb goed tu teh plaice Ceiling Cat tole he tu goe, him didz liev in uva bruva's tentz leik a vistur cat, srsly, n' so didz abrahamb's chldruns and chldrun's childruns |
10= cuz he wnted mor preznts lik a real big citi with lotz and lotz of cheezbrgrs mad bai Ceilin Cat himself.|
11=Bai fayth abrahamb (evn tho he wuz super old, srsly) n sara (she wuz old 2 n no culd haz bebes) bcam papa n mama cats to littl kittehs cuz he trsted $¢

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Luke 12:32-40
Cheezburgrs in Ceiling

32 "No be scairded, d00dz, cuz yr Daddie da Ceiling Cat iz happy to gif u Ceiling
33 Sell yur cheezburgers an gif 2 poor kittehs who no has cheezburgrs. Makz cheezburgrs up in Ceiling dat nevr git eated or steelded or stinky yuky pooey.
34 Cuz wer yur cheezburgrs iz, dat wer yur hart iz."

Wahchful Survnts
35 "Doan be nekkid an n de dark.
36 Wahch 4 Boss Kitteh, so wen him gits hoem aftr weddng, u be redi let him in.
37 If him git hoem and seez dat u wer wahchng, him giv u cheezburgrs. Srsly!
38 Speshly if it be at naptiem, an u stil wahchng sted ov napen, Boss Kitteh rly liek u den."
39 "If u no wen cheezburglr coem, den ur cheezburgrs not git steelded.
40 Dat meenz u shd luk 4 Jebus all de tiem an be redi 4 him shoh up."

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Friday, August 06, 2010

We Went to Circus Smirkus

At the end of June, I went to Circus Smirkus in Greensboro with Catgirl and Ironman. It was the first time they had seen this circus and they were thrilled to be able to sit on the floor (truly a ringside seat!) throughout the entire performance. I couldn't choose which of the 532 photos to post so I made a slideshow of the whole shebang. The show was one of the best that I've seen. I hope that if you live in New England you are able to see a performance this summer.


Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Hummingbirds, Goldfinches, Bears and Buddy

Our home with the bog in autum.
The grasses around the beaver bog now are tall enough to hide a white-tailed doe. I think they have their fawns in the meadow because the red-winged blackbirds call the alarm if anything dangerous trespasses in the bog. But the red-wings are gone now. They have nested, raised their young, and left, as they do every year, to congregate for the long flight south. I wish I knew where they congregated. It must be a raucous time wherever it is. Now I know that summer is heading into autumn. The tall grasses glow golden in the sun. Their seed heads are ready to plant more grass for next year. In the past, hundreds of starlings have moved into the meadow grasses after the red-wings have left. They are quite raucous themselves when they settle down for the night. But they have not come the past two summers.

great blue heron mobbed by blackbirds - 2
A heron mobbed by blackbirds.
The great blue herons have returned. The red-winged blackbirds won't let the herons in the ponds when they are here. But now that they are gone, the herons are free to fish. We have two herons this year. Every morning and afternoon they fly over the ridge from May Pond and circle overhead. I think they are looking over the chickens. The hens run under a car or into the woods when the herons fly over. I suppose herons are capable of eating a hen but I wonder if they would seriously try. The chickens recognize that huge birds overhead, or shadows of birds racing over the fields, mean danger and they instinctively hide.

Every morning now I walk behind on the house, on the mountainside, to try and photograph woodland birds in the choke cherry trees. It's a beautiful time of day with the mist rising from the warm bog water into the colder air. The sun is perfect for bird photography. This is something new that I am learning now, how to photograph birds in trees in the summer. I've been learning and growing in technique. Some mornings the cats walk with me, which means I may not get a photograph at all. But I won't run the cats off from walking with me.

Buddy hunts field's edge
The other morning, Buddy caught a shrew and brought it into the garage. He lost it in a woodpile, and it quickly eluded Buddy by running across the garage floor to another woodpile. It was badly injured and only had the use of three legs. The fourth, hind leg, dangled uselessly behind it. I probably should have mercifully killed it but that is out of the question. I can't. Zorro saw it escape Buddy and chased it for a few more minutes. Buddy and I left and went on a bird walk.

Since he lost that first catch of the day, Buddy returned to the trees at the edge of the field that he likes to hunt. I watched patiently as he first sat, alert, listening for mouse sounds in the grass. The dew was heavy on the field and the sun lit the water drops up like millions of diamonds. Buddy heard a sound, crouched, lifted himself up in the air and landed a foot ahead of where he had been sitting. He poked the grasses with his muzzle and lifted another shrew into the air. He carried it to a clear area nearby, sat down and ate it immediately. He wasn't going to risk losing more of his breakfast by carrying it home.

I heard a goldfinch and watched as it flew the familiar bouncy flight pattern in the air. It was making a great circle around the apple trees around the barn. His call became more distressed or angry and he began to fly straighter. A hummingbird was chasing it. The chase continued for over five minutes and followed the same path over and over again. Occasionally the goldfinch tried to hide in a tree or would dive erratically. But the hummingbird was like a heat seeking missile and never lost the finch. What had the goldfinch done to so thoroughly anger the hummingbird?

Bear in the yard
John and I sat outside one morning this week. It was very early. This is the best time for observing life in the bog. No other humans were up. Even the cats had not yet begun to hunt but were sitting nearby pondering their plans for the morning. John noticed movement in the grasses behind the beaver ponds. Something was raising its head and doing something to the trunk of a dead, drowned birch tree. It was a black bear getting either bees or ants from the dead tree. We were quiet, we thought, but it heard us in the morning air and disappeared into the grass and the woods beyond.

Otter in the beaver pond
The mother moose that was living on the edge of the bog for weeks is no longer here. A mother otter and four to six babies are visiting the bog this week. I haven't even tried to photograph them because they are more skittish than usual. There is a new, large deer yard in the apple orchard. This summer is rich in life and drama in the bog and the woods.  We have been working hard on the house. Hiking, church and library are taking a lot of time, also. I am over six weeks behind on editing photographs and blogging. Our first married summer is rich beyond reason.
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Sunday, August 01, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for August 1, 2010

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Hosea 11:1-11
Psalm 107:1-9, 43
Ecclesiastes 1:2, 12-14; 2:18-23
Psalm 49:1-12
Colossians 3:1-11
Luke 12:13-21

Hosea 11:1-11
Ceiling Cat luvz Israel

1 Whn Israel waz kitteh ai luved him, outta Egypt him meh boi.
2 Teh mor ai sayz hai teh fartheh dems goes awy dems go sayz yay for Baals.
3 Ai teeched Ephraim walkin, an taekd him in meh armz.
4 Ai Maekd babeh wif luv, Iz him feedeh an heaeleh.
5 Him goes Egypt an Assyria b him king?
6 Srsly dem not sai sry, Ceiling cat gunna taek him cheezburgers.
7 Him peeps scaerd bout goin home, an Ceiling Cat heers crais and sayz "No,"
8 "Srsly Ephraim yu waz good cookie, yu maek meh feal specail insied,
9 Ai not beat Ephraim wif toasteh, cuz Iz Ceiling Cat not yuz pansies!"
10 Dem sayz yay for Ceiling Cat cuz him maek angree Rar!
11 Dem run liek birdies to dem hoemz, sayz Ceiling cat!

Breaking News - Basement Cat launches new cookbook - Tip#1: "Dese lemons will go so well wif your sole - lemon sole or immortal sole"

Psalm 107

1 Sai thanx to Ceilin Cat cuz him luv go on forevah. KTHX CEILING CAT.
2 N Ai is hoping da kittehs he wuz niec to is going to say KTHX CEILING CAT, da kittehs he saevd from the doggiz,
3 doze kittehs in da hole wied world wied web, he pickd dem up bi da scruf uv deir nex.
4 Sum kittehs wuz aut inna wildz wif no hom an no hoomin to gif kitteh food n cheezburgrs.
5 Dey wur rly strving wif no food but rats! but dey was so weak it wuz so hard to kech. And dey wuz thirsty cuz there wuz draot. An no wader for kittehs to drinkorz. N dey ded almost.
6 Den dey sayed "HALP" to Ceiling Cat n asked him "I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGRS PLZ" n Ceiling Cat give dem halp.
7 He bring dem to a hom ware dey can live wif nice plaec fr nappin. An dere wuz cheezburgrs and plenty uv wawder and hoomins to give kitteh food lyk kibbles n plus for pettin.
8 So say KTHX to Ceiling Cat bcuz he dus nice stuff fr kittehs an ppl an he also luvvs us alot,
9 he give wawder bole to thirsteh kittehs an fills hungreh kittehs wif cheezburgrs.
10 some kittehs he locked up in DA POUND WIF BARZ ON DEH KAGES and doggiz barkin in da next room!!!
11 bcuz dey waz rly bad kittehs.
12 so he put dem IN DA POUND, dey got lost from comfy homez and nobody waz halp dem.
13 den dey finly axed "CELING CAT! PLZ HALP US! WE IS RLY SRY! N we is wants soem cookiez kthxbai" and Ceiling Cat heard meows and said "kay".
14 So he let dem outta da pound. He broked da barz on da cagez and dey wuz FREE agn.
15 Say KTHNK to Ceiling Cat bcuz he duz nice stuff to ppl an kittehs. An he luvv us for alweyz
16 and Ceiling Cat can brakez down barz uv cagez and kittehz free if he wantz
17 sum moor bad kittehz got st00pid dey wer so bad and dey got hurted bad too, ao!
18 dey stopped lykin cheezburgrs an cookez an kitteh food and dey wz gon to ded soon
19 so axed "Hay Ceiling Cat, halp!"
20 Ceiling Cat change him mind. Dey not ded. Him save dey lifez.
21 Say KTHX CEILING CAT bcuz he duz nice thingz for kittehz and ppl an him is luvvin dem stil, him love no FAIL
22 Nao gif him yur cheezburgrs an sing songz baout him, kthx.
23 I rite srsly long pome. Den dere were kittehs dat goes on shipps in oshin.
24 Dey seed krazy paower Ceiling Cat haz.
25 Lotz and lotz of storm iz in oshin. Srsly scary hurrykanes n tempists. Wave go rly hai. Scary place for kittehz.
26 Dey go up an doan wif wave n see ceiling and bottom of oshin an big wave almos cum ovr n covr dem. An dey wuz not fraidy-catz but den dey wuz big waves no plaice for little kitteh.
27 dey krawled araon lyk catnip even doh dere wuz no catnip. So dey can not has hai sept wen waves bring dem up. Dey go crazy, dey srsly crazy, de oshin messing wif dem. Dey so sick, no can has cheezburgrs or cookies
28 So dem asked "CEILING CAT WE IS SEESIK PLZ HALP US NAO FAILBOAT" an Ceilin Cat say "kay"
29 An Ceiling Cat he make waves go wai.
30 Now dey happie kittehs. Ceiling Cat bring shipp to land an kittehs see famly an cheezburgrs again.
31 Say KTHNX CEILING CAT. Ceiling Cat does nice stuff for kittehz n ppl an his luvv has no FAIL.
32 Ceiling Cat gud covno toppick plz tell grandmaw n grandpaw baot him kthx.
33 Ceiling Cat duz magic he make big wawder all go way an nao its drai here
34 an thers dis place wif cheezeburgrs, nao dey has none. Kittehs there bad.
35 den he make drai place nice wif milk for good an thirsteh kittehs.
36 an place to live wif food an hoomins to mak thingz comfy.
37 dey mad gud cookies there.
38 he gave cheezburgr an dey do the secks an have lots of baby kittenz. I rite rly long poem, lulz.
39 ltr sum kittehs ded an dey were sad;
40 bcuz Ceiling Cat hatez no bulls an makes dey walk roand forevah.
41 but Ceiling Cat is nice to kittehs hoo iz sad.
42 Happy kittehs talk, mean kittehs aer kwieit.
43 if yu smrt kitteh, think baot dis pome. Dat's all I has to sai.

Basement Cat will come for your immortal soul...

Ecclesiastes 1
Everything Iz st00pid

1 Teh werdz ov teh preechur, teh son ov David, King of teh Jerusalem.
2 "St00pid! St00pid!" Sez teh teechurcat. "Srsly st00pid. Everythingz st00pid."
3 Wut man getz 4 laburz he toilz @ undur teh sunz?
4 Generashun comez n generashun goez, still same lolcats.
5 Sun rizez n setz, goez bak n rize agin.
6 Teh wind blowz souf n norf, rownd n rownd, alwayz teh sayme.
7 Seaz can has streemz, nevur fullz. Streemz go bak where comez frum.
8 All tingz has DO NOT WANT, more den werdz sez. Lolrus never sez "enuf bucket, kthnx" or kitteh sez "dats good, enuff cheezburger."
9 Has happen? Gunna be agin. Nuthing new undur teh sunz.
10 Kitteh can not sez "OMFGZ sumthing new!" is jus REPOST!.
11 New kittahz 4gitz old kittahz, new kittahz 4gitd bai even newer kittahz.

Wizdum Iz St00pid
12 I Iz teh teechurcat, king of teh Jerusalem.
13 I has studiez n wizdum ovur all lolcatz, n zomg wut hevy berdun Ceiling Cat putz on kittehz.
14 Teechurcat haz see lolrus n cheezburgerz n longcatz n awl dat is st00pidz, lyke chasing aftur tail. Nevr can catch teh tayle and even whn yu doo it hrtz srsly.
15 Wut iz breakd kittah cannot to be fixez, wut gon cannot iz cowntid.
16 Teechurcat sez to selv, "O hai! I has growd n increes widum moar den awl teechurcatz comez b4 meh. I has ekspeeriens much wizdum n nawledg."
17 Den I appliez self to knowz wizdomz n aslo knowz bout craze and g00f, n lernz dat dis aslo lyke chasing aftur tayl.
18 Srsly moar wizdum iz FTL, k. Moar smartz, moar greefz.

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Psalm 49

1 Heer dis all yu kittehz: lisen up eberybody!
2 bof rich kittehz an poor kittehz da saem:
3 Smart wordz com outta mah mouf; da speakenz ob mah hart will maek uderstandenz.
4 I'z heerz a proverb nao; wiff mah harpz ai tellz yu a riddelz.
5 Y shud ai be ascared wen ebil daiz com, wen da lyen kittehz r all ober meh.
6 Dose kittehs hoo tink deh haz all dat, an r all liek "luk at all mah monehz!"
7 No kitteh can gib anoffer kitteh deir lief bak, or gib Ceiling Cat monehz 4 it-
8 da monehz neaded 2 bai a life is liek, alot, an no monehz is eber enoff-
9 dat him shud lib foreber an no get old an yuky lukin.
10 cuz eberybody gotsta get ded. Da smart kittehz, and da dum kittehs get ded an leeb deir monehz 2 oder kittehz.
11 Deir tooms will b deir howses foreber, dey will lib dere foreber eben doe dey naemded stuffs after dem.
12 Da kitteh still gets ded eben doe him gotz monehz, jus liek da crawlies.
13 Dis wat happenz 2 kittehs hoo doos deir own fing an dose dat folloes dem.
14 liek da shepes dey is gonna get ded and deff will nom on dem. Da gud kittehs will rool ober dem in da mornens; dey will get yucky in deir grabes, far away from da pretteh howses.
15 But Ceiling cat will get mah life bak from da grabe; him will bwing meh to hang owt wiff him.
16 Du nawt tink is kewl wen a kitteh gets da monehz an him howse gets biggr.
17 cuz him can't hab it wen he get ded. It nawt go wiff him.
18 doe he wuz liek 'I'z reeleh kewl' an da kittehs wuz liek 'yay! U doinz gud!'
19 him still get ded like him daddeh cats hoo don lib nomoar.
20 Dum kitteh hoo gots da monehz is lieks da crawlies dad get ded.

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Colossians 3:1-11

1 Youse dun nappin wit Ceiling Cat, lookey up, atta boy catz nexta right mittenz of Ceiling Cat.
2 Luvin ceilin, nadda stuffz onna Urths.
3 Youse ded, An urine da Sky Catz namd Ceiling Cats.
4 Win Sky Catz, yupper, himz cummin, den youse meow wit him so happy, srsly.
5 RAWR atta udder catz onna urth; PENIS GOES WHERE?, ikky furs, leg humpin, badbad wanta urths stuffs, anna yer stuffs, dats Billy Idol, like STFU d00dz:
6 Fur stuffz Ceiling Cats maddr den hell atta bad kittys, srsly:
7 Dats U der Iz yammern bout, youse crashed atta der plaze, meow.
8 Youse dun now; RAWR, hiss-hiss, scratchy, WTF, yammerin litterboxz mouth.
9 Donna lye, lookey lazy old peeps;
10 Anna newbie, him no stuffz bout lookin lik Ceiling Cats:
11 Were der no Geeks or Juice, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, leash nor free: but Sky Catz is all, An in all.

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Luke 12:13-21
Storey Bowt Rich n00b

13 Den soembodee sez "Boss Cat, tell mai bruvver him spose to share teh heritens wit me!"
14 Jebus saiz "Woah d00d, dats not mai job!"
15 Den him sez, "Doan caer so much bowt stuf, cuz lief iz moar den stuf."
16 Den him sez "Wuns up on a tiem, a rich d00d had zillions of cookiz.
17 An him wuz all, 'WTF?! Wher I put all mai cookiz?'
18 Den him say, 'I no! I sel all mai litel cooki jars and get bigr cooki jars on ebay!
19 An den I will sez "WOOHOO d00dz! PARTAY! w00t!"'
20 But Ceiling Cat sez, 'LOL n00b! U git deded toniet, den who gitz all ur cookiz?'
21 Dis wut happnz to n00bz who keep all teh cookiz an not giv anee to Ceiling Cat."

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