The End of the LOL Cat Bible Lectionary Readings

Last Sunday’s Lectionary Readings from the LOL Cat Bible were my last. I began the lectionary posts on  October 21, 2007 and never missed a week. I started this because of schedule changes at my church that prohibited me from attending Bible study. I missed it badly. We would read and discuss the week’s lectionary for the next Sunday. Somehow, my Bible Study loss morphed into the LOL Cat Bible Lectionary Readings. I remember writing that first lectionary post at the kitchen table at my daughter’s home in New Haven, Connecticut. It was early in the morning and I was the only one up. I had to be quiet but had to stay busy, so the lectionary readings idea came to me.  I began my posts using cats that I followed on the Internet, like Daisy the Curly Cat. But eventually I simply used images from I Can Has Cheeszburger?.

My life has changed and grown these past four years. I have been married and moved to New Hampshire and moved back to Vermont. And now I am in the middle of several more new and exciting changes in my life. I’m afraid that the Cat Bible Lectionary Readings are simply too much for me now. I have to move on to my new adventures.

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Hundreds of you visit me every week to read the Lectionary Readings, and I thank you with all my heart. You may not continue to visit this blog and I understand completely, but I hope you do. I’m actually going to miss writing the weekly posts. Because of these posts, I made new friends, kept my hand in the cat blogging world, and brushed up my coding skills in HTML and CSS.  I’ll miss the chuckles that I had while reading the readings every week. A minister here in the Northeast Kingdom actually used my posts in her sermon once!

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I have begun my own business. After years of people telling me to do so, I am selling my photography online. My husband has finally pushed me into doing this after years of procrastination. And I have had some success selling locally and to magazines. I have placed a slide show of one of my galleries below. If you click on a photo that you are interested in, you will be taken to the photo page. Besides prints (framed and unframed) you can purchase merchandize from tote bags, t-shirts, playing cards, mugs, magnets and many other items with my photographs. For the month of March, I am offering you a 25% off one time coupon for items from my store. Just click a photo in the slide show below, choose a photograph from any gallery that you like, make your order and use the code CATBIBLE for your 25% discount. The photos in this slide show are only from the Farm Gallery, but there are eleven other galleries to browse for your selection. This offer expires March 31, 2011. I personally love the  folded notecards with envelopes. I never seem to have enough of these!

While you’re at it, be a fan on Facebook! I haven’t even promoted the Facebook page yet, so you may be the first fan! And the first fan will receive a free refrigerator magnet with her or his choice of photo! I will e-mail you with details if you are the winner.(This offer is not open to members of my family! Sorry, kids!)

Again, thank you all, and bless you!

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Leviticus 19:1-2, 9-18
Psalm 119:33-40
1 Corinthians 3:10-11, 16-23
Matthew 5:38-48

 

 

Leviticus 19:1-2, 9-18

Dees Other Laws
1 CEILING CAT sez to Moses
2 "Go sez to teh Israelis 'Be excellent cuz I'z CEILING CAT and I'z excellent.

9 An den when you has BBQ makes lots and lots of cheezburgers.
10 An no eats all teh Cheetos. Leaves sum for teh homeless kittehs and space alienz. I IZ CEILING CAT.
11 No be steelin'
     No be lying.
     No fooling u fwends.
12 No swearing in teh name of Ceiling Cat. I IZ CEILING CAT.
13 No steelin u naybur's Ex-Bawks.
     An pay teh delivery guy.
14 No makin fun o teh deaf peeple or trippin blind peeple, be 'fraid o Ceiling Cat!
15 No makin fun o Judge Judy or Joe Brown cuz theyz good judges cuz they no take no crap.
16 No spreadin rumors even if Louie does has big harballs.
     No be puttin kittehs in danger. I IZ CEELING CAT.
17 No fiteing in teh back seat wif u brother an no ganging up on u sister.
18 No gettin back at peeples or makin drama. Free luvz to all! I IZ CEILING CAT.

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Psalm 119: 33-40 Teh He 33 Teach me, lord, teh wai ov ur decreez, Dat i cud follow it 2 teh end. [b] 34 gimie understandin, so dat i cud keep ur law An obey it wif all mah hart. 35 direct me in da path ov ur commandz, 4 thar i find delight. 36 turn mah hart toward ur statutez An not toward selfish gain. 37 turn mah eyez away frum worthles things; Preserve mah life accordin 2 ur werd. [c] 38 fulfill ur promize 2 ur servant, So dat u cud be feard. 39 taek away teh disgrace i dread, 4 ur laws r gud. 40 how i long 4 ur precepts! In ur righteousnes preserve mah life.

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1 Corinthians 3:10-11, 16-23

10 Ceiling Cat gived me grace. I builded a good foundashn n sum othr d00d iz on mai foundashn, buildin Ceiling Cat's building. Build cairfly evribodi!
11 Bcz Jesus iz teh onli good foundashn.

16 U iz Ceiling Cat's tempul. Ceiling Cat's spirit iz in u, givin u cheezburgr.
17 If ennibodi nox down Ceiling Cat's tempul, Ceiling Cat will nok him down. Dat shud maek u feel betterz.
18 Dont get trix0red LOL. If u thinkz u is smart it is bettr to become stupid n get smartr from dere.
19 Liek I sed befor, teh wisdm of teh wurld is dum to Ceiling Cat. Sum d00d rited "He catchiz teh wise in their clevrness";
20 oh yeah n "Ceiling Cat knows dat teh thotz of teh wise iz good for nuffing."
21 So quit braggin about d00dz! Evrithing is urz,
22 Paul or Apollos or Rocky or teh world or lief or deth or now or latr - evrithing,
23 n u iz Christ n Christ is Ceiling Cat's.

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Matthew 5:38-48

A Eye for a Eye
38 Ceiling Cat iz liek "i 4 i, fnag 4 fang"
39 but im liek if bad kittehz spank u, turn otehr cheek
40 if bad kittehz take ur fir, give ur tail 2 41 if dogs chase u 1 mile, run 2 Luvin ur enemiz LOL
42 if u makes a cookie 4 some1, doe not eated it
43 kittehz iz liek "wuv ur BFFz, hate bad kittehz"
44 but im liek "wuv bad kittehz 2"
45 u r all Ceiling Catz kittenz. Sun shines on good kittehz and bad. Also rain :-(
46 if u wuv only ur BFFs, u no can has cheezburger. even teh IRS d00dz do taht!
47 if u iz liek "oh hai" 2 only ur BFFs, wtf? only n00bz do taht.
48 b k00l liek teh Ceiling Cat

 

Weekend Cat Blogging
#298 Feb 19-20 Samantha, Clementine & Maverick
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
#362 – When Cats Attack!
(submit your post here)

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, February 13, 2011, Valentine's Edition

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Deuteronomy 30:15-20 or Sirach 15:15-20
Psalm 119:1-8
1 Corinthians 3:1-9
Matthew 5:21-37

 

 

Deuteronomy 30:15-20

15 See, I gives yu lief an cheezburgrz today, but also deth an bad stufs.
16 Cuz Iz tellin yu tu loev teh Ceiling Cat, an du wut he sez; den yu wil liv an get biggr, an teh Ceiling Cat wil give yu teh cheezburgrz.
17 But if yu dont du dat, an if yu, liek, did it for anuddr god,18 yu iz on teh list tu be pwnzord. Yu not gunna live fr long, an yu definitly not gettin cheezburgrz.
19 Did day I callz teh ceiling an teh urfs tu see me give yu lief an deth, cheezburgrz an bad stufs. LOLZ. Teh ceiling an teh urf cant see. So, yu gots tu choos lief, cuz uddrwiz yu gunna be pwnzord.
20 An also loev teh Ceiling Cat an lissen tu him. Srsly, iz not a joke. Cuz he iz ur lief, an he can give yu moar lief, tu.

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Psalm 119: 1-8 1 Luky dem hus pat iz raizos, dey hu fallow da Ceiling Cats lov. 2 Luky dem hu keepz Hiz kovenant an bai their hole hart azk Hiz wil, 3 thei hu don do ´rong but wook Hiz wayz. 4 U´ve given ur rulz to bii fulli obeid. 5 Aww, dat mai wayz wer stedi wen dooin´ woot u sayz! 6 I won´t be a n00b wen i´m dooin´ all w00t u sayz. 7 Ai wil meow 2 u from mai hart wen learnin´ ur gud lawz. 8 Ai wil do w00t u sayz - never 4sake me.

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1 Corinthians 3:1-9

WTF? Divisions in teh Ceiling Cat Clubz!!!11!!1!!
1 Brothers, u iz just newbornded kittenz in Christ.
2 I gave you milk, not cookies, bcz u wuz not reddi for cookies. U iz still not reddi!
3 Bcz u iz not spirichl enuff. U iz all fightin n jelous. U iz actin liek humanz!
4 When one d00d sez "I follaz Paul," n some othr d00d sez "I follaz Apollos," u is just humanz!
5 What iz Apollos enniwai? N Paul? Jus servantz workin for Ceiling Cat to maek u believ.
6 I putted teh seed in teh ground, Apollos putted teh watr on it, but Ceiling Cat maded it grow.
7 Teh d00d dat duz teh plantin iz nuffing. Saem wif teh d00d dat putz teh waterz. Only Ceiling Cat is moar dan nuffing, bcz he makez teh thingz gro.
8 Teh plant n water d00dz iz duin teh riet thing though, n both getz cheezburgr!
9 We workz wif Ceiling Cat. U iz his field n hiz bilding.

Matthew 5:21-37

Killin ur d00dz
21 u kno if u pwnz0rz, Ceiling Cat is liek "wtf? bad kittehz!"
22 but if u is liek "u n00b!", uz betr off in trashcan, srsly.
23 if u has gift 4 Ceiling Cat n u has pwned ur brother
24 ur brother can has hugs b4 u give gift 2 Ceiling Cat
25 lawyers screw u. settle out of court. srsly
26 or they take all ur $$. iz all true. srsly.

Cheetin
27 Ceiling Cat iz liek "no buttsecks!!1!1 bad kittehz!"
28 but im liek "wtf? im in ur brain, watching u think about it"
29 if ur eye makez u bad kitteh, scratch it out with ur claws, or uz betr off in trashcan, srsly.
30 if ur paw makez u bad kitteh, bite it off, or uz betr off in trashcan, srsly.

Divorse
31 Ceiling Cat iz liek "pay divorce lawyer"
32 but im like "divorcee iz slut. uz betr off in trashcan, srsly."

Promisiz
33 Ceiling Cat iz liek "dont break oath or i break u!!1!"
34 but im like "omgwtf? dont swear by Ceiling Catz pad
35 "or by Ceiling Catz paws on floor
36 "or by ur fir
37 "ya rly:=ya rly; no wai:=no wai. else evil kitteh."

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Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
(see the week’s& host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
(submit your post here)

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Isaiah 58:1-9a (9b-12)
Psalm 112:1-9 (10)
1 Corinthians 2:1-12 (13-16)
Matthew 5:13-20

Isaiah 58

1 Yu shud meow lotz cuz ya liek yu needa tell teh noobz there dumb.
2 Thar ahweyz lukin foar meh an liek but dat wuz before wen thay wuzent ghey.

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Psalm 112 1 Praise Ceiling Cat! Blessed iz teh kitteh dat fears Ceiling Cat, who taeks heppehs in teh commandments! 2 His kittehs will be pumpeded wif katnip an shall p0wnz0rz da backyard, an the shall be kick ass. 3 Ceiling Cat iz liek rich an stufs, an him iz liek always gude. 4 He turns on teh light cause iz dark; him iz liek rly nice. 5 It iz wail when yoos rubs a humins legs an him scratcha an feeds yu. 6 For dah gude kittehs wills eva be fogottans. 7 Him noes fraid uf bad nuse. 8 His hart iz stedy; him will be no fraid, til he seez teh doggies. 9 Him has gives many cheezburgers to dah houseless kittehs; him shall beez rewardeds. 10 Teh bad kitteh seez teh gude kitteh ina his home an gnashes his teefs an goes away; gude kitteh lievs, bad kitteh gets wet.

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1 Corinthians 2:1-12 (13-16)

1 Dear humainz, I will you to my words, but I cant spellz.
2 UM, Jezus knows I is a fine talker.
3 I come tuz ya like all shakin' like a liefs an' stuff,
4 and I didnts sound intelligunt, but had enough holy-skillz,
5 dat you knows 2 trusts holy-skills and not wisedom.

1 7You beez talkin about Cat in the ceillings wizedom. He knows how many times u fap before all fails.
6 sumz of us is wise though, but not like age-wise and shit.
8 Jesus was nail to teh crossed cuz presidents were nubs.

9 Cat in teh ceilling iz acceptings of any fapper, even nubz.
10 the Cat in the ceilling macros all in holy-faggotry, even himself.
11 Humanz can fap much like Cat in the ceiling watches u fap--even when there is no hole.
12 Cuz Ceiling Cat watches you, you'll fap quicker than peeps who isn't being watch.
13 Fapthrens, We are not speaked in right words, but in lolz.
14 Peepz who isn't got ceilings isn't understooding of me.
15 If u beleived what I says, WOOT!

16 If nubz isnt beleived Ceiling Cat, copy paste mah macroz, lol.

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Matthew 5:13-20

Teh Cheezburgerz and teh meme
13 u r teh cheezburgerz. if cheezburgerz haz no cheez, taste bad. trashcat can has it.
14 u r teh meme of teh internet. lolcat pic online iz not invizible.
15 emos dont frendslock lj posts. tehy post public 4 all teh internetz.
16 u 2 post lolcat pic online so internetz is liek "OMG! ur so k00l! Ceiling Cat rockz!"
17 dont break law. im in ur urfs fulfillin ur propheciez
18 iz all true. srsly. law iz not deleted
19 if u break law, no can has cheezburger. if u teach law, can has lotz cookiez
20 u b good kittehz or Ceiling Cat is liek "bad kittehz! u can not has mi pad!"

Weekend Cat Blogging
#296 Feb 5-6 Pam at Sidewalkshoes
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
#360 – CatSynth
(submit your post here)

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, January 30, 2011

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Micah 6:1-8
Psalm 15
1 Corinthians 1:18-31
Matthew 5:1-12

 

Micah 6:1-8

Teh lordz case against israel
1 listen 2 wut teh lord sez: "stand up, plead ur case before teh mountins; Let teh hills hur wut u has 2 say.
2 hear, o mountins, teh lordz accusashun; Listen, u evrlastin foundashuns ov teh urf. 4 da lord has case against his peeps; He iz lodgin charge against israel.
3 "mah peeps, wut has i dun 2 u? Hao has i burdend u? Anzwr me.
4 i brot u up out ov egypt An redeemd u frum teh land ov slavery. I sent mosez 2 lead u, Also aaron an miriam.
5 mah peeps, remembr Wut balak king ov moab counseld An wut balaam son ov beor anzwerd. Remembr ur jerney frum shittim 2 gilgal, Dat u cud knoe teh righteous acts ov teh lord."
6 wif wut shall i come before teh lord An bow down before teh exaltd Ceiling Cat? Shall i come before him wif burnd offerinz, Wif calvez yer old?
7 will teh lord be pleezd wif thousandz ov rams, Wif 10 thousand rivvrs ov oil? Shall i offr mah firstborn 4 mah tranzgreshun, Teh fruit ov mah body 4 da sin ov mah soul?
8 he has showded u, o kittehs, wut iz gud. An wut doez teh lord want from yuz? 2 be nais, 2 luv givin 2nd chansez An 2 walk humbly wif ur ceilin cat, srsly.

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Psalm 15 1 Oh, hai, Ceiling Cat, hu gona curl up in ur tabby-nackle?   Hu gona pet ur fuzy bely? 2 Teh d00dz taht stan up strate,   flip cheezburgrz 4 minimum w/out complanez,   n no lyez. 3 Teh d00dz taht not trols,    not pulz ur leg, not DOS atak ppl,    n not get retardid. 4 Teh d00dz taht no a trol wehn tehy seez him;    but greetz 2 teh d00dz taht is chiken o Ceiling cat.    Oh, n no politishuns.    DO NOT WANT. 5 N DO NOT WANT d00dz taht lone u mony for cheezburgr    but wan interist on toozday.    U r so pwnd!

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1 Corinthians 1:18-31

1:18 For the message about the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
1:19 For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and I will thwart the cleverness of the intelligent.” 21
1:20 Where is the wise man? Where is the expert in the Mosaic law? 22 Where is the debater of this age? Has God not made the wisdom of the world foolish?
1:21 For since in the wisdom of God the world by its wisdom did not know God, God was pleased to save those who believe by the foolishness of preaching.
1:22 For Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks ask for wisdom,
1:23 but we preach about a crucified Christ, 23 a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles.
1:24 But to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.
1:25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, 24 and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. 25

1:26 Think about the circumstances of your call, 26 brothers and sisters. 27 Not many were wise by human standards, 28 not many were powerful, not many were born to a privileged position. 29
1:27 But God chose what the world thinks foolish to shame the wise, and God chose what the world thinks weak to shame the strong.
1:28 God chose 30 what is low and despised in the world, what is regarded as nothing, to set aside what is regarded as something,
1:29 so that no one can boast in his presence.
1:30 He is the reason you have a relationship with Christ Jesus, 31 who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption,
1:31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

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Matthew 5:1-12

teh catitudes
1 Wen he seez lotz kittehz, he climbz tree. His BFz climbz tree too.
2 He sez hai and he teaches teh kittehs, he sez:
3 Cheezburgrz 4 teh n00b kittehs, theys can has teh Ceiling.
4 Cheezburgrz 4 teh sad kittehs, theys can has petting.
5 Cheezburgrz 4 teh m33k kittehs, theys can has teh urfs.
6 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs who sez "I can has gud, plz?", theys can has it.
7 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat no pwns, Ceiling Cat no pwnz0rz thems.
8 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs wiff purr in hartz, theys can sees Ceiling Cat.
9 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat sez shhhhh!, Ceiling Cat is liek "u mai kittehs."
10 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat gets pwned by otehrs fur haz gud, theys can has teh Ceiling too.
11 Cheezburgrz if otehrs be liek "DO NOT WANT" 2 u, an liez abt u, coz of meh.
12 B teh happys n party, coz u can has cookiez n cakez in Ceiling. Iz liek wen theys been liek "DO NOT WANT" to all teh holee kittehs b4.

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
(see the week’s& host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
(submit your post here)

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Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Isaiah 9:1-4
Psalm 27:1, 4-9
1 Corinthians 1:10-18
Matthew 4:12-23

 

Isaiah 9:1-4

1 Mai proffercy, let me show you it. Iz gonna be awright. Fr Galileliliee anyways.
2 Cats that iz in dark haz evn bettah nihgt vizhun than befoar.
3 Cookies an cheezburgrs everywhrs!
4 Midian no can haz cheezburgrs.

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Psalm 27 Of David. 1 Oh, hai! CEILING CAT is my cheezburgr.    who i iz scard of?    CEILING CAT is my kitteh bed—    who i iz scard of ffs? 2 Wen skript kidehs DOS me    to nok me offline    when trols n lusers atak me w/ teh BFG,    tehy wil trip on it. 3 If a crew raid me,    I not chikn;    even if tehy stole my bike,    i stil rulz! 4 One thing I askz 4, O CEILING CAT, plz,    this is what I luk 4. Ready?:    cheezburgrz    evry dai, srsly,    yumy laik CEILING CAT's beleh fuz    cuz cheezburgrz bring me closer 2 u kthx. 5 For wehn Brian Peppers cums 4 me    CEILING CAT keepz me sayf;    he hidez me in his tabby-nacle    n putz me on top of book shelf. 6 Then i iz lookz down on nmes    above the nmes taht suround me;    at his tabby-nacle I will sacrifice a mouse w00t!;    I will sing "We Are teh Champyons" 4 CEILING CAT. 7 Hear me meow, O CEILING CAT,    DO NOT WANT u 2 pwn me. Hit me up on mesenger plz. 8 I getz feelin i sposed 2 fynd ur fuz face r sumptin,    Ur fuz face, CEILING CAT, I luks 4.

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1 Corinthians 1:10-18

KITTEHS FIGHTED IN TEH BOX
10 I saiz, and happy cat sai hai, taht u muzt be cuddly an not fight an stufz.
11 For members of Chloe’s household have made it clear to me, my brothers and sisters, 14 that there are quarrels 15 among you.
12 Now I mean this, that 16 each of you is saying, “I am with Paul,” or “I am with Apollos,” or “I am with Cephas,” or “I am with Christ.”
13 Is Christ divided? Paul wasn’t crucified for you, was he? 17 Or were you in fact baptized in the name of Paul? 18
14 I thank God 19 that I did not baptize any of you except Crispus and Gaius,
15 so that no one can say that you were baptized in my name!
16 (I also baptized the household of Stephanus. Otherwise, I do not remember whether I baptized anyone else.)
17 For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel – and not with clever speech, so that the cross of Christ would not become useless. 20 The Message of the Cross
18 For the message about the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God

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Matthew 4:12-23

Happy Cat begunz 2 preech, amirite?
12 Wen Happy Cat founded out dat John Baftis wuz in cat jail he made tracks fr Galaly
13 An staid in Caper-Num by the waters bt he dint tak his bukkit an spayd.
14 Cuz teh wize Ass-Eyess sayd
15 “In all teh base, laik Zabalon n Nefarim n teh c n Jortan (yeh even KT Prys) n Galaly.
16 Happy Cat will turn on teh liteswitch fr teh kittenz dat iz sittin in teh dark."
17 Dat iz wen Happy Cat strted 2 tell teh kittenz, “say yur sory fer bean bad kittehs cuz teh Cat Heaven am at hand btw. srsly.”

Teh callin of teh frist helper cats
18 Den Happy Cat bumpded into 2 kitlins uv same mudder hoo wuz cathcin fish n wuz called Siming AKA Peeter n Antroo AKA L'il Kitlin
19 N Happy Cat sayd, “Comes wit me n u can catch pplz.”
20 N cuz Happy Cat am teh 1337, dey wuz laik, “kthx.”
21 N den Happy Cat met Janes n udder John, hoo wuz vaedy reraxin on a bote wit dair tomcats, hoo wuz Zebedee frm teh Magic Roundabout.
22 N dey also went wit Happy Cat.

Happy Cat heels teh sit
23 Happy Cat tuk hs crew roun Galaly, teechin in teh Ceiling Cat prace n sayn teh Good Mews n heelin teh sit.

Weekend Cat Blogging
#294 Jan 22-23 Billy Sweetfeets Gingersnap
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
#358 – Nikita Cat
(submit your post here)

Ree-purrted by KC

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Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Isaiah 49:1-7
Psalm 40:1-11
1 Corinthians 1:1-9
John 1:29-42

 

Psalm 40 4 Teh Directa of Teh Music. A Psalm ov David 1 iz waiting fur teh ceiling cat; tearz is on mai cheekz an he sez "oh, hai!" 2 he lifts mi out of durty litturs box an putz me on teh kichun florr 3 he putz new meow in mai mouf, meow of praiz fo’ he. allz will see an leep an curlz up in da lap of he. 4 warm is teh cat who make he hiz lap, doez no fear teh dogz, t’ tho wo purrz to ‘tend sky hol. 5 mahni, o cat mi cat, ar teh wonderz yeh hav dun. teh th’ngz yeh plan’d fer uz no un can recon to yeh; wer mi to meow an tellz of tehm, tehy wud be too mani meowz. 6 let looze an offer’ng yeh didnz desire, buh mi nailz yeh haf clip’d; burnt ofr’ngz an s’n offer’ngz yeh didnz make rulez ov. 7 Den i sed, "her im, i has come - It written bout me in da scroll. 8 i desire 2 do ur will, o mah ceilin cat; Ur law iz within mah hart." 9 i proclaim righteousnes in da great assembly; I no seal mah lips, As u knoe, o lord. 10 i no hide ur righteousnes in mah hart; I speek ov ur faithfulnes an salvashun. I no conceal ur luv an ur truth Frum teh great assembly. 11 do not withhold ur mercy frum me, o lord; Cud ur luv an ur truth always protect me. 12 4 troublez without numbr surround me; Mah sins has overtaken me, an i cant c. They r moar than teh hairs ov mah head, An mah hart fails within me. 13 be pleezd, o lord, 2 save me; O lord, come quickly 2 halp me. 14 cud all hoo seek 2 taek mah life Be put 2 shame an confushun; Cud all hoo desire mah ruin Be turnd bak in disgrace. 15 cud dose hoo say 2 me, "aha! Aha!" Be appalld at their own shame. 16 but cud all hoo seek u Rejoice an be glad in u; Cud dose hoo luv ur salvashun always say, "teh lord be exaltd!" 17 yet im poor an needy; Cud teh lord finkz ov me. U r mah halp an mah deliverr; O mah ceilin cat, do not delay.

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1 Corinthians 1:1-9

O HAI
1 Dis is lettur frem Paul, frienz wif happy cat, an cieling cat sai hai, an mei brofer tew!
2 To de box of ceiling cat that is ovr ther wher u ar, an to all dat is bff wit happy cat and miau to him and stufz.
3 Noms and sleepz to u saiz happy cat!

THNX
4 I thnx ceiling cat fur all teh happies
5 becuz now u has lotz of cheezburgers an can miau relly cute an open dors and stufz.
6 Becuz ur srsly frienz wif happy cat
7 he saiz do awsom stufz now and he coem later.
8 He also sai dnt wurry, even if u scratch teh sofa, iz ok.
9 Ceiling cat dont run off, an he sais u an happy cat is frienz forevur!!

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John 1:29-42

Ceiling Catz Shepe Happy Cat
29 Next dai John seed Happy Cat . Sez "O hai Ceiling Catz shepe. Him fix invisibul error!!!1!
30 Tihs gai ai sed folowz me.
31 Ai washt peepz wit water (WTF??!1! Srsly) so Israel ppl no him."
32 John sez "Invisible Cat caem an stuck to him.
33 Invisibul Cat proovs
34 I seed an I no him is Ceiling Catz Kitteh!!!1!"

Happy Cat Noo Posse
35 Next dai John seed Happy Cat.
36 Sez "O hai Ceiling Catz shepe" (agin lol)
37 Hiz ppl heerd him. Tehy stalk Happy Cat.
38 Happy Cat seed tehm sed "Oh hai, sup?" They sed "Oh hay Teachr, ware ur place?"
39 Him sai ovr heer. So they chillt wit him an eated cheezburgrz.
40 Andrew was 1 those gais.
41 Andrew telled his brother Simon "Oh hai we found teh Chozen Wan. He was behind teh sofa."
42 They went to saw Happy Cat an he sed "Yu Simon. I cal yu Rocky LOL."

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Weekend Cat Blogging
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The Carnival of the Cats
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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, January 9, 2011

Sunday, January 9, 2011
First Sunday after the Epiphany

Isaiah 42:1-9
Psalm 29
Acts 10:34-43
Matthew 3:13-17

 

Isaiah 42:1-9

Teh Survint of Ceiling Cat 1 "Heer is mi survint, whoom I are upholdz, mi choosended one in whoom I are deelite; I wil putz mi Spirits on himm n him wil are bringded justis 2 teh nashuns. Srsly. 2 Him are wil dont beens shouted or has a cri outt, or raez him voiss in teh streetz. 3 A broosed reed he wil dont are brokded, n a smolderin wik he wil dont are snuffed out. In fathefulllnis he wil is bringded forf justis; 4 he wil dont aer faultered or b discurajed till he are istablished justis on teh erffs. In him law teh ilindz wil put der hoep." 5 dis is wat Ceiling Cat are sezed. Srsly— he hoo are creatided teh hevanz n are strecheded dem out, hoo spred out teh erffz n al dat aer coemed out uv it, hoo givezed breff 2 its pplz, n life 2 dose hoo are wok on it: 6 "I, Ceiling Cat, are has calleded u in ritechusnis; I wil are taked hold ov ur hand. I wil keepded u nd wil maked ur 2 b a cuvnint 4 teh pplz, n a liet 4 teh jentilz, 7 2 opin eyz dat has a blinded, 2 free sum captivz from prizun n 2 reelees from teh dunjun dose hoo are sitz in teh darknisz. Srsly. 8 "Ize teh LRD; dat iz meh namez! I wil nott are givez meh glori 2 anuder or meh praze 2 idullz. Srsly. 9 Se, teh formir tingz hav tookded place, n nu tingz I are been deeclairded; b4 dey aer springz intu bein I are annownce dem 2 u. Srsly."

Psalm 29 1 David has teh Psalm. Give cheezburger to Ceiling Cat, he iz teh l33t, give Ceiling Cat teh gl0ry An grace. 2 Give cheezburgerz to teh Ceiling Cat cuz of his name, lol, an has beautiez as u praize his name. 3 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is teh meow of teh waterz! (He has teh voice of all of teh waterz, tho kittehs DO NOT WANT water.) 4 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is purrty an powerful. 5 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked kitteh tree fall down; it maeked teh kitteh trees of Lebanon go boom. 6 He maeked dem to skip like teh bby cowz; Lebanon an Sirion like teh l33t unicornz. 7 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat parted teh fire, lol! 8 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh treez dance lyk WOAH, espeshully in Kadesh, cuz they is speshull kittehs. 9 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh hinds to calve? an discovr teh forestz of l33t! In teh litter box, lol, evry kitteh meow Ceiling Cat's glory! 10 Teh Ceiling Cat sit on teh flood (cuz little kittehs DO NOT WANT teh floodz); w00t, teh Ceiling Cat be teh Lord forevrz. 11 Teh Ceiling Cat give teh catnip to teh kittehs; teh Ceiling Cat gives teh blessings of teh catnip to his kittehs an givez dem teh peaces.

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Acts 10

CATNELIUS IZ LIEK "I CAN HAZ PETER?"
1 At Cezarea der wuz a d00d naemd Catnelius n he wuz da "big cat" in da Regimans.
2 He n hiz famileh luvd Ceiling Cat n talkd 2 him daileh n gave cookiez to kittehs who wuz liek "I has be in need."
3 One dai durin kitteh litter time he sees sum craezy-azz vishuns.
4 Catnelius wuz liek "oh shaet LOL"
5 Teh anjul sed "Ur praers n cookiez has be a memorial offerin 2 da Ceiling Cat.
6 Now send sum peeps 2 git Simon (most catz call em Peter, idk y).
7 Ya git hiz azz ova hear."
8 Wen teh anjul lef Catnelius got 2 d00ds n a Gawd-freain soulja. H gaev em teh dirt on Ceiling Cat n send em 2 Joppa.

TEH TRIPPEH VIJUNS OF PETER
9 Teh nex dai Peter wuz talkn 2 Ceiling Cat on teh roof.
10 Den he sez "I has hunger n I want sumtin 2 eatz."
11 He saw a big sheet like peepz hav on deir bedz.
12 It has animulz on its wit teh 4 feetz.
13 Den a voice (Ceiling Catz I think) sez 2 Pete, "Git up, Peter. Can has cheezburger."
14 Peter sez, "uh-uh, Loard, I dont eatz teh unclaen."
15 Den God wuz piszed n hes liek, "Do not call teh cheezburger unclaen dat I has made claen."
16 Repeat step 13-15 three tiemz.
17 While Petey wuz wunderin bout teh vishunz, sum d00ds is stopped at teh gaet.
18 "Haysup," dey sez, "Were iz Simon (most catz call em Peter but idk why)?"
19 Whiel Pete wuz still thinkin, Ceiling Cat sez "Hay, 3 d00ds r lookin 4 u.20 Git yo azz up n go downstaers."
21 Peter went downstaers n sed "Wut do u want."
22 Dey sez, "We has come from Catnelius da "big cat" from teh Regimans. He iz teh right-ness God-freain d00d. Da Ceilin Cat made uz come get u."
23 Den Pete invite dem 2 hiz litterbox, thx!

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Matthew 3:13-17

Happy Cat gets Water Baf!
13 Den Happy Cat caem from Garary, to has water baf from John
14 But John was all "Ur doin it rong, j00 needz to water baf me"
15 And Happy Cat sayed "STFU and gib to me water baf n00b" and John did.
16 Wen he was gived water baf he gtfo of teh water and, ZOMG, teh ceilinz opened up and Hover Cat caem down liek a duv and landeded on him
17 And, ZOMFGWTF, a voice from heven sayed "Hai guise, dis my son, and I tink he teh 1337."

Weekend Cat Blogging
#292 Jan 8-9 Kashim, Othello and Salome
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
#356 – Billy SweetFeets
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