Friday, May 16, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the First Sunday after Pentecost

First Sunday after Pentecost

Genesis 1:1—2:4a
Psalm 8 (Ps. 8:1)
2 Corinthians 13:11-13
Matthew 28:16-20

Genesis 1:1 - 2:4
Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.
4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.
5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!
6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.
7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.
8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.
9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.
10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.
11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.
12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.
13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.
14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.
15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.
16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.
17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.
18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.
19 An so teh furth day w00t.
20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.
21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.
22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.
23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.
24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.
25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.
26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.
27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.
28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.
29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.
30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.
31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

1 An teh skyz An teh Urth were finishd, An all teh stufz in dem An Ceiling Cat was liek all tired An stuff. 
2 An on teh 7th dai Ceiling Cat got done makingks all dat stuf; An he restd on teh 7th dai cuz he was pooped fum all dat wrking An not liek havng teh holiez. An he not get payd ovrtym either.
3 Ceiling Cat blesd teh 7th dai, An sed itz teh h0liez0rz; cuz dats when he restd fum all his werk which Ceiling Cat had creatd An made. Yay Caturday!
4 Iz how teh skyz An Urfs were made, wen Ceiling Cat pwnd.

Psalm 8
1 O Ceiling Cat,
u iz pretty ossum!
Ur cool n in teh ceiling.
2 Bebehs and kittehs drinkin milkz
dey sey dey liek u,
cuz u pwn teh noobs n stuff.
3 When im in ur outsied, lookin at ur heavns
stuf you maed wif ur own pawz
liek teh mun and teh strz
dat u put der
4 I wantz to no why you liek me and oteher lolcats.
Why you talk 2 us? srsly.
5 Ainjels is moar importent than us but only a littul.
You gives us lots gloriez and onnorz
and stuff that we can has on our hed.
6 We can has control of cheezburgers.
They has to listin to us cuz u sed so!
7 Aminals too.
8 And also burds and teh fishus too.
9 Ceiling Cat,
u is maed of win and ossum.
2 Corinthians 13: 11-13

11 An now, kittehz, I has 2 go. Be teh perfect kittehz, b happy, be niec 2 teh ohter kittehz, an liv in peece, and tehn Ceiling Cat sez yu can has chzbrger.
12 Hi-faiv teh othr kittehz.
13 All da ohtr kittehz sez hai.

Matthew 28: 16-20
Teh great commishun!

16 den teh eleven disciplez went 2 galilee, 2 teh mountain wer jebus had told them 2 go.
17 when they saw him, they worshipd him; but sum doubtd.
18 den jebus came 2 them an sed, "all authority in heaven an on earth has been given 2 me.
19 therefore go an mak disciplez ov all nashuns, baptizin them in [a] teh naym ov teh fathr an ov teh son an ov teh holy spirit,
20 an teachin them 2 obey evrythin i has commandd u. An surely im wif u always, 2 teh vry end ov teh age."

Cieling cat creates the universe and stuff — by bboyneko

from Zotnix at

May 12, 2008
Ceiling Cat has answered some of those emails you guys sent in.
Check them out at!
Some questions that have been answered include:
What would you consider to be true love?
Can i haz doubts AND cheezburgerz: Or r u a vengful kitteh?

* * * * *
omcc, wtf? Ceiling Cat has his own twitter now. Ceiling Cat halp us awl!
You can still visit my twitter. Also check out our facebook group.

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator
(submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging #154 May 17-18:
held by Cheysuli and Gemini at Chey’s Place
(see the week’s& host to enter your WCB post
in the comments for the weekend roundup)

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos #45 May 11
is at Bad Kitty Cats Journal
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats #218 - 5/18/08
is at Artsy-Catsy
(submit your post here)


  1. Thank you so much for the spiritual guidance. I'll visit the other blog, too.

  2. I am so moved by the Psalm. We have you for WCB.

  3. I'll visit the other blog, too.A cat bible, wow!Really enjoying your blog a great deal! Thank you!


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