meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Seventh Sunday of Easter

Friday, May 02, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Seventh Sunday of Easter

Seventh Sunday of Easter

Acts 1:6-14
Psalm 68:1-10, 32-35 (Ps. 68:4)
1 Peter 4:12-14; 5:6-11
John 17:1-11

These are the readings for the week that have been translated:

Acts 1: 1-14
Jesus Gose to Teh Sunnyspotz in Teh Ceiling

1 K so dis iz seccand book 'bout teh Jebsus. furst waz Luke, dis iz Acks, k?
2 So Jebus wnt up to teh ceiling after tellin teh apossels "Oh hai, go preech, kthxbye"
3 Cuz, srsly, he roze from teh ded, srsly, and he waz her
4 liek siks weekz goin ceilings grate.4 He waz liek "Oh hai, guyz, stai in Jerusalem 4 a wile, k? Mah dad has sumthin 4 u
5 Iz not water, iz HoverCat, k?"
6 So aposells wer liek "D00d, r u gonna maek Israel has cookie again?"
7 An Jebus wuz liek "IDK but mah dad noes teh stuff
8 And u guyz gonna get teh HoverCat and talkz bout me all ovar teh urths, srsly."
9 After he sed this stuff he went to teh hole in ceiling on invisible escowlator. omg pwns!.
10 An teh uther kittehs wer all starin, srsly! Cuz dis d00d jus liek wen up into teh ceiling! Holy moly! Two catz wit wiet fir wer all der suddnlee. Wer did dey com frum?!
11 "Oh hai! Yo kittehs ov Galilee," dey sed 2gethurz, wich wuz creepy n stuf, srsly, "why u starin up in deh ceilin? D00d, teh Jebus can has retrnzorz, rly! He wil com dwn teh invisible escowlator!"

Matthias Is Lik Deh New Guy After Judas, Srsly.

12 Den dey got boreded and tireded cuz lookin at teh ceilin a long time hurt der neckz. Dey has got to Jerusalem frum the Mount ov Olives, wich r icky green plantz and stufs.
13 Wen dey get ther dey go up teh stares an go in a room. Peter wuz ther, John wuz ther, James an Andrew wuz ther, Philip an Thomas wuz ther, BartholeMEW an Matthew wuz ther, James (not teh Jebus broder! LOLZ!) and Simon (he wuz a bit zelus) wuz ther, an Judas wuz ther. Wai!!! Judas!? How he get ther? Oh! not dat Judas, sry, it wuz the son of James (I dun no wich James). Dey wer all in teh roomz, crowdin teh spase.
14 Dey went togetherz n praid. Lotz. Srsly. Cuz Jebus wuz all up in teh ceilin now. omg, evn Mary n teh wiminz praid to!

1 Peter 4: 12 - 19
I Can Has Suffering???

12 Dear frenz, do not be surprisd at teh painful trial u r sufferin, as though somethin strange wuz happenin 2 u.
13 Butt rejoice dat u participate in da sufferings ov christ, so dat u cud be overjoyd when his glory iz reveald.
14 If u r insultd cuz ov teh naym ov christ, u r blesd, 4 da spirit ov glory an ov ceilin cat rests on u.
15 If u suffr, it shud not be as murderr or thief or any othr kind ov criminal, or even as meddlr.
16 Butt, if u suffr as christian, do not be ashamd, but praize ceilin cat dat u bear dat naym.
17 For it tiem 4 judgment 2 begin wif teh pplz ov ceilin cat; an if it begins wif us, wut will teh outcome be 4 dose hoo do not obey teh gospel ov ceilin cat?
18 And, "if it hard 4 da righteous 2 be savd, Wut will become ov teh ungodly an teh sinnr?"
[a]19 Do den, dose hoo suffr accordin 2 ceilin cats will shud commit themselvez 2 their faithful creator an continue 2 do gud.

1 Peter 5
Shepard teh Flok o Ceiling Cat

1 Soez ai taeks teh old kittehs wif yoos, an as an old kitteh meselfs an havins sawed dah suffrins of Jebus, an I shall alsoes has glory:
2 shepard teh flocks taht iz wif yu, axercise balls lickin, not unner cumpulshuns, but willingly, as Ceiling Cat would has yew; not for shamefulls gain, but eagerly;
3 not balls lickin in front uf yoos flcks, but bees examples toos teh flock.
4 An wen teh cheef Shepard apeers, yu will has a shiney, noow crown of happehs.
5 Kittuns mus obay teh old kittehs. No lick harballs in publick, does its in privates wen no ones is watchin.
6 Bees modest an Ceiling Cat will gives yu plenty uf Katnips,
7 put all yor trubles on Him, becawse Ceiling Cat cares for yu.
8 Bees gude or teh Satun will devours yoo.
9 Know yu dat kittehs all ova teh world suffa da same as yu.
10 An afta sufferins awile Ceiling Cat shall restore, strengthen, an establish yu.
11 Tu him be teh dominion foeva an eva. Akitteh.

Finl Ohaiz

12 Bi Salty, a faiful bruver, I has left yu a message on teh cowch, tellin taht tis iz teh graec of Ceiling Cat.
13 Teh kittehs frm Babylon snedz yuz moar ohaiz, an so duz Mark, mi kittun.
14 Ohai wun anudder wit teh kitteh kissez of wuv. kthxbai.

moar funny pictures

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Messages from Ceiling Cat:

April 28th

Ceiling Cat just informed me that He would like to take some questions via email. He hasn't had much to do. So go ahead, ask Ceiling Cat a question. I'll post a page up with his replies. Don't be too shy, He won't scratch unless you insult Him.

Cutest. Cat. Ever.

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