LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fifth Sunday of Easter

Fifth Sunday of Easter

Acts 7:55-60
Psalm 31:1-5, 15-16 (Ps. 31:5)
1 Peter 2:2-10
John 14:1-14

Psalm 31

1 In yu, o Cieling Cat, ai hided;
dis kitteh dont want to be fownd in kitteh littur trai (tis embarrusin);
plez send meh to ur richoushnessh ov cookiez an burdiez!!
2 Ai has a seekit
plez cum findz meh :(;
plez beh sofa so I can haides,
plez be mah haidysofa
3 thx 4 being sofa
I wuv u Ceiling Cat an giz yu allz mah cookiez!!
4 Oh noes! Dere is trap! Be ma sofaz agen!!1!!!!

1 Peter 2: 2-10

2 we r leik tiny kittns that can grow
3 if we knoes that Ceiling Cat is win.
4 Come to Jeebus, cuz Ceiling Cat thinks ur special
5 and give Ceiling Cat cool stuff thru Jeebus.
6 It says “look, i’m in ur base And I pwn And he who leiks Ceiling Cat wins”
7 To u who leik Ceiling Cat, but have no ears and can’t hear him “you fail
8 and are teh sux.”
9 But Ceiling Cat leiks u lots10 and u can has cookies.

John 14: 1-14
Jesus give kittehs cheezburgerz

1 "No gots 2 wori, K? Gots ta trust in Ceiling Cat; also trust in me. Ceiling Cat's house got many sofas; kitteh woud no lie! I go
2 fix u sofa K?"
3 I wants to has partee wif u.
4 I do go catwalk; yu knowz catwalk too.
5 Thomcat saiz:"We do not know wher yu walk, how do we knoe teh catwalk?"
6 Jebus say "oh hai. i m teh way n teh truf n teh life. no one can has walkin da catwalk wif Ceiling Cat wifout me."
7 If u knowz Me, u knowz Ceiling Cat.
8 Philippus: If u show us Ceiling Cat, ten we r happycats.
9 Jebus say "scuse me? U iz not knowin me? U seez me, you seez Ceiling Cat. Y u not getz it?
10 I iz curled up insides Ceiling Cat an Ceiling Cat is curled up insides me. Ceiling Cat iz talkin and workin when Iz talkin and workin.
11 Dont y'all c mirakllz? If u can't bliev ma wordz u can still bliev mirakllz.
12 An gess wat. I haz rly gud deel fr y'all. Y'alls can do same stuff Iz doin wit powr of Ceiling Cat. BTW, y'all can do evan bettr stuff cause I goin back to Ceiling Cat soon. (BRB.)
13 Wen I goez back to Ceiling Cat, u say "In Jebus' name" an I do all stuffs for u! Den Ceiling Cat getz all praise from all kittehs!
14 Ask me anything! Chek it out, d00d! Cause I doez it fr u!

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