meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, January 30, 2011

Friday, January 28, 2011

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, January 30, 2011

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Micah 6:1-8
Psalm 15
1 Corinthians 1:18-31
Matthew 5:1-12

Micah 6:1-8

Teh lordz case against israel
1 listen 2 wut teh lord sez: "stand up, plead ur case before teh mountins; Let teh hills hur wut u has 2 say.
2 hear, o mountins, teh lordz accusashun; Listen, u evrlastin foundashuns ov teh urf. 4 da lord has case against his peeps; He iz lodgin charge against israel.
3 "mah peeps, wut has i dun 2 u? Hao has i burdend u? Anzwr me.
4 i brot u up out ov egypt An redeemd u frum teh land ov slavery. I sent mosez 2 lead u, Also aaron an miriam.
5 mah peeps, remembr Wut balak king ov moab counseld An wut balaam son ov beor anzwerd. Remembr ur jerney frum shittim 2 gilgal, Dat u cud knoe teh righteous acts ov teh lord."
6 wif wut shall i come before teh lord An bow down before teh exaltd Ceiling Cat? Shall i come before him wif burnd offerinz, Wif calvez yer old?
7 will teh lord be pleezd wif thousandz ov rams, Wif 10 thousand rivvrs ov oil? Shall i offr mah firstborn 4 mah tranzgreshun, Teh fruit ov mah body 4 da sin ov mah soul?
8 he has showded u, o kittehs, wut iz gud. An wut doez teh lord want from yuz? 2 be nais, 2 luv givin 2nd chansez An 2 walk humbly wif ur ceilin cat, srsly.

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Psalm 15

1 Oh, hai, Ceiling Cat, hu gona curl up in ur tabby-nackle?
Hu gona pet ur fuzy bely?

2 Teh d00dz taht stan up strate,
flip cheezburgrz 4 minimum w/out complanez,
n no lyez.

3 Teh d00dz taht not trols,
   not pulz ur leg, not DOS atak ppl,
   n not get retardid.

4 Teh d00dz taht no a trol wehn tehy seez him;
   but greetz 2 teh d00dz taht is chiken o Ceiling cat.
   Oh, n no politishuns.
   DO NOT WANT.

5 N DO NOT WANT d00dz taht lone u mony for cheezburgr
   but wan interist on toozday.
   U r so pwnd!

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1 Corinthians 1:18-31

1:18 For the message about the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
1:19 For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and I will thwart the cleverness of the intelligent.” 21
1:20 Where is the wise man? Where is the expert in the Mosaic law? 22 Where is the debater of this age? Has God not made the wisdom of the world foolish?
1:21 For since in the wisdom of God the world by its wisdom did not know God, God was pleased to save those who believe by the foolishness of preaching.
1:22 For Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks ask for wisdom,
1:23 but we preach about a crucified Christ, 23 a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles.
1:24 But to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.
1:25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, 24 and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. 25

1:26 Think about the circumstances of your call, 26 brothers and sisters. 27 Not many were wise by human standards, 28 not many were powerful, not many were born to a privileged position. 29
1:27 But God chose what the world thinks foolish to shame the wise, and God chose what the world thinks weak to shame the strong.
1:28 God chose 30 what is low and despised in the world, what is regarded as nothing, to set aside what is regarded as something,
1:29 so that no one can boast in his presence.
1:30 He is the reason you have a relationship with Christ Jesus, 31 who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption,
1:31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

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Matthew 5:1-12

teh catitudes
1 Wen he seez lotz kittehz, he climbz tree. His BFz climbz tree too.
2 He sez hai and he teaches teh kittehs, he sez:
3 Cheezburgrz 4 teh n00b kittehs, theys can has teh Ceiling.
4 Cheezburgrz 4 teh sad kittehs, theys can has petting.
5 Cheezburgrz 4 teh m33k kittehs, theys can has teh urfs.
6 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs who sez "I can has gud, plz?", theys can has it.
7 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat no pwns, Ceiling Cat no pwnz0rz thems.
8 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs wiff purr in hartz, theys can sees Ceiling Cat.
9 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat sez shhhhh!, Ceiling Cat is liek "u mai kittehs."
10 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat gets pwned by otehrs fur haz gud, theys can has teh Ceiling too.
11 Cheezburgrz if otehrs be liek "DO NOT WANT" 2 u, an liez abt u, coz of meh.
12 B teh happys n party, coz u can has cookiez n cakez in Ceiling. Iz liek wen theys been liek "DO NOT WANT" to all teh holee kittehs b4.