LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the First Sunday of Epiphany

First Sunday of Epiphany
Genesis 1.1–5
Psalm 29
Acts 19.1–7
Mark 1.4–11

Genesis 1: 1-5
Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!

Psalm 29

1 David has teh Psalm. Give cheezburger to Ceiling Cat, he iz teh l33t, give Ceiling Cat teh gl0ry An grace.
2 Give cheezburgerz to teh Ceiling Cat cuz of his name, lol, an has beautiez as u praize his name.
3 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is teh meow of teh waterz! (He has teh voice of all of teh waterz, tho kittehs DO NOT WANT water.)
4 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is purrty an powerful.
5 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked kitteh tree fall down; it maeked teh kitteh trees of Lebanon go boom.
6 He maeked dem to skip like teh bby cowz; Lebanon an Sirion like teh l33t unicornz.
7 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat parted teh fire, lol!
8 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh treez dance lyk WOAH, espeshully in Kadesh, cuz they is speshull kittehs.
9 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh hinds to calve? an discovr teh forestz of l33t! In teh litter box, lol, evry kitteh meow Ceiling Cat's glory!
10 Teh Ceiling Cat sit on teh flood (cuz little kittehs DO NOT WANT teh floodz); w00t, teh Ceiling Cat be teh Lord forevrz.
11 Teh Ceiling Cat give teh catnip to teh kittehs; teh Ceiling Cat gives teh blessings of teh catnip to his kittehs an givez dem teh peaces.

Acts 19: 1-7
Paul ins teh Ephesus

1 So Leik wen teh Apolloz wuz in teh Corinth preechin to ur doodz, Paul wuz wahlkin roun teh insaidz ov teh holay landz till he sedz "I hazent hads a cheezburger in liek fvtein menuts. Oh wait Iz in teh Ephesus! Kewl." Den Paul wuz tawlkin to teh desypuls he founded.
2 Paul wuz leik "Oh hai, yu guyz." an dey waz leik "Sup." Paul wuz liek "Srsly, yu guyz. Did yu feyl teh HovrCat wenz yu is bileev? Srsly." An teh desypulz sedz "No wai!!! Yu iz teh liyin!!! HovrCat no is!!!!"
3 Paul wuz liek "Who baptizm yu has?" an teh desypulz sedz "Him naym be John. Hez kewl."
4 An Paul sedz "Him wuz jsut siayin srry wen him dones dat. Den him wuz sedz teh Jebus wuz cummin an dat yu shuld litsen to teh Jebus.
5 Cuz Jebus be teh awsomez son ov teh Ceiling Cat!!" an teh desypulz wuz liek "Can yu learn us teh Jebus!!?" an Paul wuz liek "ya ai cans learn yu teh Jebus!"
6 Den Paul tuched teh desypulz an teh HovrCat gots insaids dem. Den teh desypulz startid shaykings an baykings an dey tawlked reel funni, liek they bited teh toastr cords.
7 An der wuz liek twelvs ov dem so wuz noizy buht wuz stil funni.

Mark 1: 4-11

4 Hiz name John. He wantz us to dunk in watr. (wtf? iz he srs?)
5 Catz let him do thiz crzy thing tho. Tehy dunk in watr. Srsly
6 John warez crzy clothez and eatz bugz (he no haz cheezburgr?)
7 He sez, "New cat come, him wai betr thn me.
8 I dunkz u with waterz but he givz u Hovr Cat. Srsly.
9 So Happy Cat, he come to John like John sez. John dunkxz Happy Cat with waterz.
10 Ceiling Cat sends Hovr Cat.
11 Ceiling Cat sez "This mai Kitteh. He roxxors an I'ze happy."

more animals

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
with Breadchick Mary and LB at The Sourdough

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
is hosted by Diamond Emerald-Eyes at Diamonds Liar
(submit your post here or via mail at festivalchaos AT gmail [dot] com)

The Carnival of the Cats
#252 - Kashim Othello and Salome
(submit your post here or via mail at carnivalofthecats AT gmail [dot] com)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

_/\_/\_