Friday, March 21, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Easter Sunday

Resurrection of Our Lord

Isaiah 25: 6-9
Psalm 114 (Ps. 114:7)
1 Corinthians 5: 6b-8
Luke 24: 13-49

1 Corinthians 5: 1-13
GTFO Bad Kitteh!

1 I hearz there is rong harblez in ur church, d00dz doin thingz even teh paganz dont do. Liek dis wun d00d is puttin harblez wif his daddi's wief. HARBLEZ NOT GO THERE!
2 N u iz all liek "O graet!" Why u not kickz him out?
3 I iz not even there but I iz wit u in spirit, so I can sez "Kickz him out!"
4 Get togethr
5 n gif dat d00d to Tacgnol so he can be saveded! Not so Tacgnol can be saveded LOL, to save dat d00d.

6 U bragz too much! U know a litl catnip maeks teh whole toi excitin.
7 Get rid of the old catnip so u can be a new toi wifout it. Datz what u iz aniwai. Bcz Christ, our babi sheep, has been sacrafiseted.
8 So letz have te feest. No old catnipz tho. It wuz bad. Just cookiez of truthz.

9 I rieted u n sez "Dont hang wif peeplz who put harblez teh wrong placez.
10 I dont meen peeplz who is not in teh church tho, dey dont know betterz.
11 But doant let dem in teh church. If sum d00d in teh church is actin bad, doant evn eat cookies wif him.

12 It iznt my jobz to juj peeplz outsied teh church. Just insidez.
13 God will juj teh wunz outsied. "Thro teh bad d00dz out"

Luke 24
Jesus comz bak

1 Teh ladiez taked sum catnip to Jesus's tomb. Thatz whear he wuz burid.
2 Teh stoen in front of it had bin movded,
3 but when dey wented in teh bodi wuz not dere.
4 Dey wuz kinda confuzed an dese two d00dz showded up. Dere clothz wuz shini liek lietnin.
5 Teh ladiez wuz all scareded but teh d00dz wuz liek "Why is u lookin for a livin d00d in teh plaec whaer teh dead d00dz iz LOL.
6 He iznt here, he got up! He told u he wuz going to.
7 He wuz liek 'I iz gonna get capshrd bai teh bad guyz an killded on teh cross an com bak to lief on teh thrd dai.' "
8 Den teh ladiez remembrd an dey wuz liek "We forgotted LOL."
9 When dey gotted bak dey telld all dis to teh elevn followrz dat wuz left.
10 Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary who wuz James's mom, an the ladiez who wuz wif dem who tellded teh stori.
11 But teh d00dz wuz liek "STFU" an didint beleev dem.
12 Peter at leest wented to teh tomb. He saw teh stripz of cloth dat Jesus had been rappted in an he wuz liek "WTF?"

Goin to Emmaus
13 Dat day a coupl of teh follorz wuz goin to Emmaus.
14 An talkin about whut had jus happnd, liek u wud expekt.
15 Whiel dey wuz talkin Jesus comd up, but he uzded majik so dey wudnt recognaiz him, like Gandalf in LOTR LOL.
17 He wuz liek "What iz u talkin about?"
Dey got all sad.
18 Wun of dem - hiz naem wuz Cleopas - wuz all "U izint from around here, iz u? Bcz u doant know whatz goin on lateli."
19 "Liek what?" sed Jesus.
"Liek dere waz dis d00d Jesus," dey sed.
20 Dey killded him on teh cross
21 an we wuz hopin he wud saev Israel. Oh an dey killded him three dayz ago.
22 Plus dis mornin sum of teh ladiez wented to teh tomb.
23 Dey didn't finded hiz bodi but dey tried to tell us dere wuz anjilz dere sayin he wuz aliev.
24 Sum of our frendz wented to teh tomb. It wuz empti but dere wuzint enni anjilz dere."
25 Jesus wuz liek "Foolz u iz actin liek n00bz.
26 Itz not liek Jesus didint explaen all dis whiel he wuz here."
27 So he explaended evrithin in the Bible about himself, from teh beginnin. Dey stil didint know who he wuz k.
28 When dey gotted near Emmaus he pritendid he wuz goin farthr.
29 But dey wuz all liek "Itz laet, u can stai wif us plz." So he did.
30 When dey hadded dinnr he taked teh cookies an sed "Thank u Ceiling Cat" an shaerd dem wif evribodi.
31 Den dey finally recognized him, so he disapperd LOL.
32 Dey wuz all, "WTF?"
33 Dey wented straet bak to Jerusalem to teh othr followrz
34 an wuz liek "Itz true! Jesus iz aliev an Simon seed him."
35 Dey tellded what had happnd.
36 OK so de dissiplez iz together, and Jesus is poof appear and liek "Peaz."
37 They is all liek "hax!"
38 Jesus iz liek "wtf nubs is me."
39 Dissiplez is liek "o rly!" and Jesus is liek "ya rly."
40 Jesus is liek "srlsly guys. chex out my handz and feetz.
41 Dey still not believe, so Jesus is liek "It can haz be food times now?"4
2 Dissiplez is liek "here haz fish"
43 Jesus is like "kkthx" and eated teh fish.
44 Jesus is liek "nubs I told joo. it was writed."
45 Den Jesus is liek "I open ur minds."
46 Jesus is liek "srsly. Iz writed teh messiah sufferz and rizez again from teh ded."
47 "Also preech peez with mah namez."
48 He is liek "u r all being teh witnesses."
49 He is liek "I haz presents, but joo needs 2 waits."
50 Den teh Jesus is liek "come out to Bethany" and he is liek "blessins on joo"
51 Wile he blesses he is liek go to heaven. srsly.
52 The disciplez is liek "praise jebus" and goes back to Jerusalems.
53 Then dey is all liek in teh templez, praisin Ceiling Cat.

Humorous Pictures
Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

We hope to have many other Holy Kitties featured this year.
Please e-mail your photo, caption and link to me at
Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging #146 Mar 22-23
is being held by Kashim & Othello at Paulchen’s
(see the week’s& host to enter your WCB post
in the comments for the weekend roundup)

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos Edition 37 • 03-23-2008
with Samantha Black and Mr. Tigger at Life from a Cat’s Perspective
They’re stepping in for Megan & Bad Kittens Three at Bad Kitty Cats Journal
who are moving and won’t have innernets. Isn’t that sooooooo nice?

• Optional Theme - Easter Edition
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats #210 is going to Chey’s Place
Sunday Evening 3/23/08
(submit your post here)

1 comment:

  1. How did you do that?!! Is that one of your photoshop pics? However you did it, COOL!


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