meeyauw

Saturday, January 15, 2011

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Isaiah 49:1-7
Psalm 40:1-11
1 Corinthians 1:1-9
John 1:29-42

Psalm 40

4 Teh Directa of Teh Music. A Psalm ov David

1 iz waiting fur teh ceiling cat; tearz is on mai cheekz an he sez "oh, hai!"
2 he lifts mi out of durty litturs box an putz me on teh kichun florr
3 he putz new meow in mai mouf, meow of praiz fo’ he. allz will see an leep an curlz up in da lap of he.
4 warm is teh cat who make he hiz lap, doez no fear teh dogz, t’ tho wo purrz to ‘tend sky hol.
5 mahni, o cat mi cat, ar teh wonderz yeh hav dun. teh th’ngz yeh plan’d fer uz no un can recon to yeh; wer mi to meow an tellz of tehm, tehy wud be too mani meowz.
6 let looze an offer’ng yeh didnz desire, buh mi nailz yeh haf clip’d; burnt ofr’ngz an s’n offer’ngz yeh didnz make rulez ov.
7 Den i sed, "her im, i has come - It written bout me in da scroll.
8 i desire 2 do ur will, o mah ceilin cat; Ur law iz within mah hart."
9 i proclaim righteousnes in da great assembly; I no seal mah lips, As u knoe, o lord.
10 i no hide ur righteousnes in mah hart; I speek ov ur faithfulnes an salvashun. I no conceal ur luv an ur truth Frum teh great assembly.
11 do not withhold ur mercy frum me, o lord; Cud ur luv an ur truth always protect me.
12 4 troublez without numbr surround me; Mah sins has overtaken me, an i cant c. They r moar than teh hairs ov mah head, An mah hart fails within me.
13 be pleezd, o lord, 2 save me; O lord, come quickly 2 halp me.
14 cud all hoo seek 2 taek mah life Be put 2 shame an confushun; Cud all hoo desire mah ruin Be turnd bak in disgrace.
15 cud dose hoo say 2 me, "aha! Aha!" Be appalld at their own shame.
16 but cud all hoo seek u Rejoice an be glad in u; Cud dose hoo luv ur salvashun always say, "teh lord be exaltd!"
17 yet im poor an needy; Cud teh lord finkz ov me. U r mah halp an mah deliverr; O mah ceilin cat, do not delay.

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1 Corinthians 1:1-9

O HAI
1 Dis is lettur frem Paul, frienz wif happy cat, an cieling cat sai hai, an mei brofer tew!
2 To de box of ceiling cat that is ovr ther wher u ar, an to all dat is bff wit happy cat and miau to him and stufz.
3 Noms and sleepz to u saiz happy cat!

THNX
4 I thnx ceiling cat fur all teh happies
5 becuz now u has lotz of cheezburgers an can miau relly cute an open dors and stufz.
6 Becuz ur srsly frienz wif happy cat
7 he saiz do awsom stufz now and he coem later.
8 He also sai dnt wurry, even if u scratch teh sofa, iz ok.
9 Ceiling cat dont run off, an he sais u an happy cat is frienz forevur!!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

John 1:29-42

Ceiling Catz Shepe Happy Cat
29 Next dai John seed Happy Cat . Sez "O hai Ceiling Catz shepe. Him fix invisibul error!!!1!
30 Tihs gai ai sed folowz me.
31 Ai washt peepz wit water (WTF??!1! Srsly) so Israel ppl no him."
32 John sez "Invisible Cat caem an stuck to him.
33 Invisibul Cat proovs
34 I seed an I no him is Ceiling Catz Kitteh!!!1!"

Happy Cat Noo Posse
35 Next dai John seed Happy Cat.
36 Sez "O hai Ceiling Catz shepe" (agin lol)
37 Hiz ppl heerd him. Tehy stalk Happy Cat.
38 Happy Cat seed tehm sed "Oh hai, sup?" They sed "Oh hay Teachr, ware ur place?"
39 Him sai ovr heer. So they chillt wit him an eated cheezburgrz.
40 Andrew was 1 those gais.
41 Andrew telled his brother Simon "Oh hai we found teh Chozen Wan. He was behind teh sofa."
42 They went to saw Happy Cat an he sed "Yu Simon. I cal yu Rocky LOL."

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Weekend Cat Events

Weekend Cat Blogging
(see the week’s& host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
(submit your post here)

Ree-purrted by KC

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Visit Kitty Limericks

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Friday, January 14, 2011

A Christmas Cactus

Schlumbergera bridgesii

We recently learned that the Christmas cactus at the library may be fifty years old. It is very large and has thick woody stems in the pot. This year the cactus bloomed for Christmas, and since I have a very small, young Christmas cactus that did not bloom, I decided to learn how to get it to bloom for next Christmas

Fortunately, the book I was currently reading, A Field Guide to the Familiar: Learning to Observe the Natural World by Gale Lawrence, has a short chapter on Christmas cactus. She says that the scientific name for the cactus is Schlumbergera bridgesii. If you search the Internet for this, you find that there are other species of plants called Christmas cactus with different scientific names. I am going to stick with her designation.

Ignoring for now the interesting information about Christmas cacti that Lawrence has in her book, I'll only quote her paragraph on getting the cactus to bloom for Christmas:

.....you must slow down your watering in September, giving your plant just enough water to keep it from shriveling and allowing it to rest for six to eight weeks. If you have a room that doesn't get used after dark in the fall, you can station the resting plant there. Otherwise you'll have to cover it each evening to assure it at least thirteen hours of uninterrupted darkness. If you can't control the light, perhaps you can manipulate the temperature. At a cool 50-55°F (10-13°C), the Christmas cactus will produce buds no matter how much light it gets.

December 3, 2010

I moved my cactus into our bedroom because it is unheated. I did not control the light and I did not moderate the temperature — and I have no blossoms. Next year I will do the right thing.

December 15, 2010

Gale Lawrence retired from UVM and developed two web sites. They have not been updated since the early 2000s, but are worth looking at. She also has links to other natural history books and sites. Visit her at The Naturalist's Almanac and Book of Days and at The Vermont Almanac. Lawrence is the author of four books and two of them are at the Barton Public Library.

My Christmas Cactus Set on Flickr

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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Two Viburnums

America Cranberrybush (Viburnum opulus var. americanum)

There are two Viburnums in the woods: the hobblebush and the highbush cranberry. They have similar, but distinctive leaves, are both shrubs and both have red berries in late summer and red leaves in the fall. Hobblebush is so plentiful in the woods that the young shoots look like ground cover and we did not identify it for months. The highbush cranberry is not as plentiful as the hobblebush but looks so similar that we became confused. John and I have finally identified each plant and sorted out the photographs of each.

Hobblebush (Viburnum lantanoides)

You can see the differences and similarities of the two species in the photos. The leaves are distinctive: the ~~hobblebush~~ highbush cranberry leaves look like maple leaves. The berries are very similar, also.

I found that Viburnum is now a popular landscaping shrub. They are from the honeysuckle family, change colors in the fall and make berries for the birds that winter with you. The USDA Natural Resources Conservation Service states "American cranberrybush is a good wildlife food and cover plant for small mammals and birds. Twigs are eaten by deer, moose and beaver. Fruits are a staple winter food for ruffed grouse and are eaten sparingly by pheasants and at least five species of songbirds. Humans find the fruit tart but edible and excellent as a preserve or sauce." The same can be said of the hobblebush, whose "branches often bend and take root, tripping or hobbling passers-by; hence its common name." (source: Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center) There are many beautiful species for all different planting zones. Some look like hydrangeas. There are over 150 species and almost all of them are in North America.

Here are links for information and photographs about these two species of Viburnum:
A great introductory gardening guide is here.
USDA American cranberrybush profile
USDA hobblebush profile
My hobblebush photos on Flickr
My American cranberrybush photos on Flickr

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Saturday, January 08, 2011

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, January 9, 2011

Sunday, January 9, 2011
First Sunday after the Epiphany

Isaiah 42:1-9
Psalm 29
Acts 10:34-43
Matthew 3:13-17

Isaiah 42:1-9

Teh Survint of Ceiling Cat

1 "Heer is mi survint, whoom I are upholdz, 
      mi choosended one in whoom I are deelite; 
      I wil putz mi Spirits on himm 
      n him wil are bringded justis 2 teh nashuns. Srsly.

2 Him are wil dont beens shouted or has a cri outt, 
      or raez him voiss in teh streetz.

3 A broosed reed he wil dont are brokded, 
      n a smolderin wik he wil dont are snuffed out. 
      In fathefulllnis he wil is bringded forf justis;

4 he wil dont aer faultered or b discurajed 
      till he are istablished justis on teh erffs. 
      In him law teh ilindz wil put der hoep."

5 dis is wat Ceiling Cat are sezed. Srsly— 
      he hoo are creatided teh hevanz n are strecheded dem out, 
      hoo spred out teh erffz n al dat aer coemed out uv it, 
      hoo givezed breff 2 its pplz, 
      n life 2 dose hoo are wok on it:

6 "I, Ceiling Cat, are has calleded u in ritechusnis; 
      I wil are taked hold ov ur hand. 
      I wil keepded u nd wil maked ur 
      2 b a cuvnint 4 teh pplz, 
      n a liet 4 teh jentilz,

7 2 opin eyz dat has a blinded, 
      2 free sum captivz from prizun 
      n 2 reelees from teh dunjun dose hoo are sitz in teh darknisz. Srsly.

8 "Ize teh LRD; dat iz meh namez! 
      I wil nott are givez meh glori 2 anuder 
      or meh praze 2 idullz. Srsly.

9 Se, teh formir tingz hav tookded place, 
      n nu tingz I are been deeclairded; 
      b4 dey aer springz intu bein 
      I are annownce dem 2 u. Srsly."

Psalm 29

1 David has teh Psalm. Give cheezburger to Ceiling Cat, he iz teh l33t, give Ceiling Cat teh gl0ry An grace.
2 Give cheezburgerz to teh Ceiling Cat cuz of his name, lol, an has beautiez as u praize his name.
3 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is teh meow of teh waterz! (He has teh voice of all of teh waterz, tho kittehs DO NOT WANT water.)
4 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is purrty an powerful.
5 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked kitteh tree fall down; it maeked teh kitteh trees of Lebanon go boom.
6 He maeked dem to skip like teh bby cowz; Lebanon an Sirion like teh l33t unicornz.
7 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat parted teh fire, lol!
8 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh treez dance lyk WOAH, espeshully in Kadesh, cuz they is speshull kittehs.
9 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh hinds to calve? an discovr teh forestz of l33t! In teh litter box, lol, evry kitteh meow Ceiling Cat's glory!
10 Teh Ceiling Cat sit on teh flood (cuz little kittehs DO NOT WANT teh floodz); w00t, teh Ceiling Cat be teh Lord forevrz.
11 Teh Ceiling Cat give teh catnip to teh kittehs; teh Ceiling Cat gives teh blessings of teh catnip to his kittehs an givez dem teh peaces.

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Acts 10

CATNELIUS IZ LIEK "I CAN HAZ PETER?"
1 At Cezarea der wuz a d00d naemd Catnelius n he wuz da "big cat" in da Regimans.
2 He n hiz famileh luvd Ceiling Cat n talkd 2 him daileh n gave cookiez to kittehs who wuz liek "I has be in need."
3 One dai durin kitteh litter time he sees sum craezy-azz vishuns.
4 Catnelius wuz liek "oh shaet LOL"
5 Teh anjul sed "Ur praers n cookiez has be a memorial offerin 2 da Ceiling Cat.
6 Now send sum peeps 2 git Simon (most catz call em Peter, idk y).
7 Ya git hiz azz ova hear."
8 Wen teh anjul lef Catnelius got 2 d00ds n a Gawd-freain soulja. H gaev em teh dirt on Ceiling Cat n send em 2 Joppa.

TEH TRIPPEH VIJUNS OF PETER
9 Teh nex dai Peter wuz talkn 2 Ceiling Cat on teh roof.
10 Den he sez "I has hunger n I want sumtin 2 eatz."
11 He saw a big sheet like peepz hav on deir bedz.
12 It has animulz on its wit teh 4 feetz.
13 Den a voice (Ceiling Catz I think) sez 2 Pete, "Git up, Peter. Can has cheezburger."
14 Peter sez, "uh-uh, Loard, I dont eatz teh unclaen."
15 Den God wuz piszed n hes liek, "Do not call teh cheezburger unclaen dat I has made claen."
16 Repeat step 13-15 three tiemz.
17 While Petey wuz wunderin bout teh vishunz, sum d00ds is stopped at teh gaet.
18 "Haysup," dey sez, "Were iz Simon (most catz call em Peter but idk why)?"
19 Whiel Pete wuz still thinkin, Ceiling Cat sez "Hay, 3 d00ds r lookin 4 u.20 Git yo azz up n go downstaers."
21 Peter went downstaers n sed "Wut do u want."
22 Dey sez, "We has come from Catnelius da "big cat" from teh Regimans. He iz teh right-ness God-freain d00d. Da Ceilin Cat made uz come get u."
23 Den Pete invite dem 2 hiz litterbox, thx!

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Matthew 3:13-17

Happy Cat gets Water Baf!
13 Den Happy Cat caem from Garary, to has water baf from John
14 But John was all "Ur doin it rong, j00 needz to water baf me"
15 And Happy Cat sayed "STFU and gib to me water baf n00b" and John did.
16 Wen he was gived water baf he gtfo of teh water and, ZOMG, teh ceilinz opened up and Hover Cat caem down liek a duv and landeded on him
17 And, ZOMFGWTF, a voice from heven sayed "Hai guise, dis my son, and I tink he teh 1337."

Weekend Cat Events

Weekend Cat Blogging
#292 Jan 8-9 Kashim, Othello and Salome
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
#356 – Billy SweetFeets
(submit your post here)

Ree-purrted by KC

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

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Monday, January 03, 2011

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for January 2, 2011

Sunday, January 2, 2011
Jeremiah 31:7-14 or
Sirach 24:1-12
Psalm 147:12-20 or
Wisdom of Solomon 10:15-21
Ephesians 1:3-14
John 1:(1-9), 10-18

Psalm 147

1 Praise Ceiling Cat! Happyz for Ceiling Kitteh is full of win; feelz good, yeah; he deeservs it.
2 Ceiling Cat builds big house: wit lotza cheezburgers n beds n no goggies. Den he bring all teh little kittehs insydez n sez: "Heer, Ai madez dis and gibs dis to you."
3 Dere, dere, not cry, Ceiling Kitteh cleans your boo-boo n givz cookie. lickedy-lick, sad hooman has flavr.
4 All the starz, they iz mine! They called what Ceiling Cat calls'em. Ceiling Kitteh calls'em starz: "mine!"
5 Ceiling Kitteh is allova the ceilling, and seeeeeeeez you dancing.
6 Ceiling Cat lifting heavy sad ppls, but teh ebils no can haz yummy noms.
7 Sing for Ceilling Kitty, hooman, give him bellyrubs; sing and dance, and give moar bellyrubs.
8 He refillz deh cookie platez n makes hoomins buy moar cheezburger.
9 He give noms to da moo cows & deh lowd birdies too.
10 Ceiling kitty no impressed by horseys or strong doods, srsly.
11 Dah Ceiling Cat lovz all kittehs who haz fear of him, And who knowz dat Ceiling Cat haz srs lovez.
12 Praize dah Ceiling Cat, Kittehs.
Praize dah Ceiling Cat, Hoomans.
13 Cauze he keeps the bad goggies outsyd n makez dah houze saefr, and givez Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Committehs as gifts.
14 An he givez peece to dah couch, an sendz the bezt of cheezburger to hiz kittehs.
15 Wen he meows or purrz, aminals n hoomins listin.
16 He putz comfy bwankets on teh bed n chuzes da preety colorz in teh houzes.
17 Ceiling Cat maek pillow avalanch cuz no kitteh lieks teh real sno.
18 He sez wen it nyce outside and wen it time for noms.
19 Ceiling Kitteh sez to all deh kittehs be nice to goggie and hoomins n luvs him n all uthr kittehs.
20 Da kittehs r speshul cuz he 'splains dis to dem. Praise Ceiling Kitty and give gushi foods.

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Ephesians 1:3-14

Free stuf frum teh Ceiling Cat
3 Luv teh Ceiling Cat nd Jesus dat givez us teh free stuf.
4 Teh Ceiling Cat pikded us to be teh holey nd gud kittehs.
5 Ceiling Cat adopps uz as teh kittehs thru Jesus cuz he wants to,
6 nd givz us teh Jesus, who he luvs lots.
7 Jesus lets us off teh hook 4 arr invisible errorz.
8 No end of teh good cuz Ceiling Cat has teh brainz.
9 He tellz us evrythin we needs to kno abt, cuz he wantd 2.
10 Nd wen teh time is rddy, its will awl be in wun cookie bag with teh nam uv Jesus awn it.

11 A plan- Ceiling Cat haz it, and choosded us for it. He knos wat hes doin. Srsly.
12 This wai teh Jew kittehs maek Ceiling Cat happy nd they gets saved,
13 nd nao evry1 else has teh life saved 2. We is addoptd 4 real nao, like he promisd.
14 Ceiling Cat buys us so we can has gud stuf.

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John 1:(1-9), 10-18

Teh Cat Macro Becamded Flesh
1 In teh beginz is teh meow, and teh meow sez "Oh hai Ceiling Cat" and teh meow iz teh Ceiling Cat.
2 Teh meow an teh Ceiling Cat iz teh bests frenz in teh begins.
3 Him maeks alls teh cookies; no cookies iz maed wifout him.
4 Him haz teh liefs, an becuz ov teh liefs teh doodz sez "Oh hay lite."
5 Teh lite iz pwns teh darks, but teh darks iz liek "Wtf."
6 And teh Ceiling Cat haz dis otehr man; his naem iz John.
7 He tellz teh ppl dat teh lites is tehre, so dat teh doodz mite bleev"
8 Him wuz not teh lite; he jsut sez teh lites is tehre.
9 Teh tru lite ov lotz of lite wuz comes, k?
10 He iz liek, "Oh hai, I mades u," but teh wurld duznt sees him.
11 He iz comes to his stuffs, but his stuffs sez "Do not want!"
12 And sum guyz did want, and sez "Teh Ceiling Cat pwns," and deez guyz iz liek his kidz—
13 But not liek reel kidz, k? Iz liek teh Ceiling Cats kidz.
14 Teh cat macro comez dwn frm Ceiling (omg) and he is lives wif us. We is sees teh glorie taht is frum teh one n only; him come from teh dad wif teh grace and teh truth.
15 John is liek "Oh hai" becuz uf him. He sez "OMG tihs guy iz teh one taht is comes after me him iz bettr becuz him comes frst, k?"
16 Becuz is a lotz of grayce we can has cheezburgers.
17 Moses is liek "Hay I has teh lawz"; Jebus is has teh grayce and teh trooth.
18 Ceiling Cat is Invisible, but teh one n only (him is wif Ceiling Cat) is liek "Hay look."

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Weekend Cat Events

Weekend Cat Blogging
#291 Dec 29-31 New Year’s Edition: Pam at Sidewalkshoes
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
#355 – Nikita Cat
(submit your post here)

Ree-purrted by KC

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Visit Kitty Limericks

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Sunday, December 26, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, December 26, 2010

First Sunday after Christmas Day
Sunday, December 26, 2010

Isaiah 63:7-9
Psalm 148
Hebrews 2:10-18
Matthew 2:13-23

Isaiah 63:7-9

Praize an prayr
7 Im gonna tell ov teh kindnesez ov teh lord, Teh deedz 4 which he iz 2 be praisd, Accordin 2 all teh lord has dun 4 usâ€” Yez, teh lotz da gud things he has dun 4 da houz ov israel, Accordin 2 his compashun an lotz da kindnesez.
8 He sed, "surely they r mah peeps, Sons hoo will not be false 2 me"; An so he became their savior.
9 In all their distres he 2 wuz distresd, An teh angel ov his presence savd them. In his luv an mercy he redeemd them; He liftd them up an carrid them All teh dais ov old.

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Psalm 148

Prais four Ceiling Cat cuz Him Agsepshunilee Cool
1 Prais teh Ceiling Cat! Prais teh Ceiling Cat, SRSLY! {{verse wai iz yuz no praising yet? }}
2 Prais Him an awl Him angles; {{verse yuz srsly get praising riet nao }}
3 Prais Him,

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Hebrews 2:10-18

10 Inn bwingen manee kittehs tah gloary, its watz fitin dat Ceiling Cat, who haz maids evahweefi, shuld purrfekt salfaeshun bie sufahwen.
11 Dee kittehs dat maek dem kittehs holey an dah kittehs dat arr maid holey arr inz dah saem famawee. Soo Jebus no iz ashaimd tah call dem bwoatas.
12 Him sayzes, "Ai willz say my naim tah mi kittehs; en dah pwescense of dah kittehs ai wilz sing yuz prayzes."
13 An agan, "Ai willz puts my twast en hims." An agan himz says, "Hee am ai, an dah kittehs Ceiling Cat haz given tah mee."
14 Sinz dah kittehs haf furr n taylz, dey mae awso shware en beein kittehs so dat bi der defs dey mae destwoy dah Basement Cat hoo howdz dah powah of def
15 an fwee dah kittehs hoo arr en caiges bi der feerz of def.
16 Foe hims no hewps dah birdcats, buh Abraham's kittehs.
17 Caz of dis himz hads tah bee maid liek us kittehs en evahwee way, so dats hims may bee ah faiful kitteh tah Ceiling Cat, an dat himz mite atoan fur dee invisible errors of dah kittehs.
18 Caz him himzself sufahd wen himz wah temptaed, hims iz abah tah helpz dose hoo arr bein temptaed. Srsly!

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Matthew 2:13-23

scaping to teh ejiptz0rz
13 And wen dey were gone teh hover d00dz of teh Ceiling Cat appeareded to Jozif and sayed "Hai, get up nao, and taek kitlin and mudder into Eejippt0rz, and stay dere till I sez, cos Herrot is lukin for teh kitlin and him gonna pwn him!"
14 And him got up and taeked Happy Cat and him mundder into Eejippt0rz at nait:
15 and stayed dere til Herrot was "lol *dead*", so ting wud be liek teh profet sayed wen he sayed "Out of Eejippt0rz I done called mah son"
16 B4 he dyd, Herrot, wen he saw teh wies men was lollin at him, was rlly ticked, so him goed owt and pwned all teh kitlins dat woz in Beetleham, and teh beaches round dere, dat was under 2, cuz teh kitlin he waanted to pwn was dat age.
17 Dat was teh way teh profet Jer-Mewer sayed
18 In Romma dere was a mew herd, crine vaerdy sadly, Raychul crine for her kitlins, and wud not be comfortd, cuz dey iz gon.

Da return to teh Nazref
19 But wen Herrot wuz "lol *dead*", and hover d00d frm Ceiling Cat came to Joezif in a dreen
20 sayin "Hai, j00 can go hoem nao, Herrot am dead, lol"
21 And him went home to Izreal wit teh kitlin and him mudder.
22 But wen him herd dat Archie'lolz was n00b king nao afer him dad Herrot, him was scaerdy to go dere; also, Ceiling Cat sed, "hai, joo dreemin, but n00b king still wantz pwn joo." So him went Gallalee insted:
23 and him moved into Nazref, so teh profets wud be rite wen dey sed "Ppl gonna call him a Nazreem"

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Saturday, December 25, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Christmas Day, 2010

Christmas Day 2010

Isaiah 62:6-12
Psalm 97
Titus 3:4-7
Luke 2:(1-7), 8-20

Isaiah 62:6-12

.6 I has postd watchmen on ur walls, o jerusalem; They will nevr be silent dai or nite. U hoo call on teh lord, Giv yourselvez no rest,
7 An giv him no rest till he establishez jerusalem An makez her teh praize ov teh earth.
8 Teh lord has sworn by his rite hand An by his mighty arm: "nevr again will i giv ur grain As fud 4 ur enemiez, An nevr again will foreigners drink teh new wine 4 which u has toild;
9 Butt dose hoo harvest it will eat it An praize teh lord, An dose hoo gathr teh grapez will drink it In da courts ov mah sanctuary."
10 Pas thru, pas thru teh gatez! Prepare teh wai 4 da peeps. Build up, build up teh highway! Remoov teh stonez. Raize bannr 4 da nashuns.
11 Teh lord has made proclamashun 2 teh endz ov teh earth: "say 2 teh daughtr ov zion, C, ur savior comez! C, his reward iz wif him, An his recompense accompaniez him. "
12 They will be calld teh holy peeps, Teh redeemd ov teh lord; An u will be calld sought aftr, Teh city no longr desertd.

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Psalm 97

1 ceiling cat rools! Woot!
2 clouds n darkness be around himz laik he's on fire.
3 teh fire splodes in front of him and pwns his enemies
4 hiz lazor eyes shine light n make earthquaikes!
5 he uzes them to vaporize mountianz
6 even teh ceiling thinks he'z cool and teh peoplz liek him too
7 no want other kittehs. Only Ceiling Cat.

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Titus 3:4-7

4 But then Ceiling Cat came
5 An saveded us by peein teh Holy Spirit, maid fuzzyz wet, oh noes, do not want! An just cos he felt laik it, k?
6 Oh an Baby Jesus made lotz Holy Spirit come out, but did not eated it.
7 This meanz might live forevers tho, so not just wet furz for nothing.

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Luke 2:(1-7), 8-20

Jeebus iz bornd
1 'Roun dis tiyem, Agustis Seezr wuz like, "I can has sensus?"
2 ('Coz while Quirinius was Teh Boz of Syria, is invisible sensus!)
3 And all teh doodz went home for teh saying, "I iz heer!"
4 So Joseph went from Naz'reth to Judeeah to Bethlehemm whar David wuz borned, 'coz David wuz hiz graete-graete gran-daddie,
5 An Mary went wif him, 'coz she was gonna be married wif him an she had Jeebus n her tummy oven.
6 When they wuz ther, it wuz time for teh kittn to be borned.
7 it wuz a boy, so he wuz wrapd in blanket like burrito an placd him in fud dish (srsly!), cuz innkeeper wuz liek, no room here kbai!

Sheep-doodz n Angels
8 Then there wuz sheep-doods in teh field, an they wuz watchin teh sheep in teh dark. Iz vry vry boring. srsly.
9 An suddenly, visible angel! An glory! O noez!!
10 But teh angel sed, "DONT AFRAID OF ENYTHING! it r ok, you can has gud news for all teh doodz!
11 Todai in da city ov David, you can has sayvur! is Christ da Lord! w00t!
12 Iz sign fer u, find da kitteh wrapd like brrito in a big fud dish."
13 An suddenly, moar angelz! They sez,
14 "w00t to teh Ceiling Cat! An peace fer doodz he luffs! Kthxbai."
15 An when da angelz go invisible again, sheep-doodz sed, "sweet, nao we find teh brrito-baybee sayvur!"
16 So dey left da sheeps (sheeps r vry borng) and found Joe an Mary and da baybee in da fud dish.
17 An when dey saw it wuz baybee an not brrito, they told evrywun he wuz kewl,
18 An all teh doodz who herd were lyke, "neat-o brrito!"
19 An Mary wuz lyke, "o rly?"
20 Teh sheep-doodz sed, "Yay fer Ceiling Cat! Was not invisible brrito!"
21 On dai numbah 8 fr Jeebus's laif, it wuz tiem 2 circumcize him (iz laik getting fixd and naemd an stufs). Joseph wantd to call him George or Nathan or sumthin liek tht, but Mary wuz liek STFU we iz callen him Jeebus, coz Gabriowl sed tht wuz hiz naem an also coz we dont has naimz liek Billy Bob yet.

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Friday, December 24, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Christmas Eve 2010

Christmas Eve, Friday, December 24, 2010

Isaiah 9:2-7
Psalm 96
Titus 2:11-14
Luke 2:1-14, (15-20)

Isaiah 9

1 Mai proffercy, let me show you it. Iz gonna be awright. Fr Galileliliee anyways.
2 Cats that iz in dark haz evn bettah nihgt vizhun than befoar.
3 Cookies an cheezburgrs everywhrs!
4 Midian no can haz cheezburgrs.5 Evry warryuh's boot wll be burntd so no mre kickng cats, lol.
6 We haz boy kitteh yay lol!! Him wll haz governanmnt an wll be calld d00d, l33t, Ceiling Cat, leadr of the littah, teh most effectual Top Cat lol.
7 Hims governanenemnt wll get biggah an biggah an him wll sit on David's thron cushions forevah. Srsly. Ceiling Cat sayz.

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Psalm 96

1 Ceiling cat want nyoo song, k? So all teh kittehs be sings to him.
2 So sings to Ceiling Cat an sez he ful of win. And speekz his win for daze an daze.
3 An tel uther kittehs he reel gud, k? His win wiv all kines of kittehs.
4 Cos Ceiling Cat is gud! An you say he gud, k? Haz moar scary and fierce than uther kittehs!
5 Ceiling Cat is only reel Ceiling Cat! An he maeks Ceiling.
6 All nice thingz be befoar him, an hiz haus be big an tuff.
7 Yoo be folowin Ceiling Cat kittehs, k? Yoo be sez, 'he haz a strong, an he haz a glory!'.
8 So yoo sez Ceiling Cat is OSSAM, k? Yoo maeks him cookie an not eatz it for when see him, k?
9 Be sayin nice things bout Ceiling Cat, an be 'Oh Noes! Ceiling Cat be fwightning!'.
10 An tel uther kittehs he in charge, k? Urf is heer now, an is stuck, liek kitteh stuck in sofa. Ceiling Cat sez 'Yoo iz gud kitteh' or 'Yoo is bad kitteh'.
11 An let the Ceiling an Urf haz a happy! Let waterz and lolruses maek noizes!
12 An let garden haz a happy, an fings in garden (exept doggiez), an trees an fings in trees.
13 An all be sings to Ceiling Cat, cos he be comes to sez 'GOOD KITTEH' or 'BAD KITTEH' to all kittehs in Urf.

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Titus 2:11-15

11 Cos Ceiling Cat's pwr is savin us an everyone knows it, so tehre.
12 So dont do bad stuffs or has teh bad secks, and stay off teh catnipz for now
13 Cos then Baby Jesus might turn up on his invisible bike an bring cheezburgrs!
14 An you know he dedded for us, so we owez him, kthxbye.
15 So tehre.

Luke 2:1-14, (15-20)

Our cat, our Xmas tree, & time-lapse from Griffin Hammond on Vimeo.

Weekend Cat Events

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
#290 Dec 24-26 Christmas Edition: Jules and Vincent at Judi’s Mind Over Matter
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
#354 – Nikita Cat
(submit your post here)

Ree-purrted by KC

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