meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, 10/10/10

Friday, October 08, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, 10/10/10

Sunday, 10/10/10

Jeremiah 29:1, 4-7
Psalm 66:1-12
2 Kings 5:1-3, 7-15c
Psalm 111
2 Timothy 2:8-15
Luke 17:11-19

Jeremiah 29:1, 4-7

1. Dis teh text of letur frum prophit Jeremiah to survivin eldurz frum amung exilz an priests, profits and all peepul Nebuchidnezur carryed to exile to Babylon.

2. Dis wuz after King Jehoiachin and queen mother, court offishulz and other ppl go to exilz.

3. Elasah son uv Shapan an Gemariah son uv Hilkiah sez: "I can haz letter?" An Jeremiah sez, "yes u can haz letter." Elasah and Gemariah gots letter, go to Nebuchadnezzar for Zedekiah king of Judah. Letter sez:

4. "Dis wut Ceiling Cat sez to exilez.

5. U can haz houses! U can haz gardenz and cheezburgr, and u can eated cookys.

6. U can haz babiez, u can haz wedding, so u can haz moar babiez. Haz lotz moar of babies, no can haz less babiez.

7. Pray to Ceiling Cat that Babylon can haz moar cheezburgrz; if Babylon haz cheezburgrz, u get moar cheezburgr, too."

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Psalm 66

1 Purr to teh Ceiling cat, O urf
2 Meow hims naem laik u meanz it
3 Tellz teh Ceiling Cat, "U r teh pwnz, Srsly!
4 evrybody lowerz himz tail in rspekt fur uz dey al seyz uz a rly graet doodz"
{{verse |5=Haz u seen al teh awsumage of teh Ceiling Cat? him haelps al teh kittehs |
6=Him splitzed teh see wen teh DO NOT WANT!!1! en teh Izrelites walkd on teh grownd. Us shood meow himz good naem |
7=wif himz pwnage him r owner ob teh wurld himz ais r big laik it were nait, him sees bof teh ninja kittehs en pirate kittehs |
8=givez teh Ceiling Cat many blessins, al kettehs |
9=he holdz our kitteh soulz in ar nine kitteh livez |
10=fowr yew, ouwr Ceiling Cat, haz proved'ed us |
11=Ceiling Cat broughtz us kittehs into teh cage; |
12=yew dint cause otha kittehs to steal our cheezburgerz |
13=we wull cum intew youwr cage wit scratched'ed offerin's |
14=which al kitteh's whiskers purred |
15=i willz offerz yew some burned'ed cheezburgerz and cookiez |
16=come an hearz all yew that get scared'ed at Ceiling Cat

funny pictures-I sat there on my couch, looking up at the stars and the moon, and at that point I wondered, "Where the hell is my ceiling?!?"

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2 Kings 5:1-3, 7-15c

Naaman gawt melty face

1 So dere wuz diz guy Naaman, he wuz liek mastah of teh Syreean kings armay. Him had teh graetnez and teh honorz cuz Ceiling Cat gief him dese, him wuz also nyce but omg him haev a melty face LOLZ!!!
2 Meanwhile dem Syreeans went out in ur Israil steelin ur wumun to be slayve for teh wyf of teh Naaman guy
3 Teh slayve was liek "sum guy in Samareeya cud toetlay figz ur melty face dood, kthxbai"
4 So her told teh guy Naaman wha her told teh wyf
5 An teh king wuz liek "lol, srsly go see teh guy an ai wriet lettah so teh otha king iz cool" so him wented an tooked sum Cheezburgrz and lots of stuf to waer liek hatz
6 So he tooked teh lettah to tha Israil king an wuz liek "now u plz fikz mai melty face kthxbai"
7 Teh Israil king wuz liek "wtf? ai iz no Ceiling Cat an u haf made me rip my clothz a bit"
8 Tehn tha holey man Elisha herded teh king has ripd his clothz a bit and wuz liek "o hai omahghad ai tell u of teh prafet guy who can figz teh melty face"
9 Naaman went to see diz Elisha at him place an wuz all up him frunt dor waitn fur him wif him hors
10 Elisha jez told him, him shud clean in teh rivah and him wud be srsly supar.
11 But Naaman was liek wtf? him dunt want to spaek to me? ai tauht him wud be all liek "Ceiling Cat fix tha melty guy MEOW plz"
12 Him wuz liek "i can has rivah at hoem why ai com heer to wash? noob"
13 But hiz doodz wer liek "u shud wash, srsly"
14 So him washded in teh rivah an wuz liek "omahghad ai haz been cureded of teh mewlty face"
Gehazi beein nice, u doin it wrong
15 Him wen to teh guy and wuz liek "Elisha ur mai tru Ceiling Cat for reel i hart u an gief u Cheezburgrz"

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Psalm 111

1 Praize teh Ceiling Cat! iz gunna say gud stuff abowt Ceiling Cat in da police stashun and teh mayors office.

2 Ceiling Cat haz made some really awsum stuffs, peepls cumz frum all ovah just to gawk at dem.

3 Everyting He duz is awsum, and He's good forevah.

4 You can't ferget all his awsumness, Ceiling Cat always shares his cookies.

5 He gives cheezburgerz to peeps who respekt him, he keeps his dealz.

6 Everybodee can see just how l33t he is, he fourcloses a guys houze and gives it to his peepz.

7 He always goes around doin good,and his rulez r00l.

8 Even the r00lin rulez are make in a r00lin style.

9 He bailed out his peepz, he keeps his promises forevah.

10 Gettin smart starts wit respekt fer Ceiling Cat, followin his r00lz makes u smart. Props to him forevah!

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2 Timothy 2:8-15

8 Dun furget Jebus, razed frum ded, gransun uv DavidCat.
9 Ai hav long dais n cage wif no cheezburger. But, werdz ov Ceiling Cat no in cage.
10 Ai b gud kitteh, so otehrs can hav grayz frum Jebus.
11 heeyer iz a fing dat iz trustwurvy
ifs weez iz killeded wiv Ceiling Cat
weez is gonna liv wiv him in da ceiling wiv da cookys.
12 ifs weez iz not givin in
weez will awzo b big n scarewy and pokz pplz.
ifs weez iz dissn cieling cat
him will b dissn weez.
13 ifs weez iz fayfless
hims will still b fayfful
coz him canot b dissn himzelf. Srsly.
14 we haz 2 remember dis. not fer cookies, but fer teh cheezburgerz.

funny pictures-dis gud time to take ur soles?

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Luke 17:11-19

Da Ten Lepurrs

11 Jebus wuz walkin to Jeroosalum wit his lolcats, and dey were sumwhere round Samareea and Galilee.
12 As deh Jebus and deh lolcats wuz walkin, 10 itchee grose kittehs came. (Dey was calld lepurrs becuz dey had lepurrsee.) But dey didn’t get 2 close to deh lolcats bc dey noo dey were sik.
13 Deh lepurr kittehs said, “Jebus, hep r itcheez pleez?”
14 Jebus saw dem, and sed “Hai! I maded u all bettur now! Go show da vet, k?” And deh lepurr kittehs felt bettur!
15 Wun of deh was-lepurr-now-bettur kittehs did not go strate to deh vet, but insted went 2 Jebus.
16 Dat kitteh rold over and showd Jebus his tummeh, and sed “Tank u!” Dis kitteh was a Samaritun kitteh.
17 Den Jebus sed to hem, “I thot I heeld ten of u lepurr kittehs. Ten minus wun is nien, no?
18 So how come der only b dis Sarmaritun kitteh tankin me?”
19 And 2 da tankful kitteh, Jebus sed, “Go play wid ur toyz now, and ly in da sun. Ur fayth made u bettur!”