meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, October 3, 2010

Saturday, October 02, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, October 3, 2010

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Lamentations 1:1-6
Lamentations 3:19-26 or Psalm 137

Habakkuk 1:1-4; 2:1-4

Psalm 37:1-9

2 Timothy 1:1-14

Luke 17:5-10

Lamentations 1:1-6

1 Oh noes! Kitteh is lonelyz cuz no mor peoplez. Kitteh like ladee with no boyfriendz. Kitteh wuz awsm, wuz princess citeh, now is lame.
2 Kitteh cryz!!11! Tearz is on cheekz. Kitteh haz no friendz cuz they stole her cheezbrgr.
3 Judah is exile cuz of teh bad stuffz. Out with teh nationz, no sleep for Judah! Pursuerz follows Kitteh into box!1!
4 Zion roadz is sad cuz nobdy likes them. Gatez iz emtiez. Preests iz complains. Girlz is sad while Kitteh iz sad.
5 Bad Kittehs in charge. Ceiling Cat iz angry cuz Kitteh wuz bad Kitteh. Beh beh kittehs in trouble now.
6 Daughter of Zion haz no splendors. Her princez r liek maisez w no cheezbrgrz and bein chased!

funny pictures-My plan to dominate the world has been put on hold for *now*

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Lamentations 3:19-26

19 I memer lif wit no bukkits or catnipz, no noms or bellyrubs.
22 Teh Ceiling Cat's compashuns no has FAILS! and he has grate luvs.
24 I sez to myself, I sez self, "Yu no run out of happy. Wayt pashuntly for the Ceiling Cat!
25 Teh Ceiling Cat givs bukkits to teh kittehs hoo has hoaps and hoo plays hyd and seeks wif him.
26 It iz gud to wayt foar teh Ceiling Cat to send HALP.

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Peeplez by the riverz n stuff..

Psalm 137
Sadness of t3h banned peeples.

1 Kthx fer teh fluids of Babylon

we were all like, n0000000001!11!!
when we faut back bout Zion
2 On top of the popler tr33z we putz r instrumentz of happieneez.
3 Den der Kardcapters inquireed us
bout the wurdz of mah mp3s, which i notted used limewire fer!
Den teh FCC was said, "LOL j00 suX0r, plox give back!"
4 But den I saided to dems,
"Howz will i listen to mah mp3z bout Ceiling Cat when you take ems? It's not gonna werk."

5 If I forget about that Ceiling Panel, my hands will splode,
6 Mah tongue will splode, 'swell if i ferget bout j00, oh my tea Ceiling Cat.
cause if i ferget, i r t3h suck.

7 lol, dont fergetz, Ceiling Cat, against the n00bz on that day,
they wer all leik, "LOL weez gunna pwn j00!1!111 Level 3!"
8 uber h4x3r Babylon, j0o pwnxor,
gimme sum buffz cuz i gaved j00 that wun when i wuz a noob.
9 Happiez r t3h babiez of t3h peoplez,
den dey smash teh babiez 'gainst t3h rocks, kay?

funny pictures-Bad Idea: Agreeing to play a game of Monopoly with Basement Cat for your eternal soul.

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Habakkuk 1:1-4; 2:1-4

Habakkuk
1 Teh orakul dat Habakkuk teh prophet gotzted.
Habakkuk sez
2 OHAITHAR Ceiling CAt, why u be ignorin me?
3 ur all liek, "violenz n haterz, let me show you dem"
4 ther4, u suck. luv, Habakkuk

1 Me goes on meh chimneys and waits for Ceiling Cat. He ansurz aftr while about I said... and might taeks meh cheezburgers
CEILING CAT'S answer
2 So Ceiling Cat sez: "Here's a tablet, makes it with big pawz so other kittehs can see, k?"
3 "I knoes u be waitin 4 da revelashun, but these things take time. hez comin tho, u wait." (Check back of book if u can't wait)
4 "And chekz it out, k. The kitteh with big thinks about hizself... hiz fur iz not so fluffy, srsly! But, the good kittehs haz the nine lives cuz dey the trust Ceiling Cat."

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Psalm 37

1 Nevr be scarrd of teh poochez not wunce!! Nevr nvy tehm or nuttin eethr. Wat does teh poochez hav thta u dont, drul? lol.

2 teh pooches jus gnna die enywy. not thta scarry rly lol.

3 Ceiling Cat nvr mak kitteh scard. U can trst Ceiling Cat. Jst be gud kthx.

4 Teh Ceiling Cat maeks u happeh kitteh, rite? Be happeh cuz teh Ceiling Cat sez u can has cheezburger ifs u iz happeh SRSLY!!

5 Follw Ceiling Cat an trst him. Wen u doez, u can wtch teh Ceiling Cat do all kindz uf stufs (liek clean teh litr bockz lol).

6 He'll pul out yoar goodedness liek teh litez an justize liek teh werm n00n-tiem sunz.

7 HAY!!!! stop fijiting!!! Jst sit stil undr Ceiling Cat and wate for him, k? Yoar al liek "OMG WAAAAATT?!?! TEH POOCHEZ GET MILK BONE?!?! WAI?! TEH ARE BADEST POOCH!!!" Dnt wrry bout it, k?!!

8 Dn't get mad, get Glad, k? OMG STOP FIJITING!!! WAI R U CAN HAZ FEER?! Yoar jus gnna end up bad liek teh poochez if youz keepz hazin teh feerz liek thta!

9 Teh poochez is gnna be put owtside teh houz, but teh gud kittez who is sitz undr teh Ceiling Cat will can has cheezburger.

10 Any tiem now teh meen poochez an bad kittez is will be far awai. Yool be al liek "OMG!! WAIR!! WAIR TEH POOCHEZ GO?!?! HEREZ TEH DGGY BED, BUT NO POOCH!!" an tehn yool look rellah hard at teh dggy bed, but teh pooch stil wont be ther an yool be liek "OMG!!! NO POOCH NOT WUN!!!"

11 And teh meek will be in yor houz, deliting in abundnt peece.

12 Rite now, teh poochez is maeks plans aginst kittehs an sumtiems thay is woof at tehm,

13 but Ceiling Cat lols and rofls at teh poochez, cuz thay is will be PWND.

14 Teh poochez git ready to biet inicent kittenz thta has thin tummyz an mattid furrz. Teh poochez is planz to kil teh gudd kittehs!! NOES!!

15 Dnt be wrry!! Teh poochez slip up an biet thayre own face!! Then teh poochez tooths is wil fall owt! An thayl be liek "OH NOES! MAH FACE!!" but thay wnt can has tooths so thayl be liek "BO DOESH!! BAI BASHE!!".

16 Its wai bettr to haz a littl cat fuud an be a gud kitteh tahn to be liek a pooch an can haz lotza treets an Milk Bones.

17 Cuz teh poochez facez an legz wil git PWND, an Ceiling Cat will eated thayr cookiez, but Ceiling Cat does not eated teh gudd kittehs cookiez.

18 Da Ceiling Cat nos all da days of da gud kittehs and he will giv dem lotsa gud stuffs foreber.

19 Wen da bad stuffs happen dey be fine; wen daers no noms dey haz lotsa cheezburgerz.

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2 Timothy 1:1-14

1 Paul, homie of Jeebus becuz Ceiling Cat sed so, talkin bout cheezburgers frum Jeebus,
2 O hai Timothy! Ur teh awesumz. Graysez, mercies, piece of cheezburgers frum Ceiling Cat and Jeebus, f'realz.
3 I sez to Ceiling Cat "KTHX!" cuz so didz mah ansesster kittehs n stuff, and Im alwayz thinkin boutchoo night n' dai;
4 I'm all like "Whar you beez?" all sad n stuffz cuz I beez filled with feelingz of cheezburgerz if I seez u;
5 So like ur momz Eunice and ur grandmomz Lois? U gotz teh same fayth in teh Ceiling Cat as dey do. Like zogm f'realz.
6 And like if u putz on my pawz, u gotz teh samez power of teh Ceiling Cat as I doez. Er sumfing.
7 Cuz Ceiling Cat dun make us skurred; he give us powerz, lurves, kurrege, n cheezburgers dont forget those LOL.
8 O hay, don't beez all skurred n stuff fer beleafin in Ceiling Cat er me in mah litterbox. Totes partakez in teh rotten cheezburgers of teh Ceiling Cat's werdz cuz he's all like "CUZ I SED SO LOLZ!"
9 Ceiling Cat wuz like "o hay, u thar, I be callin u, yea u!" not becuz we do speshul tings, but becuz he sed so wai b4 dere wuz kittehs or cheezburgers.
10 So Jeebus is rollin up in hurr and he be bringin cheezburgers 4evarz fer all kittehs.
11 So like cuz of all dis I'm gonna say sum tingz. U can call me Apossal! I teach teh Gentilez.
12 Sumtymz I goez without cheezburgers but is aight. Ceiling Cat got mah bak. Srsly.
13 Im sayin sound stuffz here, k? Jeebus agreez. Don't be hatin.
14 Don't give awai ur cheezeburgers. Jus in case Holey Ghosty over herr keep lookout on dem, k?

funny pictures-Basement cat engages cloaking device

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Luke 17:5-10

5 Den de lolcats sed, “Jebus, we r still confyusd! sho us how ta git mor fayth, k?”
6 Jebus sed, “If u kittehs be havin even a tinee kibbul of fayth, u can be growin a hole kibbul tree and tellin it wher ta stand!
7 Haipothetikal kwestshun: if u had a hyred kitteh hooz job it wuz to be doin ur workingz, u expect him to b doin the workinz he wuz hyred for, rite?
8 Hyred kitteh getz deh kibbulz after he is dun working, not before.
9 In udder wurdz, if he duz ur workingz, then hez just duin what hez suppozd ta do, not anyfing supurr speshul.
10 U kittehs r like Ceiling Cat’s hyred workingz kittehs. He expeks u ta b doin workz for him, becuz thatz what u wuz hyred to do!”

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