Saturday, January 26, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Third Sunday After Epiphany

Third Sunday after Epiphany
Isaiah 9:1-4
Psalm 27:1, 4-9
(Ps. 27:1)

1 Corinthians 1:10-18
Matthew 4:12-23

These are the verses of today's lectionary readings that have been translated:

Psalm 27
Of David.

1 Oh, hai! CEILING CAT is my cheezburgr.
who i iz scard of?
CEILING CAT is my kitteh bed—
who i iz scard of ffs?

2 Wen skript kidehs DOS me
to nok me offline
when trols n lusers atak me w/ teh BFG,
tehy wil trip on it.

3 If a crew raid me,
I not chikn;
even if tehy stole my bike,
i stil rulz!

4 One thing I askz 4, O CEILING CAT, plz,
this is what I luk 4. Ready?:
evry dai, srsly,
yumy laik CEILING CAT's beleh fuz
cuz cheezburgrz bring me closer 2 u kthx.

5 For wehn Brian Peppers cums 4 me
CEILING CAT keepz me sayf;
he hidez me in his tabby-nacle
n putz me on top of book shelf.

6 Then i iz lookz down on nmes
above the nmes taht suround me;
at his tabby-nacle I will sacrifice a mouse w00t!;
I will sing "We Are teh Champyons" 4 CEILING CAT.

7 Hear me meow, O CEILING CAT,
DO NOT WANT u 2 pwn me. Hit me up on mesenger plz.

8 I getz feelin i sposed 2 fynd ur fuz face r sumptin,
Ur fuz face, CEILING CAT, I luks 4.

9 No hydz ur fuz face frm me plz,
no get pised of @ me plz;
cuz u hav helpd me ffs.
no putz me on ignor list,

10 Even if mom n dad kill filter me,
CEILING CAT wil readz al my emailz.

11 Teach me skilz, O CEILING CAT;
show me how 2 pwn
skript kidehs.

12 Do not giv tehm r00t on my servr,
cuz tehy sez tehy pwn me already ffs,
ther breath stinkz of hot pokets n diet pepsi.

13 Im shur:
I wil seez teh fuzy beleh of CEILING CAT
b4 I diez.

14 Wait for CEILING CAT;
hez comin srsly
wait for CEILING CAT kthx bai.

1 Corinthians 1:10-18

Divisions in the Ceiling Cat Clubz
10 Evribodi get along plz?
11 bcz Chloe telled on u! OMG u r fightin!
12 I iz tryin sai: one d00d sez "me follaz Paul"; differnt d00d sez "me follaz Apollos"; third sez "me follaz Cephas"; An sum othr d00d "me follaz Christ!" Srsly WTFBBQ!
13 Christ iznt in bite-size chunx! Is Paul on cross for u? NO! U wuz givn bath for Paul? NO and also OMG waterz!
14 I iz glad I not gived u bath! (xcept Crispus An Gaius)
15 so nobodi can sez anybodi gotted bath in mai namez (xcept Crispus An Gaius).
16 (OK I gived Stephanas An his families bath. N maybi some1 else, I forgets.)
17 enniwai Christ didn't sended me to giv u bath! He sended me 4 telling you good newses about Ceiling Cat! An I duz not do that wif smart human wordz! Bcz that meanz Christ's cross haz no powerz! oh noes!!!

Ceiling Cat iz Smartr than U
18 Msg 4m cross 2 teh dyin: i iz just silly. msg 4m cross 2 us who iz being savedz: i iz the powr of Ceiling Cat!

Matthew 4:12-23

Jesuz begunz 2 preech, amirite?
12 Wen Jesus founded out dat John wuz in prison he made tracks fr Galile
13 An staid in Capernaum at teh c-side bt he dint tak his bukkit an spayd.
14 Cuz teh wize Esaias sed
15 “In all teh base, laik Zabulon n Nepthalim n teh c n Jordan (yeh even KT Prys) n Galilee.
16 Jesus will turn on teh liteswitch fr teh kittenz dat iz sittin in teh dark."
17 Dat iz wen Jesus strted 2 tell teh kittenz, “repent cuz teh kngdom of heaven am at hand btw.”

The callin of teh frist desipels
18 Den Jesus bumpded into 2 broz hoo wuz fisherzmen n wuz called Simon AKA Peter n Andrew AKA Lil’ Bro
19 N Jesus sed, “Comes wit me n u can b manfisherz.”
20 N cuz Jesus am teh 1337, dey wuz laik, “kthx.”
21 N den Jesus met James n John, hoo wuz chillin on a bote wit dair pops, hoo wuz Zebedee frm teh Magic Roundabout.
22 N dey also went wit Jesus.

Jesuz heels teh sIckly
23 Jesus tuk hs crew roun Galilee, teechin in teh tmples n preechin teh gospel n heelin teh sick.

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

We hope to have many other Holy Kitties featured this year.
Please e-mail your photo to me at meeyauw[at]gmaildotcom
with the subject "Holy Kitties."

If you would like to help translate for the LOL Cat Bible,
please go here.

Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging #138 Jan 26-27
The Tuxie Cats at Tuxedo Gang Hideout
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB
post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos at
Pet & The Bengal Brats at Pet’s Garden Blog
Optional Theme - Feathers Or Birds
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats #202 is going to
Bad Kitty Cats Sunday Evening
(submit your post here)

1 comment:

  1. Trying to read this cat bible, I start to understand more and more and that makes me laugh so much ! I read the bible once just like a book but now I have to say I read it with pleasure it is too funny.

    I just scrolled a bit through your blog and the landscape pictures are gorgious, although I don't like snow !


Thank you for visiting and for your comments!