meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, December 5, 2010

Friday, December 03, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, December 5, 2010

Second Sunday of Advent
Sunday, December 5, 2010

Isaiah 11:1-10
Psalm 72:1-7, 18-19
Romans 15:4-13
Matthew 3:1-12

Isaiah 11:1-10

Teh Twee Fwom Jesseh's Line
1 So liek, teh famuhlee uf Jesseh iz liek a twee dat wuz cutted. Widdle twee grozes bak, riet? Fwum da rutz o wuteva. An fwum it come shinies!
2 Ceiling Cat sits on da branch uv dat tree, not betuz him fraid of doggies tho. Him will give cheezburgers to teh branch soes it can beez full an reddy to maek choycez, an akchully dooz whut him sez. Ceiling Cat will maek shoor dat him noes dat Ceiling Cat iz da CatBoss.
3 Da branch haz hapyness betuz him noes dat Ceiling Cat iz da CatBoss. Him not juge fings jist bye teh wayz dey lukz. Him not maek desishuns betuz just whut uver kittehs sez eether.
4 Him ulwayz do whut iz gud, wen him juge kittehs dat needs cheezburgers, an kittehs dat needz shinies. Wen him sez u needs baff, sowwy, iz gonna hapin. Wen he sez da evul kittehs must neva haz shinies annemore, sowwy, iz gonna hapin.
5 Da part uv him dat iz liek Ceiling Cat, him stick dat in his coller, soes iz wif him all da tiem. Him loyultee too.
6 Wild dogses wull liev wif da wams, leepards wif goatz. Behbeh cowses an huge catses will liev togever an not eated each uver.Hoomun behbehs will wiv wif all dem too an not be eated.
7 Grown-up cowses will eates wif bearz. Da behbehs uv bof will sweep togever. Big catses won't liek cheezburgers nemore, we just haz cookies!
8 Behbehs will plays neer da snakeses howles, an pway wif da poiznous wuns.
9 Nun uv dese guyz will hurts or pwn anefin or ane1 in da Ceilin ware da CatBoss lievs. Dem oshuns haz lots uv water, which catses does not liek, but liek dat, da urf will haz lotz ov teh nowleg uf Ceiling Cat.

Teh Exield Kittehs Wil Rtrn
10 Den da kitteh dats caled da rut ov Jesseh's twee beez wike a giant cheezburger flotin in da air, soes every1 can seez him an come to sees him cwoser. Da pwace wheer dat kitteh is king will be teh awesomeness.

Open your hymnals. Piano Cat is about to play a Holy LOLZ tune.

Psalm 72
Ov Solomon

1 Giv teh king wif ur justice, O Ceiling Cat, Teh royal son wif ur righteousnes.
2 he will [a] judge ur peeps in righteousnes, Ur afflictd onez wif justice.
3 teh mountains will brin prosperity 2 teh peeps, Teh hills teh fruit ov righteousnes.
4 he will defend teh afflictd among teh peeps An save teh children ov teh needy; He will crush teh oppresor.
5 he will endure [b] as long as teh sun, As long as teh moon, thru all generashuns.
6 he will be liek rane fallin on mown field, Liek showers waterin teh earth.
7 in his dais teh righteous will flourish; Prosperity will abound till teh moon iz no moar.
8 he will rule frum sea 2 sea An frum teh rivr [c] 2 teh endz ov teh earth. [d]
9 teh desert tribez will bow before him An his enemiez will lick teh dust.
10 teh kings ov tarshish an ov distant shorez Will brin tribute 2 him; Teh kings ov sheba an seba Will present him gifts.
11 all kings will bow down 2 him An all nashuns will serve him.
12 4 he will delivr teh needy hoo cry out, Teh afflictd hoo has no wan 2 halp.
13 he will taek pity on teh weak an teh needy An save teh needy frum death.
14 he will rescue them frum oppreshun an violence, 4 preshus iz their blood in his sight.
15 long cud he liv! Cud gold frum sheba be given him. Cud peeps evr pray 4 him An bles him all dai long.
16 let grain abound throughout teh land; On teh tops ov teh hills cud it sway. Let itz fruit flourish liek lebanon; Let it thriv liek teh gras ov teh field.
17 cud his naym endure forevr; Cud it continue as long as teh sun. All nashuns will be blesd thru him, An they will call him blesd.
18 praize be 2 teh lord ceilin cat, teh ceilin cat ov israel, Hoo alone doez marvelous deedz.
19 praize be 2 his glorious naym forevr; Cud teh whole earth be filld wif his glory. Amen an amen.
20 dis concludez teh prayers ov david son ov jese.

Teh Footnotez
* a - Psalm 72:2 or cud he; similarly in versez 3-11 an 17
* b - Psalm 72:5 septuagint; hebrew u will be feard
* c - Psalm 72:8 dat iz, teh eufratez
* d - Psalm 72:8 or teh end ov teh land

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Romans 15:4-13

4 Cuz evrithin ritteh ysterday was sposed to teache us, so later we cud hav hopes for moar cheezbrgrz.
5 Ceelin cat hu givs cookies'n'cheezbrgrz shud giv u teh hug so dat yuz cud follo Happy Cat,
6 so that as one gaiant kitteh us cud prase teh daddie of Happy Cat, ceelin cat.

7 So makes nice wif all teh kittez, just like Happy Kitteh makes nice wif u, for teh gloriez of Ceelin Cat.
8 Cuz Happy Cat helpz all teh Jooz for teh trooths of Ceelin Cat so taht all teh stuffz he sed to Moses an Abraham and all teh old gyz happenz.
9 An so taht all teh otehr kittehz wud say "Ceelin Cat Pwns." Like teh old kittehz sez, "So I sez u ar Ceiling Cat, even to teh kittehz who dont sez u ar, an I prase u.";
10 An teh old kittehz also sez, "All u otehr kittez say 'Ceelin Cat pwns' jus lik us";
11 An tehy sez too, "Say 'w00t, Ceelin Cat!' all u otehr kittehz, an all kittehz evrywr say 'w00t!'";
12 An teh doodz Isyah sez "Jessz kitten, him pwns all teh otehr kittehz, an teh otehr kittehz sez tahts good."
13 So teh Ceelin Cat will makeses u feel guds an u haz lots of cheezburgerz cuz u bleev, an teh Hover Cat givez u it. k?

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Matthew 3:1-12

John Teh Baftis preepairs teh wai?
1 In dem dayz caem John Teh Baftis, preachin in teh wilderness of J00dea,
2 And sayin "ZOMG, Kingdom Of Cat Heving am at hand! Be vaerdy sardy!
3 For dis is him dat teh profet Zai-ass was speekin of, sayin" teh voice of teh one cryin in teh wilterness, Prepare teh way of teh Lord guise, make his pats strayt."
4 And teh saem John was wearin camul hair and leather pantz; and he eated bugs and hunnys.
5 Den he went out to Jeroozlem and J00dea and all round Jortan
6 And he gived water bafs to ppls in teh Jortan, and dey told ther Invizable Errors to him an Ceiling Cat
7 But wen he saw teh Fairy-sees and Saddu-sees com to his baf, he sayed "J00 snaky n00bs, who warned j00 to flea teh wrath that am comin?
8 If ur all rly sorry, do teh gud stuff Ceiling Cat told u 2 do!
9 And dont tink dat j00 has Abraham as j00r dad, cuz Ceiling Cat cud maek dese stones into kitlins of Abraham
10 And now teh axe pwns teh rute of teh tree, and all teh trees dat dont make leet fruitz get pwnd and burninated, LOL"
11 "For srsly, I give water bafs to ppls wit waters, but teh next gai dat comin, and he so 1337 I cant even has his shoos: he gonna give bafs to ppls wiv far and Hovercat!
12 He get all teh weets and put in weets house, and he gonna burninate teh straws thats left ovar with teh leet fire of pwnage!

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