meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Sixth Sunday of Easter

Friday, May 15, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Sixth Sunday of Easter

Sixth Sunday of Easter
Isaiah 55.1–11
Acts 10.44–end
Psalm 98
1 John 5.1–6
John 15.9–17

Isaiah 55.1–11

1 OMG free cheezburgrz fur all ov yu! No luk at me all like "wtf?!" No sez "DO NOT WANT!" Jus com an get it! Iz tasty gud!
2 Wy yu buy spensiv junk fud whut don fill teh belleh? I got gud stuffs fur yu. Iz not jus cheezburgrz, is GORMET cheezburgrz!
3 Cmere an lissen 2 mai advis so yu can has gud lif wif naps in teh sun an cheezburgr evry day. I iz giv yu kewl an speshul promis leik i givs 2 mai servnt David who wuz bff wif meh.
4 C, i has made him witnes 2 teh peoplez, Leadr an commandr ov teh peoplez.
5 Surely u will summon nashuns u knoe not, An nashuns dat do not knoe u will hasten 2 u, Cuz ov teh lord ur ceilin cat, Teh holy wan ov israel, 4 he has endowd u wif splendor."
6 Seek teh lord while he cud be findz; Call on him while he iz near.
7 Let teh wickd forsaek his wai An teh evil man his thoughts. Let him turn 2 teh lord, an he will has mercy on him, An 2 r ceilin cat, 4 he will freely pardon.
8 "4 mah thoughts r not ur thoughts, Neithr r ur ways mah ways," Declarez teh lord.
9 "as teh heavens r highr than teh earth, So r mah ways highr than ur ways An mah thoughts than ur thoughts.
10 As teh rane an teh snow Come down frum heaven, An do not return 2 it Without waterin teh earth An makin it bud an flourish, So dat it yieldz sed 4 da sowr an bread 4 da eatr,
11 So iz mah werd dat goez out frum mah mouth: It will not return 2 me empty, But will accomplish wut i desire An achieve teh purpose 4 which i sent it.

Acts 10

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Psalm 98

1. U spos'd 2 meow 2 Ceiling Cat fur all deelishus cookies he haz made. Wiht hiz 4 pawz an hiz armz too haz made us salvashun 4 himz.
2. Celing Cat showd how good he'z an all hiz salvashun to all da cats from heer to blokcs and blokcs from heer.
3. Ceiling cat has membered how much He luvz Izreel an want to pet dem cats all teh tiem. All teh cats form heer to blokcs an blokcs from heer hurd bout salvashun uv da Ceiling Cat.
4. Meow and purr like der is catnip to Ceiling Cat.
5. Twang doze funy instamens teh peepul play, I guess cuz taht's wut He wants... Meow sum more!
6. Make mor noiz, speshly wtih ur nose and meow 'til evn dah sleepsy peepul gets up to gives Him cheezburga.
7. Make sooooo much noize dat teh fishboul movz an teh fishz in it, and teh hol hous. Srsly.
8. Teh rivurz outside shud clap what handz theyz got an big hillz shud make noize like dey has meny cheezburga for Ceiling Cat comz back to tell all uv dem to behaiv while He's at wurk. An he telz all teh cats from heer to blokcs and blokcs from here to behaiv.

1 John 5.1–12
Is this beleef in CeilingCatkittin?

1 Everycat who sez Jebus is kittin uv CeilingCat, n kitty who luvs CeilingCat luvs Jebus.
2 We luv kittens uv CeilingCat: Is luv CeilingCat n' duin' teh stuffs he is tell us to do.
3 Do stuffs is luv CeilingCat: Be goodcat. He isn't sez thing too hard,
4 all CeilingKittin has teh power. Is total WOOT to has teh power.
5 Hoo is it to has teh power in teh wr0ld? Is him dat sez Jebus is sun uv CeilingCat.
6 Jebus cum by wuter and bloods. Hover Cat sayz so.
7 There's three in Ceiling, right? Ceiling Cat, Jebus and Hover Cat. And three equals one. WTF? Srsly.
8 There's three on Earths, invisible kitteh, wuter and bloods. Three equals one. WTF? OK.
9 Wot Ceiling Cat sayz iz more important dan wot kitteh sayz. Duh. Ceiling Cat said stuffs bout Jebus.
10 You no believes in Jebus, you maeks Ceiling Cat a liar, k?
11 Fame! I'm gonna live forever! With soem halp frum Jebus.
12 Has Jebus, has live forever. Srsly.

John 15.9–17

9 As Ceiling Cat has luvd me, so I luvd u. No forget kthx.
10 Do whut I tole u. Den you b in my luv laik I do whut ma dad say and I b in his luv.
11 Iz so hoppy an if u do dis u be hoppy laik me! LOL!
12 U hafta love eech uthr samez I love u. Srsly.
13 Teh bestest love iz if frend kitteh in BIG TRUBL, kitteh helps even if hasta die fr frend kitteh so frend lives! Srsly!!1!
14 If u do what I tole u, u r mai FRENDZ. Good deel!

ur not survantz no moar!
15 U no r survantz cuz a survant dosnt know hiz masters bizness. Rly u guyz r frendz cuz all teh stuff i lurnd from teh father u know nao.
16 LOL u didnt chooz me, i choozed u to make good frootz that dont even need to go in teh fridge to stay good. then teh father iz going to give u good stuffz whenever u asks.
17 And dis iz super speshul - LUV EACH UTHR. Srsly.