meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Transfiguration Sunday

Saturday, February 21, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Transfiguration Sunday

Transfiguration Sunday

II Kings 5:1-14
Psalm 30
I Corinthians 9:24-27
Mark 1:40-45

These are the readings for last Sunday! My source for the lectionary readings was in error. Last Sunday's readings were for this Sunday. I am very sorry for the confusion!

II Kings 5:1-14
Naaman gawt melty face

1 So dere wuz diz guy Naaman, he wuz liek mastah of teh Syreean kings armay. Him had teh graetnez and teh honorz cuz Ceiling Cat gief him dese, him wuz also nyce but omg him haev a melty face LOLZ!!!
2 Meanwhile dem Syreeans went out in ur Israil steelin ur wumun to be slayve for teh wyf of teh Naaman guy
3 Teh slayve was liek "sum guy in Samareeya cud toetlay figz ur melty face dood, kthxbai"
4 So her told teh guy Naaman wha her told teh wyf
5 An teh king wuz liek "lol, srsly go see teh guy an ai wriet lettah so teh otha king iz cool" so him wented an tooked sum Cheezburgrz and lots of stuf to waer liek hatz
6 So he tooked teh lettah to tha Israil king an wuz liek "now u plz fikz mai melty face kthxbai"
7 Teh Israil king wuz liek "wtf? ai iz no Ceiling Cat an u haf made me rip my clothz a bit"
8 Tehn tha holey man Elisha herded teh king has ripd his clothz a bit and wuz liek "o hai omahghad ai tell u of teh prafet guy who can figz teh melty face"
9 Naaman went to see diz Elisha at him place an wuz all up him frunt dor waitn fur him wif him hors
10 Elisha jez told him, him shud clean in teh rivah and him wud be srsly supar.
11 But Naaman was liek wtf? him dunt want to spaek to me? ai tauht him wud be all liek "Ceiling Cat fix tha melty guy NOAW plz"
12 Him wuz liek "i can has rivah at hoem why ai com heer to wash? noob"
13 But hiz doodz wer liek "u shud wash, srsly"
14 So him washded in teh rivah an wuz liek "omahghad ai haz been cureded of teh mewlty face"

Psalm 30

1 Ai wull prayseh yu, teh Cieling Cat, cos yu pickd meh upz frm the toylut bowl an di unt letz next doorz dog laff at meh!! WAI DEY LAFF AT MEH!!!11!!
2 O teh Cieling Cat, I corlded yu an yu gis me the maike betta medsin. (Tayste bad tho srsly).
3 O teh Cieling Cat, yu has gotz meh from teh gardin holze an di unt letz meh fallz in teh toylut agen, srsly, ah keeypz duin that…
4 Myawzez 2 teh Cieling Cat, yu furreh toyz ov hiz, that goze skweek! Sayz iz nayme lotz and lotz and lotz!!
5 Cieling Catz mad fing tis shoort, but heez luvz yah frevur, srsly, cuz ai iz mayekin noyzes all nyte (wihch ai iz k wiv), an deh sleepeh kittenz is happeh in teh mornun.
6 Wun ai iz on teh sofur, ai myaw “NAOW, IZ MAI CUSHIN!!!”
7 O Cieling Cat, wun yu lykez meh bestist , yu mayde meh scwatchin powst nt forl ovah wen ai iz scwatchin (vewy inportant), bt wen yu iz hydin ur fayse, ai iz lyke OMG yu dyssapeyude!!! Srsly lyke WTF? Wer yu gon?!!11!!!! YU INVISDIBUL!!!
8 Tuh yu O Cieling Cat, ai myawed mor: 2 Cieling Cat foor murseh!!
9 Wai teh dog allwayz trei 2 putz meh in toylut bowlz!!? Wai?!! Oh noes! Teh dogz trei 2 take mah cookiez!! Iz teh snayulz gunna bee yur kittehz?? Iz it gunna sayz yu luvz Cieling Cat more dan cookiez an meh??
10 Lizun O Cieling Cat an giz meh cookiez plz, O Cieling Cat, beh mah fwuendz, k?
11 Yuh turnd mah cri cat 2 danz cat, tuk off taht grai furz an yuzed teh fur die of teh fun kynd, srsly, ai hatez teh garai furz, meks meh luk lyk teh ownur of sooicydul catz, srsly.
12 Soze mai hart can myawz 2 yuh an not beh myawluss. O Cieling Cat, ai givz yuh mah cookiez furevr, k, thnx, bai..

more animals

I Corinthians 9:24-27

24 In a race evribodi runz but onli wun getz teh priez.
25 Dey work hard to get teh medul. (But if dey taekz steroidz dey haz to givv it bak.) We iz workin hard to get a bettr priez. It will last forevr.
26 I iz not just runnin around or wavin mai pawz in teh air.
27 I work hard to maek mai bodi mai slaev so I wil win teh priez.

Mark 1:40-45

Happy Cat fixsed nastie kitteh furr

40 Thn feral kitteh wit nastie, mangy furr come to Happy Cat an aks "I can has niice fur?"
41 Happy Cat feelz bad 4 teh kitteh, so He touchz nastie kitteh an sez "okai"
42 an p00f! Nastie furre wuz gone. Srsly. Kitteh luked like a houskat.
43 So Happy Cat sez "Get gone an don tell nobodee!!1 Jus givez monies too da church lik Moses sed"
44 but new fancie kitteh toll erreybody, an Happy Cat
45 got moar fameus. He try to hyde but kittinz frum allz 0ver finded him.