meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fifth Sunday of Epiphany

Friday, February 06, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fifth Sunday of Epiphany

Fifth Sunday of Epiphany
Isaiah 40.21–end
Psalm 147.1–11 [20c]
1 Corinthians 9.16–23
Mark 1.29–39

Isaiah 40.21–end

21 Iz u not heardz? Iz u stoopid? Can u not herez Ceiling Cat goez meowww?! He sed so befoer he createded teh Urfs, duh! Y u stoopid, k?
22 Ceiling Cat sitz abuv teh Urfs, watchez teh peepz dat luk liek mices, but he haz not eated dem. Teh skiez r liek curtinz for Him to climbz.
23 PrinzCats PWND SRSLY by teh Ceiling Cat, and JudgCatz are n00bz an stupidheads.
24 No grasses teh eat an no diggins to claw bcuz Ceiling Cat Hizzed n PWNS and grasses maded wetpantz and then dedngon. Srsly.
25 Ceiling Cat sez "I am Ceiling Cat DUH and I has PWNED and u r st00pid n00bz if u don no I PWNs."
26 OMHG WTF who doze? Up der, on the icebox w/gooshyfood inside, Ceiling Cat has dem ready for PWNs An Ceiling Cat nos sll der nms.
27 Kittehs Jakob n Isrl think u hid ur cheezburgers and Ceiling Cat not no u chase girlcatz in dark (but kitteh see in dark so is ok.)
28 Ceiling Cat sez "How u not no st00pid n00b how u thinkeded u hide ur cheezburgers an mice from Ceiling Cat? Ceiling Cat PWNS !!!!!!eleventimes jazzhands w00t. I no tired of watchin u all ur bases an stuff. but u no get it, st00pidz"
29 Ceiling Cat gavezez sharpclaws and PWR1UP to tired kittehs, And 1UP4EVRSRSLY to kittehs 2 week to drinkz milkz.
30 TeenagerKittehs tired and no land on four feet owtchwaaah.
31 But teh kittehs in der waitin watchin 4 CeilingCat 2 PWNS, dese kittehs razed up laks BirdCatz, an dey can has runin rely speedi !!!!!!!11!!!!! an walkses along fences and no loos balanz EVR so ther.

Psalm 147.1–11 [20c]

1 Praise teh Celling kitty! praise for Celling kitty is full of win; feelz good, yeah; [and] praise is comely.
2 Celling kitty builds big house: wit lotza cheeseburgrs. All teh cheeseburgrs, they belong to me, zanks, not4 evil katz, no, no cheeseburgrs 4 evil katz.
3 Dere, dere, not cry, Ceilling kitty cleans you boo-boo. lickedy-lick, nom-nom-nom. sad hooman has flava.
4 All the starz, they are mine! They all called what Ceilling kitty calls'em. Ceiling kitty calls'em starz: "mine!"
5 Ceilling kitty is allova the ceilling, and seeeeeeeez you dacing.
6 CK (das short for Ceiling Kitty, cuz type, type, type fingers hurt. and Ceilling Kitty doz apruve) lifting heavy sad ppls. trows the bad 1s out - Do Not Want!
7 Sing for Ceilling Kitty, hooman, give him bellyrubs; sing and dance, and give moar bellyrubs.
8 Who'z on thy towels, drying thy slops? Who'z on thy pilla, stealing thy dreamz? Who'z in thy fridge, funnelling thy lagga?
9 He giveth to the beast his food, [and] to the young ravens which cry. He no give nothin, bible iz full of fail.
10 Nice horsy, carries Ceilling kitty to next sunny spot, plz? Nice hooman, feed CK cheeseburgrs. ktks
11 Dah Ceiling Cat lovz all kittehs who hasz fear of him, And who knowz dat Ceiling Cat hasz srs lovez.
12 Praize dah Ceiling Cat, Kittehs. Praize dah Ceiling Cat, Hoomans.
13 Cauze he makez dah houze saefr, and givez Kittehs Cheezburger.
14 An he givez peece to dah couch, an sendz the bezt of cheezburger to hiz Kittehs.
15 make
16 moar
17 funs
18 bbl
19 leiter
20 Praise Ceiling Kitty and give gushi foods.

more animals

1 Corinthians 9.16–23

16 I gotz to tell about Ceiling Cat or I getz sad.
17 I spoze I getz sum riward.
18 I iz givin awai teh good newses about Jebuz for free.
19 I iz free but i maekz maiself evribodi's slaev.
20 I iz a Jew to teh Jews.
21 I is a Gentile to teh Gentilez.
22 I iz weak to teh weak. U getz teh idea.
23 It getz me cheezburgr. I be an hiro