meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for All Saints Day, November 1, 2009

Saturday, October 31, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for All Saints Day, November 1, 2009

All Saints Day
November 1, 2009

Wisdom of Solomon 3:1-9 or
Isaiah 25:6-9
Psalm 24
Revelation 21:1-6a
John 11:32-44

Wisdom of Solomon 3:1-9

1 In teh nite timez in mai litterbox I be lookin fer mai kittehfrend: I sed "O hay! Whar u beez?" but no find. INVISIBLE KITTEHFREND!
2 So I was all "BRB!" and went to teh citty too find invisible kittehfrend. I sed "O hay! Whar u beez?" but no find. STILL INVISIBLE KITTEHFREND! zomg.
3 Sum watchkittehs in teh sitty sed "O hay!" so I sed "O hay thar! U seen mai invisible kittehfrend? Also, whar can I buyz cookies?"
4 OMG OMG OMG, u guyse! So affer not so long I find invisible kittehfrend! I helded him and skweezeded him and sed "I HAS A VISIBLE KITTEHFREND!" and den I brotted him 2 my momz's litterbox whar my popz sed "PENIS GO WHERE?" to my momz long tyme ago. Kinda kreepie lolz.
5 So lissen, doters o Jerusalem. BE KWIET. Don't waykez mai boykittehfrend until he dun nappin'. kthx.
6 O noez! Who dis peepin tom beez comin' frum teh willdurnez like pillerz o smoak? O hay, yu stink! U has powderz!
7 Ooo, look at hiz litterbox. Dis be Solomoncat. U gotz lotz of kittehs witchoo (threeskore 2 be eckzakt)!
8 WTF? Dey be holdin swordzes cuz dey lykz to fite and dere skurred of teh dark. lolz.
9 Solomoncat pimped hiz cherryot wif woodz from Lebanon. Mad propz.
10 So like dis how it look: silver pillerz, gold rimz, perple paint jobby. Paveded wif nuttin but lurve 4 teh doters o Jerusalem.
11 Git moovin, doters o Zion, go chek out Solomoncat wif hiz l33t krown! His momz giveded it 2 him and he wuz like "O snap, dis tight! I gots mad gladnezz."

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Psalm 24

1 Teh worldz belong 2 Ceiling Cat, N all teh cheezburgerz N all teh kittehs.
2 Ceiling Cat made ur worldz like big water bowl, N no backwash!
3 Which lolcat brave enuf 2 climb Ceiling Cat'z scratching post? Which lolcat brave enuf to piss in Ceiling Cat'z territoreh? Which lolcat cn let Ceiling Cat in teh pet-door?
4 only teh lolcat wif bestestest tongue 4 givin bathz. N no fleaz.
5 Ceiling Cat give that lolcat cheezburgerz N cookies.
6 Srsly. kthxbye.
7 Lift teh cat flap N let Ceiling Cat in.
8 Ceiling cat are serious cat. This are serious psalm.
9 Let him in ur cat flap, srsly.
10 Ceiling Cat are serious. Let him in ur cat flap.
Itz cold in teh garage.
Srsly.
kthxbye.

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Revelation 21
A noo Jerusalem

1 This kitteh saw a new floor and a new ceiling for their wz renovations and old floor no can haz srsly. And no seaz either which is good for teh kittehz.
2 kk Ai saw a noo jerusalem come down from teh ceiling cat. Noo jerusalem look liek wedding cat
3 Ceiling Cat lives in noo jerusalem with da kittehs and dey lives with Ceiling Cat.
4 Don't cry kittehs you will not get wet we have no more seaz k!
5 Teh ceiling cat sais Ai am making thingz new srsly.
6 "Ai is front cat, Ai is back cat, ur thirsty and water u can haz!
7 If u winz u getz all teh priezes.
8 But if u beh afreid, nastei, bad bad kittehz, u goez wif Basement Cat. srsly bad sad an dark.
9 Wun uf teh sevn hovr d00dz ai wuz tellin u about sed "Ai showz u teh babi sheep's wief."
10 He showded me Jerusalem which is weerd if u thinkz about it.
11 It wuz shini.
12 Dere wuz writin on teh doorz.
13 An dere wuz twelv of dem.
14 Dere wuz namez writtin on teh wall too.
15 Teh hovr d00d hadded a stik.
16 Teh citi wuz squaer an kinda big.
17 Teh wall wuz big too.
18 An all shini.
19 Teh wall was shini too.
20 An colrfl.
21 Teh doorz n evn teh street wuz shini.
22 No tempul tho, bcz Ceiling Cat is itz tempul.
23 Itz so shini it duzint need a sun or a moon.
24 Its so shini.
25 U nevr haz to cloes teh doorz bcz it nevr getz dark LOL.
26 Evribodi will go dere. (also its shini)
27 Just teh good peeplz tho. It iz bai invitashn onli.

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John 11:32-44

32 But when Mary founded Happy Cat she was all about "You iz to laet."
33 Den Happy Cat saweded her all emo an teh Joos dat com wit her wer also emo and Happy Cat wuz very sadz and his sprit was moveded liek srsly.
34 "Wer did yu lai him?" Happy Cat askeded. "Coem here and yu can see too," dey sed bac.
35 Happy Cat wepted.
36 An teh Joos sawed dis an sed, "See! He wuvs hims too!"
37 Thn, sum ov teh ppl seyz, "Diz cat can heal blind catz, can he oso stop teh LOLRus frm goin to teh ceiling?"
38 An thn Happy Cat went to teh tomb which was dis cave, an its has stone in frnt ov teh cave.
39 Happy Cat sez, "Taek awai teh stone." Bt, Martha, LOLrus' sis sez, "DO NOT WANT! Teh cave iz teh smelli! LOLRus wuz ded 4 dais ago!"
40 Thn, Happy Cat sez, "I told u beefour! Eev u beleaf, u can see teh glory of teh Ceiling Cat."
41 So they moved teh stone. And Happy Cat looked up and sed, "Thanx fur listnin', Ceiling Cat!
42 I knows you heared me, but dese peeps hangin' round don't beleaf in me. Iz show dem."
43 He sed dese tings, den he yelleded: "Oh hai! I can has Lolrus!"
44 Den, LOLRus coem out. Hiz clothz wuz liek all ova him. An can not see. So Happy Cat sez, "Loose him an let him go nao, kthxbai."