meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, July 19, 2009

Saturday, July 18, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, July 19, 2009

Sunday, July 19, 2009
2 Samuel 7.1–14a
Psalm 89.20–37
Jeremiah 23.1–6
Psalm 23
Ephesians 2.11–end
Mark 6.30–34, 53–end

My internets have been so slow (or non-existent)
that I was unable to post until today!

What a bummer!

2 Samuel 7.1–14a
God's promize 2 david

1 aftr teh king wuz settld in his palace an teh lord had given him rest frum all his enemiez around him,
2 he sed 2 nathan teh profet, "her im, livin in palace ov cedar, while teh ark ov ceilin cat remains in tent."
3 nathan replid 2 teh king, "whatevr u has in mind, go ahead an do it, 4 da lord iz wif u."
4 dat nite teh werd ov teh lord came 2 nathan, sayin:
5 "go an tell mah servant david, dis ar teh wut teh lord sez: r u teh wan 2 build me houz 2 dwell in?
6 i has not dwelt in houz frum teh dai i brought teh israelitez up out ov egypt 2 dis dai. I has been movin frum place 2 place wif tent as mah dwellin.
7 wherevr i has movd wif all teh israelitez, did i evr say 2 any ov their rulers whom i commandd 2 sheferd mah peeps israel, "y has u not built me houz ov cedar?"
8 "nao den, tell mah servant david, dis ar teh wut teh lord almighty sez: i took u frum teh paschur an frum followin teh flock 2 be rulr ovar mah peeps israel.
9 i has been wif u wherevr u has gone, an i has cut off all ur enemiez frum before u. Nao im gonna mak ur naym great, liek teh namez ov teh greatest doodz ov teh earth.
10 an im gonna provide place 4 mah peeps israel an will plant them so dat they can has home ov their own an no longr be disturbd. Wickd peeps will not oppres them nomore, as they did at teh beginnin
11 an has dun evr since teh tiem i appointd leaders [a] ovar mah peeps israel. Im gonna also giv u rest frum all ur enemiez. " teh lord declarez 2 u dat teh lord him will establish houz 4 u:
12 when ur dais r ovar an u rest wif ur fathers, im gonna raize up ur offsprin 2 succed u, hoo will come frum ur own body, an im gonna establish his kingdom.
13 he iz teh wan hoo will build houz 4 mah naym, an im gonna establish teh throne ov his kingdom forevr.
14 im gonna be his fathr, an he will be mah son. When he doez wrong, im gonna punish him wif teh rod ov doodz, wif floggings inflictd by doodz.

Psalm 89
Ceiling Cat madez a dele wif teh speshul David. Srsly.

1 Oh hai Ceiling Cat iz liek meowin' at ur luvs 4 uz, an stuffs. An wif mi mouf iz tellin' mi babiez an teh kittiez next doer of ur awesomeness.
2 An ai saiz dat u luv uz kittiz all 4eva an eva. Srsly. U riliables liek teh ceiling wich rain wen it sad an getes uz all wets.
3 An u sais "Ai has madez a deals wif mai speshul pplz, Srsly, ai has toldez mai kitteh Davids:
4 Ai lookz after your kittehs and buildz tehm troehnz, an makez dem cheezeburgerz fur all teh kittehs."
5 Oh mai graet Ceiling Cat iz praising u so badz an givin u cheezeburgerz, cause u iz all liek, ai is faithful in maekin holi wuns, n stuffs.
6 An whu in teh Ceiling iz beins leik yu, noe wuns taht whu. Srsly. Noet eveh teh BerdKats,
7 Who iz fearin teh Ceiling Cat in awl him howliness an awesohmness.
8 Oh graet Ceiling Cat, whu iz awesohm leik u. We dunno, srsly.
9 Cause u iz lookin afteh teh oshuns, we iz liek sayin fanks fur teh noet wettin uz, an stuffs.
10 Wehn u iz liek pwnin Ra'hab, him was liek a skwashed cheezeburger. An u waz chasin awai all yuz emenies leik littul mices tuh ur pahw. Srsly.
11 U maeks al teh fings leik teh Ceiling an teh Urfs. An we luvs dem liek our hoomans.
12 An u maeks teh ups an douns, fur taht pplz fank u.
13 Yuz has a mietiful pahw an a hai riet awm.
14 unneath u is fahreness an out off u coems luv. Liek teh lolrus loevs his bukket.
15 Happeh iz teh kittehs u meow at.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Jeremiah 23

1 5"BEHOLD, TEH (J)DAIS R COMIN," DECLAREZ TEH LORD,"WHEN IM GONNA RAIZE UP 4 DAVID RIGHTEOUS (K)BRANCH;AN HE WILL (L)REIGN AS KING AN ACT WISELY AN (M)DO JUSTICE AN RIGHTEOUSNES IN DA LAND.
2 6"IN HIS DAIS JUDAH WILL BE SAVD,AN (N)ISRAEL WILL DWELL SECURELY;AN DIS AR TEH HIS (O)NAYM BY WHICH HE WILL BE CALLD,TEH (P)LORD R RIGHTEOUSNES.
3 7"(Q)THEREFORE BEHOLD, TEH DAIS R COMIN," DECLAREZ TEH LORD, "WHEN THEY WILL NO LONGR SAY, AS TEH LORD LIVEZ, HOO BROUGHT UP TEH SONS OV ISRAEL FRUM TEH LAND OV EGYPT,
4 8(R)BUT, AS TEH LORD LIVEZ, HOO (S)BROUGHT UP AN LED BAK TEH DESCENDANTS OV TEH HAUSHOLD OV ISRAEL FRUM TEH NORTH LAND AN FRUM ALL TEH COUNTRIEZ WER I HAD DRIVEN THEM. DEN THEY WILL LIV ON THEIR OWN SOIL

Psalm 23

1 Ceiling Cat iz mai sheprd (which is funni if u knowz teh joek about herdin catz LOL.)
He givz me evrithin I need.

2 He letz me sleeps in teh sunni spot
an haz liek nice waterz r ovar thar.

3 He makez mai soul happi
an maeks sure I go teh riet wai for him. Liek thru teh cat flap insted of out teh opin windo LOL.

4 I iz in teh valli of dogz, fearin no pooch,
bcz Ceiling Cat iz besied me rubbin' mah ears, an it maek me so kumfy.

5 He letz me sit at teh taebl evn when peepl who duzint liek me iz watchn.
He givz me a flea baff an so much gooshy fud it runz out of mai bowl LOL.

6 Niec things an luck wil chase me evrydai
an I wil liv in teh Ceiling Cats houz forevr.

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Ephesians 2.11–end
Jebus maded teh kitteh door

11 Membr wunz u wuz stuck outside Ceiling Cats houz.
12 U no haz cheezburger, no haz cookie, no LOLs, an u wuz liek WTF?? Cud mai life sux smores?!!1!
13 But Jebus opended teh door an sais, "O hai keete keete! Wanna coem in mah houz?"
14 Jebus maded teh kitteh door sos kittehs cud be inside wid Him when dey wantz.
15 At first Ceiling cat wus liek, "Hey Jebus, WTF?!!! Wair all deez stinky kittehs coem from!!!" But Jebus sais, "Kittehs wid me, k?" Den Ceiling Cat wuz liek, "k."
16 Kittehs wunz wuz fraid Ceiling Cat. He wuz alwais liek, "Hey U, GTF off Mai lawn!!!" an throwded stuf.
17 Den Jebus went out to find kittehs, Dey wuz hidin in teh bushes an sum wuz kinda far. Jebus wuz liek, "Heeer kitteh, kitteh..."
18 An he tooked teh kittehs into Ceiling Cats houz.
19 First kittehs wuz liek, "Oh noes! Halp! Halp!" But Jebus petted teh kittehs an shareded sum his cheezburgers. Den kittehs wuz no fraid Ceiling Cats place ne moer.
20 Soz new kittehs met old kittehs, an all kittehs wuz gettin nice rubs frum Jebus while Ceiling Cat maded teh cookies. Wuz no fites, just purrs.
21 Srsly, Jebus and kittehs an Ceiling Cat maded happy famly.
22 Den Hovr Cat marked evrboodi wid Hiz scent.

Mark 6.30–34, 53–end
Happy Cat Feedz Lotz of Peepul

30 Teh Aposslz caem bak, an dey telld Happy Cat all teh stuff dey did an teechd.
31 An den, bcuz dere wuz too many peepul an dey wuzn't getting lunch, he wuz liek "Hay, letz go rest nao, k?"
32 An so dey went away in a boat an went were nowun wuz.
33 But lotz of peepul seez dem, an chaesd dem an got dere furst.
34 An Happy Cat seez dem, an touhght dey wuz liek sheep wifout a shephurd. An he teeched dem stuff.

53 An dey landed at soem plaice wif a funny naem.
54 An wen dey got out of teh boat, peepul wuz like "Hay, dat's Happy Cat!"
55 An dey brot sick peepul to him on teh matz.
56 An Happy Cat heeld sick peepul an stuff werever he wuz. Srsly.