Friday, October 15, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for October 17, 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Jeremiah 31:27-34
Psalm 119:97-104
Genesis 32:22-31
Psalm 121 2
Timothy 3:14-4:5
Luke 18:1-8

Psalm 119


Teh Mem
97 oh, how i luv ur law! I meditate on it all dai long.
98 ur commandz r always wif me An mak me wisr than mah enemiez.
99 i has moar insight than all mah teachers, 4 i meditate on ur statutez.
100 i has moar understandin than teh elders, 4 i obey ur precepts.
101 i has kept mah feet frum evry evil path So dat i mite obey ur werd.
102 i has not departd frum ur laws, 4 u yourself has taught me.
103 how sweet r ur werdz 2 mah taste, Sweetr than honey 2 mah mouth!
104 i gain understandin frum ur precepts; Therefore i hate evry wrong path.

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Genesis 32:22-31

Jacob Wrestles With Ceiling Cat
22 when it gots darks, he tookd hiz 2 wifes n 2 maidserventz n 11 boyz n crossed ovar the ford o Jabbok (girl wuz on her own).
23 After theys was ovar, he sended all his base n stuff
24 So he wus alone n fighted wif a cat,
25 when the cat saw he could not win he eated Jacob's hip.
26 the teh Cat sed "Lemme go, it be light" But Jacob sed "Nana, gimmeh cheezburgerz"
27 Then teh Cat sez "WRU?" "Jacob he sez"
28 the Cat sez "U no longer Jacob but I names U Israel cause U wins in fights wif Ceiling Cat and peeplez n ovarcome.
29 Jacob sez "WRU?"
Cat sez "STFU." n gived him cheezburgerz
30 So Jacob calleded the palce Peniel cause he sed "I saw Ceiling Cat but he did not eated me".
31 he wus gimpin whun he pass Peniel 'cause hiz hip was eated.32 That's why Israelites no can eated teh tendon stuck to teh socket o teh hip, cause Ceiling Cat eated Jacob's hip nearz the tendon.

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Psalm 121


1 A song to goez big up. I lookz upz at da big hillsez, I can has halps?
2 Yes I can haz halps, from Ceiling Cat, doer of Ceiling and Urf
3 He not let ur paw slipz, he not sleepz
4 Protektor of All Kittehs no sleepies no dreamies
5 Ceiling Cat ur protektor, He is ur shadows from da windowsill, He is ur right paw
6 In day, sun no make u go bai, moon not make u go bai either
7 Ceiling Cat make u safez from badness, He protektz ur invisible self
8 Celing Cat protektz ur in and ur out, forevaz!

funny pictures of cats with captionsSundae Nap Wif Basement Cat
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2 Timothy 4:1-5

1 Wit’ Ceiling Cat an Jeebus, whos be judging de liffin an de ded watchin us, an espektin Jeebus cumin an roolin, I sez dis to u.
2 Beez preechin; beez reddy all de tiem; beez naggin, pesterin an pushin – dontz be gettin mad, an be gud teechr, srsly.
3 Tiems iz cumin wen kittehs don’t lissen to Ceiling Cat’s teechin. Dey getz udder teachers sais stuff dey lieks better.
4 Deys ignorin truut an bleevin stooped doggeh storeiz.
5 But U, U don freeks out, putz up wif bad stuffs, do ur wurk ov teechin’ bout Jeebus, do all ur wurkz

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Luke 18:1-8

Deh Wihdo Kitteh Hoo Wud Not Stop Meown
1 Den Jebus told his lolcats a storee to teech dem 2 alwayz be prayin to Ceiling Cat n not giffin up.
2 "Wuntz upon a tiem, der wuz an offishul tiep kitteh hoo didnt care bout Ceiling Cat or deh udder kittehs, hoo he wuz sposd 2 b heppin.
3 And n dat same town der wuz a wihdo kitteh (her huzbun-kitteh wuz ded n she wuz alown). Wihdo kitteh kep askin deh offishul for hep, meown, meown, meown.
4 Offishul kitteh wuz meen n wud not hep wihdo kitteh, even tho it wuz his job! Not kewl. But finaleee he sed, 'I duznt care bout Ceiling Cat or deh udder kittehs, srsly,
5 but dis wihdo kitteh will not stop meown until I hep her, so I will hep her 2 make her shut up.'
6 And Ceiling Cat sed, 'U kittehs heer wat dis meen offishul kitteh sed?
7 Do u tink Ceiling Cat will not also heer his kittehs hoo prayz to him all deh timez? Ceiling Cat will not ignore deh meowz of his kittehs. Srsly.
8 Ceiling Cat will hep dem, n rite away 2. He wunderz, wen it be Ceiling Cat Kingdom Time, tho, will his kittehs b fatheful 2 him?'"

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# Edition 121 | Nov 07, 2010 Nikita Cat
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#344 – When Cats Attack!
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