Friday, February 26, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Second Sunday of Lent, February 28, 2010

Second Sunday of Lent
February 28, 2010

Genesis 15:1-12, 17-18
Psalm 27
Philippians 3:17-4:1
Luke 13:31-35 or
Luke 9:28-36, (37-43)


Genesis 15:1-12, 17-18

1 An den, Abram can has dream of Cieling Cat, and he sez
"Don be fraidy cat Abram,
i blocks teh attacks,
and den you can has cheezburger"
2 but Abram wuz liek "Cieling Cat, i has no kittehs to giv mah homez and sandboxz and littrbox and such
3 with no kittehs, my servants can has mah homez and stufs
4 Cieling Cat sez "STFU Abram, i can givez you a kitteh to play WoW with"
5 He takes Abram outside and is liek "look at teh starz and hevenz, if yous can count them, so is ur kittehs"
6 And Abram was liek srsly? All cause Ceiling Cat is Righchus
7 He also says "I iz Ceiling Cat, I give you lots and lots of urfs to has"
8 Abram was leik "But how Ceiling Cat, teh horde alredy has possesions?"
9 An Ceiling Cat was leik "Bring me moocow, goat and rams but only 3 yeerz old with a white burd and baby pidgun"
10 Abram brought teh moocow and teh got and teh rams but he cutted them in half. Teh burdz and pidgun were not.
11 Tehn evil burdz came from the ceiling and eated dem. Abram no liek and says you no can has.
12 Abram has sleep as sun goes down, but no good, lots of nightmares (poor Abram).
13 An Ceiling Cat was liek, "ur kittehs will be not knowed in nayshuns they no has, they will be pwnt and slaved, tis bad, but dey will come out with cheezburgers"
14 Ceiling Cat says tho he will "make unwanted invisible buttsecks with nayshuns dat make ure kittehs pwnt.
15 u is not bad tho, u can has death at old age with papa kittehs
16 but ur great-great-grand kittehs will come back here, cuz then sinz of Amorites reach critical mass"
17 Then it gots dark out, and there appeerz a bucket with fire
18 An Cieling Cat sez "i give all dis sandboxz and littrboxs to your kittehs, and their kittehs kittehs and so on and so forth

funny cat pictures

Psalm 27
Of David.

1 Oh, hai! CEILING CAT is my cheezburgr.
who i iz scard of?
CEILING CAT is my kitteh bed—
who i iz scard of ffs?

2 Wen skript kidehs DOS me
to nok me offline
when trols n lusers atak me w/ teh BFG,
tehy wil trip on it.

3 If a crew raid me,
I not chikn;
even if tehy stole my bike,
i stil rulz!

4 One thing I askz 4, O CEILING CAT, plz,
this is what I luk 4. Ready?:
cheezburgrz
evry dai, srsly,
yumy laik CEILING CAT's beleh fuz
cuz cheezburgrz bring me closer 2 u kthx.

5 For wehn Brian Peppers cums 4 me
CEILING CAT keepz me sayf;
he hidez me in his tabby-nacle
n putz me on top of book shelf.

6 Then i iz lookz down on nmes
above the nmes taht suround me;
at his tabby-nacle I will sacrifice a mouse w00t!;
I will sing "We Are teh Champyons" 4 CEILING CAT.

7 Hear me meow, O CEILING CAT,
DO NOT WANT u 2 pwn me. Hit me up on mesenger plz.

8 I getz feelin i sposed 2 fynd ur fuz face r sumptin,
Ur fuz face, CEILING CAT, I luks 4.

funny pictures of cats with captions
Philippians 3:17-4:1

17 Kittehs, get otha kittehs an bee liek mee.
18 (Iz keepz repeetin mysef, but now Iz cryin. Lotz of teh kittehs are stinkeh aginst teh cross of Jebus.
19 Ceiling Cat be eated them, k? Dey luv cheezeburgers more den Jebus, an are all liek "I love invisible error! Iz so greatz! Lookz at my new hat, kthkbye".)
20 Butz weez talk in teh ceiling. An Jebus cums to saef weez.21 Jebus iz full of win an ken maek weez liek him. Den Weez be full of win, too, k?
1 Hai mai kittehs dat ai luvs, mai sunbeamz! In dis way stai firm in teh Bigcat.

funny pictures of cats with captions
Luke 13:31-35
Jebus Criz Bowt Jerusalem

31 Den Fariseez sez "GTFO, or Herod will liek ttly pwnz0rz u! Srsly!" (Herod wuz liek prezident or soemthink too, liek Pilate. So der wuz sevrl prezidentz n Bibel timz. Srsly!)
32 But Jebus not being scairded. Him sez "Tel dat n00b dat I pwnz debils todae an I fixted hurted kittehs tomorow an day tree I be teh l
33t haXorz!!!!33 But I gotz to keep on walkin cuz evrybodee noes dat profits gots to get deded in Jerusalem."
34 "Poor Jerusalem! U bad sitee and maeks deded all profits. But I stil lieks u. Srsly!
35 Ur howse be all pwned an den I not coem bak til u sez 'Yay Jebus!'"

funny pictures of cats with captions

Luke 9:28-36, (37-43)
Teh Ceilin Clowd

28 Liek ate dais leitr, Jessus wentz up mawnten to prai to Ceiling Cat, wid Peter an John an James.
29 As he praided, he startd lookin wierd an hiz clothez turnded wite.
30 An too ppl sed to him, Moses an Elikhat,
31 an dey sed he shuld leve at Jerusalem.
32 Peter an teh otter doodz wer tirded, but dey keppt aweik, an dey saw teh amazinness of Jesuss and teh too ppl wit him.
33 Peter sed to Jesus, "Letz us meik tree boots, wun for all ov u."
34 An a clowd apered, an dey went in teh clowd an wer scraed.
35 An Ceiling Cat's voize caim frum teh clowd, an he sed, "Dis iz mai sun, u will lissen too wut he sai."
36 An wen voice finissed sain, Jesus wuz found aloin. An dey wer kwiet, an didnt tell enniwun.
Jesus haits demnz
37 Neckst dai, wen dey caim daown, lawts uv doods metz them.
38 An a man sed, "Plz lookz fro mai sun, cuz he be mai onlee sun,
39 an a speert grabz him, an he screemz, an he shaiks till hez got rabiez, an breakz him into peezez, an wont leavez.
40 An i assked ur doodz to thro it intu trash, but dey culdnt."
41 Jesus sed, "U pplz r messed. Bring ur sun heer."
42 Wen he caim, teh demn shuk him. But Jesus sed "U suk demn. Stoppit." An teh boi gotz betterz, an went bak to hiz dad.
43 An teh pplz wer al amazzeded bai teh majesty uv Ceiling Cat.


Weekend Cat Events
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