LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, August 16, 2009

Sunday, August 16, 2009

1 Kings 2.10–12; 3.3–14
Psalm 111
Proverbs 9.1–6
Psalm 34.9–14
Ephesians 5.15–20
John 6.51–58

1 Kings 2.10–12; 3.3–14

10 WTF INCEST? "So David slept with his fathers" WTF? (datz KJV own werds, funny riet?), and tooka srsly incestuous dirtnap inna Davidz littrboxz.
11 And teh daiz taht David wuz king uv Itzreal? wuz 14600 daiz (datz 40 yrs, riet or 350400 hors or 21024000 minootz or 1261440000 sekunz): seben yrs himz in Hebron, and dirty-tree yars himz in Jouslum. Dont nose da minootz orda sekunz.
12 Den Solomon shat onna teh littrboxz uv David hiz dadacatz; an gotz fresh littr inniz littrboxz. Dat niez smellz.

Solomon Cat Watches Judge Judy Justice While Dispensing Liquid Wisdom
3 Soz Solomon showd hiz hrd peniz to teh Lard Cat an walkd wit himz styff tayl inna air liek judge judy sed himz shud liek himz dadacatz David did, ceptin himz awferd ta biet heds orffa chiknz an ta birnded insensez on toppa hilz N sutch.
4 King cat gon to Gibeon to awferd sackafiecin anna chiknz hed bietin orf, fer taht wuz mostest portint toppa hilz N sutch plaze, an Solomon cat awferd a towsand birnded chikn hedz onna altar.
5 At Gibeon teh Lard Cat wuz in Solomon catz hed (Solomon cat wuz delusional cat on LDS liek all uv demz hip gaiz bak den), an Ceiling Cat sed, "WTF YOUSE WANT FRUM ME?"
6 Solomon cat, himz dreamin on LDS, sed, "Youse bin niez to mah bootlikn dadacatz, David, cuz him showz youse himz peniz an walkd wit himz styff tayl inna air. Youbin gud sum mor an gibbin himz niez boy kittn to sitz onna himz toilet seat liek today. Srsly.
7 "Meow, Ow Lard Cat mah Ceiling Cat, Ai iz der bootlikn king cat inna plaze uv dadacatz David. Butt Ai iz justa widdle kittn an donna nose howta dance laik da big cat dancez.
8 Yer bootlikr iz here in da middL uv teh catz youse piked out fer yerselfz, wez riel niez catz too, an derz way too mani uv uz cats fer da cowntin.
9 Soz gimme a break liek to meh, da bootlikr, an lettuz see riet stuffz to duz instedda rong stuffs to duz. Tellmez, sidez meh, whoz gunna be yer main cat d00d dat kin duz da stuffz dat youse needz doin? WTF, Srsly?"
10 An Lard Cat wuz smilin taht Solomon cat yammrd fur diz stuffz so nawt shellfishly.
11 Soz Ceiling Cat sez, "Cuz youse wantd dis stuffz anna nawt vampire livin orda joolz anna guld N krapy W^L*M^RT stuffz fur youse own, anna youse nawt askded fer meh 2 killz yer dumazz enimaz but watchd episodz uv judge judy,
12 Aiz gunna duz watchoo askz fer. Ai gibz youse brainiac sizd brain inna hed anna niez blud tikker, soz taht der nawt evva gunna be da niez gaiz liek youse, srsly evva. Ai meanz itz, srsly.
13 Anna nuddr ting, Ai gunna gibz you all da W^L*M^RT stuffz anna joolz ta boot soz youse gunna be teh Catz uv da Walk type king uv catz wit a reeeeeel big styff tayl anna reeeeel niez peniz laik no uddr catz haz.
14 An iffn youse walkd wit youse styff tayl inna air an watchez judge judy liek youse dadacatz David, Ai gibs you da loooooong vampire livin fo freebee. Naw watcher meowin bout dat?"

Psalm 111 1 Praize teh Ceiling Cat! iz gunna say gud stuff abowt Ceiling Cat in da police stashun and teh mayors office. 2 Ceiling Cat haz made some really awsum stuffs, peepls cumz frum all ovah just to gawk at dem. 3 Everyting He duz is awsum, and He's good forevah. 4 You can't ferget all his awsumness, Ceiling Cat always shares his cookies. 5 He gives cheezburgerz to peeps who respekt him, he keeps his dealz. 6 Everybodee can see just how l33t he is, he fourcloses a guys houze and gives it to his peepz. 7 He always goes around doin good,and his rulez r00l. 8 Even the r00lin rulez are make in a r00lin style. 9 He bailed out his peepz, he keeps his promises forevah. 10 Gettin smart starts wit respekt fer Ceiling Cat, followin his r00lz makes u smart. Props to him forevah!

Proverbs 9.1–6

1 Wisdom has builded her hawse; she cutted seven pillurs but dey is not soft kind.
2 She has maked teh cheezburgers an Gatorade; she putted tehm on teh table.
3 She has sended lotta chix0rz to delivr msgs, an den she stands wai up on top of teh hawse an callz.
4 "O hai. n00bz com in heer. Srsly!" she sai to peepelss who is not so smrt.
5 "Eat dis cheezburger an drikn dis Gatorades I maded.
6 Stop bein' dum and u can has lief; walk wif unnerstandin'.

Proverbs iz al abowt da knowledge

Psalm 34 1 I r always talkins of Ceiling Cat I r always say good tings. 2 My soul r brag 'bout Ceiling Cat Let teh poor kittehs hear n be happies. 3 Lets rave 'bout Ceiling Cat lets prase his kewl name togedder. 4 I meowed for Ceiling Cat an he answred me He r save me from teh scary tings. 5 Teh kittehs dat trust him is happy cats Dey nevar hav shameful face. 6 Dis poor kitteh called HALP! An Ceiling Cat heerded him, He savded teh poor kitteh. 7 Teh Wingcat of teh Ceiling Cat is neer teh kittehs dat is respektful of him, an halps dem. 8 Taste n u will see, dis Ceiling Cat has a flavr. Cheezburgrs for teh kitteh dat seeks him. 9 Repekt teh Ceiling Cat, u good kittehs Cuz respektful kittehs get all de good tings. 10 Teh big cats is gettinz weak n hungries But kittehs who findz Ceiling Cat can has cheezburgrs. 11 Come to me, babby kittehs I r goins teech u to respekt Ceiling Cat 12 U kittehs dat luv life an r wants to haz 9 lives 13 Say no evil - mak shur cat have ur tongue! An never tell lies n stuff. 14 Point ur tail at evil and do lotsa good tings look for peece n chase it liek a maus. 15 Ceiling Cat is watchin teh good kittehs An his ears is listenins for dere cries. 16 Ceiling Cat not look at kittehs dat do evil tings He r delete dem from teh memory of teh urfs. 17 Teh good kittehs meow, and Ceiling Cat heers dem. He are savins dem from teh sad tings. 18 Ceiling Cat r cuddlin teh kittehs whose harts is broked An he r rescuins kittehs wit crushded spirits. 19 A good kitteh may havs lotsa trubbles but Ceiling Cat r goin to halp him. 20 Ceiling Cat r garding call teh kitteh's bonez Te kitteh r not have breakded bonez. 21 Evil r goinz to kill teh bad kittehs Teh enemiez of all good kittehs r goins to be uthanized. 22 Ceiling Cat freez his kitteh d00ds; No kitteh dat trusts in him is goinz to be doomd.

Ephesians 5.15–20

15 So don be stoopid.
16 Time coems u cud do gud, u bettr do gud an not ebil liek teh stinkeh kittehs.
17 An don be silli. Fink bout wut teh Loard wantz.
18 Dun roll in teh catnipz, wot maeks u act stoopid an getz u in trubbles. U shud let Hovr Cat mark u wid hiz scent.
19 Dun maek secksy talk, srsly! Iz moar bettr u sing all teh tiem bout how awsum Ceiling Cat iz, liek dis: "Awsum Awsum iz teh Loard!"
20 An sai thx to ur Daddy in de Ceiling for evreh think, an thx to Jebus, liek dis: "kthx, kthx, no whup ass plz, kthx!"

John 6.51–58

51 I iz teh cookiez from teh ceiling; dose dat eat dis cooki haz even more din 9lives. N teh cookiez I givz iz mai flesh for teh litez of teh wrld.
52 Teh jooz hissed at eech other n sed, "How kin dis kitteh givz us hiz flesh to eatz?!? WTF?"
53 Jebus sed to dem, "Kittehs! Dis is wut u needz to do! U must eatz my flesh n drinkz mai bloodz or u haz less din 9lives, you haz no lives!
54 Dose dat eat mai flesh n drinkz mai bloodz haz even mor din 9lives, n I wud raiz him in teh end.
55 Mai flesh iz true cookiez n mai bloodz iz true cream.
56 Dose dat eat mai flesh n drinkz mai bloodz staiz wit meh n meh wit him.
57 Just as teh Ceiling Cat sint meh n I haz lifz becuz of ceiling cat, so duz dose hoo feedz on meh wud haz lifz becuz of meh.
58 Dis is teh cookiez dat comz down from teh ceiling. Not like momcat and tomcat hoo eatz n dize, dose hoo eatz dis cooki livz forever.

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Buddy the Mighty Hunter

Two-striped Grasshopper (Melanoplus bivittatus)

Buddy may not be hunting mice and chipmunks as Zorro is. But he's busy enough. Nearly daily, he is catching very large garter snakes and cute little grasshoppers. The snakes slither through the kitchen, the hoppers, well, they hop. With only 5 legs, but they hop. Every time Buddy brings one of these creatures into the house, he gives that "I've got prey" yowl that cats give, which wakes any sleeping cats immediately because they think this'll be good. After all, when Zorro gives that yowl with his prey, there's always a good time to be had! But one look at Buddy's prey? They all quickly return to bed.

Buddy & a Common Garter Snake (Thamnophis sirtalis)

The photo here was extracted from Wingnut's Flip video when Wingnut was taping and came across Buddy's newest victim.


Technorati Tags: Two-striped Grasshopper, Melanoplus bivittatus, Common garter snake, Thamnophis sirtalis

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Turnip, Too

I began writing this post one week ago and never completed it. I never had the heart and I still don't. Turnip has died. He was hit by a car last week. Thankfully (again), it was quick and he was beautiful in death. John has buried him in the garden. Turnip was always so timid and fearful that I never ever thought he would make it all the way down to the road. Yet he did.

Turnip (named by Amelia because she "always wanted a cat named Turnip") was one of Matilda's babies, born in August, 1996 in Hartford, Connecticut. He was almost 13 years old. He was such a sweetie that he never fought with any other cat. He was totally submissive yet was very caring towards the other cats, and was always cuddling and washing the others. Zorro, Turnip's brother, is now the only survivor of Matilda's family.

Here is a slideshow of Turnip's life

Turnip's loss has been very difficult for all of us this week
but time heals.

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Wingnut's Water Olympics

This is the medal that Wingnut won for four events in the Water Olympics at swimming lessons. The four events were cannonball, treading water, blowing the loudest bubbles and the smoothest roll-over. Below is a video of Wingnut demonstrating the cannonball at Tannery Pond:

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, August 9, 2009

Sunday, August 9, 2009

2 Samuel 18.5–9, 15, 31–33
Psalm 130
1 Kings 19.4–8
Psalm 34.1–8
Ephesians 4.25—5.2
John 6.35, 41–51

Samuel 18.5–9, 15, 31–33

5 teh king commandd joab, abishai an ittai, "be gentle wif teh young man absalom 4 mah saek." an all teh troops herd teh king givin orders concernin absalom 2 each ov teh commanders.
6 teh army marchd into teh field 2 fight israel, an teh battle took place in da forest ov efraim.
7 thar teh army ov israel wuz defeatd by davidz doodz, an teh casualtiez dat dai wuz great - twenty thousand doodz!
8 teh battle spread out ovar teh whole countryside, an teh forest claimd moar livez dat dai than teh lightsaber.
9 nao absalom happend 2 meet davidz doodz. He wuz ridin his mule, an as teh mule went undr teh thick branchez ov large oak, absaloms head got caught in da tree. He wuz left hangin in midair, while teh mule he wuz ridin kept on goin!
15 an 10 ov joabs armor-bearers surroundd absalom, struck him an PWNED him.
31 den teh cushite arrivd an sed, "mah lord teh king, hear teh gud news! Teh lord has deliverd u todai frum all hoo rose up against u."
32 teh king askd teh cushite, "iz teh young man absalom safe?" Teh cushite replid, "cud teh enemiez ov mah lord teh king an all hoo rize up 2 harm u be liek dat young man."
33 teh king wuz shaken. He went up 2 teh room ovar teh gateway an wept. As he went, he sed: "o mah son absalom! Mah son, mah son absalom! If only i had did instead ov u absalom, mah son, mah son!"

Psalm 130 1 Dis place wuz teh suck so i wuz like "o hai Ceiling Cat" 2 Den i wuz all like "oi Ceiling Cat dun be afk coz i is lyk askin stufz" 3 Ceiling Cat if u iz all lyk postal cos of invisible error, iz we all fuxored? 4 But Ceiling Cat stil can giv cheezburgr if we sayz u pwn 5 I brb til Ceiling Cat sez i can has cheezburgr 6 Nvm i afk now, lyk idler in helpz room, til Ceiling Cat msg me 7 All kittehs afk waitn 4 cheezburgz cos Ceiling Cat can giv cheezburgr n Ceiling Cat giv cheezburgr to kittehs wiv invisble error 8 Wen Ceiling Cat bak from afk Ceiling Cat wil be all lyk "o hai kittehs, bout dat invisible error, lyk nvm, watevah"

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1 Kings 19.4–8

4 But him wen on a dai'z jurneh bai himself into teh wildness, an caem an sat undr a brum tree. An him prayed fer deth an sed, "Iz enuff! Ceiling Cat, getz meh outz uv here, Iz no bettah dan meh daddehs!"
5 Den as him sleepd unda a brum tree, suddenlee an angel-kitteh tuchd him, an sed, "Oh hai. Getz up an eats."
6 Den him lukd, an der by him hed wuz a caek baekd on coalz, an a jar uv waetr. So him eated an drinked, an wen bak to sleep.
7 An teh angel-kitteh uv Ceiling Cat caem bak a secunt tiem, an tuchd him, an sed, "Getz up an eats, fer teh jurneh iz too great fer yu."
8 So him gotz up an eated an drinked, an him wen in teh strenght uv dat fud ferteh dais and ferteh nites as far as Horeb, teh muntan uv Ceiling Cat.

Psalm 34 1 I r always talkins of Ceiling Cat I r always say good tings. 2 My soul r brag 'bout Ceiling Cat Let teh poor kittehs hear n be happies. 3 Lets rave 'bout Ceiling Cat lets prase his kewl name togedder. 4 I meowed for Ceiling Cat an he answred me He r save me from teh scary tings. 5 Teh kittehs dat trust him is happy cats Dey nevar hav shameful face. 6 Dis poor kitteh called HALP! An Ceiling Cat heerded him, He savded teh poor kitteh. 7 Teh Wingcat of teh Ceiling Cat is neer teh kittehs dat is respektful of him, an halps dem. 8 Taste n u will see, dis Ceiling Cat has a flavr. Cheezburgrs for teh kitteh dat seeks him. 9 Repekt teh Ceiling Cat, u good kittehs Cuz respektful kittehs get all de good tings. 10 Teh big cats is gettinz weak n hungries But kittehs who findz Ceiling Cat can has cheezburgrs. 11 Come to me, babby kittehs I r goins teech u to respekt Ceiling Cat 12 U kittehs dat luv life an r wants to haz 9 lives 13 Say no evil - mak shur cat have ur tongue! An never tell lies n stuff. 14 Point ur tail at evil and do lotsa good tings look for peece n chase it liek a maus. 15 Ceiling Cat is watchin teh good kittehs An his ears is listenins for dere cries. 16 Ceiling Cat not look at kittehs dat do evil tings He r delete dem from teh memory of teh urfs. 17 Teh good kittehs meow, and Ceiling Cat heers dem. He are savins dem from teh sad tings. 18 Ceiling Cat r cuddlin teh kittehs whose harts is broked An he r rescuins kittehs wit crushded spirits. 19 A good kitteh may havs lotsa trubbles but Ceiling Cat r goin to halp him. 20 Ceiling Cat r garding call teh kitteh's bonez Te kitteh r not have breakded bonez. 21 Evil r goinz to kill teh bad kittehs Teh enemiez of all good kittehs r goins to be uthanized. 22 Ceiling Cat freez his kitteh d00ds; No kitteh dat trusts in him is goinz to be doomd.

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Ephesians 4.25—5.2

25 So don BS uthr kittehs (i noes contraidikshin uz gud but still need me tellin u don lie; don worri bout it, kthx!).
26 If uthr kitteh piss u off, be caerful u don make invisbl err. An stop bein pissed if teh sun is goen down.
27 When u iz pissed, debil kitteh can taek ovr ur mind.
28 An WTF is wid kittehs bogarten all teh cheezburgers?!! Dat sheetz gotta stop, srsl. U shud hunt and bringz back noms fer de lil kitz or de sick kittehs.
29 I dun wanna heer no moer trash talk from u kittehs nether, even if iz funneh. Dat bad fer kitteh self esteem.
30 Don make Hovr Cat crai. Membr, he marked u so Ceiling Cat noes uz Hiz.
31 U ragers an haters got to chill, srsly.
32 Be nice to each udder, jes liek Jebus be nice to u, k?

Ceiling Cat haz teh Whup Ass
1 Be liek Ceiling Cat, cuz u noes he luvs u.
2 and luv teh uthr kittehs leik Jebus luv u. Membr Jebus gaeb hiz laif an eben all hiz cheezburgerz fur u. Dat nice prezent froom Jebus smelt leik fresh cookies outta de oven to Ceiling Cat.

John 6.35, 41–51

35 Jebus sed, "I iz deez cookiez, dose dat beleevs will neverz b witout chzbrgrz n creamz in ur saucerz.
41 Teh Joo kittehs hissed at Him cuz He sez, "I iz deez cookiez from teh ceiling."
42 N dey sed "Iz dis not Jesus, teh son of Joseph? I no hiz mommacat and tomcat! Din how he sez, 'I comz from teh ceiling?'"
43 Jebus sed, "Stop hissing at meh!
44 No wun kin comz to meh lest Ceiling cat hoo sint meh sez so, n I b raizin him in teh end.
45 It b dare in teh profits: 'Ceiling cat wud teech dem' dose dat hear ceiling cat n lurnz from Him comz to meh.
46 Kittehs can't seez ceiling cat, tho. Only teh one who is from teh ceiling can seez ceiling cat.
47 Kittehs! dose dat beleevs haz even more din 9lives!
48 I am teh cookiez dat offer even more din 9lives.
49 Momcatz n Tomcatz eatz chzbrgrz in teh desert n died.
50 Dis is teh cookiez from teh ceiling so dat kittehs cud eat it and haz even more din 9lives.
51 I iz teh cookiez from teh ceiling; dose dat eat dis cooki haz even more din 9lives. N teh cookiez I givz iz mai flesh for teh litez of teh wrld.

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August 8, 2009

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, August 2, 2009

Sunday, August 2, 2009

2 Samuel 11.26—12.13a
Psalm 51.1–12
Exodus 16.2–4, 9–15
Psalm 78.23–29
Ephesians 4.1–16
John 6.24–35

2 Samuel 11.26—12.13a

26 when uriahs wife herd dat her husband wuz ded, she mournd 4 him.
27 aftr teh tiem ov mournin wuz ovar, david had her brought 2 his houz, an she became his wife an bore him son. But teh ting david had dun displeasd teh lord.

Nathan Disses David
1 teh lord sent nathan 2 david. When he came 2 him, he sed, "thar wuz 2 doodz in certain town, wan rich an teh othr poor.
2 teh rich man had vry large numbr ov sheep an kattle,
3 but teh poor man had nothin except wan lil ewe lamb he had buyd. He raisd it, an it grew up wif him an his children. It shard his fud, drank frum his cup an even slept in his arms. It wuz liek daughtr 2 him.
4 "nao travelr came 2 teh rich man, but teh rich man refraind frum takin wan ov his own sheep or kattle 2 prepare meal 4 da travelr hoo had come 2 him. Instead, he took teh ewe lamb dat belongd 2 teh poor man an prepard it 4 da wan hoo had come 2 him."
5 david burnd wif angr against teh man an sed 2 nathan, "as surely as teh lord livez, teh man hoo did dis deservez 2 dye!
6 he must pai 4 dat lamb 4 tiems ovar, cuz he did such ting an had no pity."
7 den nathan sed 2 david, "u r teh man! Dis ar teh wut teh lord, teh ceilin cat ov israel, sez: i anointd u king ovar israel, an i deliverd u frum teh hand ov saul.
8 i gaev ur mastahs houz 2 u, an ur mastahs wivez into ur arms. I gaev u teh houz ov israel an judah. An if all dis had been 2 lil, i wud has given u even moar.
9 y u despize teh werd ov teh lord by doin wut iz evil in his eyez? U struck down uriah teh hittite wif teh sword an took his wife 2 be ur own. U killd him wif teh sword ov teh ammonitez.
10 nao, therefore, teh sword will nevr depart frum ur houz, cuz u despisd me an took teh wife ov uriah teh hittite 2 be ur own.
11 "dis ar teh wut teh lord sez: out ov ur own haushold im goin 2 brin calamity upon u. Before ur vry eyez im gonna taek ur wivez an giv them 2 wan hoo iz close 2 u, an he will lie wif ur wivez in broad dailight.
12 u did it in seekret, but im gonna do dis ting in broad dailight before all israel. "
13 den david sed 2 nathan, "i has sinnd against teh lord." Nathan replid, "teh lord has taken away ur sin. U r not goin 2 dye.

Psalm 51 1 Lyk WHY do u purr cuz of teh ebil, u mighty kitteh? Why do u purr all day long--teh disgrace of teh eyez of teh Ceiling Cat u is nao! 2 U tongue, it be plotting teh destructionz; it be like a sharpened kitteh claw, u who be plotting to steal teh bukkitz. 3 U luv teh pooches (EBIL, lol) an not teh kittehs (GUD, plz); fakerz an not saying teh truthz. 4 In ur kitteh haertz, u has luv for teh ebilness. O, u has a bad tongue! 5 U no Ceiling Cat be punting u down to ruin; he will use u as teh baad scratching post an he will taer u from ur litterbox an he will put u in teh lair of teh pooches! 6 Teh gud kittehs will see an be afraid! They will laff in at him, seyz, 7 "Here be teh kitteh who think he is teh l33t--too l33t for teh Ceiling Cat; he lyked his catnip better than teh Ceiling Cat! He be scratching others an getting strongerz." 8 But I be lyke a blooburry bush an I be flourishin' in teh ceiling fan of teh Ceiling Cat; I putz mah trust in Ceiling Cat's unfailing luvz an I purr his praises forevr and evr. 9 I lift up mah catnip an praizes forevr for wut u has doen for mah life! In ur name I be hoping an I will praize u in teh presence of teh holi kittehs!

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Exodus 16.2–4, 9–15

2 In teh desert teh hole cr00 startid flame war gainst Moses n Aaron.
3 Teh j00s sez 2 tehm, "t00 bad CEILING CAT din pwn us 2 deth in Egypt! Haz cheezburgrz in Egypt, but u bringed us wher no haz cheezburgrz. We is dyin 2 haz cheezburgr."
4 Tehn CEILING CAT sez 2 Moses, "Hakkkkh hakkkhh hakkk hhhhaqqqqqqq blehhhhh", for CEILING CAT did much gruming, and expelt furz and cheezburgrz frum hiz belly. He then sez "I throwz exter cheezburgrz 2 u frum ceiling." An' Moses sez, "gross--want nu cheezburgrz." An' CEILING CAT sez, "OK--Teh ppl are 2 go out each day n gather enuf Nu cheezburgrz 4 taht day. Iz test 2 c if tehy suck."

9 Tehn Moses tol Aaron, "Say 2 teh entire j00 cr00, 'Cum b4 CEILING CAT, 4 him red ur flam war n him not hapy kitteh.'"
10 While Aaron were talkin 2 teh hole j00 cr00, tehy lukd @ teh desert, n there waz teh awsomnes o CEILING CAT in a clowd. Wuz shapd like kitteh, srsly.
11 CEILING CAT was laik Moses,
12 "I herd teh flamin o teh j00s. Tell em, 'At twilight u can haz cheezburgr, n in teh morning u can haz bunz. Tehn u wil no taht I am CEILING CAT.'"
13 taht nite cheezburgrz covered teh camp, n in teh morning was a layer o dew in teh camp.
14 When teh dew were gon, lil flaks like frost on teh groun is on teh sand.
15 When teh j00s saw it, tehy sez, "Wut iz?" 4 tehy did not no wut it was. Moses sez 2 them, "It is teh bunz CEILING CAT givz u.

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Ephesians 4.1–16
No fites in Jebus tairtory

1 Uz marked wid Ceiling Cats sent. Evr bodeh noes uz totly pwnd by Him. So dun be embarasin Ceiling Cat!
2 U gotz be humble leik lil kit. No fites. No meows if u haz to wait fer stufz, or if uthr kittehs gettin on ur nerves. U gotz te act leik u don mind.
3 Even if kittehz askin fer it, dun fite, srsly.
4 All kittehs in Ceiling Cats tairtory no fites. Membr wunz u wuz out, now uz in. Same fer all Ceiling Cats kittehs.
5 We all gotz 1 Loard who pwns us wid Hiz sent.
6 We all gotz 1 Daddy, an Hez de boss uf uz.
7 But all kitteh getz cookie froom Jebus.
8 Der iz paipr sais, "When Jebus climed up teh ceiling, him carried teh kittehs, an gived teh kittehs cookie."
9 Now, if Jebus goed up teh ceiling, he gots get back downd teh floor. Dat jes commin sentz.
10 Jebus goed up an caem down, so he been boef plaisez.
11 Jebus gived sum cookies to teh ol kittehs
12 so dey kin halp de new kittehs
13 an all kittehs kin be groed up kittehs noin bout Jebus an Ceiling Cat.
14 Den weez not itteh bitteh babeh kittehs no moer, all fraid uf scairy noises nstuffs, an totly gulbal an lettin meen kittehs taik ar cheezburgers.
15 Stead, weez leik pride uf big, roarin lions wid Jebus teh King.
16 An allo Jebus kittehs luvs teh uther an halps teh uther. An each do him job, maekin de pride strong.

John 6.24–35

24 Teh kittehz see'd dat Jesus n hiz homiez wuzzint there, dey demselves got into boats n came to Capernaum lookin for Jesus.

Jebus teh breadz o lifes
25 And when teh kittehz see'd him 'cross teh sea dey sez to Him, "Dude, how'd u do dat?"
26 Jesus sed, "Kittehz! U r not lookin for meh cuz you see'd teh mrklz, but cuz u want teh chzbrgrz!
27 Don't purr for teh chzburgrz, but for teh cookies dat offer mor din 9 livez, dat teh Son of Catz givz to u. Ceiling cat sez Him goodz stuffz."
28 So dey sez to Him, "Wut we kin do dat make ceiling cat purrz?"
29 Jesus sed, "Dis b it, beleev in teh one He sent."
30 So din dey sed, "Wut mrkl u do, dat we cud beleev in u? Wut kin u do?
31 Teh momcatz n tomcatz eated cookiez in teh desert, as teh skrptur sez: 'He givz dem cookiez from teh ceiling.'"
32 So Jebus sed, "Kittehs! dat wuzn't Moses! Dat wuz ceiling cat dat givz u cookiez from teh ceiling!"
33 Teh cookiez from teh ceiling cat r dose dat comez from teh ceiling n gives even more din 9lives to teh kittehs."
34 So dey sed Him, "D00d, givz us deez cookiez! srsly!"
35 Jebus sed, "I iz deez cookiez, dose dat beleevs will neverz b witout chzbrgrz n creamz in ur saucerz.

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!

Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
#217 Aug 01-02 is being held by Miz Mog and Kitties at Mind of Mog

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
Edition 106 | Aug 02, 2009
Mom Robyn and the Hotties
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats
#281 is going to Kashim & Othello and Salome on Sunday Evening
(submit your post here)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Kitty Limericks

Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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Geekspeak I: Gender & Vocabulary

Last week I finished reading Geekspeak: A Guide to Answering the Unanswerable, Making Sense of the Insensible, and Solving the Unsolvable — or How Life + Mathematics = Happiness. This is good summer reading because the chapters are short and comprehensible. This is Science Lite. The math is Xtra Lite. And much of the content is fun.

A database of over 100 million words was created from recordings of conversations taken by researchers in the 1990s. The researchers found out that "there are certain words that act as fingerprints, showing that a conversation is between two men, or between two women." These fingerprints are the three words most frequently used by men talking to other men or women talking to other women.

When two women speak to each other, the three words that they say most often are:
she
her
said

And when two men speak to each other, the three words that they say most often are:
fucking
er
the

Nuff said?

By the way, read chapter one, "Scrabbling for Words," to learn a quick method to determine the number of words in your personal vocabulary.
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Heat Wave

So it has rained practically all summer so far. Now the heat. It has been 90°F (32.2°C) for two days now. The humidity is simply awful. The cats won't even go outside again (they seem to only like it to be 75°F (24°C) and sunny with a soft breeze). So here is Wingnut watching the only show on TV we watch all week, relaxing in the air conditioning, surrounded by his books, video games, puzzles, and his cat. We are so tired of books and puzzles and even of the computer that I may take us to the (gasp) mall today.
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Pansy

Pansy (left, glaring) and Turnip (right)

Pansy's huge catitude is beginning to thin. She actually came to bed and slept with the other cats one morning (after I was awake of course, because she doesn't really like me). And she did bite John's toes. But still, she is becoming more sociable and talking to me when it is time to go out in the morning and come in at night. Before I took this photo, she had a smile on her face. But she saw that I was looking at her and she glared at me again. Turnip? Well, he's totally at home everywhere and with everybody now.
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Blog Hop: Favorite Kid Photo: Kayaking Wingnut

Wingnut listens to John's instructions

Wingnut follows John down the Blackwater

My grandson Wingnut and I had our first kayaking adventure two weeks ago on the Blackwater River. We paddled 3.4 miles (5.5 km) from Salisbury north and back again. Wingnut and John had a great time. I was busy photographing flowers, ducks, insects and them. What a great day!

I love these photos because Wingnut has a real talent for kayaking (which would not be possible without the swimming lessons he has every summer when he stays with me). He is fast and sure and can navigate his kayak very well. He has the most wonderful role model in John, who is patient and communicates clearly

This is the route of our trip made on Google Earth. You can click on the image to view the trip. You can also click on the KMZ file here to view it on your Google Earth.

Blackwater River, Salisbury, NH Kayak Trip
Download Google Earth here

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Turkey Families

Everywhere we go now, there are family groups of turkeys running around. Groups of mothers with the chicks are out and about. I've been taking photos while I drive, through the windshield, as I ride my bike . . . they are everywhere. But yesterday this group of two moms and about seven chicks was in our fields eating grasshoppers all afternoon. I finally got some decent (but not great photos). The chicks are about the size of chickens now. But I did see one mom after church and her chick was a tiny newborn.

The mom makes a constant, soft noise so that the chicks can know where she is and follow. It is a beautiful sound. The chicks chirp behind her all the way. One day, I accidentally prevented a chick from following its mother across the road and its distress cry was upsetting. I had stopped in the road and the chick wouldn't cross the road with me there until I backed up the car. Then it raced across and happily joined the family.

Wild Turkey Set

Technorati Tags: Meleagris gallopavo, wild turkeys
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A Wading Donkey

One morning last week, as Wingnut and I drove to swimming lessons, we passed a pasture with a couple of horses, a pond, and this wonderful forlorn donkey wading in the pond. He always looks doleful but he must have been enjoying himself. Who wouldn't be happy on a midsummer day in cool, lily-flowered water?

Eeyore wouldn't be, I guess.

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Wingnut's First Aquarium

Wingnut had his first aquarium filled with salamanders, frogs and fish from John's ponds. They let the creatures go the next day in order to prepare a more suitable aquarium to keep until Wingnut goes home. These photos are of red-spotted salamanders and the tadpole of a green frog. Wingnut, as any other 13 year old boy, was fascinated and proud of this aquarium and I look forward to them setting up the next one soon.

You can view all of the photos in Wingnut's First Aquarium Set

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Refueling

click on the photo to see a larger version on Flickr

These two planes flew over the house on Wednesday. By the time I had gathered my wits and figured out what they were doing and where they were from, they had gone far past a good photographic range. But I still managed to get this shot before they disappeared.

The smaller plane is similar in size to a 707 jetliner, and is a KC-135R, called a Stratotanker. The big plane is an Army transport plane, a C-5A Galaxy.

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, July 26, 2009

Sunday, July 26, 2009

2 Samuel 11.1–15
Psalm 14
2 Kings 4.42–end
Psalm 145.10–18
Ephesians 3.14–end
John 6.1–21

2 Samuel 11.1–15
♥♥♥ David Gets a Girlfriend! ♥♥♥

1 in da sprin, at teh tiem when kings go off 2 war, david sent joab out wif teh kings doodz an teh whole israelite army. They destroyd teh ammonitez an besiegd rabbah. But david remaind in jerusalem.
2 wan evenin david got up frum his bed an walkd around on teh roof ov teh palace. Frum teh roof he saw woman bafin. Teh woman wuz vry beautiful,
3 an david sent someone 2 find out bout her. Teh man sed, "isnt dis bafsheba, teh daughtr ov eliam an teh wife ov uriah teh hittite?"
4 den david sent mesengers 2 git her. She came 2 him, an he slept wif her. (she had purifid herself frum her uncleannes.) den [a] she went bak home.
5 teh woman conceivd an sent werd 2 david, sayin, "im pregnant."
6 so david sent dis werd 2 joab: "send me uriah teh hittite." an joab sent him 2 david.
7 when uriah came 2 him, david askd him how joab wuz, how teh soldiers wuz an how teh war wuz goin.
8 den david sed 2 uriah, "go down 2 ur houz an wash ur feet." so uriah left teh palace, an gift frum teh king wuz sent aftr him.
9 but uriah slept at teh entrance 2 teh palace wif all his mastahs servants an did not go down 2 his houz.
10 when david wuz told, "uriah did not go home," he askd him, "havent u jus come frum distance? Y didnt u go home?"
11 uriah sed 2 david, "teh ark an israel an judah r stayin in tents, an mah mastah joab an mah lordz doodz r campd in da open fieldz. How cud i go 2 mah houz 2 eat an drink an lie wif mah wife? As surely as u liv, im gonna not do such ting!"
12 den david sed 2 him, "stay her wan moar dai, an 2morrow im gonna send u bak." so uriah remaind in jerusalem dat dai an teh next.
13 at davidz invitashun, he eatd an drank wif him, an david made him drunk. But in da evenin uriah went out 2 sleep on his mat among his mastahs servants; he did not go home.
14 in da mornin david wrote lettr 2 joab an sent it wif uriah.
15 in it he wrote, "put uriah in da frunt line wer teh fightin iz fiercest. Den withdraw frum him so he will be struck down an dye."

Psalm 14 1 Short bus kittehs sez "No Ceiling Cat!" Theyz bad. 2 Ceiling Cat watches you masturbate, and iz like, do u getz it? 3 Theyz still bad 4 Dont thoze bad guyz who eat teh kittehs like cheezburgers reeulize that Ceiling Cat TOTALY RULEZ?!! 5 Ceiling Cat likez us better 6 We hidez under Ceiling Cat, cuz hes like, really big. 7 When Ceiling Cat bring back teh kittehs, that Jacob dood will be preety happi, and Izrael is all liek, "Way cool!"

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2 Kings 4.42–end

42 One dayz a cat bringz lotts of cheezburgers. Elisha cat sez "Giv to profeet cats!"
43 "Wuut? Dar is not enuff" sayz teh cat. But Elish cat repeeted, "Giv eet to dem. Thar wil bee plantee."
44 And sur enuff, thar waz plantee four all teh cats, juzt az teh Ceiling Cat promized.

Psalm 145 1 I will exAlt u, mah Ceiling Cat teh Pwn 2 Evry dai I will IM u , An fwd u fr evr An evr 3 Great iz teh CEILING CAT an most worthy of kibble; his pwn nowun can haz 4 One base will fwd ur email to anoner; dey will macro of ur pwn 5 They will post of teh phishee pwn of teh Ceiling Cat, An I will downld ur pr0nz 6 They will post of teh pwn of ur awzom pr0nz, An I will post of ur winz 7 They will partaay ur lots of joy n joyness, An joyly macro of ur pwn 8 Teh Cieling Cat iz grayshus An compa - compa - neet; slow to report an rich in Friend List 9 Teh Cieling Cat iz cool to evryon; he can haz neet on all he haz not eated 10 All u haz not eated will macro u, O Ceiling Cat; ur Friends will fwd u 11 They will post of teh winz of ur base, An email of ur pwn 12 so all minz can haz be on ur Friends List, An hang at ur base 13 Your base is not b bedlong'd by anyone else, An ur chrysanthemum livz thru all madeds. (Teh Ceiling Cat iz fayfthul to all hiz threadz, An lovin to all he haz not eated)+ 14 Teh Ceiling Cat b catchin all those who haz no toastback, An liftzes those who haz teh bluz 15 All eyez look to u, An u giv them der kibblez at noon 16 U open ur paw, and givz all kittehs der cheezburger when want. 17 Teh Ceiling Cat iz admin in all hiz forumz, An neet towardz all he haz not eated 18 Teh Ceiling Cat iz near to all who IM him, An all who email him in troof 19 He fulfeelz teh desires (not in that wai, perv) of dose who feerz him; he seez der IMz An unbanz dem 20 Teh Ceiling Cat b watchin' all dose who masturbate, but all teh meanies he will eated 21 My postz will chatspk in teh prayz of teh Ceiling Cat; Let evry spambot prayz hiz holy name; for evr an evr or until teh connection diez. +Apochrypha = i think dis meenz iz extra.

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Ephesians 3.14–end

14 CeilingCat lubs ebry kitteh!
15 Srsly!
16 Him cn gib yu nawledge to makez cookie,
17 dat way kitteh cn be l33t too!
18 N him likez yu eebin if yu hab envisble err,
19 him still gibs u cookie n cheezburg n stuffs.
20 So, cuz CeilingCat is kewl,
21 yu tell ebrybody to come ovr whenevs K? thxbye!

John 6.1–21
Jebus giveh cheezburgerz to 5K

1 Afturwurdz, Jesus cross'd teh See of Gallilee.
2 lotza kittehs went too cuz dey see's teh mirikls He dun.
3 Jesus went up on teh mountn n sat dwn wit hiz homiez.
4 Teh jooz cheezberger feest wuz cominz up
5 Jesus saw lotza kittehs comin n sez to Philip, "We gonna need mor cheezbergerz!"
6 but Jesus sez dis iz test cuz he no'd wut waz comin.
7 Phillip sed, "200 daze of cheezberger makin wudn't be enuf to feed all teh kittehs even a lil bit."
8 One of teh homiez, Andrew, the brudduh o Simon Peter, sez,
9 "There iz tom-kitteh wit five cheezbergerz n two tuna; but wut good dis do?"
10 Jesus sez, "Tell them to chilax." N all teh kittehs chill'd on teh grassiez.
11 Jesus took teh cheezbergerz, sed thx to ceiling cat, and handed teh chzbrgrz to teh chillin' kittehs, also teh tuna.
12 When teh kittehs were purrin', he ses to His homiez, "Get teh leftover cheezbergerz so nuthin be waestid. kthx."
13 So Jesus' homies got teh leftovers, and fill'd twelv baskets wit leftovers dat came from teh five chzbrgrz dat wuz more din dey cud eetz.
14 When teh kittehs see teh mirikle he dun, they sez, "Dat must b teh Profit hoo come into teh wrld."
15 Jesus knowed teh kittehz wus going to come and takz Him n makz Him king, so He ran awayz

Jesus walkz on waters (kiiteh hait waters)
16 nite came and teh hommiez went dwn to teh sea,
17 thay left in a boat, goed cross teh sea to Capernaum. It wuz dark, n Jesus wuz still gonz.
18 Teh sea wuz dancin n shakin cuz teh wind wuz goin craziez!
19 Teh homiez see'd Jesus walkin on teh water! OMGWTF? Teh homiez wuz skeered!
20 Jesus sez to hiz homiez, "Don't be skeered! srsly!"
21 Teh homies told Jesus to git in teh boat, but teh boat wuz at teh shor alredy.

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!

Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Kitty Limericks

Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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Buddy's Snake

Thamnophis sirtalis

We came home one afternoon to find Buddy hopping about excitedly — because of this garter snake. The snake was trying to bite Buddy. They are not poisonous snakes but do inflict heavy vet bills, so we did not allow Buddy to harm it. I then photographed Buddy and the snake under the steps of the side door. Because the light was so poor I had to heavily adjust the shadows so that you could see them staring at each other.

You can see more, and better, photos of this snake here.

Common Garter Snake Photograph Set

Technorati Tags: common garter snake, Thamnophis sirtalis
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