Friday, July 02, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Independence Day, July 4, 2010

Independence Day
July 4, 2010

2 Kings 5:1-14
Psalm 30
Isaiah 66:10-14
Psalm 66:1-9
Galatians 6:(1-6), 7-16
Luke 10:1-11, 16-20


2 Kings 5:1-14
Naaman gawt melty face

1 So dere wuz diz guy Naaman, he wuz liek mastah of teh Syreean kings armay. Him had teh graetnez and teh honorz cuz Ceiling Cat gief him dese, him wuz also nyce but omg him haev a melty face LOLZ!!!
2 Meanwhile dem Syreeans went out in ur Israil steelin ur wumun to be slayve for teh wyf of teh Naaman guy
3 Teh slayve was liek "sum guy in Samareeya cud toetlay figz ur melty face dood, kthxbai"
4 So her told teh guy Naaman wha her told teh wyf
5 An teh king wuz liek "lol, srsly go see teh guy an ai wriet lettah so teh otha king iz cool" so him wented an tooked sum Cheezburgrz and lots of stuf to waer liek hatz
6 So he tooked teh lettah to tha Israil king an wuz liek "now u plz fikz mai melty face kthxbai"
7 Teh Israil king wuz liek "wtf? ai iz no Ceiling Cat an u haf made me rip my clothz a bit"
8 Tehn tha holey man Elisha herded teh king has ripd his clothz a bit and wuz liek "o hai omahghad ai tell u of teh prafet guy who can figz teh melty face"
9 Naaman went to see diz Elisha at him place an wuz all up him frunt dor waitn fur him wif him hors
10 Elisha jez told him, him shud clean in teh rivah and him wud be srsly supar.
11 But Naaman was liek wtf? him dunt want to spaek to me? ai tauht him wud be all liek "Ceiling Cat fix tha melty guy MEOW plz"
12 Him wuz liek "i can has rivah at hoem why ai com heer to wash? noob"
13 But hiz doodz wer liek "u shud wash, srsly"
14 So him washded in teh rivah an wuz liek "omahghad ai haz been cureded of teh mewlty face"

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Psalm 30

1 Ai wull prayseh yu, teh Cieling Cat, cos yu pickd meh upz frm the toylut bowl an di unt letz next doorz dog laff at meh!! WAI DEY LAFF AT MEH!!!11!!

2 O teh Cieling Cat, I corlded yu an yu gis me the maike betta medsin. (Tayste bad tho srsly).

3 O teh Cieling Cat, yu has gotz meh from teh gardin holze an di unt letz meh fallz in teh toylut agen, srsly, ah keeypz duin that…

4 Myawzez 2 teh Cieling Cat, yu furreh toyz ov hiz, that goze skweek! Sayz iz nayme lotz and lotz and lotz!!

5 Cieling Catz mad fing tis shoort, but heez luvz yah frevur, srsly, cuz ai iz mayekin noyzes all nyte (wihch ai iz k wiv), an deh sleepeh kittenz is happeh in teh mornun.

6 Wun ai iz on teh sofur, ai myaw “NAOW, IZ MAI CUSHIN!!!”

7 O Cieling Cat, wun yu lykez meh bestist , yu mayde meh scwatchin powst nt forl ovah wen ai iz scwatchin (vewy inportant), bt wen yu iz hydin ur fayse, ai iz lyke OMG yu dyssapeyude!!! Srsly lyke WTF? Wer yu gon?!!11!!!! YU INVISDIBUL!!!

8 Tuh yu O Cieling Cat, ai myawed mor: 2 Cieling Cat foor murseh!!

9 Wai teh dog allwayz trei 2 putz meh in toylut bowlz!!? Wai?!! Oh noes! Teh dogz trei 2 take mah cookiez!! Iz teh snayulz gunna bee yur kittehz?? Iz it gunna sayz yu luvz Cieling Cat more dan cookiez an meh??

10 Lizun O Cieling Cat an giz meh cookiez plz, O Cieling Cat, beh mah fwuendz, k?

11 Yuh turnd mah cri cat 2 danz cat, tuk off taht grai furz an yuzed teh fur die of teh fun kynd, srsly, ai hatez teh garai furz, meks meh luk lyk teh ownur of sooicydul catz, srsly.

12 Soze mai hart can myawz 2 yuh an not beh myawluss. O Cieling Cat, ai givz yuh mah cookiez furevr, k, thnx, bai..


More funny dogs at Loldogs
Isaiah 66:10-14

10 "rejoice wif jerusalem an be glad 4 her, All u hoo luv her; Rejoice greatly wif her, All u hoo mourn ovar her.
11 4 u will nurse an be satisfid At her comfortin boobs; U will drink deeply An delight in her overflowin abundance."
12 4 dis ar teh wut teh lord sez: "im gonna extend peace 2 her liek rivr, An teh wealth ov nashuns liek floodin stream; U will nurse an be carrid on her arm An dandld on her kneez.
13 as mommy comforts her child, So will i comfort u; An u will be comfortd ovar jerusalem."
14 when u c dis, ur hart will rejoice An u will flourish liek gras; Teh hand ov teh lord will be made known 2 his servants, But his fury will be shown 2 his foez.

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures




Psalm 66

1 Purr to teh Ceiling cat, O urf
2 Meow hims naem laik u meanz it
3 Tellz teh Ceiling Cat, "U r teh pwnz, Srsly!
4 evrybody lowerz himz tail in rspekt fur uz dey al seyz uz a rly graet doodz"

5 Haz u seen al teh awsumage of teh Ceiling Cat? him haelps al teh kittehs
6 Him splitzed teh see wen teh DO NOT WANT!!1! en teh Izrelites walkd on teh grownd. Us shood meow himz good naem
7 wif himz pwnage him r owner ob teh wurld himz ais r big laik it were nait, him sees bof teh ninja kittehs en pirate kittehs

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Galatians 6
Be niec to evribodi

1 If sumwun messez up u shud tel him. Be niec tho. An watch out bcz u miet maek mistaeks too.
2 Help each othr, datz what Jesus wants.
3 If u thinkz u iz importnt u iz rong.
4 U shud keep an eye on urself to maek shure u iz doin riet. Dat way u can be satesfied wif urself, wifout thinking ur bettr dan sumwun else.
5 An maek shure to do ur part wifout slackin k.
6 If sumwun iz teechin u about Jesus, u shud shaer ur cookies wif dem.
7 Ceiling Cat woant put up wif bein maed fun of. No two waiz about it.
8 If u plant nauti thingz, u wil harvist distrukshn LOL. If u plant what teh Holy Spirit lieks tho, he wil let u liv forevr.
9 Doant get tierd of bein good, bcz we can haz cheezburgrz if we doant giv up.
10 So letz be niec to evribodi.

Wun last thing about forskinz
11 My handrietin sux LOL!
12 Sum peepl wantz u to cut ur forskin off. Dis iz bcz dey iz afraid peepl wil treet them bad bcz dey is Christians.
13 Dey jus wantz to talk about ur bodi LOL.
14 i nevr bragz about anithin xcept Jesus.
15 Forskinz iznt importnt. Jesus's work iz all dat mattrz realli
16 i jus wantz evribodi who duz Ceiling Cat's work to be happi.
17 So doant giv me so much trubl no moar.
18 kthnxbai.





Luke 10:1-11, 16-20
Sevinti Lolcats

1 Den Jebus pikt sevinti moar lolcats an sendz dem ahed ov him evrywer him goed.
2 An him sez "Der being lotz ov cooki doh but not being enuf cooki bakirz. Praez to Ceiling Cat fr moar cooki bakirs so der be enuf cookiz fr evrybody.
3 U be liek mousiez on cat tree. Srsly! It be danjrus!
4 No taeks no muneez.
5 Wen u goez in howse sae 'Peas being to dis howse.'
6 But if howse not be peasful, den ur peas goed bak to u.
7 An stae in dat howse hoel tiem, an not goed diffrnt howses.
8 An eated wut dem givs u, cuz wrkrs gitz to eated.
9 An ficks hurted kittehs an tel dem 'Keengdum ov Ceiling Cat iz coemin! LOL'
10 If citee doan liek u, den GTFO
11 an kik aff all dem's duhst an sai 'Ceiling Cat goan to pwnz u!'
12 An him will! Srsly! Wors dan him pwnd Sodom! LOL!"

OH NOES to Bad Citees
13 "OH NOES Chorazin! OH NOES Bethsaida! U had ur chans an u blu it! If Tyre an Sidon ben seeing dez mirakles, dem wud hav sed sorri to Ceiling Cat.
14 So Ceiling Cat goan to pwnz u wors dan Tyre an Sidon!
15 An Capernaum tinks it graet cittee, but it be pwned.
16 Him dat heerz mai lolcats heerz me, an him dat flamz u flamz me, and him dat flamz me, flamz him dat sent me."

Teh Sevinti Lolcats Coems Bak
17 An sevinti lolcats coems bak all happi and sez "Boss! Even debils did wat we tel dem! Srsly!"
18 An Jebus sez "I seed Basement Cat git pwned an fall from Ceiling liek laitnin.
19 D00dz, I gibs u powr to stepping on snakiez an skorpeunz an not git bited.
20 But stead of be happi cuz ov dat, be happi dat ur naems iz writtn in Ceiling."




Weekend Cat Events
Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)
Weekend Cat Blogging
(see the week’s& host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)
Ree-purrted by KC


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