meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, September 19, 2010

Sunday, September 19, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, September 19, 2010

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Jeremiah 8:18-9:1

Psalm 79:1-9

Amos 8:4-7

Psalm 113

1 Timothy 2:1-7

Luke 16:1-13

Jeremiah 8:18-9:1

8:1 HAY GAIZ bring dem bonez of dem Kings uv Judah, n uv teh princes, n uv teh priests, n uv teh prophets, n uv the inhabeebents of Jewrusalem owt uv teh ground.

8:2 Put dem in teh sun all spread out liek, so dey can see de moon, and teh heavens, n all the pwetty stars, whom dey hab luvd, n whom dey hab servidid, n after whom dey are walk, n whom dey sees, n whom dey workshopped: dey should stay outside too, don't bury them, dey liek little turds of justice on mah littur box, da urf.

8:3 N teh gaiz left will kill themselves, at least whur I been, so sayeth Ceiling Cat. Yay.

8:4 Say to dem gaiz, Thus spracke Ceiling Cat; Yuo gaiz gonna stay down or wut? U gaiz gunna turn de udder weigh?

8:5 Why u gaiz going backwards n stuff all teh time? Dem guys hold deciets, they said we no return.

8:6 I hurd, and was liek, YAY! Den dem guys were stupid. Dey were stoopid n00bs, always saying wut I done? Dey all went on course, liek a Horse! Yay, dat rhymes!

9:1 [a]oh, dat mah head wuz sprin ov watr An mah eyez fountain ov tears! I wud weep dai an nite 4 da slain ov mah peeps.

funny pictures-Basement cat here to steel ur soul! oooh wate... blankie soft...

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Psalm 79

O hai ceiling cat, dem catz wot dont think uz iz real haz done they busnez in your houze.
Them ded kitties wot did give you stuffs hav bin given to teh animalz in teh ceiling, teh bodyz of ur holy kitties to teh animalz on teh urf.
Teh bl00d they has lost iz gone like wen you iz really firsty, and lick it up reeeel fast, and they had no kitty to dig them holes.
We no like our neighbourz no more. you shud srsly pwn them.
How long you no likes uz for?
You shud be angry at them wot dont believe in you and their h00manz.
They haz eated jacob, and let his house go all nasty.
Forget wot we did waz bad.
Forgive us pllllllllz
Say you no care wot we did waz bad no more, for ceiling cat's sake!
Wot sez them kitties wot dont believ in you?
Wheres their ceiling cat?
Let them no by pwning them.
Let them priznorz wot shud be dead liv.
Coz u can do that coz u is awsm.
And pwn our neighbours 7 tyms worse than wot they pwned you.
So uz kitties of yours will say kthnx for eva, and tell our little kitties and their kitties.

kthnxbai!

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Amos 8:4-7

4 Lissin up, u who iz steppin on teh poor peeplz
an killin dem too,

5 u iz all liek
"Izint it tiem yet
for us to sell cookies?
rippin peeplz off
an charjin too much?

7 Ceiling Cat wuz liek "I iz not goin to forget dat enni tiem soon.

funny dog pictures-ceilin kitteh creates demon dogs to over throw basment kitteh

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Psalm 113

1 Ai Begz teh Ceiling Cat an teh BirdKats2 Ai bless yoo hover Cat, yoo hav many Cheezburgz

3 All teh dai teh Ceiling Cat shud be blessd an loved4 Him iz teh pwnz0r ov teh Urf an ceiling.

5 Him hi in teh skiez wid teh birdz an the BirdKatz6 an iz teh humbel kitteh

7 Him giv teh poor kittehs fishies an birdz an mek dem happeh again.

8 Dey can den eat wif teh princes

9 An can mek a kitti-less kitteh hav many kittehs 2 feed. Bless teh Ceiling Cat hoo give teh kittehs.

funny pictures-Basement cat hated the day he met optimistic cat

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1 Timothy 2:1-7
Wanna Wurship? Heers How!

1 Srsly gaiz, I sez lawzt of goodz stuf shud befor evrywunz —
2 evn for teh pwnrcatz n dare frenz, so we kin be liek evrytinz kewlzorzlawl.
3 N teh Ceiling Cat sez itb kewlz0rzlawl,
4 cuz hezliek gaiz, u ned to b kewl n no whddfxup.
5 Cuz derz won Ceiling Cat n hiz boikitteh, n tahtz geewhiz,
6 u no, teh gai wat sez "imma dy fr u now kthxbai!!!!"
7 So now iz liek, im heer lisn to meh n u getz all teh cheezbergrz EVAR. yeh wai!

funny pictures-Go on walk under ... I dare you.

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Luke 16:1-13

Teh Story of the N00b Manager

1 Jebus told his lolcats, "There was a rich kitteh whose manager was said to have wasted his cheezburgerz.
2 So he went to teh manager and wuz lyke, "WTF? Give account of management cuz u FIRED lolz.
3 The manager sayd to himself, "Oh noez! Wut I do now? Me is weak so can't dig hole, and me no dog so me can't beg...
4 ..O wait I can do stuff so peepl still lyke meh."
5 So teh manager called the one of peepz who owed the rich kitteh cheezburgerz. He was lyke. "How many cheezburgerz u owe teh rich kitteh?"
6 Kitteh numbah one said, "Eight-hundred cheezburgerz." Teh manager was lyke, "OMG that's too many! I say u owe him 400 cheezburgers k?" And kitteh numbah one couldn't argue bcuz if he did he would get h4x0rd LOL.
7 Den he ask kitteh numbah 2 da same queshtun. He are said, "The numbah of cheezburgerz I owe him is OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And the manager was lyke, "ORLY?" And kitteh numbah 2 was lyke "YARLY!" So teh manager said, "Well now you only owe him 800 cheezburgerz k?"
8 Teh manager pwn3d teh rich kitteh cuz teh rich kitteh was meen. Teh kittehs of da wurld are meen to others of da wurld and not teh holy kittehs. "I wuldn't be meen to holy kettehs either, dey might smite meh!)
9 So lyke, use ur cheezburgerz to getz u sum frendz, so when ur cheezburgerz get eated, you still gotz teh friends, k?
10 If you be trusted with kid-sized cheezburger, you be trusted with supahsized cheezburger. But if you no trusted with kid-sized cheezburger, you no trusted with nuttin LOL.
11 So if you can't be trusted with ur suff, you can't be trusted with other stuff.
12 And vice versa.
13 No cat can be in 2 ceilings. Either he hate one and luff teh other, or vice versa. You can't serve both Ceiling Cat and teh cheezburgerz. It one or other, not both, k?