meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Trinity Sunday

Saturday, June 06, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Trinity Sunday

Trinity Sunday
Isaiah 6.1–8
Psalm 29
Romans 8.12–17
John 3.1–17

Isaiah 6.1–8

1 O hai! Isaiah iz here: this me book. Chiefcat Uzziah waz ded. Me seez teh Ceiling Cat. Big chair, hi-up. Ceiling cat haz klOthz. Lotsa klOthz! (An a train. Who knu?)
2 An brnin wngz guyz. With fyer! Lotsa brnin wingz guyz! 2 wngz hId Iz! 2 wngz hId fete! 2 wngz: Flii, mnkEs, fliii!!
3 An yelped: Mega-733t, mega-733t, mega-733t be ceiling cat, an he maded starz! Starz-boss ceiling cat!
4 An smok! An more smok! An Rikter ScAL 9 San Andreas! An Rikter ScAL 9 San Andreas! Srsly!
5 I sez: I iz pwnd! I iz totly pwnd! Srsly! Iz sad! I iz drty-mout un-733t cat. I livz wit drty-mout un-733t pEpL! I seez ceiling cat, he maded starz, starz-boss ceiling cat! I seez! I iz pwnd!!
6 1 Den a wngz guy bringed a fyer rock to me.
7 He tuch it on mai mouf an sez "Hot fyer tuch ur lipz.. Yoo iz furgiben nao.
8 An ceiling cat is liek "Me want senz a gai, who want go?!" [hint hint lol] an I sez: "mE here. Senz mE pl0x!

Psalm 29

1 David has teh Psalm. Give cheezburger to Ceiling Cat, he iz teh l33t, give Ceiling Cat teh gl0ry An grace.

2 Give cheezburgerz to teh Ceiling Cat cuz of his name, lol, an has beautiez as u praize his name.

3 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is teh meow of teh waterz! (He has teh voice of all of teh waterz, tho kittehs DO NOT WANT water.)

4 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is purrty an powerful.

5 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked kitteh tree fall down; it maeked teh kitteh trees of Lebanon go boom.

6 He maeked dem to skip like teh bby cowz; Lebanon an Sirion like teh l33t unicornz.

7 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat parted teh fire, lol!

8 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh treez dance lyk WOAH, espeshully in Kadesh, cuz they is speshull kittehs.

9 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh hinds to calve? an discovr teh forestz of l33t! In teh litter box, lol, evry kitteh meow Ceiling Cat's glory!

10 Teh Ceiling Cat sit on teh flood (cuz little kittehs DO NOT WANT teh floodz); w00t, teh Ceiling Cat be teh Lord forevrz.

11 Teh Ceiling Cat give teh catnip to teh kittehs; teh Ceiling Cat gives teh blessings of teh catnip to his kittehs an givez dem teh peaces.

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Romans 8.12–17

12 Lissenup, brudder catz, we dun haz to chase affer meatz.
13 Iffn youse liv dat way, an dance wit teh meatz, youse ded: but iffn youse Invisible RAWR atta meatz-chasin, youse not ded.
14 Invisible Cat rulz, srsly, an can maiks u kittnz uv Ceiling Cat.
15 Yu invisible kitty, in yu, it shoodent be fraid; but choo 'dopted Invisible Cat an u can meow-meow, "Abba, Big Daddy Cat."
16 Invisible Cat seez our own invisible kitty, an sez we be kitnz uv Ceiling Cat:
17 An kittnz, den der kittnz; kittnz uv Ceiling Cat, an der kittnz of Jebus; Iffn we getz bit anna poked inna eyez, den webe brudderz poked inna eyez togeddr, RAWR srsly.

John 3.1–17
Happy Cat Lernz Nicoteneus

1 Naow dis guy Nicoteneus iz a lvl 64 Pharisee and leeds teh joos.
2 He comez to teh Happy Cat in teh nites and he sez "We knoes u comez frum teh Ceiling Kitteh and we knoes u pwn."
3 An Happy Cat sed, "Ceiling Kitteh has invisible haus, u gots 2 borned agen 2 see it."
4 Nicoteneus sez, "o rly, d00d? How doez dat werk?"
5 Happy Cat sez, "is da truth, u hafta be born agen wif waterz an spiritz an stuffs.
6 Flesh givez birf 2 flesh, but teh spirit gives birf to spirit, k?
7 Y r u so konfoozled?
8 Is lyke wind, it doz its own stufs an u dunno how it werks, but is all ok, amirite? Is like that!"
9 Nicoteneus sez, "I doez not get it." :(
10 "Den ur not gud teecher," sed Happy Cat . "Lez flame tnak his b4se!"
11 "Ok, iz da twoof. We says sum stuff dat we sawed, and teh peeplez is still konfoozled.
12 I ben talkin bout teh stuffs on urf and ur still lyke, 'whut?' so whut bout Ceiling an stuffs?
13 I iz da only wan whos gone to Ceiling so u haves 2 trusts me, mkay?
14 I gots 2 b lifteded up lyke Moses an his snakedy thingy,
15 coz if u beleeves ur not gon be ded! Eternal lifes, u can has it!
16 So liek teh Ceiling Kitteh lieks teh ppl lots and he sez 'Oh hai I givez u me only kitteh and ifs u beleeves him u wont evr diez no moar, k?'
17 Cuz teh Ceiling Kitteh not snd hiz son 2 take all yur cookies, but so u cud maek moar cookies 4EVAR!