Friday, June 04, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, June 6, 2010

Sunday, June 6, 2010

1 Kings 17:8-16, (17-24)
Psalm 146
Psalm 30
Galatians 1:11-24
Luke 7:11-17



1 Kings 17:8-16, (17-24)

8 Ceiling Cat whisperd to Elikhat:
9 Him catwalk to Zarephath of Sidon an der yu stay. Ai aksd a widoe slave-kitteh toh giv yu cookies.
10 Him gud kitteh catwalks to Zarephath an met teh widoe slave-kitteh. Den kitteh aproach teh widoe an aksd for sip ov wotr.
11 Teh widoe giv wotr, also cookies her giv gud kitteh.
12 Widoe kitteh sed toh gud kitteh, wut evr yu sed com from Ceiling Cat, ai wil obei but ai an meh onlei kitten hav flour. dem few nof enuf gud for tow ov us. meh an kitten mey starv toh deth an famin.
13 Elikhat sed toh widoe,pur kitteh, be nof afreid. Catwalk toh yuz kitteh basket. but meyk a tayne cookie toh meh tooh.
14 Becoz teh Ceiling Cat sed toh meh, dem hav famin an sufer, yuz flour wil beh enuf toh yu an yuz kitten, yu wil nof starve toh deth til teh famin wil ovr.
15 Teh pur kitteh went toh her kitteh basket an meyk a cookie an teh flour was nof used up. Dem has cookie toh Elikhat teh widoe an her kitten.
16 Teh was stil der, an dat teh word ov teh Ceiling Cat was fulfild.
17 One dey, teh widoe's onlei kitten got ill an died.
18 Pur widoe kitteh sed toh Elikhat, "Meh had done samting nof ryt toh yu Good Kitteh? did yu catwalk hir toh remynd meh ov myne invisible error an tuk meh onlei kitten?"
19 Giv meh yu kitten, Elikhat sed. Gud kitteh climb toh a tree an him wif teh kitten.
20 Him shout out to teh Ceiling Cat an sed, famin to tis land an sufer, wai tuk teh pur kitten an meyk sad teh widoe?
21 Elikhat leyd teh kitten on teh branch ov tree an shouted from one toh three, "Ceiling Cat wake kitten up! mercy beh!"
22 Ceiling Cat herd gud kittehs plea, an teh kitten wok up.
23 Den, Elikhat an teh kitten climb down teh tree an catwalk to teh widoe.
24 Trulee der yu ar a gud slave-kitteh ov teh Ceiling Cat! wat yu reely sey him tru!, sed teh widoe.

funny pictures of cats with captions
Psalm 146

1 Praise Ceiling Cat
Praise Ceiling Cat, o mai sole

2 I iz in mai life praisin Ceiling Cat all teh timez
I iz singin to Ceiling Cat all mai life

3 Don't be in ur base trustin ur princez
Cuz they iz gunna die an can't do nuffin

4 When their spirits iz in teh sky returning to teh urfs
They is nuffin

5 If u gets Ceiling Cat to help you can haz cheezburger

6 Teh lolcoder of Ceiling and urfs
teh watres and teh fishes

7 He lets hungry kittehs has sammiches

8 Ceiling Cat maikz teh blind kittehs can see
Ceiling Cat liftz up kittehs on 4 legz
Ceiling Cat <3>

funny pictures of cats with captions

Psalm 30

1 Ai wull prayseh yu, teh Cieling Cat, cos yu pickd meh upz frm the toylut bowl an di unt letz next doorz dog laff at meh!! WAI DEY LAFF AT MEH!!!11!!

2 O teh Cieling Cat, I corlded yu an yu gis me the maike betta medsin. (Tayste bad tho srsly).

3 O teh Cieling Cat, yu has gotz meh from teh gardin holze an di unt letz meh fallz in teh toylut agen, srsly, ah keeypz duin that…

4 Myawzez 2 teh Cieling Cat, yu furreh toyz ov hiz, that goze skweek! Sayz iz nayme lotz and lotz and lotz!!

5 Cieling Catz mad fing tis shoort, but heez luvz yah frevur, srsly, cuz ai iz mayekin noyzes all nyte (wihch ai iz k wiv), an deh sleepeh kittenz is happeh in teh mornun.

6 Wun ai iz on teh sofur, ai myaw “NAOW, IZ MAI CUSHIN!!!”

7 O Cieling Cat, wun yu lykez meh bestist , yu mayde meh scwatchin powst nt forl ovah wen ai iz scwatchin (vewy inportant), bt wen yu iz hydin ur fayse, ai iz lyke OMG yu dyssapeyude!!! Srsly lyke WTF? Wer yu gon?!!11!!!! YU INVISDIBUL!!!

8 Tuh yu O Cieling Cat, ai myawed mor: 2 Cieling Cat foor murseh!!

9 Wai teh dog allwayz trei 2 putz meh in toylut bowlz!!? Wai?!! Oh noes! Teh dogz trei 2 take mah cookiez!! Iz teh snayulz gunna bee yur kittehz?? Iz it gunna sayz yu luvz Cieling Cat more dan cookiez an meh??

10 Lizun O Cieling Cat an giz meh cookiez plz, O Cieling Cat, beh mah fwuendz, k?

11 Yuh turnd mah cri cat 2 danz cat, tuk off taht grai furz an yuzed teh fur die of teh fun kynd, srsly, ai hatez teh garai furz, meks meh luk lyk teh ownur of sooicydul catz, srsly.

12 Soze mai hart can myawz 2 yuh an not beh myawluss. O Cieling Cat, ai givz yuh mah cookiez furevr, k, thnx, bai..

funny pictures of cats with captions
Galatians 1:11-24
Paul txted by ceiling cat

11 Iz not makin dis up. Srsly.
12 No mans telled me. Jebus telled me. Srsly.
13 So ai hopez yu new abuot me befoer. Ai wuz a meen kat to Jebus kats adn treid too taek theyre toyz.
14 Ai haed moer Jooish katnip than othah Jookats cuz I leikd katnip a lot.
15 Bud den teh Ceiling Cat, he putted me ni speshial boxs whne ai wuz a kittn, adn siad,
16 "Oh, hai! Iz teh Ceiling Cat. This iz mai kittn, Jebus. Txt yur freindz, kthnx." Ai didnt aks nowun,
17 Ai jus wen too Arabia (das a big saendboxs!!1). Thne thta wuz dun so ai wen too Demaskas.
18 So thne that wuz dun too so ai goed too Jerusalin so I cuold sai, "Oh, hai, Petah!"
19 An ai didnt tolk to nowun elze! Eksept Jaemz. But hez Jebusz bruthah, so dat wuz ok.
20 So thisz no joek. Srsly.
21 Yeah, an ai bin too Siria and Cylicia too. Srsly.
22 But teh Jebus chruches in Judae didnt kno me.
23 Thei saw on TV boxs dat teh d00d dat wuz heer, hurtin yur churchiz, now hez helpin yur churchiz.
24 An thei saed gud thignz abuot Ceiling Cat.

funny pictures of cats with captions
Luke 7:11-17
Jebus Raises a Dead Box Kitteh

11 Ltr, Jebus goed to Nain, an hiz minnyons and lotz o doodz went wit him.
12 When he got to da base, he seed a box kitteh that wuz dead--the only kitteh of his mom, and her husbin wuz dead too. And lotz o doodz frum da base wuz wit her.
13 When Jebus seed her, he was liek "Oh noes, dunt cry laydee!"
14 Then he goed and touched teh dead kitteh's box, and the guyz that wuz carryin it were like, "Dood!" Jebus sed, "Kitteh, I say to you, get up!"
15 The dead kitteh sat up and said, "I can haz cheezburgr?", and Jebus gived him back to hiz mom, and she wuz all happy an stuff.
16 Teh hole base wuz all amazed and said "Ceiling Cat is da bomb! Jebus is so kewl! Kthxbai."
17 And lotz more ppl heard abt Jebus bcuz they wanted him to raiz their dead kittehs too.


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Ree-purrted by KC

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