LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Nineteenth Sunday after Pentecost

Nineteenth Sunday after Pentecost
Jonah 3:10—4:11
Psalm 145:1-8 (Ps. 145:8)
Philippians 1:21-30
Matthew 20:1-16
Semicontinuous series
Exodus 16:2-15
Psalm 105:1-6, 37-45 (Ps. 105:1, 45)
Philippians 1:21-30
Matthew 20:1-16

Jonah 3: 10 - 4: 11

10 When Ceiling Cat see what tehy did tehre he calls it Caturday and gived tehm cheezburgers and cookies.

1 Jonah gotted mad tho. He wuz lookin forwrd to seein teh Ninevites get pwnded an sayin "I told u so."
2 He wuz liek "Ceiling Cat, u is nice.
3 So plz kil me now kthnxbai."
4 But Ceiling Cat wuz liek "DO NOT WANT!"
5 Jonah sitted down to see what happnd to teh citi.
6 Ceiling Cat maded a plant gro, an teh shaed maded Jonah happi.
7 But teh nekst mornin Ceiling Cat sended a worm an it eated teh plant.

8 An Ceiling Cat maded teh sun shien so briet dat Jonah wantd to die agin.
9 Ceiling Cat wuz liek "Why for u iz mad about teh plant?" Jonah wuz liek "STFU, dat plant wuz makin me happi, u suk."
10 Ceiling Cat wuz all "U caerz about teh plant evn tho u didint do ennithing for it an evn tho it wuz onli here for a dai.11 But teh citi of Niniveh haz lotz of peeplz n catz too. Shudnt I caer about it?"

Psalm 145

1 I will exAlt u, mah Ceiling Cat teh Pwn
2 Evry dai I will IM u , An fwd u fr evr An evr
3 Great iz teh CEILING CAT an most worthy of kibble; his pwn nowun can haz
4 One base will fwd ur email to anoner; dey will macro of ur pwn
5 They will post of teh phishee pwn of teh Ceiling Cat, An I will downld ur pr0nz
6 They will post of teh pwn of ur awzom pr0nz, An I will post of ur winz
7 They will partaay ur lots of joy n joyness, An joyly macro of ur pwn
8 Teh Cieling Cat iz grayshus An compa - compa - neet; slow to report an rich in Friend List
9 Teh Cieling Cat iz cool to evryon; he can haz neet on all he haz not eated
10 All u haz not eated will macro u, O Ceiling Cat; ur Friends will fwd u
11 They will post of teh winz of ur base, An email of ur pwn
12 so all minz can haz be on ur Friends List, An hang at ur base
13 Your base is not b bedlong'd by anyone else, An ur chrysanthemum livz thru all madeds.
(Teh Ceiling Cat iz fayfthul to all hiz threadz, An lovin to all he haz not eated)+
14 Teh Ceiling Cat b catchin all those who haz no toastback, An liftzes those who haz teh bluz
15 All eyez look to u, An u giv them der kibblez at noon
16 U open ur paw, and givz all kittehs der cheezburger when want.
17 Teh Ceiling Cat iz admin in all hiz forumz, An neet towardz all he haz not eated
18 Teh Ceiling Cat iz near to all who IM him, An all who email him in troof
19 He fulfeelz teh desires (not in that wai, perv) of dose who feerz him; he seez der IMz An unbanz dem
20 Teh Ceiling Cat b watchin' all dose who masturbate, but all teh meanies he will eated
21 My postz will chatspk in teh prayz of teh Ceiling Cat; Let evry spambot prayz hiz holy name; for evr an evr or until teh connection diez.
+Apochrypha = i think dis meenz iz extra.

Philippians 1: 21-30

21 Mai laif is 4 Jebus, so bein dead is ok cuz I will be with teh Jebus!
22 But if I is alaif, I can do moar wurk for teh Jebus.
23 I wants to be wit teh Ceiling Cat,
24 but since yu guyz r here I guess I wil stay 4 nao.
25 Teh reason I will stay alaif is so I can givez yu teh smartz and teh LOLz.
26 Wen I visit yu will be happy cuz I is doin Jebus wurk.

Laif Liek Yu is in Ceiling
27 Liv liek Jebus did so wen I c yu I kno yu is fallow him.
28 Not be fraid, teh bad kittehs will be pwnd, but teh Ceiling Cat will saf ur laifs.
29 Is okay sometiems laif is hard.
30 We wurk togehter, things be better soon, k?

Matthew 20: 1-16
Teh parable ov teh werkers in da vineyard

1 Hokai, teh ceiling iz liek a dood tat has a howse, who wakes up in teh earlee mornin
2 get kittehs 2 werk 4 himz. 2 and he sed "i only gonna give u penny LOLZ!!" and teh kittehs sez "hokai" and dey go do teh werk
3 "bout 9 in da mornin he went out an saw others standin in da marketplace doin nothin.
4 he told them, u also go an werk in mah vineyard, an im gonna pai u whatevr iz rite.
5 so they went. "he went out again bout noon an bout 3 in da afternoon an did teh same ting.
6 bout 5 in da afternoon he went out an findz still others standin around. He askd them, y has u been standin her all dai long doin nothin?
7 " cuz no wan has hird us, they anzwerd. "he sed 2 them, u also go an werk in mah vineyard.
8 "when evenin came, teh ownr ov teh vineyard sed 2 his supervisor, call teh werkers an pai them their wagez, beginnin wif teh last onez hird an goin on 2 teh furst.
9 "teh werkers hoo wuz hird bout 5 in da afternoon came an each receivd 1 penny.
10 so when dose came hoo wuz hird furst, they iz liek, "i can has moar?". But each wan ov them also receivd penny.
11 when they receivd it, they began 2 grumble against teh landownr.
12 thees doodz hoo wuz hird last werkd only wan hour, they sed, an u has made them equal 2 us hoo has borne teh burden ov teh werk an teh heat ov teh dai.
13 "but he anzwerd wan ov them, frend, i r not bean unfair 2 u. Didnt u agree 2 werk 4 denarius?
14 taek ur pai an go. I wants 2 giv teh wan hoo wuz hird last teh same as i gaev u.
15 doan i has teh rite 2 do wut i wants wif mah own money? Or r u envious cuz im generous?
16 "so teh last will be furst, an teh furst will be last."

Exodus 16: 1-15
Manna n Cheezburgrz

1 Teh hole j00 crew lef Elim n cumz 2 teh Desert o Sin, taht is between Elim n Sinai, on teh fifteenth day o teh 2nd munf after tehy had cum out o Egypt.
2 In teh desert teh hole cr00 startid flame war gainst Moses n Aaron.
3 Teh j00s sez 2 tehm, "t00 bad CEILING CAT din pwn us 2 deth in Egypt! Haz cheezburgrz in Egypt, but u bringed us wher no haz cheezburgrz. We is dyin 2 haz cheezburgr."

4 Tehn CEILING CAT sez 2 Moses, "Hakkkkh hakkkhh hakkk hhhhaqqqqqqq blehhhhh", for CEILING CAT did much gruming, and expelt furz and cheezburgrz frum hiz belly. He then sez "I throwz exter cheezburgrz 2 u frum ceiling." An' Moses sez, "gross--want nu cheezburgrz." An' CEILING CAT sez, "OK--Teh ppl are 2 go out each day n gather enuf Nu cheezburgrz 4 taht day. Iz test 2 c if tehy suck."
5 On teh 6th day tehy are 2 nuke teh cheezburgrz, n taht is 2 b twice as much as tehy scarf up on teh other days."

6 So Moses n Aaron sez 2 all teh j00s, "Tonite u wil no taht it were CEILING CAT who brung u out o Egypt,
7 n in teh morning u wil see teh awsomness o CEILING CAT, cuz him chekd out ur flame war gainst him. Who are we, taht u should flame us?"
8 Moses also sez, "U wil no taht it were CEILING CAT when him gives u beef paties n cheez 2 eat in teh evening n all teh bunz u want in teh morning, cuz him has chekd ur flame gainst him. Who are we? U are not flamin us, but CEILING CAT."

9 Tehn Moses tol Aaron, "Say 2 teh entire j00 cr00, 'Cum b4 CEILING CAT, 4 him red ur flam war n him not hapy kitteh.'"
10 While Aaron were talkin 2 teh hole j00 cr00, tehy lukd @ teh desert, n there waz teh awsomnes o CEILING CAT in a clowd. Wuz shapd like kitteh, srsly.
11 CEILING CAT was laik Moses,
12 "I herd teh flamin o teh j00s. Tell em, 'At twilight u can haz cheezburgr, n in teh morning u can haz bunz. Tehn u wil no taht I am CEILING CAT.'"

13 taht nite cheezburgrz covered teh camp, n in teh morning was a layer o dew in teh camp.
14 When teh dew were gon, lil flaks like frost on teh groun is on teh sand.
15 When teh j00s saw it, tehy sez, "Wut iz?" 4 tehy did not no wut it was.

Moses sez 2 them, "It is teh bunz CEILING CAT givz u.

Psalm 105

1 Oh hai! - giv Cieling Cat teh bg prrrrrrrrrrrrr; yel "Ceiling Cat?" rlly lowd: tel othr kittehs (mybe puppeez tu) whut him haz dided.
2 Maek teh noizy mew at him, mybe maek up teh fnny song tu, k?: tel bout teh tiem he maek teh gushy coem out frm frigratr an oter majik stuf him canz du.
3 Rll arown liek hiz naem iz yr ctnipz: beez hppy win yu lookz arown tu seez Cieling Cat.
4 Go arown teh hole howz liek yu crzy cuz yu no canz find favrit toyz -- yu lookz arown to seez Cieling Cat, an teh mussels uv him, tu (hintz: dOOd! lookz up! him iz prbly in cieling -- yu lookz fr whskerz uv him -- RITE NOW! -- all teh tiem -- SRSLY!)

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Wordless Wednesday: Peanut, the Blueberry Ridge Dog

Peanut the Blueberry Ridge Dog Flickr Set

Wordless Wednesday
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Cats on Tuesday: Candid Photos of George

More candids can be seen here.
The George Barton Cabot Flickr Set

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Heads or Tails: Amish Blueberry Cake Recipe

Blueberry season is winding down here. It's been a great year! This is one of my favorite and easiest blueberry recipes. I add as many berries as the batter can hold and I never put on the topping. Sometimes I sprinkle the top of the cake with confectioner's sugar. Sometimes I don't. I can't wait to see other people's recipes this week! Happy HoT Day!

2008 Blueberry Harvest Flickr Set

Amish Blueberry Cake Recipe

Ingredients:
3/4 c. sugar
1/4 c. vegetable oil
1 egg
1/2 c. milk
2 c. flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
2 c. blueberries, well drained

TOPPING: 1/4 c. butter
1/2 c. sugar
1/3 c. flour
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon

Directions:
Cream together sugar, oil and egg until lemon colored. Stir in milk. Sift together flour, baking powder and salt and stir into creamed mixture. Gently fold in blueberries. Spread batter into greased and floured 9x9 square pan. Sprinkle with topping. Bake for 45-50 minutes at 375°F.

Topping:
Combine with fork or pastry cutter. Crumble over cake batter.
Source Nancy's Kitchen

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Sadie the Runaway Dog

On the Saturday of the Caledonia Fair, Matt took me out to dinner. As we drove down Rt. 16 to Westmore, this dog was on the double yellow line chasing cars out of fear. We went over the next rise and waited to see if she would follow us. She did. So we put her in the car and asked the nearest farm if they knew her. They did — her name was Sadie and must have been spooked by the gunshots in the woods nearby. We went to Sadie's home but nobody was there. Sadie recognized her home but wouldn't even leave the car. Since the gunshots were continuing, we took her to dinner with us.

Sadie's folks were not home all night. We took Sadie to our home and she slept in the garage. Actually, she slept in Matt's car because he kept a window down and she jumped in! She ate some food he had mistakenly left there, also.

At 6AM Sunday I drove by Sadie's home and still nobody was there. Then Matt took her home at 8 AM and Sadie went up the long driveway without looking back.

Matt came home, stacked a cord of wood, took a shower and went back out to the garage. And there was Sadie, asleep on the backseat of his car again! She had come down Cook Road and Rt 16 and found her Matt.

Matt and I jumped in the car with Sadie and went to her home again. Finally her owners were home. They were glad to see Sadie but had never responded to the note (with our phone number) that Matt had put on their door! They had been in Island Pond overnight. Sadie had been in the garage when they left Friday but the doors had been open for air — just enough to let Sadie escape when she panicked.

Sadie has never returned.

Sadie the Runaway Dog Flickr Set

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Photo Hunters: Wild Cherry

Spring

Late summer

The woods are full of cherries now — all ready for the bears before they hibernate and for other creatures. The cherries glow a deep red in the autumn sun.

Thank you for visiting.

Click PhotoHunt to view more participants.

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Eighteenth Sunday after Pentecost

Eighteenth Sunday after Pentecost
Genesis 50:15-21
Psalm 103:(1-7) 8-13 (Ps. 103:8)
Romans 14:1-12
Matthew 18:21-35
Semicontinuous series
Exodus 14:19-31
Psalm 114 (Ps. 114:7) or Exodus 15:1b-11, 20-21 (Exod. 15:1)
Romans 14:1-12
Matthew 18:21-35

Genesis 50:15-21

15 den bros sed "Joseph will h8 us"
16 an bros sed "Joseph, dad sed
17 u must luv us an not be mad" an Joseph cried
18 an bros sed "we sirv u an lick ur feetz"
19 an Joseph sed "dont be fraid I iz liek ceiling cat
20 cuz u wer bad but ceiling cat maed it gud an kittehs got saved
21 dunt werry I give u cheezburgrz" an he gaev em cheezburgrz.

Psalm 103

1 Prayze Ceiling Cat, o mah soule, o Ceiling Cat, mah grate leeder, u is da shit. U gots nice fur too.
2 Prayz da Ceiling cat, O my fluffyness, an he stretchez out an purrs along the ceiling.
3 for Ceiling Cat iz grate for not skratchig de eyez out,
4 who letz youz live and letz you pettz him and snorgle
5 who gibs grate massazes with de paws and oh the clawz needin' da scalp and da swotting at birdz
6 for Ceiling Cat iz goooooood, an awwwwesome.
7 and u no when da ceiling cat iz there
8 wot wid da anger and de non petting an de strechin
9 he aint alwayz letz u pettz him, but he snuggles at nite
10 he duz the scratching when he wantz, eben when we be nice an feeeeed him
11 eben when da ceiling hi, he be there, redy to pounce
12 ceeling cat carez not as long as we feedz him
13 dont forgetz da fear, even wid da kittehs!!
14 cause he can kick out azzes enyday
15 watch da kittehs playin wid da grassez!!!! It eated da flower.
16 kitteh is ADD...a flutterby! me wantz it!!
17 be wary of ceiling cat, coz he gonna pounce on your bebbeh
18 'member da feedin and da pettin, and da no baths!
19 and no sittin in his ray-o-sun
20 obey!!! ceiling cat huuungry...gonna skratch if no food soon.
21 prayz da ceiling cat, for he be da koolest
22 prayz and feeded da ceiling cat, so he behave and no skratch u in eyez.

Romans 14: 1-12

Pls dont hiss at fat cat

1 Pls plai wif teeny and week kittehs. Dont eate teh teeny kittehs.
2 Fat kittehs eat all but teeny kitteh only eat cookies.
3 Teh fat kitteh, dont eat teeny kittehs cookies. srsly. And teh teeny kitteh, dont hiss at teh fat kitteh. Ceelin cat hug both laters.
4 Hu gaiv u teh rite to hiss at summone elses hoomin? Teh hoomin fail or not fail to hoomins cat. Cuz teh Ceelin cat make teh hoomin not fail.
5 Sum cat liek cheezburgerz betta than cookies, fat cat liek bouf. Bouf shudnt goe chainge urz opiniuns.
6 Hu liek to luke at fud, do it fo ceelin cat. Hu eated fud, do it fo ceelin cat and giv props to ceelin cat. Hu dont eate fud, do it fo ceelin cat an' givs props too, k?
7 Nobodies liv for selfbodies. Nobodies deades for selfbodies.
8 If us liv, us liv for ceelin cat. If us dies, us dies for ceelin cat. So if we liv or die, teh ceelin cat owns us.
9 Dats y Jebus deaded an' then respawn, so that he would own teh livers and the deaders.
10 O hai, u there! Y u bullie ur brothar? An' u there, hai! Y u look at ur brothars pawes insted of noes?? Srsly. Were all gonna be ratefied bai teh ceelin cat.
11 Tis ritten: "'As gud I liv', sez teh ceelin cat. 'evri cat will sit before me; evri tong will sez I pwn.'"
12 So evryone need to maek a selfcookie to ceelin cat.

Matthew 18: 21-35
Nother parable, about servant

21 Peter had kwestshun. He said to teh Ceiling Cat: "How many tiems do I 4give my bruther if he makes invisible error at me? Seven tiems?"
22 Jesus sed to Peter: "No wai, I did not say 7 times. U must forgive ur bruther's invisible error over nine thousand times!
23 So teh Howse in Ceiling is liek a king who wanted all dets made fixed wit the cats working for him.
24 Kingcat did so and found Workercat what wuz supposed to pay him over nine thousand munney.
25 But Workercat no had nine thousand munney. So Kingcat said "Taek his cheezburger away, and sell it so I can haz munney."
26 Workercat was very sad and said: "No wai, plz! I can haz moar time, and I pays u ur munney, promise!"
27 So teh Kingcat was a nice cat and maded teh debt go away.
28 But Workercat found anuther cat what had a det of a few munnies to Workercat. (Not many.) Workercat wuz angry at Othercat and said "U pays me or els!"
29 So Othercat was very sad and said: "No wai, plz! I can haz moar time, and I pays u ur munney, promise!"
30 But Workercat no gived Othercat moar time. He maded Othercat get locked in box until he payded.
31 Lots of cats wer looking an saw whut Workercat did. Teh Lookingcats wuz sad and tolded Kingcat whut happened.
32 Kingcat made frowny face at Workercat and sed: "Srsly, d00d, u iz bad cat. I maded ur debt go away cos u was sad.
33 Y u not maded Othercat's det go away when he wuz sad?"
34 An Kingcat was not happy, and maded Workercat's det un-go away, and said to Torchurcat: "U can scratch Workercat until he gives me teh munneys he owed."
35 (Jesus talking again) "An mah Daddy in Ceiling, he does same 2 u if u not 4give ur bruther his invisible errors."

Exodus 14: 19-31

19 So teh big clowd taht wuz Ceiling Cat wuz in frunt but it movd 2 teh bak. it movd
20 so it wer btween teh gypshuns An teh Izrelites. An teh clowd wuz dark scarei clowd fur teh gypshuns, but wuz nyse hapei clowd fur teh Izrel d00ds. An teh armeis no can see cuz it wer dark (cept 4 kitties cuz dey cn C in dark).
21 Moses put his han ovur teh see, An Ceiling Cat mayk big wind that blowd see all nite till see wuz drei lan so kitties no get wet. teh waterz wer dvided.
22 Teh izrelites crosd see on drei urth an no get wet. but tehr wuz walls o water on teh sieds.
23 But teh gypshuns An teh charyots chaysd tehm OMG!!

24 Tehn, rite be4 sun caym up, Ceiling Cat lookd at teh gypshuns An he pwnzd dem so dey freekd ouwt.
25 An teh weelz ov teh charyots wuz stuk an not moov gud. teh gypshuns sed "Ceiling Cat fites 4 justis 4 teh izrelites, An he no leik us. we shud skedaddlz, leik srsly."
26 Ceiling Cat sed 2 moses: "hold ur han ovur teh see, An teh waterz, tehy cum bak An coverz teh gypshuns."
27 so moses hold hiz han ovur teh see, An teh waterz go bak 2 normul. teh gypshuns treid 2 run awai, but Ceiling Cat frew dem in2 teh see.
28 Teh waterz coverd teh charyots An all teh gypshun armei d00ds. leik srsly. not evun 1 gypshun cud excayp teh waterz.
29 But teh izrelites, tehy crosd see on drei urth an no get wet An tehr wuz walls o water on teh sides 4 dem.

30 So Ceiling Cat savd teh izrel peepz taht dey. An teh izrelites seed teh gypshuns ded on teh beech.
31 an teh izrelites seed taht Ceiling Cat can pwn gypshuns, An tehy leik "wow taht be awsm!!" An tehy bleev Ceiling Cat An moses.

Psalm 114

1 wen teh Izrael got out of teh 'Gyp-landz,
2 Judah wuz teh home of teh Ceiling Cat n Izrael 2.
3 Teh sea ran awayz lolz.
4 Teh mountainz skipped liek teh ramz, an' teh hillz liek teh lamz, wich wuz ttly weirdz.
5 Y did u run away sea?/
6 u mountainz skipped liek teh ramz, an' u hillz liek teh lamz
7 ph34r teh Ceiling Cat.
8 who turnez rox into teh watah an' bak agin.

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Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
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will take place with Mr Tigger at The M-Cats
Optional Theme: Kittycats and Fall
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goes on air Sunday evening with Rocky at Artsy Catsy
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Cats Tuesday: Action Shots

I know I haven't been around for ages. But I'm back! And looking forward to visiting everybody again and getting caught up. Zorro and George are friends now and often play outside. Yesterday George surprised Zorro who was sleeping next to the woodpile. Off they took to the meadow on the hill and into the woods! The shots are not great, but they capture the joy that cats must feel when chasing each other with complete freedom.

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Two Cords of Wood

My brother-in-law Malcolm delivered two cords of wood with his big truck in the middle of August. $180 a cord, split. Matt piled it up and Amy covered it with a tarp.  We're going to be burning it in the oil/wood furnace this winter. Two more cords are expected soon. 

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Meo & Mordecai

Camille (my sister) has two new little Siamese kittens — crossed eyes and all. Both boys, they are indistinguishable to me. These are some of my favorite shots of them that I took last week.

All of the photos can be seen in my Camille's New Kittens Flickr Set

Technorati Tags: Siamese kittens
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The Neighbor's Horses

After picking blueberries and after I took the photos of the hawk we came home. But the neighbor's horses were out of their field. In fact, the brown horse was pulling up huge mouthfuls of grass in the ditch by the road. I missed that great shot. I stopped the car and Amy jumped out and put both of the horses in their normal pasture near the barn. They had been pastured across the road and had taken down the portable electric fence. In this photo you can see the white horse up near the house. The second after I shot this photo, the white horse galluped up to Amy and the brown horse. I thought for half a second that Amy would be run over! All of the photos of this little adventure can be seen in my Amy Saves the Neighbor's Horses Flickr Set.
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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Seventeenth Sunday after Pentecost

Seventeenth Sunday after Pentecost

Ezekiel 33:7-11
Psalm 119:33-40 (Ps. 119:35)
Romans 13:8-14
Matthew 18:15-20
Semicontinuous series
Exodus 12:1-14
Psalm 149 (Ps. 149:1)
Romans 13:8-14
Matthew 18:15-20



Ezekiel 33: 7-11

7 "son ov man, i has made u watchman 4 da houz ov israel; so hear teh werd i speek an giv them warnin frum me.
8 When i say 2 teh wickd, o wickd man, u will surely dye, an u do not speek out 2 disuade him frum his ways, dat wickd man will dye 4 [a] his sin, an im gonna hold u accountable 4 his blood.
9 Butt if u do warn teh wickd man 2 turn frum his ways an he doez not do so, he will dye 4 his sin, but u will has savd yourself.
10 "son ov man, say 2 teh houz ov israel, dis ar teh wut u r sayin: "r offensez an sins weigh us down, an we r wastin away cuz ov [b] them. How den can we liv?"
11 Say 2 them, as surely as i liv, declarez teh sovereign lord, i taek no pleasure in da death ov teh wickd, but rathr dat they turn frum their ways an liv. Turn! Turn frum ur evil ways! Y will u dye, o houz ov israel?

Psalm 119

Teh Aleph
1 [a] Luky dem hus pat iz raizos, dey hu fallow da Ceiling Cats lov.
2 Luky dem hu keepz Hiz kovenant an bai their hole hart azk Hiz wil,
3 thei hu don do ´rong but wook Hiz wayz.
4 U´ve given ur rulz to bii fulli obeid.
5 Aww, dat mai wayz wer stedi wen dooin´ woot u sayz!
6 I won´t be a n00b wen i´m dooin´ all w00t u sayz.
7 Ai wil meow 2 u from mai hart wen learnin´ ur gud lawz.
8 Ai wil do w00t u sayz - never 4sake me.

Teh Beth
9 How a lil´ kittah keepz hiz wei purrrrr? Bai livin´ az u sayz.
10 Aim lockin´ 4 u wit all my hart; don´t let me to do w00t u not wish.
11 Ur word is in mai hart, stoppin my sins
12 Meow 2 u, aww Ceiling Cat, teez me w00t u sayz
13 Ai wil sayz 2 evry1 all dat komes from ur mouth
14 Ai liek 2 do w00t ya sayz liek ai liek a kup o´ gud milk.
15 I think ov w00t u sayz´n luk 4 ur wayz.
16 Ai enzoi w00t u sayz; ai wil not 4get ur wordz

Teh Gimel
17 Pet ya lil´ kittah´n ai wil liev, ai wil obei ur wordz.
18 Open mai aiz 2 see niec tingz in ur law.
19 Ai am a stranger on earth; don´t hide w00t u sayz from me.
20 Mah soul iz consumd wif longin 4 ur laws at all tiems.
21 u rebuke teh arrogant, hoo r accursd, Dose hoo stray frum ur commandz.
22 remoov frum me scorn an contempt, 4 i keep ur statutez.
23 though rulers sit togethr an slandr me, Ur servant will meditate on ur decreez.
24 ur statutez r mah delight; They r mah counselors.

Teh Daleth
25 Im laid low in da dust; Preserve mah life accordin 2 ur werd.
26 i gaev an akownt ov mah ways an u anzwerd me; Teach me ur decreez.
27 cause me 2 understand teh wai ov ur precepts, Dat i cud meditate on ur wanderbl deedz.
28 mah soul iz weary wif sorrow; Strengthen me accordin 2 ur werd.
29 keep me frum deceitful ways; Be grashus 2 me an teach me ur law.
30 i has chosen teh wai ov faithfulnes; I has set mah hart on ur laws.
31 i hold fast 2 ur statutez, lord; Do not let me be put 2 shame.
32 i run in da path ov ur commandz, 4 u has set mah hart free.

Teh He
33 Teach me, lord, teh wai ov ur decreez, Dat i cud follow it 2 teh end. [b]
34 gimie understandin, so dat i cud keep ur law An obey it wif all mah hart.
35 direct me in da path ov ur commandz, 4 thar i find delight.
36 turn mah hart toward ur statutez An not toward selfish gain.
37 turn mah eyez away frum worthles things; Preserve mah life accordin 2 ur werd. [c]
38 fulfill ur promize 2 ur servant, So dat u cud be feard.
39 taek away teh disgrace i dread, 4 ur laws r gud.
40 how i long 4 ur precepts! In ur righteousnes preserve mah life.

Teh Waw
41 Cud ur unfailin luv come 2 me, lord, Ur salvashun, accordin 2 ur promize;
42 den i can anzwr anyone hoo taunts me, 4 i trust in ur werd.
43 nevr taek ur werd ov truth frum mah mouth, 4 i has put mah hope in ur laws.
44 im gonna always obey ur law, 4 evr an evr.
45 im gonna walk bout in freedom, 4 i has sought out ur precepts.
46 im gonna speek ov ur statutez before kings An will not be put 2 shame,
47 4 i delight in ur commandz Cuz i luv them.
48 i reach out 4 ur commandz, which i luv, Dat i cud meditate on ur decreez.

Teh Zayin
49 Oh hai, u no can has forget ur meows to ur behbeh kitteh, fur u haz gave me cheezburger and u has not eated it.
50 Iz sik from bad fud but Ceiling Cat sez Ceiling Cat can has keeps me aliev.
51 Teh no gud puppehs bark an bark an bark, but Iz eated ur cheezburgerz.
52 Ceiling Cat, I can has ur old cheezburgerz, an I eats dem and Iz happeh.
53 Iz mad at teh no gud puppehs dat no has gud cheezburgerz.
54 I eats ur cheezburgerz were i seepz. Srlsy.
55 Wen iz dark, Ceiling Cat, I can has ur naem, cuz I wants can has cheezburgerz.
56 I alweyz eated ur cheezburgerz. Kthxbai

Teh Heth
57 Oh hai, u r mah cheezburger, Ceiling Cat; I has promisd 2 obey ur meowz. Srlsy.
58 i has sought ur face wif all mah hart; givz me cheezburgerz 2 me accordin 2 ur promize,kthx.
59 i has considerd mah ways An has turnd mah pawz 2 ur statutez.
60 im gonna hasten an not delay 2 obey ur meowz.
61 though teh puppehs bind me wif ropez, Im gonna not forget ur cheezburger.
62 at midnite i rize 2 giv u thx 4 ur cheezburgers. (Even tho I seeps 20 hrs per day. I iz kitteh an I gets up in teh middle ov teh nite. Srlsy.)
63 im frend 2 all hoo fear u, 2 all hoo follow ur meowz.
64 teh Urfs iz filld wif cheezburgerz, Ceiling Cat; Teach me ur decreez. Kthxbai

Teh Teth
65 Oh hai, do gud 2 ur behbeh kitteh Accordin 2 ur meows, Ceiling Cat.
66 teach me knowledge an gud judgment, 4 i trust ur commandz.
67 before i wuz sik i went in rong kitteh boks, But nao i lissen 2 Ceiling Cat. Srsly.
68 u r gud, an wut u do iz gud; Teach me ur decreez.
69 though teh no gud puppehs has barked an barkd and barkd, I keep ur precepts wif all mah hart.
70 their hearts r callous an unfeelin, But i delight in ur cheezburgerz.
71 it wuz gud 4 me 2 be afflictd So dat i mite lern ur decreez.
72=teh meows frum Ceiling Cat iz moar preshus 2 me Than fanci feest kitteh fud. Kthxbai

Teh Yoda
73 Ur hanz made me an formd me; Gimie understandin 2 lern ur commandz.
75 i knoe, lord, dat ur laws r righteous, An dat in faithfulnes u has afflictd me.
76 cud ur unfailin luv be mah comfort, Accordin 2 ur promize 2 ur servant.
77 let ur compashun come 2 me dat i cud liv, 4 ur law iz mah delight.
78 cud teh arrogant be put 2 shame 4 wrongin me without cause; But im gonna meditate on ur precepts.
79 cud dose hoo fear u turn 2 me, Dose hoo understand ur statutez.
80 cud mah hart be blameles toward ur decreez, Dat i cud not be put 2 shame.

Teh Kaph
81 Mah soul faints wif longin 4 ur salvashun, But i has put mah hope in ur werd.
82 mah eyez fail, lookin 4 ur promize; I say, "when will u comfort me?"
83 though im liek wineskin in da smoke, I no forget ur decreez.
84 how long must ur servant wait? When will u punish mah persecutors?
85 teh arrogant dig pits 2 trap me, Contrary 2 ur law.
86 all ur commandz r trustworthy; Halp me, 4 im bean persecutd without cause.
87 they almost wipd me frum teh earth, But i has not forsaken ur precepts.
88 in ur unfailin luv preserve mah life, Dat i cud obey teh statutez ov ur mouth.

Teh Lamedh
89 Ur werd, lord, iz eternal; It standz firm in da heavens.
90 ur faithfulnes continuez thru all generashuns; U establishd teh earth, an it endurez.
91 ur laws endure 2 dis dai, 4 all things serve u.
92 if ur law had not been mah delight, I wud has perishd in mah afflicshun.
93 im gonna nevr forget ur precepts, 4 by them u has preservd mah life.
94 save me, 4 im yours; I has sought out ur precepts.
95 teh wickd r waitin 2 destroy me, But im gonna pondr ur statutez.
96 2 all perfecshun i c limit, But ur commandz r boundles.

Teh Mem
97 oh, how i luv ur law! I meditate on it all dai long.
98 ur commandz r always wif me An mak me wisr than mah enemiez.
99 i has moar insight than all mah teachers, 4 i meditate on ur statutez.
100 i has moar understandin than teh elders, 4 i obey ur precepts.
101 i has kept mah feet frum evry evil path So dat i mite obey ur werd.
102 i has not departd frum ur laws, 4 u yourself has taught me.
103 how sweet r ur werdz 2 mah taste, Sweetr than honey 2 mah mouth!
104 i gain understandin frum ur precepts; Therefore i hate evry wrong path.

Teh Nun
105 Ur werd iz lamp 2 mah feet An light 4 mah path.
106 i has taken an oath an confirmd it, Dat im gonna follow ur righteous laws.
107 i has sufferd mutch; Preserve mah life, lord, accordin 2 ur werd.
108 accept, lord, teh willin praize ov mah mouth, An teach me ur laws.
109 though i constantly taek mah life in mah hanz, Im gonna not forget ur law.
110 teh wickd has set snare 4 me, But i has not strayd frum ur precepts.
111 ur statutez r mah heritage forevr; They r teh joy ov mah hart.
112 mah hart iz set on keepin ur decreez 2 teh vry end. [d]

Teh Samekh
113 i hate double-mindd peeps, But i luv ur law.
114 u r mah refuge an mah shield; I has put mah hope in ur werd.
115 away frum me, u evildoers, Dat i cud keep teh commandz ov mah ceilin cat!
116 sustain me accordin 2 ur promize, an im gonna liv; Do not let mah hopez be dashd.
117 ufold me, an im gonna be deliverd; Im gonna always has regard 4 ur decreez.
118 u reject all hoo stray frum ur decreez, 4 their delushuns come 2 nothin.
119 all teh wickd ov teh earth u discard liek dros; Therefore i luv ur statutez.
120 mah flesh tremblez in fear ov u; I stand in awe ov ur laws.

Teh Ayin
121 I has dun wut iz righteous an jus; Do not leef me 2 mah oppresors.
122 ensure ur servants well-bean; Do not let teh arrogant oppres me.
123 mah eyez fail, lookin 4 ur salvashun, Lookin 4 ur righteous promize.
124 deal wif ur servant accordin 2 ur luv An teach me ur decreez.
125 im ur servant; gimie discernment Dat i cud understand ur statutez.
126 it tiem 4 u 2 act, lord; Ur law iz bean brokd.
127 cuz i luv ur commandz Moar than gold, moar than pure gold,
128 an cuz i considr all ur precepts rite, I hate evry wrong path.

Teh Pe
129 Ur statutez r wanderbl; Therefore i obey them.
130 teh unfoldin ov ur werdz givez light; It givez understandin 2 teh simple.
131 i open mah mouth an pant, Longin 4 ur commandz.
132 turn 2 me an has mercy on me, As u always do 2 dose hoo luv ur naym.
133 direct mah footsteps accordin 2 ur werd; Let no sin rule ovar me.
134 redeem me frum hooman oppreshun, Dat i cud obey ur precepts.
135 mak ur face shine on ur servant An teach me ur decreez.
136 streams ov tears flow frum mah eyez, 4 ur law iz not obeyd.

Teh Tsadhe
137 U r righteous, lord, An ur laws r rite.
138 teh statutez u has laid down r righteous; They r fully trustworthy.
139 mah zeal wears me out, 4 mah enemiez ignore ur werdz.
140 ur promisez has been thoroughly testd, An ur servant lovez them.
141 though im lowly an despisd, I no forget ur precepts.
142 ur righteousnes iz evrlastin An ur law iz true.
143 trouble an distres has come upon me, But ur commandz gimie delight.
144 ur statutez r always righteous; Gimie understandin dat i cud liv.

Teh Qoph
145 I call wif all mah hart; anzwr me, lord, An im gonna obey ur decreez.
146 i call out 2 u; save me An im gonna keep ur statutez.
147 i rize before dawn an cry 4 halp; I has put mah hope in ur werd.
148 mah eyez stay open thru teh watchez ov teh nite, Dat i cud meditate on ur promisez.
149 hear mah voice in accordance wif ur luv; Preserve mah life, lord, accordin 2 ur laws.
150 dose hoo devize wickd schemez r near, But they r far frum ur law.
151 yet u r near, lord, An all ur commandz r true.
152 long ago i lernd frum ur statutez Dat u establishd them 2 last forevr.

Teh Resh
153 Look on mah sufferin an delivr me, 4 i has not forgotten ur law.
154 defend mah cause an redeem me; Preserve mah life accordin 2 ur promize.
155 salvashun iz far frum teh wickd, 4 they do not seek out ur decreez.
156 ur compashun, lord, iz great; Preserve mah life accordin 2 ur laws.
157 lotz da r teh foez hoo persecute me, But i has not turnd frum ur statutez.
158 i look on teh faithles wif loathin, 4 they do not obey ur werd.
159 c how i luv ur precepts; Preserve mah life, lord, in accordance wif ur luv.
160 all ur werdz r true; All ur righteous laws r eternal.

Teh Sin and Teh Shin
161 Rulers persecute me without cause, But mah hart tremblez at ur werd.
162 i rejoice in ur promize Liek wan hoo findz great spoil.
163 i hate an detest falsehood But i luv ur law.
164 7 tiems dai i praize u 4 ur righteous laws.
165 great peace has dose hoo luv ur law, An nothin can mak them stumble.
166 i wait 4 ur salvashun, lord, An i follow ur commandz.
167 i obey ur statutez, 4 i luv them greatly.
168 i obey ur precepts an ur statutez, 4 all mah ways r known 2 u.

Teh Taw
169 Cud mah cry come before u, lord; Gimie understandin accordin 2 ur werd.
170 cud mah supplicashun come before u; Delivr me accordin 2 ur promize.
171 cud mah lips overflow wif praize, 4 u teach me ur decreez.
172 cud mah tongue sing ov ur werd, 4 all ur commandz r righteous.
173 cud ur hand be ready 2 halp me, 4 i has chosen ur precepts.
174 i long 4 ur salvashun, lord, An ur law givez me delight.
175 let me liv dat i cud praize u, An cud ur laws sustain me.
176 i has strayd liek lost sheep. Seek ur servant, 4 i has not forgotten ur commandz.

Teh Footnotes

a - Psalm 119:1 dis psalm iz an acrostic poem; teh versez ov each stanza begin wif teh same lettr ov teh hebrew alfabet. Srlsy. Kthxbai
b - Psalm 119:33 or follow it 4 itz reward
c - Psalm 119:37 2 manuscripts ov teh masoretic text an ded sea scrolls; most manuscripts ov teh masoretic text life in ur wai
d - Psalm 119:112 or / 4 their endurin cheezburgerz

Romans 13: 8-14

Luv catz, demz niec

8 Youse nawt got VISA or AMEX lazy cat, sept VISA stytment sez luv uddr catz, fur himz dat iz luv cat is reeeeel niec cat with niec peniz anna styff tayl.
9 Demz judge judy r00lz, "You nawt can has jynasekz wit uddr wief catz," "You nawt can has killd uddr catz," "You nawt can has takeded uddr catz littrboxz," "You nawt can has wantin 2 poo in uddr catz littrboxz," an watevvr, srsly, youse can has doin tihs r00lz: "Luv Catz az You luv yer peniz an tayl."
10 Luv Catz nawt poke eyez or skratchez earz uv uddr catz. Lissinup, luv iz gud fer catz. Dat meenz luv iz gud fer Ceiling Cat, srsly.
11 Naow gitcher lazy cat butt azz up outa yer comfy chair, cuz youse gunna salivate onna fast fud cheezebrgrz.
12 Lazy azz cat, nyte tyme dun; wakey wakey. You nawt prwl in dark alleyz no mor but ware shiny wyte furz.
13 Be reeeeel niec catz, nawt hav orgy anna booz anna sleep inna puke, nawt hav buttseckz an nawt do doggie styl, srsly.
14 Sted, put kittn Lard Jebus Krisps PJz onya, an nawt tink bout handjobz, buttseckz, jynaseckz or uddr stuffz. Iz frickin srsly tell youse Perv catz.

Matthew 18: 15-20
What to do wit bruther what maded invisible error

15 If ur bruther makes invisible error at u, go 2 him in sekrit, and tell him "u did wrong" so no1 els hearz it. If he listens, u can haz a bruther again.
16 If he no listen, u gets a few witnisis, and bring witnessis wit u, to maek him listen.
17 An if he still no listen, u tells it to all of church! But if he no listen 2 church, u nots enymoar treat him liek bruther. Treat him liek bad cat from teh house across teh road, or liek a cat that is in ur house, drinking ur milk.
18 YA RLY, what you messes into a ball of string here on urths, it still be tied up in string in Ceiling. And if you sets sumthing lose on urths, it be free in Ceiling.
19 I sez it agin: If two of you cats on urths agree to ask for sumthings, then Ceiling Cat, who is my daddy in Ceiling, he does it.
20 Cos if 2 or 3 of you are 2gether and u sez My Naem, I iz with u. Srsly."

Exodus 12: 1-14
I can has feast: Heer R rules

1 Ceiling Cat sez 2 Moses n Aaron:
2 nao iz teh munth 2 eat sheepz. Nom Nom Nom!
3 I can haz recipe. Eech fambly howze maik wun sheepz fore din-dins.
4 If teh fambly iz littel, den shaer a sheepz wif anodder fambli. Doan forgit: Taik al U want, but eet wat U take.
5 Da sheepz U cook muss B da beszt wuns.
6 Off dem all on da saim dai, at de saim hour, on da 14th ov da munth.
7 B4 U cook, put sheepz blood on ur door fraims. Doan unnerstan? Trusst me, kthx.
8 Den follow recipe, an eet sheepz dat niet. It has a flavor cookd wif vegtbls. Bred yes but DO NOT WANT yeest!
9 Cuuk all sheepz, no yummy raw meet.
10 Lik I sez: Taik al U want, but eet all U taik. No leff-overs! srsly
11 Oh, an 1 mor thing. Eet faszt, werring all yur cloze. Sounz weerd? Trst mee.
12 Oh btw, dat nite, I Ceiling Cat go an off all Egyptians #1 sunz, uv ppl an animables. Even piggz #1 sunz.
13 U Israelites sit in yr howsez w sheepz bluud on da doors, I no get U. U all liv.
14 Dis event iz noo hollydai! I kalls it Passover.

Psalm 149

1 Praise teh Celling Cat! sings to Ceiling Cat new toonz, and haz props in front-a all the kittys.
2 let the chilluns getz happy from Celling kitty.
3 prayz Ceiling Cat and dance, dance, dance!
prayz Ceiling Cat and dance, dance, dance!
play teh tunes, yeah, dance, dance, dance.
4 Celling Cat digs the kittehs. He makes you pretty and dance, dance, dance.
5 Let the kittehs getz happy n chill.
sing, dance and jump on the bed n dance, dance, dance.
6 They sing Ceiling Cat wit der moufs and wit svord.
7 Good kittehs look 4 bad kittehs, and seek venjenz upn heeeeethns kittehs,
heeeethns kittahs not aloud to dance, dance, dance. no can haz cheezburgrs.
8 Heeeethns kittahs can has bondij and no memer safwurd.
9 Ceiling kitty sees you do wha he toll ya: all kittns haz onher. Lemme herye sez: All hale teh Celling Cat! Srsly!

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