LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for All Saints Sunday (the Twenty-fifth Sunday after Pentecost)

Twenty-fifth Sunday after Pentecost

Micah 3:5-12
Psalm 43 (Ps. 43:3)
1 Thessalonians 2:9-13
Matthew 23:1-12
Semicontinuous series
Joshua 3:7-17
Psalm 107:1-7, 33-37 (Ps. 107:8)
1 Thessalonians 2:9-13
Matthew 23:1-12

All Saints Sunday

Revelation 7:9–17
Psalm 34:1–10, 22 (Ps. 34:9)
1 John 3:1–3
Matthew 5:1–12

Micah 3: 5-12

5 Ceiling Cat sez ur profitz is laim, n00bz, dey am callin shizzle cheezburgrz R U DUM?
6 Ur profitz no can has vishuns frm Ceiling Cat no moar, n u am laik ‘am sunshiny tomozzle, or rainin?’ BUT NO CAN HAS WETHER 4CAST, N00BZ!
7 N ur profitz will b laik ‘sux 2 b us.’
8 But Ceiling Cat hav maid me 1337, so I cn lai it out 4 u, n I c all ur sin cooties.
9 So I tells u srsly u am betta pai attenshun!
10 All ur base am maid of fail, n u am maid of fail 2.
11 Cuz Ceiling Cat has gives u meellions of pressies, laik ur wiggy judgz bein wize, n ur profits havin vishuns, bt u am nt appreeshyatin teh skillz, u am pimpin teh skillz, n u still tinks Ceiling Cat am ur BFF.
12 Ceiling Cat am nt ur BFF, n He am gonna lay teh smack down, Chuck Norris-style, n all cuz ur laim.”

Psalm 43

1 Don't taz me, Ceiling Cat!
and tellz them bad peeps I didunt do it,
saves me from teh bad man!

2 Youz all powerful and stuff.
Why u no liek me?
Why I gotta be all sad,
and let teh man keep me down?

3 Do that "Lets therr be lites" thing again.
So I can see, dood
So I can get to teh Ceiling
Where da party at.

4 Then I goes to hole in ceiling
and gives you cheezburger.
I say how cul u is, I plays a little guitar
O Ceiling Cat, my Ceiling Cat.

5 Why I so mad?
Why I all actin' a foo an stuff?
Srsly, just worship teh Ceiling Cat,
and preys him,
and he saves u, dude.

1 Thessalonians 2: 9-13

9 And we worked hard, you not 'member?
10 You did seez, and so did Ceiling Cat.
11 We did treat youz like kittehs,
12 so should be living like Ceiling Cat.
13 We luvz that you luvz Ceiling Cat, and luvz lolbible!

Matthew 23: 1-12

A warnin against hypocrisy

1 den jebus sed 2 teh crowdz an 2 his disciplez:
2 "teh teachers ov teh law an teh fariseez sit in mosez seat.
3 so u must be careful 2 do evrythin they tell u. But do not do wut they do,
4 they do not practice wut they preach. 4 they tie up heavy, cumbersome loadz an put them on othr peeps shoulders, but they themselvez r not willin 2 lift fingr 2 moov them.
5 "evrythin they do iz dun 4 peeps 2 c: they mak their fylacteriez [a] wide an teh tasels on their garments long;
6 they luv teh place ov honor at banquets an teh most important seats in da synagoguez;
7 they luv 2 be greetd wif respect in da marketplacez an 2 has peeps call them rabbi.
8 "but u r not 2 be calld rabbi, 4 u has only wan mastah an u r all brothers.
9 an do not call anyone on earth fathr, 4 u has wan fathr, an he iz in heaven.
10 nor r u 2 be calld teachr, 4 u has wan teachr, teh mesiah.
11 teh greatest among u will be ur servant.
12 4 dose hoo exalt themselvez will be humbld, an dose hoo humble themselvez will be exaltd.

Joshua 3: 7-17

7 Ceiling Cat sayed Good job Joshua Now u can has cheezburger! An teh Israelites no ur my bff jus like Moses. K now tel teh preeztguyz to bring mah Holi Bocks into teh watr jus a lil. one step den stop! no moar.
9 Joshua sayed cmon d00dz do wut Ceiling Cat sayed. Den we can has cheezburgerz!
10 An him can pwn teh Canaanites An all teh bad guyz. SO bonus.
11 Srsly. jus folo teh Bocks.
12 K now pik twelv guyz frum eech groop.
13 Teh rivr ish gonna go awai wen teh preeztguyz wit teh Bocks tuch it i promiz. OK well maybe jus on one side but datz wherz ull be so ur fine. Brite side U can look at teh fishies in teh big wall of watr!
14 So preeztguyz did wut dey wur suppozd to and so did evrybodie.
15 But OH NOES the Jordan Rivr had a lot of watr! Dat time of yeer u no. But preeztguyz stepd in jus a lil neways An
16 teh watr it stoppd comin sumwhere by dis place Adam by Zarethan sumwhere round therz. So it all stayd therz An teh rest flushd to the Ded See. Den it was drie and we caem to teh new base Jericho w00t!

Psalm 107

1 Sai thanx to Ceilin Cat cuz him luv go on forevah. KTHX CEILING CAT.
2 N Ai is hoping da kittehs he wuz niec to is going to say KTHX CEILING CAT, da kittehs he saevd from the doggiz,
3 doze kittehs in da hole wied world wied web, he pickd dem up bi da scruf uv deir nex.
4 Sum kittehs wuz aut inna wildz wif no hom an no hoomin to gif kitteh food n cheezburgrs.
5 Dey wur rly strving wif no food but rats! but dey was so weak it wuz so hard to kech. And dey wuz thirsty cuz there wuz draot. An no wader for kittehs to drinkorz. N dey ded almost.
6 Den dey sayed "HALP" to Ceiling Cat n asked him "I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGRS PLZ" n Ceiling Cat give dem halp.
7 He bring dem to a hom ware dey can live wif nice plaec fr nappin. An dere wuz cheezburgrs and plenty uv wawder and hoomins to give kitteh food lyk kibbles n plus for pettin.
8 So say KTHX to Ceiling Cat bcuz he dus nice stuff fr kittehs an ppl an he also luvvs us alot,
9 he give wawder bole to thirsteh kittehs an fills hungreh kittehs wif cheezburgrs.
10 some kittehs he locked up in DA POUND WIF BARZ ON DEH KAGES and doggiz barkin in da next room!!!
11 bcuz dey waz rly bad kittehs.
12 so he put dem IN DA POUND, dey got lost from comfy homez and nobody waz halp dem.
13 den dey finly axed "CELING CAT! PLZ HALP US! WE IS RLY SRY! N we is wants soem cookiez kthxbai" and Ceiling Cat heard meows and said "kay".
14 So he let dem outta da pound. He broked da barz on da cagez and dey wuz FREE agn.
15 Say KTHNK to Ceiling Cat bcuz he duz nice stuff to ppl an kittehs. An he luvv us for alweyz
16 and Ceiling Cat can brakez down barz uv cagez and kittehz free if he wantz
17 sum moor bad kittehz got st00pid dey wer so bad and dey got hurted bad too, ao!
18 dey stopped lykin cheezburgrs an cookez an kitteh food and dey wz gon to ded soon
19 so axed "Hay Ceiling Cat, halp!"
20 Ceiling Cat change him mind. Dey not ded. Him save dey lifez.
21 Say KTHX CEILING CAT bcuz he duz nice thingz for kittehz and ppl an him is luvvin dem stil, him love no FAIL
22 Nao gif him yur cheezburgrs an sing songz baout him, kthx.
23 I rite srsly long pome. Den dere were kittehs dat goes on shipps in oshin.
24 Dey seed krazy paower Ceiling Cat haz.
25 Lotz and lotz of storm iz in oshin. Srsly scary hurrykanes n tempists. Wave go rly hai. Scary place for kittehz.
26 Dey go up an doan wif wave n see ceiling and bottom of oshin an big wave almos cum ovr n covr dem. An dey wuz not fraidy-catz but den dey wuz big waves no plaice for little kitteh.
27 dey krawled araon lyk catnip even doh dere wuz no catnip. So dey can not has hai sept wen waves bring dem up. Dey go crazy, dey srsly crazy, de oshin messing wif dem. Dey so sick, no can has cheezburgrs or cookies
28 So dem asked "CEILING CAT WE IS SEESIK PLZ HALP US NAO FAILBOAT" an Ceilin Cat say "kay"
29 An Ceiling Cat he make waves go wai.
30 Now dey happie kittehs. Ceiling Cat bring shipp to land an kittehs see famly an cheezburgrs again.
31 Say KTHNX CEILING CAT. Ceiling Cat does nice stuff for kittehz n ppl an his luvv has no FAIL.
32 Ceiling Cat gud covno toppick plz tell grandmaw n grandpaw baot him kthx.
33 Ceiling Cat duz magic he make big wawder all go way an nao its drai here
34 an thers dis place wif cheezeburgrs, nao dey has none. Kittehs there bad.
35 den he make drai place nice wif milk for good an thirsteh kittehs.
36 an place to live wif food an hoomins to mak thingz comfy.
37 dey mad gud cookies there.
38 he gave cheezburgr an dey do the secks an have lots of baby kittenz. I rite rly long poem, lulz.
39 ltr sum kittehs ded an dey were sad;
40 bcuz Ceiling Cat hatez no bulls an makes dey walk roand forevah.
41 but Ceiling Cat is nice to kittehs hoo iz sad.
42 Happy kittehs talk, mean kittehs aer kwieit.
43 if yu smrt kitteh, think baot dis pome. Dat's all I has to sai.
17 Preeztguyz waitd for evrybodie to maek it acroz.

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Revelation 7: 9-17

9 After dis, ai was laik, "O Hai, bazillion pplz!" Standin' befoar teh frone, an befoar teh Lamb, all white kittehs, wlv palms in their paws, and they had a flavor;
10 Pplz was shoutin "keep dat Ceiling Cat sittin' upon teh frone, an unto teh Lamb".
11 All teh ayngelz nappin' round teh frone, an about teh elderz and teh 4 beasts, an falled befoar teh frone on dere faces - it hurty but not too bad. Dey worshipin Ceiling Cat.
12 Sayed, Ramen: "cheezburgrs, an powr an all good stuffs. You can has Ceiling Cat 24 7 forevers, plz?. kthxbye."
13 One of teh elderz kittehs is laik, "What white kittehs? Were dey at?"
14 So I's sayed, dun u know lol. He was like, "Dese workin hard, an have licked themselfs clean, maid them white in teh icky Lamb blood. It tasted bad!"
15 U see, dey'z befoar teh frone of Ceiling Cat, dey bring him catnip an treats in his catbox: an he dat get petted on teh couch is allowed to lie on couch forever and not get teh sqwirt gun.
16 Dun be hungwy and firsty no moar; noar shall teh sun be warm on dey bellies.
17 For teh Lamb, which in teh midst of teh frone, shall refill teh food bowl, an shall lead them unto teh awe-toe-matic water fountains: an Ceiling Cat promises to wipe gunk from all ur eyes.

Psalm 34

1 I r always talkins of Ceiling Cat
I r always say good tings.

2 My soul r brag 'bout Ceiling Cat
Let teh poor kittehs hear n be happies.

3 Lets rave 'bout Ceiling Cat
lets prase his kewl name togedder.

4 I meowed for Ceiling Cat an he answred me
He r save me from teh scary tings.

5 Teh kittehs dat trust him is happy cats
Dey nevar hav shameful face.

6 Dis poor kitteh called HALP! An Ceiling Cat heerded him,
He savded teh poor kitteh.

7 Teh Wingcat of teh Ceiling Cat is neer teh kittehs dat is respektful of him,
an halps dem.

8 Taste n u will see, dis Ceiling Cat has a flavr.
Cheezburgrs for teh kitteh dat seeks him.

9 Repekt teh Ceiling Cat, u good kittehs
Cuz respektful kittehs get all de good tings.

10 Teh big cats is gettinz weak n hungries
But kittehs who findz Ceiling Cat can has cheezburgrs.

11 Come to me, babby kittehs
I r goins teech u to respekt Ceiling Cat

12 U kittehs dat luv life
an r wants to haz 9 lives

13 Say no evil - mak shur cat have ur tongue!
An never tell lies n stuff.

14 Point ur tail at evil and do lotsa good tings
look for peece n chase it liek a maus.

15 Ceiling Cat is watchin teh good kittehs
An his ears is listenins for dere cries.

16 Ceiling Cat not look at kittehs dat do evil tings
He r delete dem from teh memory of teh urfs.

17 Teh good kittehs meow, and Ceiling Cat heers dem.
He are savins dem from teh sad tings.

18 Ceiling Cat r cuddlin teh kittehs whose harts is broked
An he r rescuins kittehs wit crushded spirits.

19 A good kitteh may havs lotsa trubbles
but Ceiling Cat r goin to halp him.

20 Ceiling Cat r garding call teh kitteh's bonez
Te kitteh r not have breakded bonez.

21 Evil r goinz to kill teh bad kittehs
Teh enemiez of all good kittehs r goins to be uthanized.

22 Ceiling Cat freez his kitteh d00ds;
No kitteh dat trusts in him is goinz to be doomd.

1 John 3: 1-3

1 Hoewz grait iz teh luv teh Father haz lavizhd on uz, dat we is be called childz ov Ceiling Cat! And dat is wut we r! Teh reazonz teh wurldz does not be knowingz us iz dat it is be not know him.
2 Der fwiendz, now we iz be childrenz of Ceiling Cat, and wut we will be haz not being maded known. But we iz b knowing dat wen he apyrz, we shal be like him, coz we shall seez him as he is be being.
3 Evry1 hu is be haz dis hope in him purifyz himzself, juzt az he is being purez n stuff.

Matthew 5: 1-12

teh catitudes

1 Wen he seez lotz kittehz, he climbz tree. His BFz climbz tree too.
2 He sez hai and he teaches teh kittehs, he sez:
3 Cheezburgrz 4 teh n00b kittehs, theys can has teh Ceiling.
4 Cheezburgrz 4 teh sad kittehs, theys can has petting.
5 Cheezburgrz 4 teh m33k kittehs, theys can has teh urfs.
6 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs who sez "I can has gud, plz?", theys can has it.
7 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat no pwns, Ceiling Cat no pwnz0rz thems.
8 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs wiff purr in hartz, theys can sees Ceiling Cat.
9 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat sez shhhhh!, Ceiling Cat is liek "u mai kittehs."
10 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat gets pwned by otehrs fur haz gud, theys can has teh Ceiling too.
11 Cheezburgrz if otehrs be liek "DO NOT WANT" 2 u, an liez abt u, coz of meh.
12 B teh happys n party, coz u can has cookiez n cakez in Ceiling. Iz liek wen theys been liek "DO NOT WANT" to all teh holee kittehs b4.

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Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!

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(submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
is hosted by Miz Mog and the Kitties

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
hosted by Kashim at the BKCFoC home
(submit your post here or via mail at festivalchaos AT gmail [dot] com)

The Carnival of the Cats
is taking place at Chey’s place this Sunday evening
(submit your post here or via mail at carnivalofthecats AT gmail [dot] com)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

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Election Results

I'm posting this widget, not because I expect folks to follow it on election night, but for an archive of the voting results on my blog. I have been obsessively watching MSNBC political coverage this fall.

Cats Tuesday: Cat Butter

Butter so good that cats love it, too!
(Butter-lover is unidentified.)
Cabot Creamery Cooperative Butter, Cabot, Vermont.
Makers of the world's best cheddar.

www.cabotcheese.com

Thank you for stopping by!

To visit other participants, visit Gattina

or click Cats on Tuesday

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Fractal Friday: Orange Straw

Friday Fractal

Fractal Flame Set on Flickr

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Twenty-fourth Sunday after Pentecost

Twenty-fourth Sunday after Pentecost
Leviticus 19:1-2, 15-18
Psalm 1 (Ps. 1:2)
1 Thessalonians 2:1-8
Matthew 22:34-46
Semicontinuous series
Deuteronomy 34:1-12
Psalm 90:1-6, 13-17 (Ps. 90:16)
1 Thessalonians 2:1-8
Matthew 22:34-46



Leviticus 19: 1-18
Dees Other Laws

1 CEILING CAT sez to Moses
2 "Go sez to teh Israelis 'Be excellent cuz I'z CEILING CAT and I'z excellent.
3 Be goods to youz ma and pa, don't work on Caturday, I IS CEILING CAT.
4 Don't be makin fake gods, plzkthnx?
5 If u makes cheezburger offering to Ceiling Cat make it wifout onions.
6 U gots to eats it that day or teh next but after that u gots to throw it away cuz teh bunz gets soggy
7 And nobody wants soggy cheezburger. DO NOT WANT.
8 If sumbody does eats it, I not responsible, kthnx. Nobody gonna liek u if u eats soggy cheezburger.
9 An den when you has BBQ makes lots and lots of cheezburgers.
10 An no eats all teh Cheetos. Leaves sum for teh homeless kittehs and space alienz. I IZ CEILING CAT.
11 No be steelin'. No be lying. No fooling u fwends.
12 No swearing in teh name of Ceiling Cat. I IZ CEILING CAT.
13 No steelin u naybur's X-Box. An pay teh delivery guy.
14 No makin fun o teh deaf peeple or trippin blind peeple, be 'fraid o Ceiling Cat!
15 No makin fun o Judge Judy or Joe Brown cuz theyz good judges cuz they no take no crap.
16 No spreadin rumors even if Louie does has big harballs. No be puttin kittehs in danger. I IZ CEELING CAT.
17 No fiteing in teh back seat wif u brother an no ganging up on u sister.
18 No gettin back at peeples or makin drama. Free luvz to all! I IZ CEILING CAT.

Psalm 1

1 Blessid iz da feline
no walk in counsil of wickid,
no place paws in path of da sinnerz,
no sit and purr with da mockerz.

2 But hiz delightz in lawz of Ceiling Cat,
an ponderz much.

3 He lyke treez bai teh waterz,
dat yieldz teh good fr00tz.
Leef duzn't wither,
prosperz much.

4 Not so teh wickid,
dey like chaffz
pwnt by windz.

5 Derefor wickid doezn't standz in teh judgemint,
or sinnerz in assembly of teh rhytchus.

6 Ceiling cat watches over whey of teh rhytchus,
whey of wickid getz pwnt.

1 Thessalonians 2:1-8

1 Did kno kittehs that we didz not failz at yer place.
2 We didz get hurtz and callz namez in Philpi, but we tellz you about Ceiling Cat while you peltz eggs.
3 We luvz Ceiling Cat - no lies.
4 RLY, We tellz u not for u but for Ceiling Cat. [Ceiling Cat tests us.]
5 We is telling truth, and Ceiling Cat did see us.
6 We do not ask for ear-scratching cheezburger from you. We could ask for cheezburger
7 But we did not ask for cheezburger, like cat doesn't take cheezburger from kitteh.
8 We did luvz you loadz, and we did share livez.

Matthew 22: 34-46
Teh greatest commandment!

34 hearin dat jebus had silencd teh sadduceez, teh fariseez got togethr.
35 wan ov them, an expert in da law, testd him wif dis queshun:
36 "teachr, which iz teh greatest commandment in da law?"
37 jesus replid: " luv teh lord ur ceilin cat wif all ur hart an wif all ur soul an wif all ur mind. [c]
38 dis ar teh teh furst an greatest commandment.
39 an teh second iz liek it: luv ur neighbor as yourself. [d]
40 all teh law an teh profets hang on thees 2 commandments."

Whose son iz teh mesiah?
41 while teh fariseez wuz gatherd togethr, jebus askd them,
42 "wut do u finkz bout teh mesiah? Whose son iz he?" "teh son ov david," they replid.43 he sed 2 them, "how iz den dat david, speakin by teh spirit, calls him lord? 4 he sez,
44 " teh lord sed 2 mah lord: "sit at mah rite hand Til i put ur enemiez Undr ur feet." [e]
45 if den david calls him lord, how can he be his son?"
46 no wan cud say werd in reply, an frum dat dai on no wan dard 2 ask him any moar queshuns.

Ceiling Cat uses him lazr eyez to show Moses teh cookies

Deuteronomy 34:1-12
Moses be ded

1 Then the dood Moses climbed up up Mount Nebo liek it was a tree, cuz he climbed from the plains of Moab to the top of Pisgah, which is across from Jericho, just in case yur confused and stuff. There teh Ceiling Cat showed him teh whole territorah with him lazr eyes-- from Gilead and Dan,
2 all of Naphtali, the territorah of Ephraim and Manassah, all teh land of Judah as far as teh Western Sea,
3 teh Negav and teh whole region from teh valley of Jericho, teh City of Palms, as far as Zoar. And
4 Thenn teh Ceiling cat seds to him, "This is teh cookie ai made for Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob when ai seds, 'Ai will giev it to yor kittehs!' Ai hab made yu this cookie, but yu can not eated it.
5 And Moses, who was pwned by Ceiling Cat, wuz ded there in Moab, and Ceiling Cat was like, "See, ai told you, srsly."
6 Ceiling Cat covered him ovre with urfs in teh litterbox of Moab, in teh litterbox beside Beth Poer, but no litter scoop can find him. Srsly.
7 Moses wuz ten lives old when he wuz ded, yet he still had lazr eyes and could still pwn an unsuspecting kitteh.
8 The Chosen Kittehs were emokittehs and ate no cheezburgers or gushifud or cookies for thirteh days in the plains of Moab, until teh time for cheezburgers and gushifud and cookies returned and teh kittehs were emo no moar.
9 Now dat Moses wuz ded, Joshua son of Nun wuz filled with teh catuhtude, because Moses had lickz him with teh tung. So the Chosen Kittehs perked deir ears towards him and did what teh Ceiling Cat had told Moses.
10 Since then, no Seercat has sprung forth from teh Chosen Kittehs like Moses, upon which teh Ceiling Cat laid him lazr eyes,
11 who did all those plagues and stuff teh Ceiling Cat had him do in Egypt-- to Pharoah and to his kittehs and to his whole territorah!
12 For no kitteh has ever had all does powurz that Moses did in the site of the Chosen Kittehs!

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Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
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'Sup

My daughter Anna always e-mails me "sup?" when she hasn't heard from me for awhile. And for the past two weeks nobody has heard much from me. Since October 4 I have been sick. I had a bad cold and got better. Then I suddenly got worse — I developed a sinus infection, double ear infections and bronchitis. There was a doctor visit, antibiotics and more days in bed. I slept, read two books and watched way too much MSNBC presidential campaign and stock market coverage. By Saturday I felt good enough to make bread and do some cooking. But I slashed my finger and was breaking dishes. Cleaning up the blood and mess was exhausting.

Now I am up and doing fine. It's tough getting caught up at school. We had only two days of school this week and an inservice day today. We have two more days off for teacher's convention. But me? I go to New Haven to visit Anna. There will be loads of photos and a visit to Pacifico Restaurant downtown.

I was going to go by train but they have raised the fare. With dropping gas prices it is now more convenient for me to drive. Especially since I would have to take a bus from Hartford to New Haven because of work that Amtrak is doing on the railroad track.

We had our first snowfall last night and half of today. It was a pretty enough snowfall and the roads stayed clear (although I did hear that Sheffield Heights was becoming difficult to travel). I met two other teachers for breakfast at the Candlepin Restaurant in the cold, dark and snow (you can see my new car alone in the parking lot in the photo). We went to the high school for our professional development day. Below you see totems on the school campus.


I stopped by the village electric company and found out that Illuzi did not slash and burn the trees and brush around the Unicel tower. It was the electric company clearing trees off of the power lines. I weakly complained about the gash made in the ridgeline (see the top photo as it snowed). My apologies to Mr. Illuzi for accusing him of doing the bad deed.

I will do my best to post from New Haven!
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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Twenty-third Sunday after Pentecost

Twenty-third Sunday after Pentecost
Isaiah 45:1-7
Psalm 96:1-9 (10-13) (Ps. 96:7)
1 Thessalonians 1:1-10
Matthew 22:15-22
Semicontinuous series
Exodus 33:12-23
Psalm 99 (Ps. 99:5)
1 Thessalonians 1:1-10
Matthew 22:15-22

Psalm 96

1 Ceiling cat want nyoo song, k? So all teh kittehs be sings to him.
2 So sings to Ceiling Cat an sez he ful of win. And speekz his win for daze an daze.
3 An tel uther kittehs he reel gud, k? His win wiv all kines of kittehs.
4 Cos Ceiling Cat is gud! An you say he gud, k? Haz moar scary and fierce than uther kittehs!
5 Ceiling Cat is only reel Ceiling Cat! An he maeks Ceiling.
6 All nice thingz be befoar him, an hiz haus be big an tuff.
7 Yoo be folowin Ceiling Cat kittehs, k? Yoo be sez, 'he haz a strong, an he haz a glory!'.
8 So yoo sez Ceiling Cat is OSSAM, k? Yoo maeks him cookie an not eatz it for when see him, k?
9 Be sayin nice things bout Ceiling Cat, an be 'Oh Noes! Ceiling Cat be fwightning!'.
10 An tel uther kittehs he in charge, k? Urf is heer now, an is stuck, liek kitteh stuck in sofa. Ceiling Cat sez 'Yoo iz gud kitteh' or 'Yoo is bad kitteh'.
11 An let the Ceiling an Urf haz a happy! Let waterz and lolruses maek noizes!
12 An let garden haz a happy, an fings in garden (exept doggiez), an trees an fings in trees.
13 An all be sings to Ceiling Cat, cos he be comes to sez 'GOOD KITTEH' or 'BAD KITTEH' to all kittehs in Urf.

1 Thessalonians 1: 1-10

1 The church of the Thessalonians, Ceiling Cat haz it. Paul and Silvanus and Timotheus sez to it: "Grace, you haz it. Peace you haz it. Ceiling Cat sez it."
2 We luvs Ceiling Cat for Invisible Wants!!!
3 We did remember you, and we did not forgetted it. Ceiling cat saw.
4 Ceiling Cat won election! Hooray!
5 Ceiling Cat not just speak, Invisible Cat speak too.
6 And ye loveded Ceiling Cat, but Invisible Cat hurted you (in good wayz).
7 Examples? U was it!
8 Ceiling Cat? U did shout it. Now can stop plz.
9 You did luvz Monorail Cat, but waz wrong. Ceiling Cat says O RLY? Now you do luvz Ceiling Cat.
10 And we waiting for Ceiling Cat to make babies from the Ceiling. And he maded a son, but we broked it, but it got fixed.

Matthew 22: 15-22
I Can Haz Taxes???

15 den teh fariseez went out an laid planz 2 trap him in his werdz.
16 they sent their disciplez 2 him along wif teh herodianz. "teachr," they sed, "we knoe dat u r man ov integrity an dat u teach teh wai ov ceilin cat in accordance wif teh truth. U arent swayd by others, cuz u pai no attenshun 2 hoo they r.
17 tell us den, wut iz ur opinion? Iz rite 2 pai teh imperial tax [a] 2 caesar or not?"
18 but jesus, knowin their evil intent, sed, "u hypocritez, y r u tryin 2 trap me?
19 show me teh coin usd 4 payin teh tax." they brought him denarius,
20 an he askd them, "whose image iz dis? An whose inscripshun?"
21 "caesars," they replid. Den he sed 2 them, "giv bak 2 caesar wut iz caesars, an 2 ceilin cat wut iz ceilin cats."
22 when they herd dis, they wuz amazd. So they left him an went away.

Exodus 33: 12-23
Mozes and Teh Glory of Teh Lord

12 mosez sed 2 teh lord, "u has been tellin me, lead thees peeps, but u has not let me knoe whom u will send wif me. u has sed, i knoe u by naym an u has findz favor wif me.
13 if u r pleezd wif me, teach me ur ways so i cud knoe u an continue 2 find favor wif u. remembr dat dis nashun iz ur peeps."
14 teh lord replid, "mah presence will go wif u, an im gonna giv u rest."
15 den mosez sed 2 him, "if ur presence doez not go wif us, do not send us up frum her.
16 how will anyone knoe dat u r pleezd wif me an wif ur peeps unles u go wif us? wut else will distinguish me an ur peeps frum all teh othr peeps on teh face ov teh earth?"
17 an teh lord sed 2 mosez, "im gonna do teh vry ting u has askd, cuz im pleezd wif u an i knoe u by naym."
18 den mosez sed, "nao show me ur glory."
19 an teh lord sed, "im gonna cause all mah goodnes 2 pas in frunt ov u, an im gonna proclaim mah naym, teh lord, in ur presence. im gonna has mercy on whom im gonna has mercy, an im gonna has compashun on whom im gonna has compashun.
20 but," he sed, "u cant c mah face, 4 no wan cud c me an liv."
21 den teh lord sed, "thar iz place near me wer u cud stand on rawk.
22 when mah glory pasez by, im gonna put u in cleft in da rawk an covr u wif mah hand til i has pasd by.
23 den im gonna remoov mah hand an u will c mah bak; but mah face must not be seen."

Psalm 99

1 Teh Ceilin Cat reigns,
Let teh nashuns tremble;
He sits on RLY RLY HUGE chair dat iz moar pimpd out than Pimp Mah Ride itself,
Let teh urf shaek.
2 Ceilin Cat PWNZ in da almighty land ov Zion;
He iz lovd an given Cheezburgers all ovar teh nashuns
3 Let them praize ur amazin PWN-ing Skillz—
He iz no n00b.
4 Ceilin Cat iz mighty, he LOVEZ justice, an Arbys—
U has establishd equity;
In Jacob U has dun
Wut iz jus an rite, an not n00b-ish.
5 Exalt teh lord R Ceilin Cat
Lay cheezburgers on teh table in frunt ov his highchair;
He iz no n00b.
6 Moses an Aaron wuz among Ceilin Cats kool doodz,
Samuel wuz among dose hoo bakd Ceilin Cat cooky;
They calld on teh Ceilin Cat 2 apologize 4 eatin teh cookiez
An he anzwerd them.
7 He spoke 2 them frum teh pillar ov cloud;
They kept his random knick knackz an teh decreez he gaev them.

more animals

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!

Board the Friday Ark at the The Modulator
(submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
is hosted by Niko and Cloud at Cats in Maryland

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
is hosted by Diamond Emerald Eyes at Diamond’s Liar
(submit your post here or via mail at festivalchaos AT gmail [dot] com)

The Carnival of the Cats
takes place Sunday at Life from a Cat’s Perspective
(submit your post here or via mail at carnivalofthecats AT gmail [dot] com)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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Blog Your Blessings: Ready for Winter

Four cords of firewood are in the garage; the wood/oil furnace is cleaned; the firebox in the furnace was rebuilt; the CO detectors and fire detectors are fixed and the chimney will be cleaned tomorrow. Fire extinguishers still need to be purchased. The windows are nearly all sealed with plastic. We are ready and feeling cozy. We will still be using oil and are hoping that the price of it is not prohibitive this year. But whatever the price, we will only deal in cash and we will come out of the winter without debt.

We are not suffering as other families are and I am feeling blessed.
Click on the photo to view it full-size in a new window.
Thank you for visiting.

To read more blessings clickBlog Your Blessings

or Blog Your Blessings

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Twenty-first Sunday after Pentecost

Twenty-first Sunday after Pentecost
Isaiah 5:1-7
Psalm 80:7-15 (Ps. 80:14)
Philippians 3:4b-14
Matthew 21:33-46
Semicontinuous series
Exodus 20:1-4, 7-9, 12-20
Psalm 19 (Ps. 19:8)
Philippians 3:4b-14
Matthew 21:33-46

OMG!!1! I post last week's readings this week and this week's readings last week!! My apologies to the hundreds of fans of the weekly lectionary readings (yes, there are hundreds of you!). I was becoming sick and knew not what I had done. Thank you for forgiveness.

Isaiah 5: 1-7

1 O hai! Plz to be singing song fur mah bee-luved!
Dis song abaot mah luverz catnipz treez!
Mah bee-luved did haz catnipz farm
Dey wuz on srsly awesoem hill!

2 Nao, dis guy he be werkin hard to grow dat catnipz.
He maek da ground grate fur catnipz
He plant in dat ground sum awesoem catnipz
He even put a tall chaer der (all da bettar to watch catnipz!)
He wuz so exsaited fur da catnipz
But... wtf! Only wild catnipz growz nao! Dis NO GUD, srsly!!

3 "U lissen heer!" (sez Ceiling Cat)
"Kittehz uv Jerooselum
And lolcatz uv Joodah,
Plz to be tellin me abaotz mah catnipz farm!

4 "Wut else cud I haev dun fur deez catnipz?
I want da gud stuff! No wild catnipz!
Wai can I no haz gud catnipz?

5 "Furst, I sez wut I do wif dis catnipz farm.
I will dig up all deez bad catnipz,
Den I will kik at wall until it fallz.

6 "Den, I pee all over.
Dis farm be too stinkee! No can werk on it.
Weedz will grow, no catnipz!
Also, I tell claods not to rain. I can do dat."

7 Nao see, da catnipz farm of Ceiling Cat
Dat farm is da kitteh house,
And all dat catnipz, delishush catnipz,
dat is all u kittehz!
Ceiling Cat wantz gud kittehz,
But u kittehz is all bad!

Psalm 80

1 Heer us, shepurd of kittehs,
U hu leded Joseph liek herd of shepez;
U hu sitzed neks to teh cherubimimim, shiend on

2 Befur Ephraim, Benjamin an Manasseh.
Waek up, u strongz;
Com an saivz us!

3 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

4 Oh hai, Ceiling Cat,
How longs u wil has smoldrin angryz
Aginst teh meows uv ur kittehs?

5 U has maided dem eets sad emo bredz;
U has maided dem drink sad emo watrz.

6 U can has maided us has problms wif teh kittehs neks dor,
An nao ar enuhmees mahkz us, srsly

7 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

8 U bringed a vyn out ov Egypt;
U chaesd out teh othr nayshuns an putted it in a hol.

9 U cleerd teh urfs for it,
An it taekd ruut an filded teh hoel yard.

10 Teh mowntinz can has shayd,
Teh big treez can be cuvred wif it, tu.

11 It sentd out it bahwz to teh big watrz,
It has shuetz as far as teh skinyr watrz over der.

12 Why u has brokded its wals
So dat jus enibudy can has graepses?

13 Baorz frm teh foerst ravgez it
An teh amnals can eatdz it.

14 Ceiling Cat, coem bak!
Luk dwn from hole in ceiling and si!
Watch ovr dis vyn (masturbatin, LOL!),

15 Teh ruut ur riet hand can has plantd,
Teh babee u has raisd up fur urslf.

16 Ur vyn, it r cut dwn, it can be on fyr nao;
At ur rebuk ur peoplz dy, srsly!

17 Ur hand can sits on teh dood at ur riet hand (for hed scratchs tiem, yes?),
Teh sun of manz u can has raisd up fur urslf.

18 Den we wil not turnz awai frm u;
Halp us, an we wil sai ur naemz.

19 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

Philippians 3:4-14

4 Iz konfidentent
5 Ate day, iz ah Joo.
6 Iz followded teh law n PWNed many church doodz, k? Srsly.
7 Iz thunk it mattererded, but Jebus wuz all liek "Nope, kthkbye".
8 Nuttin matterers wifout Jebus. Jebus iz more betteh den cheezeburgers. Jebus make cheezeburgers luk liek poo. Iz ken frow away all mai stufz so I ken knowz Jebus.
9 I wanna bee part of Jebus. Been Okeedokee wif Ceiling Cat doant com frum roolz. Itz cuz Iz beeleeves in Jebus. Itz frum Ceiling Cat. Iz getz it frum faif.
10 I wanna knoe Jebus betteh. I wanna knoe whut hovrded Jebus from def and knoe hiz hurtz.
11 Den Ceiling Cat will hovr me.

Neveh gonna gif yu up
12 Iz doant haz dat stufz. Iz notz purfecks, k? But Iz keep moovin to getz what Jebus wantz me to getz.
13 Kittehs, I knoed bout soem stufz, but I eated it. Iz onlie knoes bout da fewcher.
14 Ceiling Cat wants me to haz Cheezeburger. Jebus iz teh troo Cheezeburger.

Matthew 21

Jeezus coms tuh grapz heepz an getz ahss

1 An den Jeezus got intuh Bethphage clos ta Jerusalem. Dey werz on a heepz ov salty grapz. Den hee sed go to too kitty jeezezes.
2 He dun toldzem. Goto dem hutz and fine some ass and a fillee; bring herz to me.
3 An if deez gize giv yuh guff. Yo meau. Baybee-Ceiling-Cat Jeebas wantz em. Hee wilz shutz up den.
4 It allz happenz lik hee sed. Lik hee haz seez duh fyoocher an sez so.

Dis Pararaable iz Two Kittehz Pararaable
28 Jebus sayed "A naiz hooman had two kittehz. Him sayz to first kitteh, 'good kitteh, yu goes outside nao.'
29 " 'DO NOT WANT! iz rainz,' teh kitteh sayz bak. But later is sunni so kitteh goes outside.
30 "Den hooman sayz other kitteh 'yu goes outside nao'. Dis kitteh says, 'okbai'. But dis kitteh don't goed outside, kitteh hides under bed.
31 "Which kitteh iz bestest kitteh?" is Jebus trix kwestshun. "wtf dis meanz?" disaiplz askd. Jebus sayed, "I sayz srsly, yu is all dum ass, da tax hoomanz, and Romens, and gud jewz, and bad jewz, and fat peepl, and Samariarntans and hookerz are goes up to ceiling before of yuz. srykthnxbai.
32 John showded yu to be good kitteh, and yuz did not want. Da tax hoomanz, and Romens, and gud jewz, and bad jewz, and fat peepl, and cheesemakers, and greeks hookerz dided. And even after yuz saw this, yu still dum ass, srsly.

Exodus 20
Noo Roolz - Teh Ten Commanders

U can haz.

1 Then Ceiling Cat spoked all them werds:

2 I iz Ceiling Cat An I iz Top Cat, An I broughted u out of hawt lend wit no cheezbrgrs for hard werk at all

3 No can has other ceiling cat!! U gotz other Ceiling Cat, I shoot yous wit mah lazer eyes.

4 If u try be Ceiling Cat of any of mai creayshunz up in floaty skai, down in erth or in watr or I shoot yous wit mah lazer eyes.
5 If u think faek Ceiling Cat iz Ceiling Cat, I mek u ded An ur kittens ded An if yur kittenz have kittenz, dey be ded too, for being stupid.
6 If not I wuv u An all ur lotz uf kittenz!

7 U sez Ceiling Cat bad, I shoot yous wit mah lazer eyes, cuz I dun liek it. Srsly.

8 Remembur caturday An keep holy.
9 U werk 6 dais An finish werk, K?
10 Caturday, u no werk. U An all ur peepz go wrship me. And, if yu beez gudd, I maks it so yu can stays home and do alla stuffs yu wanted tu doos.
11 I maded heavenz An erth An see An the stuff that does teh funney hoppey stuffz in An on it - so I make it holy cuz I no werk.

12 Bez u good to papa An mama so u has long lief.

13 U no maek peepz ded! Srsly!

14 U no maek sexxes wit other gurlz or menz than ur wief (so no awsum treesum alowed!).

15 U no taek stuffs for free if not getz for free.

16 U no tell bad stuff about ur neibor.

17 U no wantz neibor stuff! No wief, no gurlz, no menz, no animulz, NO BUKKITZ! DEY NOT UR BUKKITZ, K? dey da LOLrus' bukkits.

18 When peepz see mai great orkestr wit thundr An all cool speshul effects thei wur scardy wimps

19 Thei sed to Moses 'U goez speek to uz An we will listen; but Ceiling Cat will shoot us wit its lazer eyes!'

20 Moses LOL'd lotz, An a bit moar, for thei wuz such wimps, An sed 'Ceiling Cat no maek u ded; he just wantz to hav fun wit u gais An maek u scaredy cats so u obei him.'

21 But peepz wur still wimps An let Moses go ther to Ceiling Cat.

Ceiling Cat roolz for idles an alters
22 Ceiling Cat sez "Tellz them wimpies: 'U see I spoked to u from big ceilingz.
23 U no mek me of silvar or goldz.

24 U mek me altar of erth An gif me pwnz0rzed animulz ther An I gif u cheezburgr.
25 But u no maek me altar of bjutiful stonez. DO NOT WANT!
26 An u no use steps on altar or I can see ur penises. DO NOT WANT!"

Psalm 19

1 ok guyz so liek dat hole in ceiling makez me worship Ceiling Cat.
2 evry nite he iz liek come into hoal n watch me masturbate n stuffz.
3 He nevar talkz or makez noize
4 but I no he watchez n mebbe vidyo tapez. Hole in ceiling == Ceiling Cat'z home.
5 In moarning he iz liek "4 shayme" but lukz happy n e wai.
6 No lolcatz hied from hiz watchingz.
7 OK so wat Ceiling Cat sez goez. He iz alwais rite.
8 liek srsly alwaiz. u lissen u be happyz and den it can be hugz time.
9 Ceiling Cat alwaiz fair n stuffz. liek alwaiz bow 2 him.
10 Srsly! moar want Ceiling Cat commandzmentz than cookiez or cheezburgerz!
11 Dey makez me smartcat n I getz prezentz foar obaying liek at crissmus!
12 we all haz invizible errorz but Ceiling Cat fixez dem withowt voiding warranty. plz be mah geeksquad, Ceiling Cat!
13 n dun let meh bez evul on porpoise. den I beez purrrfect.
14 OK srsly Celing Cat! Plz luv me n givez meh cheezburgerz. kkthxbai

more animals

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!

Board the Friday Ark at the The Modulator
(submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
since LB and his Mom Mary are still on hiatus due to some sad private happenings
Salome will host on Momma’s Foodblog this weekend
Please go here to leave your linkies.

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
will be hosted by Miles and Sammy Meezer
They is furst time hosters so please help them get them lots and lots of entries
(submit your post here or via mail at festivalchaos AT gmail [dot] com)

The Carnival of the Cats
goes on air Sunday evening with Chey’s human at My Big Fat Orange Cat
standing in for Artsy Catsy who’s getting ready for a cat show!
(submit your post here or via mail at carnivalofthecats AT gmail [dot] com)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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2008 Vermont Hunting Seasons Calendar

XML version
iCal Version
HTML Version

Technorati Tags: 2008 Vermont hunting seasons
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George Naps on Not Cats on Tuesday

George takes a nap in the computer table cat bed. I've been sick for five days so I wasn't able to make the Cats on Tuesday post. I'm going back to work today and I may even be able to stay all day.
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Forest Oddity

Above you see the formation on the tree as I first saw it. I thought it was a burl. Below you see the other side of it. I am fascinated by the growth.

Hinman Settler Road Photowalk Set on Flickr

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Glover Barn

Hinman Settler Road Photowalk Set on Flickr

Wordless Wednesday

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Friday Fractal: Fractals in the news

Gambling teacher cheats parents at elite Hong Kong school
Earthtimes (press release) - London,UK
Hong Kong - A female music teacher at an elite Hong Kong school faced jail after cheating parents out of tens of thousands of US dollars to feed her ...

Bakersville basketmaker appreciates acclaim
Asheville Citizen-Times - NC,USA
In 2005, a NC Arts Council fellowship provided her the opportunity to continue investigating sacred geometry and fractals, as well as the more esoteric ...

Marks-Tarlow Book Signing and Art Sale at Howell Green, September 27
Topanga Messenger - Topanga,CA,USA

Terry Marks-Tarlow, a 12-year resident of Topanga, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Santa Monica. She is currently a research associate of the Institute for Fractal Research in Kassel, Germany; a member of the teaching faculty at the Santa Barbara Graduate Institute; and past president of the Los Angeles Society of Clinical Psychologists. She originally became interested in nonlinear science and the study of fractals after meeting, drawing with and befriending the late Nobel-winning physicist Richard Feynman, reputedly the smartest man in the world. The book contains a never-before-seen Feynman drawing and a story reflecting his views on fractals.

But despite the book's daunting title and the complexity of some of the science involved, Marks-Tarlow explains that at its essence, the study of fractals, which she describes as "a way of looking at patterns, is how nature works." Marks-Tarlow adds, "I'm really excited about the show, which as far as I know is the first of its kind to combine nonlinear science with art, psychology and spirituality. I'm hopeful the show can get picked up by galleries and academic institutions and that the ideas can help people find a holistic perspective in this fragmented world."

Paintings could be by Jackson Pollock, or not
Los Angeles Times - CA,USA
He proudly shares a 2004 report from University of Oregon physics professor Richard Taylor, who is an expert in analyzing complex patterns, or fractals, ...

Radical new book: No Innocent Bystanders
OpEdNews - Newtown,PA,USA
by Mickey Z. by Mickey Z.

No Innocent Bystanders is a manifesto in fractals. Transcending labels and political parties, it gets to the heart of our planet's rapid decline using a blend of facts, humor, vignettes, and relevant quotes and lists. Think: Derrick Jensen meets Arundhati Roy and Kurt Vonnegut.

On the liner notes for The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan album, it's stated that the song "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall" was written during the 1962 Cuban
Missile Crisis. "A desperate kind of song," Dylan called it. "Every line in it is actually the start of a whole song," he explained. "But when I wrote it, I thought I wouldn't have enough time alive to write all those songs so I put all I could into this one."

HSC Edit for Aperture adds photo resizing
Macworld - San Francisco,CA,USA
Plug-ins include capabilities like denoise, fractals, frames, lights, multitones, multicurve support and more. The entire collection includes more than 4000 ...

'From the Web to human diseases,' UH talk uncovers network ...
Genetic Engineering News (press release) - New Rochelle,NY,USA
... the existence of common characteristics in a wide range of disciplines, including chaos and fractals, materials science, biophysics and social networks. ...

Friday Fractal

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Twenty-second Sunday after Pentecost

Twenty-second Sunday after Pentecost
Isaiah 25:1-9
Psalm 23 (Ps. 23:5)
Philippians 4:1-9
Matthew 22:1-14
Semicontinuous series
Exodus 32:1-14
Psalm 106:1-6, 19-23 (Ps. 106:4)
Philippians 4:1-9
Matthew 22:1-14



Psalm 23

1 Ceiling Cat iz mai sheprd (which is funni if u knowz teh joek about herdin catz LOL.)
He givz me evrithin I need.
2 He letz me sleeps in teh sunni spot
an haz liek nice waterz r ovar thar.
3 He makez mai soul happi
an maeks sure I go teh riet wai for him. Liek thru teh cat flap insted of out teh opin windo LOL.
4 I iz in teh valli of dogz, fearin no pooch,
bcz Ceiling Cat iz besied me rubbin' mah ears, an it maek me so kumfy.
5 He letz me sit at teh taebl evn when peepl who duzint liek me iz watchn.
He givz me a flea baff an so much gooshy fud it runz out of mai bowl LOL.
6 Niec things an luck wil chase me evrydai
an I wil liv in teh Ceiling Cats houz forevr.

Philippians 4:1-9

1 Hai mai kittehs dat ai luvs, mai sunbeamz! In dis way stai firm in teh Bigcat.
2 Plz Meowdia and Hissykey plai nice togethr.
3 All yuz kittehs, plz help dem. Deyz fot for de gospel wif me. An wif Cwement an other kittehs who will has cheezburger.
4 Purr for Bigcat. Allwais. Dont jus purr, jump!!11! (Srsly. But not too srsly.)
5 Show all kittehs yr gentle. Ceiling Cat comin soon.
6 Dont wory. Asks an thanks Ceiling Cat for stufs.
7 An de Ceiling Cat b chillin. An dis chillin will b lyk NO WAI to aneething that wanna hurt yr feelin and thinkin. Dem gonna stai in Jebus. Srsly.
8 Thinks on stufz dat makez yuz gud kittehs. Stuf dat peeps praizs yuz fors.
9 Wot ai tots yuz, an yuz seen in me, do dat. Den Chillin Ceilin Cat b wif yuz.

Matthew 22:1-14
Teh parable ov teh weddin banquet

1 jesus spoke 2 them again in parablez, sayin:
2 "teh kingdom ov heaven iz liek king hoo prepard weddin banquet 4 his son.
3 he sent his servants 2 dose hoo had been invitd 2 teh banquet 2 tell them 2 come, but they refusd 2 come.
4 "den he sent sum moar servants an sed, tell dose hoo has been invitd dat i has prepard mah dinnr: mah oxen an fattend kattle has been butcherd, an evrythin iz ready. Come 2 teh weddin banquet.
5 "but they paid no attenshun an went off—wan 2 his field, anothr 2 his busines.
6 teh rest seizd his servants, mistreatd them an killd them.
7 teh king wuz enragd. He sent his army an destroyd dose murderers an burnd their city.
8 "den he sed 2 his servants, teh weddin banquet iz ready, but dose i invitd did not deserve 2 come.
9 go 2 teh street corners an invite 2 teh banquet anyone u find.
10 so teh servants went out into teh streets an gatherd all teh peeps they cud find, teh bad as well as teh gud, an teh weddin hall wuz filld wif guests.
11 "but when teh king came in 2 c teh guests, he noticd man thar hoo wuz not wearin weddin clothez.
12 frend, he askd, how did u git in her without weddin clothez? Teh man wuz speechles.
13 "den teh king told teh attendants, tie him hand an foot, an throw him outside, into teh darknes, wer thar will be weepin an gnashin ov teeth.
14 "4 lotz da r invitd, but few r chosen."

Exodus 32:1-14

Teh Golden Calv

1 when teh peeps saw dat mosez wuz so long in comin down frum teh mountain, they gatherd around aaron an sed, "come, mak us godz [a] hoo will go before us. as 4 dis fellow mosez hoo brought us up out ov egypt, we doan knoe wut has happend 2 him."
2 aaron anzwerd them, "taek off da gold earrings dat ur wivez, ur sons an ur daughters r wearin, an brin them 2 me."
3 so all teh peeps took off their earrings an brought them 2 aaron.
4 he took wut they handd him an made it into an idol cast in da shape ov calf, dat bebeh moocow, fashionin it wif tool. den they sed, "thees r ur godz, [b] israel, hoo brought u up out ov egypt."
5 when aaron seed dis, he builted an altar in frunt ov teh calf an announcd, "2morrow thar will be festival 2 teh lord."
6 so teh next dai teh peeps rose early an sacrificd burnded offerinz an presentd fellowship offerings. den they sat down 2 eat an drink an got up 2 indulge in revelry.
7 den teh lord sed 2 mosez, "go down, cuz ur peeps, whom u brought up out ov egypt, has become corrupt.
8 they has been quick 2 turn away frum wut i commandd them an has made themselvez an idle cast in da shape ov calf. they has bowd down 2 it an sacrificd 2 it an has sed, thees r ur godz, israel, hoo brought u up out ov egypt.
9 "i has seen thees peeps," teh lord sed 2 mosez, "an they r stiff-neckd peeps.
10 nao leef me alone so dat mah angr cud burn against them an dat i cud pwn them. den im gonna mak u into great nashun."
11 but mosez sought teh favor ov teh lord his ceilin cat. "lord," he sed, "y shud ur angr burn against ur peeps, whom u brung out ov egypt wif great powr an mighty hand?
12 y shud teh egyptianz say, it wuz wif evil intent dat he brought them out, 2 kill them in da mountains an 2 wipe them off da face ov teh earth? turn frum ur fierce angr; relent an do not brin disastr on ur peeps.
13 remembr ur servants abraham, isaac an israel, 2 whom u swore by ur own self: im gonna mak ur descendants as numerous as teh stars in da sky an im gonna giv ur descendants all dis land i promisd them, an it will be their inheritance furevr."
14 den teh lord relentd an did not brin on his peeps teh disastr he had threatend.

Psalm 106

1 Teh kittehs will rub Ceiling Catsz tummsy cuz yu gaev us dem cheezburgers.
2 I rubbded it liek alot but snot enuf cuz I haev so many cheezburgers.
3 Yu gaev teh cheezburgers 2 teh kittehs who dunnot rok the monorail.
4 I sez teh gud wurdz bout yu, so keepses me outta teh waterz.
5 I wantz 2 b a part of teh Kitteh Drum Circel (UR Kitteh Drum Circel) that bongoes ur prayzes.
6 Butt we bongoed liek hedun lolruses b4.
7 Butt we had no bongoes cuz we wuz in Ejupt. We still spaked smack bout yu in the red waterz.
8 Butt yu wax liek "Iams Ceiling Cat n ths iz how I do!"
9 N yu spaked 2 the waterz (heebroo kitteh thoht u waz crazzors), n it dried up n evrbdy yoosed teh sand liek kitteh littah.
10 Yu saevd us!
11 Yu killde them!
12 We bongoed agin!
13 We stopped bongooeinging!
14 We wuz hungy 4 more cheezburgers!
15 Yu gaev us more cheezburgers! N kitteh HIV! N we deid!
16 Evrbdy h8ed Mosescat n Aaroncat...
17 Dathancat and Abiramcat wur liek INVISIBLE REBELLION! and nobdy sawd cuz yu killde them.

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