LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the First Sunday of Christmas

First Sunday of Christmas

Isaiah 61.10—62.3
Psalm 148 [148.7–end]
Galatians 4.4–7
Luke 2.22-40

Isaiah 61.10 - 62.3

10 I can haz Ceiling Cat! ZOMG! He givded meh a kitteh collur of happeh. Liek 2 kittehz who lurvs each othurz.
11 Az teh urfs can haz plantz, and gaerdenz can haz flwrs ZOMG! In dat wai will Ceiling Cat give cheezburgerz to kittez, and make kittez to sai, "ZOMG, d00d!". Srsly.

Zions new naym
1 4 zions saek im gonna not keep silent, 4 jerusalems saek im gonna not remain quiet, Till her righteousnes shinez out liek teh dawn, Her salvashun liek blazin torch.
2 Teh nashuns will c ur righteousnes, An all kings ur glory; U will be calld by new naym Dat teh mouth ov teh lord will bestow.
3 U will be crown ov splendor in da lordz hand, Royal diadem in da hand ov ur ceilin cat.

Psalm 148
Prais four Ceiling Cat cuz Him Agsepshunilee Cool

1 Prais teh Ceiling Cat! Prais teh Ceiling Cat, SRSLY! {{verse wai iz yuz no praising yet? }}
2 Prais Him an awl Him angles; {{verse yuz srsly get praising riet nao }}
3 Prais Him

Galatians 4: 4-7

4 But when we had growd up, Ceiling Cat sended his kittn,
5 so we wud get our inheritens.
6 Ceiling Cat's spirit iz in our hartz, sayin "Daddi, daddi,"
7 So you iz not a slaev no moar, u iz Ceiling Cat's kittn, an you iz gettin an inheritens from him.

Luke 2: 22-40
Jebus brung to teh templlez

22 When Jebus' mom an dad wer dun gettin cleen by lickin themslvs, they took teh baybee to Jerusalem to bee presenteded to Ceiling Cat
23 ('coz hiz law sed so)
24 an to sacrimifice two birdeez ('coz he sed thats teh roolz).
25 So der wuz dis dood calld Simeon, an he wuz a gud dood and teh Ceiling Cat thot he wuz kewl.
26 It had been reveald to him by Hover Cat dat he wud not dye before he had seen teh lordz Christ wrappeded lk burito.
27 He wuz hangin out in da temple and when he saw da baybee burito,
28 Simeon did not eated baybee but insteads hugged him an sed,
29 "Spiffy Ceiling Cat, I can to be dying nao,
30 'coz I saw teh salvation and teh coolness
31 that u maded for all teh peoplez an stuffs,
32 for teh Gentiles and for teh gloree uv Israel."
33 His Mom an Dad were lyke, "sweet, are baybee iz teh kewlness!"
34 Simeon sed, "yer baybee iz destined to make teh rizing and falling of lotz of doodz in Israel, an doodz will say he iz not kewl,
35 but all teh heartz will be revealed. O ya, and yer sole will be peerced, too, but nvm that wan, iz gonna be ok."
36 So der waz also an old proffit ladee named Anna (I meen REALLY old), an her daddy wuz Phanuel, an hiz famlee wuz Asher,
37 an she wuz a widder. Sadness! She wuz in teh temple all teh time for teh praying an stuffs and sumetimes she maded cookies.
38 She saw da baybee an sed, "thx, Ceiling Cat! U rokk!" an told all teh doodz about how Jerusalem waz gonna be a kewl place agen sumdai.

Goez bak 2 Naz'reth
39 When dey were dun wif all teh leegal stuffs, it wuz tiem to go home to Naz'reth.
40 And teh baybee got to be big and tuff and smart and Ceiling Cat thot he was a purty gud kid, if ya know what I means.

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No Ketchup or Coke at Louis' Lunch

A cellphone photo of Louis' Lunch in New Haven

I've been to New Haven frequently over the years, yet had never visited Louis' Lunch. This is where the first hamburger was cooked in 1900. Unique, vertical hamburger grills still in use in the lunchroom. The building is historic and authentic and I enjoyed looking it over while Aaron and I waited for our burgers on a Saturday afternoon this past October.

I recommend that you pass by these burgers. Our experience was very poor. The service was grumpy and short-tempered. The burgers were dry and over-cooked. And the bun? The burgers are served on mass-produced thinly sliced white bread. As a bread maker from Vermont, where every restaurant offers homemade bread, I found Louis' wonder bread unacceptable. Especially since the lunch room seems to be overly vested in remaining ketchup- and Coke-free. The ketchup / Coke ban smells of pretension to me. It would've made my visit to Louis' more enjoyable if I had had a diet Coke or some real bread. A person could use the ketchup to choke down the dead burgers.

Take a photo of the place but don't waste your money here.

Technorati Tags: Louis' Lunch, New Haven, Connecticut
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Dining at Pacifico

While in New Haven in October, Anna, Aaron, Aaron's mom and I went to the Pacifico Restaurant for dinner. It didn't seem to be as good as it was three years ago, but it was lots of fun going out together! We took the photos with a cell phone. Above: Talapia al Sarten con Croquetas de Alcachofa: Pan seared tilapia with yucca crust served with artichoke, potato and manchego cakes in basil and yellow tomato coulis.

This is what I ordered: Camarones y Vieras con Raviolis de Frijol Negro: Seared sea scallops and shrimp in a chipotle, honey chardonnay sauce with Monterey Jack and black bean ravioli.

Salmon al Sarten: Pan seared Chilean salmon in plantain crust with shrimp and asparagus
enchiladas and yellow tomato coulis.

Atun a la Parrilla: Grilled Yellow Fin Tuna with red quinoa, arugula, sweet plantain and shiitake mushroom tabbouleh salad and saffron, basil mojito sauce.

The appetizers we shared: Quesadilla de Langosta y Aguacate: Lobster and avocado quesadilla with chipotle crème fraiche alioli.

And dessert? Columbian Dark Chocolate Cake. We had to order extra because I don't share.

Technorati Tags: Pacifico Restaurant, New Haven, Connecticut
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Twinkling Fractal Theory

I found this article at smashits.com. There are many other references to this that you should browse Google. It's a fascinating and new topic.

My photo is of old glass insulators that I photographed this past summer on a train ride in St. Johnsbury. Now that glass is fractal, I can use the photo here!

Friday Fractal

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fourth Sunday of Advent

Fourth Sunday of Advent
2 Sam. 7:1-11, 16
Luke 1:47-55 or Ps. 89:1-4, 19-26
Romans 16:25-27
Luke 1:26-38

2 Samuel 7: 1-16
God's promize 2 david

1 aftr teh king wuz settld in his palace an teh lord had given him rest frum all his enemiez around him,
2 he sed 2 nathan teh profet, "her im, livin in palace ov cedar, while teh ark ov ceilin cat remains in tent."
3 nathan replid 2 teh king, "whatevr u has in mind, go ahead an do it, 4 da lord iz wif u."
4 dat nite teh werd ov teh lord came 2 nathan, sayin:
5 "go an tell mah servant david, dis ar teh wut teh lord sez: r u teh wan 2 build me houz 2 dwell in?
6 i has not dwelt in houz frum teh dai i brought teh israelitez up out ov egypt 2 dis dai. I has been movin frum place 2 place wif tent as mah dwellin.
7 wherevr i has movd wif all teh israelitez, did i evr say 2 any ov their rulers whom i commandd 2 sheferd mah peeps israel, "y has u not built me houz ov cedar?"
8 "nao den, tell mah servant david, dis ar teh wut teh lord almighty sez: i took u frum teh paschur an frum followin teh flock 2 be rulr ovar mah peeps israel.
9 i has been wif u wherevr u has gone, an i has cut off all ur enemiez frum before u. Nao im gonna mak ur naym great, liek teh namez ov teh greatest doodz ov teh earth.
10 an im gonna provide place 4 mah peeps israel an will plant them so dat they can has home ov their own an no longr be disturbd. Wickd peeps will not oppres them nomore, as they did at teh beginnin
11 an has dun evr since teh tiem i appointd leaders [a] ovar mah peeps israel. Im gonna also giv u rest frum all ur enemiez. " teh lord declarez 2 u dat teh lord him will establish houz 4 u:
12 when ur dais r ovar an u rest wif ur fathers, im gonna raize up ur offsprin 2 succed u, hoo will come frum ur own body, an im gonna establish his kingdom.
13 he iz teh wan hoo will build houz 4 mah naym, an im gonna establish teh throne ov his kingdom forevr.
14 im gonna be his fathr, an he will be mah son. When he doez wrong, im gonna punish him wif teh rod ov doodz, wif floggings inflictd by doodz.
15 but mah luv will nevr be taken away frum him, as i took it away frum saul, whom i removd frum before u.
16 ur houz an ur kingdom will endure forevr before me [b] ; ur throne will be establishd forevr. "

Luke 1: 27-38
Hail, Mary Oh hai Mary.

26 Ceiling Cat sended Gabriowl, a hovr d00d, to Nazareth (dat is a citi in Galilee)
27 to a virgn naemd Mary. She wuz engajded to a d00d naemd Joseph.
28 Gabriowl wuz liek "O hai Mary, u iz realli nice. Ceiling Cat iz wif u."
29 Mary wuz kiend of worrid about dat.
30 But teh hovr d00d wuz all "Doant be afraid. Ceiling Cat iz happi wif u.
31 U iz gonna hav a kittn. Naem him Jebus.
32 He wil be graet. He wil be teh kittn of Ceiling Cat an his daddi will give him David's chaer.
33 He wil r00l Jacob's house forevr."
34 Mary wuz liek "O rly, i iz a virgn remembr."
35 Gabriowl wuz all "Ceiling Cat wil take caer of it."
36 Elizabeth iz goin to hav a kittn n evribodi seded it wuz imposubl."
37 Nothin iz imposubl for Ceiling Cat."
38 Mary sed "I is happi to do Ceiling Cat's work. Liek u sai." N Gabriowl lefted.

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Charlie's in the Kitchen

I finally have taken some photos. Still no Internet connection, so I am using the school, library and pharmacy wireless networks. Charlie here is upset because Buddy was sitting with me across the table.

Charlie's Set on Flickr

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Third Sunday of Advent

Third Sunday of Advent
Isaiah 61:1-4, 8-11
Psalm 126
Luke 1:47-55
1 Thess. 5:16-24
John 1:6-8, 19-28

Isaiah 61:1-4, 8-11
Teh Yaer uf teh fayvor of Ceiling Cat

1 Invisible Ceiling Cat is in mah brainz, makin mah wurdz. Cuz he lurvs me, srsly. Him can has meh, so Iz can tell yu happeh shtuffz - liek cheezburgers to teh hongry, lurvs to dem dat can not haz lurvs, freedoms to teh kittehz in teh pound, Srsly. Oh, an openin of teh kitteh carriers.
2 To let teh kittehs knoah Ceiling Cat is in our Yaer, makin uz happeh. Teh dogz, dey will be pwned, an teh kittehs dat teh dogz not eateded, dey will be comfirteded.
3 For teh kittehz in Zion, dey will be pritteh, an not hav fur dat is wet an matted. Dey will has cheezburgers, an sai "ZOMG! Yaiz!", and no crai fur teh kittehs eateded by teh dogz. Dey shall sai to Ceiling Cat, "You pwnz0r", an not worreh. Dey will be big treez of awesum, an Ceiling Cat shall make them of win, so all kittehs will know that Ceilin Cat pwnz, srsly.
4 Teh kittehz will returnzes to teh sowfa, and to teh chairz, an shed on teh tings dat hav no kitteh haer. An kittehs will hav haers on tings whaer kittehs have not had haers for long time.

8 Cuz I iz Ceiling Cat, and Iz lurvs to givs gud tings to all. I hatz bukkit stealers. I will giv cheezburgerz alwaez, fur evah. Srsly.
9 Evrehboddy will knoah deys kittens, becauze dey will be maed of win and awsum. Cuz I sai so, and I am Ceiling Cat.
10 I can haz Ceiling Cat! ZOMG! He givded meh a kitteh collur of happeh. Liek 2 kittehz who lurvs each othurz.
11 Az teh urfs can haz plantz, and gaerdenz can haz flwrs ZOMG! In dat wai will Ceiling Cat give cheezburgerz to kittez, and make kittez to sai, "ZOMG, d00d!". Srsly.

Psalm 126
Sing sawng uv ascents

1 When teh Ceiling Cat bringz us bak to teh Lolmountain, we were lik kittehs who dreem.
2 Our moufs were lik filld wit cheezbugerz an stuffz. Srsy! We wuz happeh!
3 Teh Ceiling Cat roxorz us and we beez happeh!
4 Give us many cheezburgerz dat are ours!
5 Doz who give veggiez can reep cheezburgers.
6 Wen we go out cryen and stuffz wit cheezburger seeds, we comez bak wit lotz of happeh cheezburgers! Awsome!!

Luke 1:46-56
Mary's Song of Praise - the MagnifiCat (srsly)

46 Mary sed "Ceiling Cat is laik a big deal,
47 Mai I is happy about Ceiling Cat...
48 bcz he kepted me in maind an now evribodi knowz i can haz cheezburgr.
49 Thank u Ceiling Cat, u iz cool.
50 U iz niec to evribodi.
51 Xcept peeplz who doant dizrv it LOL.
52 U haz pwned teh r00lrz
whiel stil bein niec to teh n00bz.
53 U givd cookies to teh hungri
whiel u tolded teh rich "Niec trai."
54 U wuz niec to Israel
55 an to all Abraham's famili liek u promist."
56 Mary staied wif Elizabeth three munfz. Den she wented hoam.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-24

16 Hav happies always!!;
17 Do invisible talkin’ to Ceiling Cat, all de timez!!;
18 Say thnx all de timez, faw dis iz wot Ceiling Cat wants an’ Happy Cat too.
19 Do not axidentallee do number ones on HovrCat’s fire an’ puts it out, dis wuld be bad;
20 Do not be sayin’ professees is stoopid;
21 Check everyfingz out; Keep de cheezburgers that yu getz given.
22 No goes neer eevils, k?
23 May Ceiling Cat hisselfs, Kitteh of peese, sanctify you frew an’ frew. May yur spiritz an’ sole an’ bodee be kept naise an’ cleen inside at de comingz of Happy Cat.
24 The one who callz yu iz faythefull an’ he will be doin’ wot he sez he will.

John 1:6-8, 19-28

6 And teh Ceiling Cat haz dis otehr man; his naem iz John.
7 He tellz teh ppl dat teh lites is tehre, so dat teh doodz mite bleev"
8 Him wuz not teh lite; he jsut sez teh lites is tehre.

John teh Baptist Sez "I Iz Not teh Chozen Won!! No Wai!!11!!!1!!1!!
19 Dese are teh meows sez by John when da religulous autoritahs in Jerusalem sent Levites and Pretchers to ax "OMG! Who r u?"
20 John says "Me no lyer, not teh Chozen1, Ceiling Cats kitteh"
21 They asked him, "Who R u? R u Elikhat?"
He said, "Omg no!"
"R u teh Profitz?"
He sez, "WTF? Omg, No!"
22 Tehn they wuz, "LOL, so hoo ar you?"
23 John got all liek profitz Isaiah LOL srsly, "O hai I am liek gai meowing from teh littr box, 'Strayten up for Ceiling Cat but DO NOT USE vacuum!!!!1!' "
24 Pharisees sez,25 "Oh hai wai you washt ppl if no Chozen1 or profit? NO LIKE WET FURZ!!1!"
26 John sez "Ai washt wit water (WTF???). But among yoos is kitteh u not no,27 Him folowz me, an ai no allowd to play wit hes shooz."
28 Wuz at Bethany cross water wher John wuz washiz.

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A Little Frozen Spider

This tiny spider is frozen to the outside of the window. I used a 4x macrofilter, f20, with flash to get this shot. I used all combinations of f-stops and filters and flash. This was the best combination. It is a very young barn spider.

My Window Spider Experiment Set on Flickr.

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Second Sunday of Advent

The Second Sunday of Advent
Isaiah 40:1-11
Psalm 85:1-2, 8-13
2 Peter 3:8-15a
Mark 1:1-8

Isaiah 40:1-11

1 "Make no cry, make no cry muh peeps" sayz ur Celing Cat.
2 Talk to a da heart of Ceiling Cat's city and meow at her, cuz she's all feeded and fullz, cuz her badcatness iz finished and she away! from Ceiling Cat's paw 2x for her badcatness.
3 Big meow say, "Inna da big catbox outside wif da sandz, make way for Ceiling Cat!, make wild place be goodkittehz, a BIG road for Ceiling Cat."
4 Big up every dippy hill place, every hill and big get small, not smoof land get smoof and close hill get faaaaaar.
5 And Ceiling Cat's goodnesses will shows! and all peeps together will see Ceiling Cat's mouf talkin.
6 Another cat that me not see say "Meow! and I sayz "Meow what? "All pplz r grassez n all its cheezburgers r like pretty flower.
7 Grassez get dryz and go bai, flower go bai 2, cuz Ceiling Cat blowzed on dem; all da peeps iz grassez 2!
8 Grassez get dryz, flower go bai but Celing Cat's werds lif foreva!
9 Go up on big pile of laundriez, marked of Ceiling Cat's home scratchin post, meow reeel loud, marked of Ceiling Cat's city, meow louda, no scare; tells cities of Celing Cat's catdom, "Oh hai! Hail ur Celing Cat!"
10 Lookz! Celing Cat comes wif strong pawz, da rule for him; lookz! his cheezburgerz for da peeps r wif him and his catnipz 2!
11 Like mama cat wif her kittehs, wif his paw takez upz f00dz and carries them orf, feedin the lil kittehs on da way

Psalm 85
Singy Tiem fo tha Sunz Uv Korah

1 Ceiling Cat, yur realeh kewl. Srsly. Yu maek no moar slaev kittehs.
2 Yu maek all uv invisible errors betta an stuff.
3 Yu no maek angwy tiem no moars. Dats kewl, Iz no lieks dat stuffs.
4 Plz dun be mad no moars.
5 Ceiling Cat be mad at us tiems infinity? NOES!!1! Evn our littlest kitteh sunz?
6 Mehbey yu maek it all betta, an we maek funneh sownds at yu?
7 Haev merceh on us!!1!
8 Iz be good listender. Ceiling Cat talkz peece an stuffs an blah blah 2 his fello kittehs. Dey dun need 2 be bad kittehs after dat.
9 We be fraid uv Ceiling cat. Sow we gets gud stuffs! His awesum stuff culd maek dis place bettr.
10 Merceh and troofs be wif each uthur. Gud stuffs and peece maek out.
11 Troofs will pounce frum Urfs; gud stuffs come frum ceiling.
12 Ceiling Cat giveded us teh gud stuffs, an we maek it gud on Urfs.
13 Gud stuffs maek us liek Ceiling Cat.

2 Peter 3:8-15a

8 Eff u be nise n doed tehse stuffs, u can haz bebes n gud stuffs frm ur d00d Jeesus. Fo relz!
9 D00dz taht r meen n dont rispekt tah d00d Jeesus r stoopid n can loose tehr bukkits, tho.10 Srsly, be nise n u can no b pwnd.11 U can has Ceiling Cat's littr boks wif teh d00d Jeesus.
12 U r all liek, "Oh hai, we no all tihs kthxbai!" But I can has tel u agin cuz u neid 2 no stuffs.13 Whyle mai pawz b n ur base I wil tel u stuffs agin,14 noing taht Jeesus sho me taht I no b n ur base 4evr.
15 Aftr I git pwnd I can has u no tehse stuffs so u can git mad l00t whyle otehr d00dz iz liek "Oh noes, we be gttn pwnd!"

Mark 1:1-8

1 K, I just telz u this, but I telz u agin. Ceiling Cat haz son name Jebus Christ. This hiz stori:
2 Wise catz sed, Ceiling Cat send wai smrt d00d.
3 He make thingz redy 4 Jebus.
4 Hiz name John. He wantz us to dunk in watr. (wtf? iz he srs?)
5 Catz let him do thiz crzy thing tho. Tehy dunk in watr. Srsly
6 John warez crzy clothez and eatz bugz (he no haz cheezburgr?)
7 He sez, "New cat come, him wai betr thn me.
8 I dunkz u with waterz but he givz u Hovr Cat. Srsly.

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Macro Filters

I subscribe to the Photojojo! newsletter and read about different ways to do macrophotography. I'm too poor to buy an expensive macro lens for my Canon so I bought macro filters in Connecticut when I visited Anna and Aaron in October. Photojojo! said they can be bought for under $20. Nope: mine were $60! Aaron told me about the drawbacks of filters (poor focus is the big problem) but I bought them anyway. My first project was photographing walnuts that Amy was using in her cookies. I liked the result. But of course I failed to take notes so I have no idea which filters I used on this photo. And if I had re-read the article about aperture size and tripods before I took the photos, I am sure I could've done better.

Technorati Tags: Photojojo, macrofilters
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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the First Sunday of Advent

First Sunday of Advent
Isaiah 64:1-9
Ps. 80:1-7, 17-19
1 Corinthians 1:3-9
Mark 13:24-37

Isaiah 64:1-9

1 Oh, dat u wud rend teh heavens an come down, Dat teh mountains wud tremble before u!
2 As when fire sets twigs ablaze An causez watr 2 boil, Come down 2 mak ur naym known 2 ur enemiez An cause teh nashuns 2 quaek before u!
3 4 when u did awsum things dat we did not expect, U came down, an teh mountains trembld before u.
4 Since ancient tiems no wan has herd, No ear has perceivd, No eye has seen any ceilin cat besidez u, Hoo acts on behalf ov dose hoo wait 4 him.
5 U come 2 teh halp ov dose hoo gladly do rite, Hoo remembr ur ways. But when we continud 2 sin against them, U wuz angry. How den can we be savd?
6 All ov us has become liek wan hoo iz unclean, An all r righteous acts r liek filthy rags; We all shrivel up liek leaf, An liek teh wind r sins sweep us away.
7 No wan calls on ur naym Or strivez 2 lay hold ov u; 4 u has hidden ur face frum us An made us waste away cuz ov r sins.
8 Yet, o lord, u r r fathr. We r teh clay, u r teh pottr; We r all teh werk ov ur hand.
9 Do not be angry beyond measure, o lord; Do not remembr r sins forevr. Oh, look upon us, we pray, 4 we r all ur peeps.

Psalm 80

1 Heer us, shepurd of kittehs,
U hu leded Joseph liek herd of shepez;
U hu sitzed neks to teh cherubimimim, shiend on

2 Befur Ephraim, Benjamin an Manasseh.
Waek up, u strongz;
Com an saivz us!

3 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

4 Oh hai, Ceiling Cat,
How longs u wil has smoldrin angryz
Aginst teh meows uv ur kittehs?

5 U has maided dem eets sad emo bredz;
U has maided dem drink sad emo watrz.

6 U can has maided us has problms wif teh kittehs neks dor,
An nao ar enuhmees mahkz us, srsly

7 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

8 U bringed a vyn out ov Egypt;
U chaesd out teh othr nayshuns an putted it in a hol.

9 U cleerd teh urfs for it,
An it taekd ruut an filded teh hoel yard.

10 Teh mowntinz can has shayd,
Teh big treez can be cuvred wif it, tu.

11 It sentd out it bahwz to teh big watrz,
It has shuetz as far as teh skinyr watrz over der.

12 Why u has brokded its wals
So dat jus enibudy can has graepses?

13 Baorz frm teh foerst ravgez it
An teh amnals can eatdz it.

14 Ceiling Cat, coem bak!
Luk dwn from hole in ceiling and si!
Watch ovr dis vyn (masturbatin, LOL!),

15 Teh ruut ur riet hand can has plantd,
Teh babee u has raisd up fur urslf.

16 Ur vyn, it r cut dwn, it can be on fyr nao;
At ur rebuk ur peoplz dy, srsly!

17 Ur hand can sits on teh dood at ur riet hand (for hed scratchs tiem, yes?),
Teh sun of manz u can has raisd up fur urslf.

18 Den we wil not turnz awai frm u;
Halp us, an we wil sai ur naemz.

19 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

1 Corinthians 1:3-9

3 Cheezburgrz for all of youz.

Yay for Cheezburgrs!
4 I alwayz thx Ceiling Cat for you.
5 Ceiling Cat givz you all you needz
6 because you liek Jebus.
7 U haz all teh cheezburgz u needz while u waitz for Jebus to come down from teh ceiling.
8 Ceiling cat will givez you cheezeburgrz, so you no eated cookiez.
9 Ceiling Cat never forgetz! O yeah an he sez "Plz hang with mah boy Jebus kthnx."

Mark 13:24-37

24 In thoze days, after the skeery timez, the sun n moon r gonna go dark.
25 Starz r gonna fall n Heaven iz gonna shake.
26 Ur gonna see me in teh cloudz with great power n glory.
27 I'm gonna send mah angelz n gather my d00dz from the 4 windz n teh whole sky.
28 Learn from teh fig tree, when teh branch iz tender n putz out leaves, u know summer iz near.
29 When u see teh signz, u know itz gonna happen soon.
30 Srsly, this generashun iz not gonna pass til teh skeery stuff happenz.
31 Heaven n earth will pass away but not my wordz.
32 Nobody knowz when itz gonna happen, not u or u either. Not teh angelz or even me, just Ceiling Cat.
33 L00k out, watch n pray, cuz u dunno what time itz comin.
34 4 teh Son ov Man iz like a man who took a long trip, who left hiz house n left his servantz n charge, n every man 2 hiz work, n told hiz porter 2 watch.
35 So watch k, cuz u dunno when teh master ov teh house iz comin, at evenin or midnight or dawn or teh mornin.
36 U don' want him 2 find u sleepin, srsly.
37 I say 2 u and 2 everybody, watch.

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Apologies

My apologies for not posting and posting the Lectionary Readings late. I don't have Internet connection at the house right now and the networks at the library and school have been poor and unreliable. Service should be back up at the house this week (I hope!). Thank you for being patient!
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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Christ the King Sunday

Ezekiel 34:11-16, 20-24
Psalm 95:1-7a (Ps. 95:7)
Ephesians 1:15-23
Matthew 25:31-46
Semicontinuous series
Ezekiel 34:11-16, 20-24
Psalm 100 (Ps. 100:3)
Ephesians 1:15-23
Matthew 25:31-46

Ezekiel 34:11-16, 20-24

11 An for dis is wut teh Sovrin lord sez: I mahself wil surch 4 mah sheepz an luuk after dem.
12 As a shepperd carez 4 his peepz wen he iz with dem so wil I luk aftur mah kittehs, srsly. Ah b reskewin dem frum weere dey wuz scatterd onna dark n clowdy dai.
13 Ah wil bring dem owt frm teh nashuns an kuntrees n I be bringgin tehm in2 dere own lnad, srsly. Ah wil giv dem teh sunni spots on teh mowntans ov Israel, in teh raveens n in evrywear.
14 I wil giv dem fluffi cusshuns n teh hi mowntans ov Israel wil be dere kumfy spots. Dey cn slepe dere in sunni spots n dey can has cheezburgrz on teh mowntainz ov Israel, srsly.
15 Ah maiself wil cair 4 mah shepz an let dem rest, declarez teh sovrain lord.
16 I wil surch 4 teh lost n00bs n leed dem back, srsly. I wil heel teh sikk n00bz an giv strngth 2 da week n00bz, but teh slick n strowng ah will pwn. Ah wil shepprd mah peepz wid justice, srsly.

20 An so dis ar whut teh Soverin lord sez to dem: Srsly, I wil judg tween teh leen shepp n teh fatti.
21 Cuz u shuv wid yo butt n yo shlderz an u pwn teh n00bs til u maik em run awai,
22 I wil sav mah peepz n tehy wil b saif, srsly. I wil judg tween wun sheepz an anuther.
23 I wil maik wun sheeprd, mai d00d Davd, n he wil cair 4 dem; he wil luk aftr tehm n b dere sheprd, srsly.
24 I ar Ceiling Cat n wil b dere top cat n mah d00d Davd wll b relly cool cat amung tehm. I teh lawd haz sez dis stuf, srsly.

Psalm 95:1-7a (Ps. 95:7)

1 Letz sing to Teh Ceiling Cat, und be shurz to singz real loud kay?
2 Spend Caturday with moar musicz lol.
3 Teh Ceiling Cat are amazing.
4 Teh Worldz be in hiz pawz, and he pwnz teh mountains lyke whoa.
5 Teh Ceiling Cat also pwnz teh seas, and he are make worldz.
6 Worship Teh Ceiling Cat.
7 Teh Ceiling Cat pwnz us all, for we bee sheepz lol.
8 If Teh Ceiling Cat says "Y HALLO THAR," don't turn your insidez to rockz like those at /b/.
9 For /b/ tried teh kitty powerz, even though Teh Ceiling Catz was like "Check dis shiiit out."
10 For OVER 9000! Years, Teh Ceiling Catz was angry at /b/, and said the hartz of /b/ kept runnin away, even without legz, and don't know teh kitteh wayz.
11 Teh Ceiling Cat got mad and said "THIS IS SPARTAAAA!" 40x, and kept them from resting.

Ephesians 1:15-23
Pauls Prayr 4 Teh Brainz

15 Evry1 is sayin how yu haev teh faeth nd yu luvs every1 lots,
16 nd it maeks me say THX 2 teh Ceiling Cat. I prey lots
17 nd ask teh Ceiling Cat to gives yu teh brainz to unnrstand teh Ceiling Cat.
18 Also I prey dat yu kno yu can has lots of hope nd cheezburgers liek all teh gud kittehs.
19 Also (I iz still preyin) yu shud kno Ceiling Cat is supr-strong nd has teh lazer eyes, but for teh gud. Dis is teh same wai
20 Ceiling Cat taked Jesus and maed him not dead, nd give him stuf.
21 Nao Jesus is biggr than teh presidnt nd teh kings nd all that- nd not jus nao, but alwayz.
22 Teh Jesus is in charge nao, says teh Ceiling Cat.
23 Jesus is liek teh cat, and teh church is his tail: iz imprtant, srsly.

Matthew 25:31-46

Teh Sheepz n teh Goatz

31 "Wen teh Jebus comez in hiz awesumness, n al teh angels wit 'im, he wil sit on 'is couch of teh ceilings awesumness.
32 All teh nashuns will be gatherd before him, an he will separate teh peeps wan frum anothr as sheferd separatez teh sheep frum teh goats.
33 he will put teh sheep on his rite an teh goats on his left.
34 "den teh king will say to dose on his rite, coem, yu hoo haz cheezburgrz from ceiling cat; taek ur kitteh toyz, teh kingdom prepard for yu since teh creashun ov teh urfs.
35 4 i wuz hungry an u openz canz and not drai fuds, i wuz thirsty an u gaev me some bowlz, i wuz strangr an yu were liek, "o hai,"
36 i had dirty furz an yu gaev me licks, i wuz sick an u rap pillz in ham, i scratch bathrum door an yu openz.
37 "den teh riteshus will say, Jebus, when did we c u hungry an gaev yu gushy fud, or thirsty an gaev yu milks?
38 when did we see yu strangr an says "o hai," or durty furz and lick yu?"
39 when did we know yu sick or stuck in bathroom and help yu?
40 "teh king will says, srsly, whatevr yu did teh other kittehs, evn lame kittehs, yu liek did to me.
41 "den he will say to dose on his left, leav, you NO CAN HAS CHEEZBURGRZ, into teh Sink of Alwayz Be Wet yu go, an say hai to basement kat and stinky birdcatz.
42 fer I has hunger an yu gave me dry fuds, i wuz thirsty an yu says "only got dry bowls,""
43 i wuz strangr an yu did not say hai, i has durty furz and you wer liek "go lick selfs," i wuz sick an stuck in bathrum and you wer liek, "whatever." Lamerz.
44 "they also will say, lord, when did we see yu hunger or thirsts or strangr or durty furz or sicks, an says, "NO CAN HAS help yu?"
45 "he will says, srsly, whatevr yu did not do for even lamer kittehs, yu did not do fur me.
46 "den they will go be wet with basement cat, but teh riteshus will be dry wif ceiling cat."

Psalm 100 (Ps. 100:3)

1 EVRYONE SAI YAY fr teh almity Ceiling Cat
2 Wurshop him wit teh happynez; giv him teh happy MEOWZ!
3 noe dat teh Ceiling cat is r god n he makes us n we r teh runtz0rz of t3h littaz
4 Be hapi wen he les us in ta his wurldz make him be hapi :) say YAY CEILING CAT YAY
5 Fer he iz gud nd luvs us nd he trusts uz nd stuff0rz

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Twenty-seventh Sunday after Pentecost

Twenty-seventh Sunday after Pentecost

Zephaniah 1:7, 12-18
Psalm 90:1-8 (9-11) 12 (Ps. 90:12)
1 Thessalonians 5:1-11
Matthew 25:14-30
Semicontinuous series
Judges 4:1-7
Psalm 123 (Ps. 123:2)
1 Thessalonians 5:1-11
Matthew 25:14-30

Zephaniah 1: 7, 12-18

1 Ceiling cat telded Zephaniah stuffs. Dis was when Josiah (who was maded by Amon)was da kingz of Judah-land. I thawt u shud no dat Zephania was maded by King Hezekiah who was maded my Amaria who was maded by Gedaliah who was maded by Cushi. Sure iz lotz of "iahs" made by dat Cushi guy. Srsly.

12 An if yu fink Ceiling Cat not gud, him mayk yu ded.
13 yu will be made chaynj uddur kitteh's litrbockses."
14 Ceiling Cat coems faszt. Be gud oar no can has cheezburger.
15 it be not gud! no moar grasz an burds go hided so no can chays dem.
16 kittehs wit shrp clause get ded furst.
17 "An ai mayk bad kittehs fallz off cownter cuz dey no can C."
18 Den Ceiling Cat wul mayk fier to mayk ded awl bad kittehs. An teh Urfs no moar can has not gud kittehs.

1 Thessalonians 5:1-11

1 But of da timez n sezons, bruhterz, ya'll has no need fo me to be written.
2 For yerselvez no prfctly dat thee day o' tha Ceiling Cat comez as a puppi in tha nightness.
3 When peeps sez, "Peese n safenez", distrucshuns will comez on dem all of a suddens liek, as birthin' pains on a motha kitteh, and dey will not gets out, srlsy.
4 But yuz, bruhterz, are not in de darknesses, an' dis dai, wen it gets here, it noes shood surprize yu lieks a theef, or sneeks up on yuz, or nuthin'.
5 Yu all are kittehs of de lites, an' kittehs of de daitimez. We noes belongs to the nites an' noes to de darknesses, k?.
6 So den, we noes be liek otherz, who be sleepins, but we be, liek, alert an' has controwls of ourselvez.
7 'Coz de peeps who be sleepin', dey sleepin' at nites, an' de peeps who be gettin' drunk, an fallin' oveh, an' noes in control of demselvez, deys doin' dis at nites too.
8 But 'coz we belongs to de dai, we can has selfs-controwls, an' we can puts on faythes an' luvs as a protecshun on ours tummehs, an' we can has de howp of salvayshuns liek a invisible bike helmuts on our hedz.
9 For Ceiling Cat noes wants us to haz roths an' stuff, he wants we can haz salvayshuns 'coz of Happy Cat.
10 Happy Cat waz made ded for a few days, liek, den was made undead again, for uz kittehs, noes matter if we be awakes or be sleepins, an we can livez together with Happy Cat in deh Ceiling.
11 So, be tellin' each otherz yuz are good, an' be shoutin' praises at each otherz, an' build each otherz up, juz lieks yu be doin' nows, acshually.

Matthew 25:14-30
Teh Story of teh Monyz

14 It also wil be liek a CEO kitteh wif a big company goin on vacashun, who taeks all the monyz frum company and divideds it up and gav it all to the cleaning kittehs.
15 To one he gav $5 billionz monyz, to anuther he gav $2 billionz monyz, and to anuther gav $1 billion monyz, each basd on whut he thot tey cud do. Tehn he left.
16 Teh one wit $5 billonz went to stok brokerz and short-saled the Dow and crashed fiev companyz n gotz $10 billionz monyz.
17 Teh one wit $2 billionz also went to stok brokerz n short-saled NASDAQ and crashed 10 companyz and gotz $4 billonz monyz.
18 But teh cleaning kitteh who got $1 billionz moneyz divided the monyz into 10,000 $100,000 pilz and put the monyz in free cheking accounts wif no interest but backed by FDIC so he wudn't looz enny o teh monyz. It wud al be saef.
19 "Then teh CEO came bak from vacashun n asked teh cleaning kittehs, "I can has monyz?"
20 Teh cleaning kitteh what gotz teh $5 billionz brot teh other $5 billionz he got. 'Suh,' he sayd, 'You can has gav me $5 billionz monyz. I gotz liek $5 billionz mor! I crashed teh Dow, but u can has mor monyz!'
21 "Teh CEO sayd, 'O rly? No wai! Ur so awsum! U gud wit my monyz; so now I maekz you Viec Pressdent o Monyz for company! I so hapy, let's parteh!'
22 "Teh cleaning kitteh what gotz $2 billionz monyz cam next. 'Suh,' he sayd, 'You can has gave me $2 billionz monyz; I gotz liek $2 billionz mor!' I braekded NASDAQ, but you can has mor monyz!
23 "Teh CEO sayd, 'O rly? No wai! Ur so awsum! U gud wit my monyz; so now I maekz u Viec Pressdent o Saelz for company! I so hapy, let's parteh!'
24 "Then teh saef cleaning kitteh caem. 'Suh,' he sayd, 'I knowz you can be meanys sumtimes, takin mor than wat u startd wit, cheetin, and takin stuffs dat isn't urs.
25 So I gots scaerd n putted al ur monyz into saef accountz backed by teh guvmint. Look, I givz u bak ur allstuffs nao. U losteds nuffinz!'
26 "Teh CEO sayd, 'You meenyhead poopyface kitteh! So u knew tat I tak mor tan I start wit n cheets n taks wat isn't mien?
27 Then u shuld at leest hav put teh monyzs in CD to get teh compund interests n stufs!.
28 " 'Tak al his monyz n giv it to teh guy who gotz $10 billionz monyz nao.
29 For thoes what gots some wil get mor, n be rich n stuffs. Thoes who don't got nuffin wil have al their stuffs taken away from dem.
30 N trow that stoopid cleaning kitteh outside, where dere r no couches, no monyz, no cheezburgers and no bukkits-- jest waters sprayin al over him. Srsly.'

Judges 4
Deborah can has GURRRL POWA!!1!one!!!!!

1 An teh Israelites agen did wut teh Ceiling Cat thawt wus shabby, after Ehud wuz got deded.
2 An Ceiling Cat solded tem to teh Jabin king of Canaan, frum Hazor, whooz armie man wuz Sisera, frum Harosheth ware teh non-kittehs playd.
3 an teh kittehs of teh Israel mewed An seds "Halp Ceiling Cat!11!!!!1", cuz Jabin had alota SUVs An Panzers An stuffs An wuz alwais pwnzing der Israelites at kar raeces. An Jabin wud keep awn winnen fur liek 20 yeers an dat iz looong tiem too getz pwnz0rd fur LOL!!!!!!!!!11

1 Dere wuz dis laydee cawld Deborah An she wuz dis proffitess. She wuz kinda liek hippie cuz she liffd undur a palm tree en da hillz en Ephraim.
2 An she sitted dere cuz eet wuz a daet palm, nawt coconutt palm cuz sitteding unda a coconutt palm iz jus silly an yu getz hitted awn da hed.
3 An cuz Ceiling Cat seded dat Deborah can has smartz, der kittehs uv Israel wud go to her tree An axt her kwestions.
4 An she tolded dis d00d cawld Barak, kitteh uv Abinoam frum Kedesh, "Aint yoo serven uv Ceiling Cat cuz he sed yoo can has cheezburgr!!!!!1111! Taek ur hooj armee to Mownt Tabor!!1!!!! I maek bad gai general Sisera meatz yoos wif hiz Panzers An SUVs at der rivah, srsly. Den yoo pwnz heem."
5 Barak sed "Iz skarded. Wil yoo cum holdz mai paw? Iz no go if yoo no go."
6 An she sed "OMFG yoo ar a l00zer!!!!!11!!1 Iz go wif yoo butt cuz yoo iz skerded yoo no can has faymus fur killen Sisera."
7 An den Barak putted togever teh armee An dere wer liek 10 towsand uv dem an dey awl wen to teh mownten wif Deborah.

1 Wen Sisear herd dat Barak, kitteh uv Abinoam wuz cuming wit hooj armee to pwnz him, 2 he gotted awl hiz SUVs An Panzers An armee d00ds ta go too da rivur too fitez Barak. 3 An den Deborah tolded Barak "GOGOGO!!!one1!!!!! Ceiling Cat bee given yoo Sisera nao, srsly!!!!1!!1!!" An so Barak wented to pwnz Sisera.
4 An den Ceiling Cat caem An ttly pwnzd Sisera's armee. Sisera gotz heeps skarded An sed "kthxbai" an runned awai!!!!1! ROFL!!!!@!
5 Den Barak chaesd der Panzers An SUVs awl teh wai too Harosheth Haggoyim an den dey awl got deded1!11!! AWL UV DEM, SRSLY!!111!!!

Sisera iz skerdee cat, LOL!!1!
1 Nao Sisera had runned awai too hied inn teh tent uv dis laydee cawld Jael, hoo did HARBLS GOES WHERE??? wif Heber teh Kenite, cuz King Jabin An Heber wer BFFs.
2 Jael caem owt uv der tent an sed "Hav sum rests. Dun bee skerded." An Sisera hieded insyde An Jael givded him a blankie.
3 An he sed "I can has watters?" An she givded him sum milks.
4 Den he tolld her "Yoo be garding teh tent nao, k? Tells teh peeps I no iz heer."
5 An den Sisera went sleepz cuz he wuz reel tierd frum runnin awai an bein skerded. An den Jael, hoo did HARBLS GOES WHERE??? wif Heber teh Kenite, gotz a tent peg an hamma an hitz teh tent peg inno Sisera's hed an he got deded.
6 An den Barak caem runnin bai lukin fur Sisera An Jael sed "Oh Hai, yoo lukin fur dis gai? Cuz he deded nao, lol!!1!!!" An den Barak saw Sisera deded on der grownd wif teh tent peg sticken owt uv hiz hed. GROSS!!!!!

1 So on dat dai, Ceiling Cat maeded King Jabin of Canaan rly rly rly imbarass An teh Israelites ROFLMAOWTFBBQ at him!!! Srsly!!!1!!
2 An King Jabin wuz liek leetel bug fur teh Israelites unntill he gotz deded.

Psalm 123

1 I look at hole in ceiling.
2 Peoples need peoples and stuff so look at Ceiling Cat til is good 2 us.
3 Be excelnt 2 us cos teh others are not.
4 Bad people make fun of us.

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