meeyauw: LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Baptism of Christ, Sunday, January 10, 2010

Sunday, January 10, 2010
Feast of the Baptism of Christ

Isaiah 43:1-7
Psalm 29
Acts 8:14-17
Luke 3:15-17, 21-22

Isaiah 43:1-7

1 Dis iz wut TopCat sez: "Ai maded yuz, mai kittehs. Don b scardeyCatz; don b afrad. Ai luvz yu; yuz r mien.
2 Wen yu gose n 2 watr, ai b wif yu. Wen der b rain or fier, ai b wif yu. Yuz no drownded or b burnded.
3 Dis all cuz iz TopCat, yur Ceiling Cat. Ai giv yuz Egypt-land an Couch an Sofa.
4 Ai luvz yu. Yuz r prechus 2 me. Dis y ai protektz yu.
5 Liek ai sez b4, don b scardeycatz. Lyk srsly! Ai b wif yu. Yur lil kittehs, ai giv bak 2 yu.
6 Ai sez 2 mean peeps dat taek yur kittehs: 'giv dem bak! All kittens, giv bak 2 me.
7 All kittehs dat r mien anna ai maded - giv em bak.' Srsy!"

Psalm 29

1 David has teh Psalm. Give cheezburger to Ceiling Cat, he iz teh l33t, give Ceiling Cat teh gl0ry An grace.
2 Give cheezburgerz to teh Ceiling Cat cuz of his name, lol, an has beautiez as u praize his name.
3 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is teh meow of teh waterz! (He has teh voice of all of teh waterz, tho kittehs DO NOT WANT water.)
4 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is purrty an powerful.
5 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked kitteh tree fall down; it maeked teh kitteh trees of Lebanon go boom.
6 He maeked dem to skip like teh bby cowz; Lebanon an Sirion like teh l33t unicornz.
7 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat parted teh fire, lol!
8 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh treez dance lyk WOAH, espeshully in Kadesh, cuz they is speshull kittehs.
9 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh hinds to calve? an discovr teh forestz of l33t! In teh litter box, lol, evry kitteh meow Ceiling Cat's glory!
10 Teh Ceiling Cat sit on teh flood (cuz little kittehs DO NOT WANT teh floodz); w00t, teh Ceiling Cat be teh Lord forevrz.
11 Teh Ceiling Cat give teh catnip to teh kittehs; teh Ceiling Cat gives teh blessings of teh catnip to his kittehs an givez dem teh peaces.

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Acts 8:14-17

14 When da Possles in Jerryslam herd dat Sammyra axeptd T3h Word, dey send Peter an John over dere.
15 Dey praid two Ceiling Cat for da peepl two get HoverCat'd,
16 bkuz dey wer naut HoverCat'd yet (dey wur only licked-kleen in da naim uv t3h Ceiling Cat).
17 So Peter an John maded da Sammyra-catz get HoverCat'd.

Luke 3:15-17, 21-22

Hovr Cat dessens from teh Ceiling.

15 Sum peepl wundrded if maybi John wuz Christ.
16 John wuz liek "No. I givz u baff wif watr, but Christ will giv u a baff with Hovr Cat an wif fier too.
17 He iz goin to put all teh wheet in hiz barn an burn teh trash on teh fier.
18 At leest he gived dem sum good newz along wif teh bad newz.
19 But den John talkded trash about teh rong d00d.
20 And Herod throed him in jail LOL.
21 Jebus gotted a baff wif evribodi els.
22 Hovr Cat turnded into a pijn and landid on Jebus. And a voiss from the ceiling sed "U iz mai kittn. I lieks u an I iz happi wif u."