LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Leviticus 19:1-2, 9-18
Psalm 119:33-40
1 Corinthians 3:10-11, 16-23
Matthew 5:38-48

 

 

Leviticus 19:1-2, 9-18

Dees Other Laws
1 CEILING CAT sez to Moses
2 "Go sez to teh Israelis 'Be excellent cuz I'z CEILING CAT and I'z excellent.

9 An den when you has BBQ makes lots and lots of cheezburgers.
10 An no eats all teh Cheetos. Leaves sum for teh homeless kittehs and space alienz. I IZ CEILING CAT.
11 No be steelin'
     No be lying.
     No fooling u fwends.
12 No swearing in teh name of Ceiling Cat. I IZ CEILING CAT.
13 No steelin u naybur's Ex-Bawks.
     An pay teh delivery guy.
14 No makin fun o teh deaf peeple or trippin blind peeple, be 'fraid o Ceiling Cat!
15 No makin fun o Judge Judy or Joe Brown cuz theyz good judges cuz they no take no crap.
16 No spreadin rumors even if Louie does has big harballs.
     No be puttin kittehs in danger. I IZ CEELING CAT.
17 No fiteing in teh back seat wif u brother an no ganging up on u sister.
18 No gettin back at peeples or makin drama. Free luvz to all! I IZ CEILING CAT.

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Psalm 119: 33-40 Teh He 33 Teach me, lord, teh wai ov ur decreez, Dat i cud follow it 2 teh end. [b] 34 gimie understandin, so dat i cud keep ur law An obey it wif all mah hart. 35 direct me in da path ov ur commandz, 4 thar i find delight. 36 turn mah hart toward ur statutez An not toward selfish gain. 37 turn mah eyez away frum worthles things; Preserve mah life accordin 2 ur werd. [c] 38 fulfill ur promize 2 ur servant, So dat u cud be feard. 39 taek away teh disgrace i dread, 4 ur laws r gud. 40 how i long 4 ur precepts! In ur righteousnes preserve mah life.

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1 Corinthians 3:10-11, 16-23

10 Ceiling Cat gived me grace. I builded a good foundashn n sum othr d00d iz on mai foundashn, buildin Ceiling Cat's building. Build cairfly evribodi!
11 Bcz Jesus iz teh onli good foundashn.

16 U iz Ceiling Cat's tempul. Ceiling Cat's spirit iz in u, givin u cheezburgr.
17 If ennibodi nox down Ceiling Cat's tempul, Ceiling Cat will nok him down. Dat shud maek u feel betterz.
18 Dont get trix0red LOL. If u thinkz u is smart it is bettr to become stupid n get smartr from dere.
19 Liek I sed befor, teh wisdm of teh wurld is dum to Ceiling Cat. Sum d00d rited "He catchiz teh wise in their clevrness";
20 oh yeah n "Ceiling Cat knows dat teh thotz of teh wise iz good for nuffing."
21 So quit braggin about d00dz! Evrithing is urz,
22 Paul or Apollos or Rocky or teh world or lief or deth or now or latr - evrithing,
23 n u iz Christ n Christ is Ceiling Cat's.

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Matthew 5:38-48

A Eye for a Eye
38 Ceiling Cat iz liek "i 4 i, fnag 4 fang"
39 but im liek if bad kittehz spank u, turn otehr cheek
40 if bad kittehz take ur fir, give ur tail 2 41 if dogs chase u 1 mile, run 2 Luvin ur enemiz LOL
42 if u makes a cookie 4 some1, doe not eated it
43 kittehz iz liek "wuv ur BFFz, hate bad kittehz"
44 but im liek "wuv bad kittehz 2"
45 u r all Ceiling Catz kittenz. Sun shines on good kittehz and bad. Also rain :-(
46 if u wuv only ur BFFs, u no can has cheezburger. even teh IRS d00dz do taht!
47 if u iz liek "oh hai" 2 only ur BFFs, wtf? only n00bz do taht.
48 b k00l liek teh Ceiling Cat

 

Weekend Cat Blogging
#298 Feb 19-20 Samantha, Clementine & Maverick
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
#362 – When Cats Attack!
(submit your post here)

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Marbled Orbweaver Spider

Araneus marmoreus

About twenty years ago, I suffered several spider bites that required me being in the hospital for a week. The experience gave me an irrational fear of spiders because we never learned what type of spider bit me. But my camera has helped me overcome this phobia. I won't tolerate spiders in the bedroom and have been known to scream if one lands in bed. But I don't react that strongly at other times. I have found spiders to be beautiful and fascinating creatures.

This is a marbled orbweaver. It is a female because the males are very small. The "marbled" part of her name refers to the pattern on her back. Orb weavers weave webs every night after eating the web that they made the night before. Barn spiders, like Charlotte in Charlotte's Web, are orb weavers.They have three claws on each "foot."

When a bug lands on the web, the spider runs down to it, bites it to numb it and then wraps it up in silk. Orb weavers lay eggs in the fall and leave them over the winter in an egg case. The spiderlings hatch in the spring.

I'm on the lookout now for these egg cases in the garage. I plan to make a photographic study of a barn spider over the summer and I need to find my spider!

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Summer Otters

North American River Otters (Lontra canadensis)

All summer long there were many otters in the beaver pond. And all summer long I grabbed my camera, sometimes the tripod, ran down to the fence or across the road, and photographed them. These are the best shots that I got. What a disappointment! They never showed their faces like they have other years.

There were more otters than ever this year. I am always surprised that they come because otters and beaver do not like each other. In fact, they hate each other. I've been waiting for the otters to come this winter and slid onto the ice on the snow. Nothing yet. I'll let you know if they show up!

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The Server Problem

White-tailed spike horn buck and a doe

You have to forgive me for blog posts that jump back and forth in time. We had a huge problem with my new four terabyte server when we moved it from the sun porch to the living room because of the kitchen renovations. John carefully took each component apart. My job was to move each component to the new location with all cables attached. Did I do that? Nope. I detached a couple of cables and the server never worked after that. I was e-mailing Arthur, who designed and built the server for us He couldn’t figure out what the problem was. He couldn’t come here from New Hampshire to fix it because of the weather. Arthur and John did a lot of trouble shooting on the phone. Arthur tried to recreate the problem at home and couldn’t. John tried to mount the drives directly onto my computer without the server and that didn’t work.

Finally about a month ago, we called PC+Med in Newport. A young technician came the next morning. The first question he asked me was if the AC adaptor on the external drive dock was the correct adaptor for the dock. Well, I had no idea! So we all dug through my boxes of cables and equipment and found the proper adaptor. I had attached the wrong AC adaptor! The dock wasn't getting enough power, so the drives couldn't load, and therefore nothing worked. I was very embarrassed and told John and the technician that we would none of us ever tell anybody what I had done. They agreed. But my guilt forced me to do the right thing. Arthur had spent a lot of time and thought trying to solve my server problem and he deserved to know that it was my fault that it wouldn’t work. So I confessed. I only asked Arthur not to laugh at me for what I had done. It really hurt my pride to confess to him. After all, Arthur and I have played with computers together for twenty years and he knows that I know what I’m doing!

Arthur said he couldn’t possibly laugh at me because he has done the same thing himself in the past! This is why I love him. He’s the best!

Anyhow, because the server was down, I couldn't access thousands of photos and had only the most recent photos available for blogging. But now I can go back in time and continue our adventures.

In September, John and I drove to Burlington because I needed new glasses. My glasses were so bad that the lenses kept falling out here and there and anywhere. It got so bad that I only had one eye that worked. So we went to the optometrist and I kicked and screamed the whole way. But nothing awful happened. We actually had a nice day in Burlington. We had lunch out, went window shopping and had a lot of time together.

I finally got bifocals. John talked me into it (and I'm glad he did!). Photography and grocery shopping are much easier now. I can focus the camera and read the labels in the store. I don't come home with the wrong groceries anymore!

As we drove home from Burlington, John spotted these two young deer on Lowell Mountain. We turned around and drove back to take the photos. They were far off at the tree line but my lens caught them. Not caught well, but caught.This was the first spike horn I have ever seen. I guess it is now legal to hunt spike horns and it has always been legal for youth weekend.

By the way, click here for the 2011 hunting calendar for Vermont. It’s a pdf file for printing. And click here for Vermont hunting regulations.

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More E-cards for You on Valentine’s Day

I want to share more of my e-cards that are available at Yankee Magazine (use this link for e-cards by other contributors and click on my photos below for my cards). Click on the e-card that you wish to send and you will be redirected to the Yankee Magazine e-card page for that image. These cards are always available on my sidebar on the right. Thank you for using my e-cards!

♥ Happy Valentine’s Day! ♥

Angry Hairy Woodpecker

Mount Pisgah Ice Cliffs, Lake Willoughby

Redpoll in a Snowstorm

Red Squirrel

Eastern White Pine Seed Cone

Forest Still Life

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Speeding for Electricity and Unpotting Rings

The old electrical panel before the fire.

If you have been following the restoration of this old house, you know there have been problems. Old animal infestations, hoards of mice, missing joists and studs in the floors and walls, extra floors and ceilings, dangerous electrical wiring, illness, a hundred year old boiler buried under the driveway . . . the list seems endless.

Uncovered dangerous, old wiring in a wall.

We had another serious problem during a violent thunderstorm this past autumn. John has been repairing and replacing the electrical wiring as he restores and rebuilds each wall. The electrical panel box containing the circuit breakers was in pretty bad shape but had been slowly improving. John was still worried about it, though. On this fall night of the story a huge surge of electricity from a nearby lightning strike not only burned half of the panel out but also started a fire. John was standing right next to the panel box because he was worried about it during the storm, so he was able to quickly stop the fire. Half of the house was then without electricity, which is a very dangerous thing. I can't remember the details or the technical reasons why, but John had some emergency electrical work to do that night to prevent another fire and he slept poorly because of worry.

After a few phone calls in the morning, we located a new electrical panel in Newport and drove off to buy it. I drove us home. Fast. I remember that we were talking and I was so focused on our conversation that I never paid attention to how quickly I was moving. A Vermont state trooper got me. This was not the first time I have been stopped for speeding. It was only the first time that I got a speeding ticket — while my husband sat in the front seat laughing and enjoying the entire process!  Read more here about my driving problems.

We got home, John replaced the electrical panel. We had to have the village electric people turn off the power at the pole on the road so that John could replace the panel box. It took awhile for them to come turn off the power because lines were down all over town. The whole day, John continued laughing about the ticket and my new criminal record. The ticket? Well, it was for going 64 in a 50 (103 kph in an 80 kph zone). The fine was $130.

My geraniums after thriving outside in the summer.

The next day was Saturday, and it was a beautiful, cool day. It was a perfect day to repot the houseplants that had been outside during the summer. It was time to move them inside. I had so much enthusiasm for this that I repotted just about every houseplant I have — geraniums, African violets, aloe, coleus, Christmas cactus, the whole shebang.

The problem was my wedding band. It had never been properly fitted and kept falling off of my hand, especially when my hands were cold. And my hands were cold more and more often as autumn progressed. Sure enough, when I was finished repotting the plants, my new wedding band was missing from my finger. I was devastated. I was actually crying softly. John helped me look everywhere in the kitchen and outside in the gardens for the ring, but we didn't find it. We gave up and I went to my computer and played games — all the while feeling more and more miserable. I could replace the wedding band but I could never replace the sentiment and meaning it had for me.

After two hours of sulking and misery, I returned to the kitchen and began digging through the repotted plants. Within minutes, I found my ring! I was so happy that I began to cry all over again.

It had been quite an eventful two days, but all ended well. I'm driving slower, I made a trip to the city and had my wedding ring properly sized, and the house is now safely rewired. But John is still befuddled about my angst over my wedding ring.

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, February 13, 2011, Valentine's Edition

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Deuteronomy 30:15-20 or Sirach 15:15-20
Psalm 119:1-8
1 Corinthians 3:1-9
Matthew 5:21-37

 

 

Deuteronomy 30:15-20

15 See, I gives yu lief an cheezburgrz today, but also deth an bad stufs.
16 Cuz Iz tellin yu tu loev teh Ceiling Cat, an du wut he sez; den yu wil liv an get biggr, an teh Ceiling Cat wil give yu teh cheezburgrz.
17 But if yu dont du dat, an if yu, liek, did it for anuddr god,18 yu iz on teh list tu be pwnzord. Yu not gunna live fr long, an yu definitly not gettin cheezburgrz.
19 Did day I callz teh ceiling an teh urfs tu see me give yu lief an deth, cheezburgrz an bad stufs. LOLZ. Teh ceiling an teh urf cant see. So, yu gots tu choos lief, cuz uddrwiz yu gunna be pwnzord.
20 An also loev teh Ceiling Cat an lissen tu him. Srsly, iz not a joke. Cuz he iz ur lief, an he can give yu moar lief, tu.

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Psalm 119: 1-8 1 Luky dem hus pat iz raizos, dey hu fallow da Ceiling Cats lov. 2 Luky dem hu keepz Hiz kovenant an bai their hole hart azk Hiz wil, 3 thei hu don do ´rong but wook Hiz wayz. 4 U´ve given ur rulz to bii fulli obeid. 5 Aww, dat mai wayz wer stedi wen dooin´ woot u sayz! 6 I won´t be a n00b wen i´m dooin´ all w00t u sayz. 7 Ai wil meow 2 u from mai hart wen learnin´ ur gud lawz. 8 Ai wil do w00t u sayz - never 4sake me.

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1 Corinthians 3:1-9

WTF? Divisions in teh Ceiling Cat Clubz!!!11!!1!!
1 Brothers, u iz just newbornded kittenz in Christ.
2 I gave you milk, not cookies, bcz u wuz not reddi for cookies. U iz still not reddi!
3 Bcz u iz not spirichl enuff. U iz all fightin n jelous. U iz actin liek humanz!
4 When one d00d sez "I follaz Paul," n some othr d00d sez "I follaz Apollos," u is just humanz!
5 What iz Apollos enniwai? N Paul? Jus servantz workin for Ceiling Cat to maek u believ.
6 I putted teh seed in teh ground, Apollos putted teh watr on it, but Ceiling Cat maded it grow.
7 Teh d00d dat duz teh plantin iz nuffing. Saem wif teh d00d dat putz teh waterz. Only Ceiling Cat is moar dan nuffing, bcz he makez teh thingz gro.
8 Teh plant n water d00dz iz duin teh riet thing though, n both getz cheezburgr!
9 We workz wif Ceiling Cat. U iz his field n hiz bilding.

Matthew 5:21-37

Killin ur d00dz
21 u kno if u pwnz0rz, Ceiling Cat is liek "wtf? bad kittehz!"
22 but if u is liek "u n00b!", uz betr off in trashcan, srsly.
23 if u has gift 4 Ceiling Cat n u has pwned ur brother
24 ur brother can has hugs b4 u give gift 2 Ceiling Cat
25 lawyers screw u. settle out of court. srsly
26 or they take all ur $$. iz all true. srsly.

Cheetin
27 Ceiling Cat iz liek "no buttsecks!!1!1 bad kittehz!"
28 but im liek "wtf? im in ur brain, watching u think about it"
29 if ur eye makez u bad kitteh, scratch it out with ur claws, or uz betr off in trashcan, srsly.
30 if ur paw makez u bad kitteh, bite it off, or uz betr off in trashcan, srsly.

Divorse
31 Ceiling Cat iz liek "pay divorce lawyer"
32 but im like "divorcee iz slut. uz betr off in trashcan, srsly."

Promisiz
33 Ceiling Cat iz liek "dont break oath or i break u!!1!"
34 but im like "omgwtf? dont swear by Ceiling Catz pad
35 "or by Ceiling Catz paws on floor
36 "or by ur fir
37 "ya rly:=ya rly; no wai:=no wai. else evil kitteh."

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Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
(see the week’s& host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
(submit your post here)

Ree-purrted by KC

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Visit Kitty Limericks

Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Isaiah 58:1-9a (9b-12)
Psalm 112:1-9 (10)
1 Corinthians 2:1-12 (13-16)
Matthew 5:13-20

Isaiah 58

1 Yu shud meow lotz cuz ya liek yu needa tell teh noobz there dumb.
2 Thar ahweyz lukin foar meh an liek but dat wuz before wen thay wuzent ghey.

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Psalm 112 1 Praise Ceiling Cat! Blessed iz teh kitteh dat fears Ceiling Cat, who taeks heppehs in teh commandments! 2 His kittehs will be pumpeded wif katnip an shall p0wnz0rz da backyard, an the shall be kick ass. 3 Ceiling Cat iz liek rich an stufs, an him iz liek always gude. 4 He turns on teh light cause iz dark; him iz liek rly nice. 5 It iz wail when yoos rubs a humins legs an him scratcha an feeds yu. 6 For dah gude kittehs wills eva be fogottans. 7 Him noes fraid uf bad nuse. 8 His hart iz stedy; him will be no fraid, til he seez teh doggies. 9 Him has gives many cheezburgers to dah houseless kittehs; him shall beez rewardeds. 10 Teh bad kitteh seez teh gude kitteh ina his home an gnashes his teefs an goes away; gude kitteh lievs, bad kitteh gets wet.

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1 Corinthians 2:1-12 (13-16)

1 Dear humainz, I will you to my words, but I cant spellz.
2 UM, Jezus knows I is a fine talker.
3 I come tuz ya like all shakin' like a liefs an' stuff,
4 and I didnts sound intelligunt, but had enough holy-skillz,
5 dat you knows 2 trusts holy-skills and not wisedom.

1 7You beez talkin about Cat in the ceillings wizedom. He knows how many times u fap before all fails.
6 sumz of us is wise though, but not like age-wise and shit.
8 Jesus was nail to teh crossed cuz presidents were nubs.

9 Cat in teh ceilling iz acceptings of any fapper, even nubz.
10 the Cat in the ceilling macros all in holy-faggotry, even himself.
11 Humanz can fap much like Cat in the ceiling watches u fap--even when there is no hole.
12 Cuz Ceiling Cat watches you, you'll fap quicker than peeps who isn't being watch.
13 Fapthrens, We are not speaked in right words, but in lolz.
14 Peepz who isn't got ceilings isn't understooding of me.
15 If u beleived what I says, WOOT!

16 If nubz isnt beleived Ceiling Cat, copy paste mah macroz, lol.

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Matthew 5:13-20

Teh Cheezburgerz and teh meme
13 u r teh cheezburgerz. if cheezburgerz haz no cheez, taste bad. trashcat can has it.
14 u r teh meme of teh internet. lolcat pic online iz not invizible.
15 emos dont frendslock lj posts. tehy post public 4 all teh internetz.
16 u 2 post lolcat pic online so internetz is liek "OMG! ur so k00l! Ceiling Cat rockz!"
17 dont break law. im in ur urfs fulfillin ur propheciez
18 iz all true. srsly. law iz not deleted
19 if u break law, no can has cheezburger. if u teach law, can has lotz cookiez
20 u b good kittehz or Ceiling Cat is liek "bad kittehz! u can not has mi pad!"

Weekend Cat Blogging
#296 Feb 5-6 Pam at Sidewalkshoes
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

The Carnival of the Cats
#360 – CatSynth
(submit your post here)

Ree-purrted by KC

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Visit Kitty Limericks

Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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My First Clipping Mask

A bumble bee on New England Aster

I made my first clipping mask to create the BEE text above and fill it with the photo below. I ran across this technique in my e-mail subscription to Kent Weakley's Photography Blog. Unfortunately, his video on how to create this effect was not sufficient and I had to find another video with more complete, and clearer, instructions. Peachpit has a sufficiently good video here, but I still had to improvise at the end of the video to end up with the text the way I wanted. I will continue to look for clearer instructions. It was a fun and easy project for a snow day, so try it! There are great possibilities here for banners. I should resize the photograph in the text to make the bee clearer, but I enjoy the ray effect of the aster petals. I also want to change the amount of transparency that surrounds the text. That is an editing thing though, and has nothing to do with clipping masks.

The original photo.

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