1 Samuel 2:18-26
18 but Samuel wuz ministerin before Ceiling Cat - a boi wearin linen efod.
19 each yeer hims mama maed him lil robe an taekd it to him when her went wif her husband to offr teh yeerly sacrifeic.
20 Eli wud bles Elkanah an his wif, sayin: "cud Ceiling Cat plz givs kittehs to dis woman to replace teh wan she prayd for an den gaev to Ceiling Cat." den dems wud go home.
21 an Ceiling Cat wuz grashus to Hannah; her can has gaev birf to three bois an two girlz. an, teh boi Samuel grew up in da presence ov Ceiling Cat.
22 nao so Eli, hoo wuz rly rly old, herd bout evrythin his bois wuz doin to all israel an dat they slept wif teh women hoo servd at teh entrance to teh tent ov meetin and evrythihn.
23 so hims sed: "y do u do such things? i hear frum all teh peeps bout thees ttly wickd deedz ov yers.
24 no, mah sons; it not gud storees dat i hear among Ceiling Cats peeps. srsly.
25 if kitteh nvisibel err0r gainst othr kitteh, Ceilin Cat [e] cud mediate - but if kitteh nvsibel err0rz agenst Ceiling Cat, hoo can has do NEthing?" hims bois did not listn, for it wuz Ceiling Cat will pwnz0r dems.
26 an teh boi Samuel continud to grow in stachur an in favor wif Ceiling Cat an wif doodz.
Psalm 148
Prais four Ceiling Cat cuz Him Agsepshunilee Cool
1 Prais teh Ceiling Cat! Prais teh Ceiling Cat, SRSLY! {{verse wai iz yuz no praising yet? }}
2 Prais Him an awl Him angles; {{verse yuz srsly get praising riet nao }}
3 Prais Him, |
Colossians 3:12-17
12 Jest do it, pick uv Ceiling Cats, holy and most likked, petting rectum, warm milk, small bag uv kibble, mewing, scratchy ears;
13 Stop it, pet nudder catz, if squirrelz not gud: if Sky Catz scratch youse hed, so also youse.
14 Most give uddrs yer kibble, datz like cheezbrgrz.
15 Gots nappy Ceiling Cats inna youse ticker, srsly dats big banana; anna youse meowing.
16 Ceiling Cats inna yer azzez; teached and spanked like meowing in alleyway, meow-meow-meow-meow meow-meow-meow-meow for kibble anna happy tickers fur Sky Catz.
17 An doin stuffz, do fer kitten Jebus, tanks Ceiling Cat anna big daddy Yo!.
Luke 2:41-52
Boy Jebus in da templlez, agen!
41 Evry yeer, hiz parentz went to Jeruzalem for teh Passover par-tay with all teh gud fudz, like lambses an crackerz an wine an of cours cheezburgerz an yummy stuffs.
42 When he wuz 12, Jebus gots to go, too. Sweet!
43 After teh partay wuz over, Jebus decideded to stays der, but hiz parents didnt knowtice.
44 They kinda kept on goin wifout even askin, "Jebus, whar u be?" cos they thot he wuz wif othr famileez on teh trip.
45 But then they did not saw him, an sed, "oh noez! whar are u, Jebus???"
46 Tree hole daze l8r, dey found him at da temmmple wif da teechur doodz bein all smrt an stuffs. s-m-r-t. smrt.
47 Evrybodee sed, "whoa, teh dood is rly smrt, srsly!"
48 But his parents were lyke, "omg Jebus, wtf?
49 an Jebus was lyke, "dood, I can has bein wif my Dad dis hole tyme!"
50 An Joseph was lyke, "o rly? no wai!"
51 So dey all went home togetha an Jebus wuz a gud kid. But all along, hiz momma was lyke, "o rly?"
52 An Jebus wuz big an smrt and both Ceiling Cat an doodz thot he was purty kewl, like teh beez kneez and stuffs.
"Born in Enfield, Conn. in 1760, Joel McGregor enlisted in 1777 and served five years. Taken prisoner by the British, he was confined eight months in the famous OLD SUGAR HOUSE in New York City. He settled in Newport (New Hampshire) in 1789 and was a resident for 72 years, dying October 31, 1861 at the age of 101. He is believed to have been New Hampshire's last surviving soldier of the Revolution."
