LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fourth Sunday of Epiphany

Fourth Sunday of Epiphany
Deuteronomy 18.15–20
Psalm 111
1 Corinthians 8:1-13 or Revelation 12.1–5a
Mark 1.21–28

Deuteronomy 18: 15-20

15 Den, if you iz really, really gud, teh Ceiling Cat will raise up his prophet, lookin a bit liek me only not quite sososo handzome,
16 an all u unwurthies wanted in Horeb, when youse said 'lord o lord i doan wan' see fier no maw'.
17 Ceiling Cat waz much teh happycat bout thiz.
18 I will breathe mi commands in hiz gobhole and he will be mi puppet boy.
19 An you betta obeys him, or i cals yuse ups on ma mobiel an tel yuse to open a checkin acount! Or sumfin.
20 Other profets is is bad tho, very bad. It'z so liek OMG WTF I IZ CEILING CAT AN I DIDZ NOT SAY THAT!?!

Psalm 111

1 Praize teh Ceiling Cat! iz gunna say gud stuff abowt Ceiling Cat in da police stashun and teh mayors office.
2 Ceiling Cat haz made some really awsum stuffs, peepls cumz frum all ovah just to gawk at dem.
3 Everyting He duz is awsum, and He's good forevah.
4 You can't ferget all his awsumness, Ceiling Cat always shares his cookies.
5 He gives cheezburgerz to peeps who respekt him, he keeps his dealz.
6 Everybodee can see just how l33t he is, he fourcloses a guys houze and gives it to his peepz.
7 He always goes around doin good,and his rulez r00l.
8 Even the r00lin rulez are make in a r00lin style.
9 He bailed out his peepz, he keeps his promises forevah.
10 Gettin smart starts wit respekt fer Ceiling Cat, followin his r00lz makes u smart. Props to him forevah!

1 Corinthians 8:1-13
Cookies Plaicd B4 Idles

1 Now letz talk about cookies dat peepl givz idolz. Idolz dunt eat LOL. Enniwai we all knowz stuffz. Knowing stuffz maeks u stuck up. Love maeks u liftid up.
2 If u thinkz u know sumthingz u doant.
3 But if u luvz Ceiling Cat, he luvz u too.
4 So back to teh idolz.
5 Sum peepl sez dere are lotz of godz.
6 Not for us tho. We jus haz Ceiling Cat.
7 But not evriwun knows dat yet. Sum peeple freek about cookies dat wuz givn to idolz.
8 But cookiez maek no differns to Ceiling Cat. Eat, dont eat, duzint matter.
9 But be caerful not to confuz peeplz.
10 Liek if sumwun who duzint know seez u eated teh idolz' cookiez, dey miet get teh rong ideaz.
11 N den dey getz destroid bcz of u.
12 Dat maeks Jesus sad.
13 So if eatin cookies maeks sumwun get losted, I woant eated dem. Itz not bcz cookiez is bad itz bcz I doant want no wun gettin losted.

Revelation 12.1–5a
Teh female kitteh an teh eevl puppeh

1 And there wuz a great wunder in teh Ceiling; a brite, shiny prettyz like teh sun, and teh nite sun shonez beneth this; and abuv tis thingz wuz a crown of shinyz starz:
2 And these thingz wuz a prehgnent kitteh, which mewed cuz it hurted, and teh bebe kitteh wuld not come out.
3 And there wuz another thingz in teh Ceiling; and tis thingz wuz scary, like an evil puppeh that barked cuz he wuz angry
4 And tis evil puppeh wagged hiz tale and drew teh starz from teh Ceiling and did casted tem to teh erf. And teh evul puppeh stooded in front uf teh prehgnent kitteh wich wuz reddy to haf teh bebe kitteh, so he culd eated it.
5 And teh bebe kitteh wuz a male kitteh, who wuld rulez teh erf and all itz nationz wit an iron paw: and tis kitteh was caught up to teh Ceiling, next to teh Ceiling Cat.

Mark 1:21-28
Dood with teh dirtiez in he spirtz0rz

21 An tehy all go to Capernaum an He went 2 teh jooish chrch n spokeded to teh kittehs thar.
22 An tehy wer all liek, "wtf this d00dz sez?" Cuz He was all like "Hai! Lissn up in hur!
23 Then there waz thiz dood with dirtiez in he spirtz0rz.
24 n he yellded, "O hai, wtf haz u to do with us, teh demon folk? Iz u com to pwn us? I know hoo yuz iz, 1337 One ov teh Ceiling Cat."
25 But Happy Cat gotz madz n sed, "Shut up n ecksit teh kitteh!"
26 Teh demon got pwnd! lol!
27 All teh kittehs in teh jooish chrch azkeded eech otter, "wtf? new teechinz-with athoritah! He ev3n commandz teh dirtiez spirtz0rz, n tehy listenz. OMFG!!!1"
28 Happy Cat got sup3r p0pularz n faemus allz ov3r Galilee. kthxbye!

more animals

Weekend Cat Blogging
#191 with Sir Tristan Tabby Cat Longtail

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
is hosted by BKC and Megan
(submit your post here or via mail at festivalchaos AT gmail [dot] com)

The Carnival of the Cats
#255 - Mind of Mog
(submit your post here or via mail at carnivalofthecats AT gmail [dot] com)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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A Flock of Redpolls

My Common Redpoll Set on Flickr

Technorati Tags: Carduelis flammea, Common Redpoll
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Black-capped Chickadee

The best chickadee photo of the week. The tripod came, the weather cooperated (for an hour!). Please browse my Barton Daily Photo for some other great bird shots.

My Black-capped Chickadee Set on Flickr

Technorati Tags: Parus atricapillus, black-capped chickadee
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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Third Sunday of Epiphany

Third Sunday of Epiphany
Jonah 3:1-5, 10
Psalm 62:5-12
1 Corinthians 7:29-31
Mark 1:14-20

Jonah 3

Ninevakittah: "teh kittahs of nineva lie down before the power of ceiling cat (God)"

1 Tehn Ceiling Cat looked down from hole in the ceiling agen and sez to Jonah:
2 "Oh hai. Go to Nineveh and houl and youwl and tell tehm dis trufs."
3 An' Jonah did what Ceiling Cat toled him to dis tiem, cuz catz hates getting wet. Now Nineveh is a srsly big citteh iz liek three days to com tehre. rly.
4 On the first day, Jonah started into the city. He proclaimed: "Forty more days and Nineveh will have no cheezburger. Inbisible Anvil is coming! Ceiling Cat is liek to pwnzd yu. HAHA"
5 wait! no. The Ninevites blieved Ceiling Cat. They put down they cheezburgers and tehy pokemans, even tehy charizzads. Teh king...layd down nekkid in teh dust. oh noes!
6 When teh king of Nineveh heered dis, he took off his royal robes, and layd down nekkkid in teh dust. oh noes.
7 Then he sez "zomg! OMGWTFBBQ!!1! Nineveh: not let kittahs or aminals or burdies or fishz or mor living stuff has a flavur; do not want. srsly."
8 So da kittahs and aminals and hoomans hied in yr dirteh cloze baskitz and preyed.
9 Hu knew? Ceiling Cat might think taht good enuf and not eatz us or mek us ded."
10 When Ceiling Cat see what tehy did tehre he calls it Caturday and gived tehm cheezburgers and cookies.

Psalm 62

1 My sol lieks Ceiling Cat cuz he savs me.
2 Him iz only wan who protexs me gud. Him is liek a strong showr kertin. No fallin in teh baf wif Ceiling Cat.
3 stop fitin wif me. srsly. u will has ded, k?
4 ppl haet teh king and ses lais.
5 waitin on Ceiling Cat.
6 Him is liek a strong showr kertin u cant fall from. dayja voo.
7 Ceiling Cat savs me and stuff. Him is liek tall shalf when kidz ar lowd.
8 Truss in Ceiling Cat, ppl. Tell him ur secritz.
9 Bad guyz wey less than air.
10 You cant has truss in monies and criems.
11 Ceiling cat ses all powerz are belong to him.
12 Plus mercie is belong to him too.

1 Corinthians 7: 10 - 34 (sorta)

10 A wief cant leev her husbnd. Dat's not me talkin, dat's Ceiling Cat.
11 If she duz tho, she cant marriez no wun els. She can maek up wif her husbnd or stai aloan. N teh saem goez for d00dz.
12 Now dis part is me talkin, not Ceiling Cat. If u beleev in Ceiling Cat but ur wief duzint, and she lykz ur harblez an she no wantz tu go byebye, u cant divorse her ovr it.
13 Saem goez for teh ladiez.
14 Teh wun who duzint beleev iz maded clean thru teh wun who duz beleev. Dat goez for teh kidz too.
15 If teh wun who duzint beleev leevez tho, let dem go. Ceiling Cat sez doant fiet about it.
16 U haz no wai to know about ur husbnd or wief gettin saivded.
17 Enniwai, Ceiling Cat giveded u a plase in lief n u should stai dere.
18 Leev ur man-harblez teh wai dey iz.
19 U thinkz about man-harblez too much. Do what Ceiling Cat wantz, datz teh importnt thing.
20 Liek I sez, stai put.
21 If u iz a slaev, doant worri about it. Get free if u can but doant worri about it.
22 U can be a slaev an be Ceiling Cat's free man. Jus liek u can be a free man an be Ceiling Cat's slaev.
33 Ceiling Cat boughted u. Doant let humanz bought u too.
34 Liek I keepz sayin, stai put.

Mark 1: 14-20

14 Aftr John wuz arrestid (PWND!!!1), Happy Cat came into Galilee, sez to all teh kittinz about teh gud newz of teh Ceiling Cat,
15 an he sayd, "iz tyme, kittenz! Ceiling Cat'z kingdim is here! 4saek yr evl waiz an beleev in teh good newz!" (awsum, srsly!)

Happy Cat can haz desciplez, srsly!
16 An he walkz by Sea uf Galllillllelleelllee n he seez Simon n Andrew and dey iz fishing with nets, cuz thats what tehy does. (kittehs liek fishz)
17 An Happy Cat sez "Com wit me n fish for d00dz!"
18 An tehy did.
19 An He went along n see James n John who was kittehs ov Zebedde. An they r hax0ring da netz n stuff in a bote.
20 An He cald thm up an tehy caem 2 n left ther dad an his d00dz back at teh bote.

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Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
#190 with Kashim at Paulchens FoodBlog?!

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
is hosted by Miz Pet and the Bengal Brats
(submit your post here or via mail at festivalchaos AT gmail [dot] com)

The Carnival of the Cats
#254 - House Panthers
(submit your post here or via mail at carnivalofthecats AT gmail [dot] com)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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Red-breasted Nuthatch

A newcomer for me this winter: the red-breasted nuthatch! It runs upside down on trees just like the white-breasted nuthatch. Photograph is poor because of the lack of a tripod. This coming weekend, depending on the weather, with the new tripod, I should be able to get great shots.

My Red-breasted nuthatch set on Flickr.

Technorati Tags: Sitta canadensis, Red-breasted nuthatch
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American Gold Fiinch in Winter Plummage

I seldom get goldfinches in the winter. In the summer they are everywhere. This is a poor quality photo because my tripod broke. I then sat too close to the window and fogged it up. But a new tripod is on the way!

Unfortunately, the Internet is not on the way. The modem came. But the guy can't come to climb the pole to connect it until January 30.

My American Goldfinch Set on Flickr.

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Lucky's Blue Eggs

Lucky is one of Kathy's hens. I buy my eggs from Kathy. When the processor came, Lucky escaped being processed. Which is why her name is Lucky. Lucky's eggs are blue because she is an Araucana hen. The eggs are perfectly fine and normal and I used this one in a pound cake last weekend. Hopefully I will get to Kathy's place and photograph her hens.

Kathy's Chicks Set on Flickr

Technorati Tags: Araucana, blue eggs

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Winter Supper 2

The outside temps reached 8°F on Saturday (-13°C). I got groceries, ran errands, fixed a couple of things around the house and cooked the pineapple upside down cake (recipe from The Joy of Cooking) and the cornbread. Amy made the chili with ground turkey (Matt won't eat beef or pork). The snow and cold are making me pretty domestic!

Food Set on Flickr

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Buddy & Sophie's Winter Nap

Sophie is the dog. Buddy is the cat.
The house is littered with bodies in winter comas like this.
Sophie Set on Flickr
Buddy Set on Flickr

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Twenty Below

-29°C

A photo of the thermometer off of my sunporch on Thursday morning, January 15, 2009. It used to be this cold on many many mornings. Last winter it only happened a couple of times. On Friday morning, it was -22°F (-30°C) here in Barton but in Sutton it was -45°F (-43°C). We think that was the state record for that night. Today it is 22°F (-5.5°C) and snowing. Of course, it never really has stopped snowing. Our snow cover is great.

The bad news? Still no Internet!! So here I am in the library on Martin Luther King Day. The modem has not arrived and when it does, we still have to call Comcast to have them climb the pole to turn it on. AARRRGGGHHHH!
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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Second Sunday of Epiphany

Second Sunday of Epiphany
1 Samuel 3.1–10 [11–20]
Psalm 139.1–5, 12–18 [or 139.1–9]
1 Corinthians 6:12-20 or Revelation 5.1–10
John 1.43–end

Sorry iz late! No innernets at home yet!

1 Samuel 3
Ceiling Cat sez stuff to Samuel

1 Teh kidz Samuel lieks teh Ceiling Cat and makes him teh cookies wif Eli they r teh frenz. Teh Ceiling Cat sez no stuffs no moar to teh ppl and tehy no sees teh stuffs no moar of teh Ceiling cat.
2 So liek Eli no sees teh stuffs and he iz lied down.
3 Tehy no turnz off teh litez and Samuel iz in teh Ceiling Cats places.
4 And teh Ceiling Cat sez "Hay Samuel." And Samuel sez "Oh hai!"
5 And he wents to Eli and sez "Oh hai, u sez sumthing?" and Eli sez "Do not want. u sleepz now, k?" and Samuel sez "k."
6 And teh Ceiling Cat sez "Hay Samuel." And Samuel wents to Eli and sez "Oh hai, is can be hugz tiem now plz?" and Eli sez "Stil do not want. u sleepz now, srsly."
7 Samuel is liek, "Eli? Wtf?" becuz teh Ceiling Cat sez no stuffs to Samuel an he has no heard teh Ceiling Cat befor.
8 Teh Ceiling Cat sez teh thrid tiems "hay," and Samuel sez to Eli, "Srsly, wtf?" and Eli sez, "Oh, iz teh Ceiling Cat!"
9 And Eli sez, "K, u sleepz naow, and ifs teh Ceiling Cat sez stuffs gen, u sez, 'Hai.'" So Samuel iz lied down, k?
10 And teh Ceiling Cat sez wun moar tiem, "Hay Samuel" and Samuel sez "Oh hai Ceiling Cat."
11 Teh Ceiling Cat sez, "Naow I sez sumthing teh ppl no lieks.
12 Dis Eli, I dun liek him no moar, and I alwaes sez I dun liek hims familyz.
13 I goin taeks dis Eli and den I goin eates him becuz his kidz r noobs and he iz stoopid too.
14 Iz no gud. Eli no kin taeks teh animulz and killz tehm to maeks it bettr no moar."
15 Den Samuel sit in hiz bed til morning. Den he openz doorz of da hous but him no want tell Eli of da stuffs dat Ceiling Cat sayz him.
16 But Eli no lieks dis plan and he sayz, "Hai, Samuel mai son," and Samuel sayz, "Oh, hai."
17 "Tellz me what sayz Ceiling Cat. If u hidez nething, I tellz Ceiling Cat ta smitez u, oklol
18 So Samuelz liek, "Okai," and den he tellz.
19 Den Samuel groz frum kitteh to big cat, and Ceiling Cat keep hiz wordz frum fallin on da ground. He musta eated or caughted dem or sumthin.
20 Becauz of dis, all ta peoplez frum Dan to Beersheba knowz dat Samuel speakz for Ceiling Cat.
21 From dat tiem on, Ceiling Cat showz himselfs to Samuel all the tiem.

Psalm 139

1 O hay, Ceiling Cat, You knows me rly gud right?
2 You knows when I sits, and when I is dun sittin'. You is liek a psychic, but not one o teh fake psychics. You dun readed my mind.
3 When I goes out mah kitteh door, and when I lays down in mah basket, You knowed it. I looked up 1 tiem and sawed you watchin me do somefin embarsing, but You still likeses me!
4 B4 I meows, You dun already knowed what I is gonna meow (but I meow anywai).
5 You tucks me into mai basket and gives me pets on mai hed.
6 Is 2 wunderful to knows, mai brainz not big nuff.
7 Where can I be hided frum U? U is everywhere.
8 When I goes in teh ceiling, I see U. I was sleepin in da basement 1 tiem and U dere 2.
9 If I had birdie wings and flewed me morningtimes 2 other side of teh neighbrs pool and hided reel gud in teh bushes,
10 You'd still finded me and give me hug tiems.
11 I dun thinked "I is sooper sneeky, and is invisible ninja kitteh at nite! Plus I knockded over teh tabl lamp 4 moar darks."
12 But You's got teh glowy kitteh eyes and can sees me when it's dark!
13 You dun made mai kittiness, and putted me in mah momma's tummy.
14 You dun a good job, I is teh awesome! Sos other stuffs U maked, I knows.
15 Mai bones, You dun seed them bein made. S'posed to be sekrit, but not 2 U.
16 Ur glowin kitteh eyes dun sawed me fore I was me. An U have big word book wit all mah pwnages and exploytes and stuffs writ down. Even ones I din't do yets!
17 When U thinks things, that thinkin's rly kewl. An You gots moar thotts than other peeples cause yur rly kewl.
18 You gots so many thoughtses, moar than anythin. Moar than mai litter box has gots sandses, which is alot. I wakeses up (in mai basket, not in mai littrbox) an U r there.
19 O hay Ceiling Cat, y dont U pwn moar bad guise? Teh baddies, dont want!
20 Theys all liek "Celling Kat U R noob! All your bases are belong to us!" an they's spelted Ur name wrong an stuff!
21 I hates them.
22 I rly rly rly hates them.
23 I is moar better then them! I thinks... Can U check?
24 Sos we'll know 4 sure, U should check, an if Im doin bad, U call "Here teh kitty kitty", k? So's I can come live wit U 4-evah.

1 Corinthians 6: 12-20
Seckx haz rools too!

12 Evrithing is allowded, but not evrithing is good for me. Evrithing is allowded, but nothing will mastr me.
13 "Cookies for teh tummi, n teh tummi for cookies" - but Ceiling Cat will destroi bofe of dem. Teh bodi iz for Ceiling Cat, n Ceiling Cat for teh bodi.
14 Ceiling Cat makeded teh ded liv, n he wil do us too.
15 If u thinkz about it, ur bodiez is liek Christ's armz an legz. What if I taeks Christ's armz n legz n putz dem togethr wif a h00kr? Liek Frankenhookr? DO NOT WANT!
16 If u iz wif a hookr, u is joinded wif her bodi. Liek it sez, "Teh two wil becom wun bodi." Creepi.
17 So be wun wif Ceiling Cat instedz.

18 Don't do teh badz harblez. Othr bad thingz iz bad enufz but dey iz outsied teh bodi. Bad harblez duz rong to ur bodi.
19 Teh Hovr Cat iz in u, makin ur Ceiling Cat's tempul. U belongz to Ceiling Cat
20 bcz he boughted u. So treet ur bodi riet for him.

Revelation 5: 1-10
Teh old-fasshun book-scroll an teh babi lamb

1 Then teh orange statchoo dood on teh fancy heaven chair has a paperz wif riting all over an 7 cookiez on it.
2 An a leet kitteh yelled "Who can be eatin mah cookiez an be reedin teh majik paperz wif all teh riting?"
3 But nobuddy anywheer can has teh paperz.
4 So I cried.
5 Then wun of teh old doodz sez: "Hei! No cryin'! Happycat pwns. He can eat teh 7 cookiez an has teh majik paperz!"
6 Then I seed a itty-bitty baby Lamb, lookin real dead. But it wuz standin on the fancy heaven chair an teh 4 aminulz and teh old doodz wuz around it. Teh itty-bitty baby Lamb has 7 hornz and 7 eyeses, which r also teh 7 kittehs of teh Ceiling Cat. (Liek teh 7 bukkits, member?)
7 Teh itty-bitty dead baby Lamb stoled teh majik paperz from teh orange statchoo dood.
8 When teh Lamb tooked teh paperz, all teh aminulz an all teh old doodz fell down again. An they all has harps an bowls of smelly stuff.
9 An all tehm tings singed a new song:
"Yr so leet. You tooked teh paperz
an can eatz teh cookies
Cuz teh bad doodz killded you
An you saved everbuddy everwherr
wif yr blood."
10 "You made everwun so leet they can hang wif teh Ceiling Cat,
an totally pwn everting. Yr so awsum thx."

John 1: 43-end
Happy Cat sez Oh Hai Philip an Nathanael

43 Happy Cat wan go Galilee. Sez to Philip Yu coem too.
44 Philip was from Bethsaida tu.
45 Philip tolded Nathanael "Oh hai we found the gai Moses an profitz were sayin, iz Happy Cat frm Nazareth."
46 Nathanael sez "Nazareth! nutting good from there!" ROFL PWNED!!!1!!1
47 Happy Cat seed Nathanael sez "Oh hai you good kitteh. GOOD KITTEH!"
48 Nathanael wuz "You no me? WTF??!?"49 Happy Cat sed "I seed you."
49 So Nathanael sayed "You teechr is good kitteh. Ceiling Catz kitteh. Bosscat."
50 Happy Cat sez "ROFL! you sawed nuthin yet.
51 Just waet, I gotz teh MAD PWNZOR SKEELZ!!!1!!1"

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Weekend Cat Blogging
#189 with Miz Mog and Kitties at Mind of Mog

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is hosted by Samantha and the Tuxies at New Tuxedo Gang Hideout
and it is all about football!!
(submit your post here or via mail at festivalchaos AT gmail [dot] com)

The Carnival of the Cats
#253 - Niko and Cloud
(submit your post here or via mail at carnivalofthecats AT gmail [dot] com)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Technorati Tags: LOL Cat Church, LOL Cat Bible, Lectionary Readings, Prayer & Praise Blog, Weekend Cat Blogging

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A Number Game by Will Shortz

The computer lady gave me this puzzle today and I can't do a thing until I solve all of the equations. This is the text that accompanied the puzzle:

This test gauges your mental flexibility. Few have been found who could solve more than half of the questions on the first try. The puzzle originally consisted of 24 "equations" by Will Shortz, printed in the May-June 1981 issue of Games Magazine [to which I subscribe!], with an acknowledgement to Morgan Worthy.

Instructions: Each equation contains the initials of words that will make it correct. furnnish the missing words. (example: 60 = M in an H. Answer: 60 = Minutes in an Hour.) Good luck!

1 = W on an U 2 = Number it T to T 3 = B M (S H T R) 4 = Q in a G 4 = Q in a G (Note: this Q in a G is a different answer than the previous one.) 5 = D in a Z C 6 = L on an I 7 = W of the A W 8 = S on a S S 9 = P in the S S 9 = L a C has 10 = D in a T N with the A C 11 = P on a F T 12 = K of the R T 13 = S on the A F 18 = H in a G C 20 = F and T 21 = D on a D

26 = L of the A 29 = D in F in a L Y 32 = D F at which W F 40 = D and N of the G F 52 = W in a Y 52 = C in a D 54 = C in a D (with the J) 57 = H V 64 = S on a C 80 = D to G A the W 88 = P K 90 = D in a R A 99 = B of B O the W 200 = D for P G in M 1000 = W that a P is W 1001 = A N 2001 = a S O 20,000 = L U the S

I have solved some of these and I have found a spoiler (which I am not using!). My solutions and the spoiler URL are in the comments. Add your own solutions!

Technorati Tags: Will Shortz, A Number Game
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A Photo Published

I took this photo on assignment for the local Vermont Farm to School people. A school garden was being harvested. And the photo was chosen for inclusion in the 2009 Farm to School Calendar for October!

Above is the October Calendar page.
Below is the back cover of the calendar showing all of the local participating farms.

2009 Farm to School Calendar Set on Flickr

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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the First Sunday of Epiphany

First Sunday of Epiphany
Genesis 1.1–5
Psalm 29
Acts 19.1–7
Mark 1.4–11

Genesis 1: 1-5
Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!

Psalm 29

1 David has teh Psalm. Give cheezburger to Ceiling Cat, he iz teh l33t, give Ceiling Cat teh gl0ry An grace.
2 Give cheezburgerz to teh Ceiling Cat cuz of his name, lol, an has beautiez as u praize his name.
3 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is teh meow of teh waterz! (He has teh voice of all of teh waterz, tho kittehs DO NOT WANT water.)
4 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat is purrty an powerful.
5 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked kitteh tree fall down; it maeked teh kitteh trees of Lebanon go boom.
6 He maeked dem to skip like teh bby cowz; Lebanon an Sirion like teh l33t unicornz.
7 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat parted teh fire, lol!
8 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh treez dance lyk WOAH, espeshully in Kadesh, cuz they is speshull kittehs.
9 Teh meow of teh Ceiling Cat maeked teh hinds to calve? an discovr teh forestz of l33t! In teh litter box, lol, evry kitteh meow Ceiling Cat's glory!
10 Teh Ceiling Cat sit on teh flood (cuz little kittehs DO NOT WANT teh floodz); w00t, teh Ceiling Cat be teh Lord forevrz.
11 Teh Ceiling Cat give teh catnip to teh kittehs; teh Ceiling Cat gives teh blessings of teh catnip to his kittehs an givez dem teh peaces.

Acts 19: 1-7
Paul ins teh Ephesus

1 So Leik wen teh Apolloz wuz in teh Corinth preechin to ur doodz, Paul wuz wahlkin roun teh insaidz ov teh holay landz till he sedz "I hazent hads a cheezburger in liek fvtein menuts. Oh wait Iz in teh Ephesus! Kewl." Den Paul wuz tawlkin to teh desypuls he founded.
2 Paul wuz leik "Oh hai, yu guyz." an dey waz leik "Sup." Paul wuz liek "Srsly, yu guyz. Did yu feyl teh HovrCat wenz yu is bileev? Srsly." An teh desypulz sedz "No wai!!! Yu iz teh liyin!!! HovrCat no is!!!!"
3 Paul wuz liek "Who baptizm yu has?" an teh desypulz sedz "Him naym be John. Hez kewl."
4 An Paul sedz "Him wuz jsut siayin srry wen him dones dat. Den him wuz sedz teh Jebus wuz cummin an dat yu shuld litsen to teh Jebus.
5 Cuz Jebus be teh awsomez son ov teh Ceiling Cat!!" an teh desypulz wuz liek "Can yu learn us teh Jebus!!?" an Paul wuz liek "ya ai cans learn yu teh Jebus!"
6 Den Paul tuched teh desypulz an teh HovrCat gots insaids dem. Den teh desypulz startid shaykings an baykings an dey tawlked reel funni, liek they bited teh toastr cords.
7 An der wuz liek twelvs ov dem so wuz noizy buht wuz stil funni.

Mark 1: 4-11

4 Hiz name John. He wantz us to dunk in watr. (wtf? iz he srs?)
5 Catz let him do thiz crzy thing tho. Tehy dunk in watr. Srsly
6 John warez crzy clothez and eatz bugz (he no haz cheezburgr?)
7 He sez, "New cat come, him wai betr thn me.
8 I dunkz u with waterz but he givz u Hovr Cat. Srsly.
9 So Happy Cat, he come to John like John sez. John dunkxz Happy Cat with waterz.
10 Ceiling Cat sends Hovr Cat.
11 Ceiling Cat sez "This mai Kitteh. He roxxors an I'ze happy."

more animals

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
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is hosted by Diamond Emerald-Eyes at Diamonds Liar
(submit your post here or via mail at festivalchaos AT gmail [dot] com)

The Carnival of the Cats
#252 - Kashim Othello and Salome
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Who Ate The Shrew?

Amelia chased Matt and me out onto the porch with this grisly chewed up shrew corpse.
Who killed this silly shrew that came out from under the refrigerator?

Not Mousie — she was helping Amy knit warm winter socks.

Uhhh, not George Barton Cabot.

I guess it wasn't Buddy, either.

And it wasn't Bad Boy Charlie.
Aren't these boys embarrassed by their winter weight?
They don't even go outside anymore.
The killer is revealed below.

Miss Sophie! She is the quickest and best mouser around.
I took this photo after Amy took the dead shrew from her.
She was sad about losing her kill.

Sophie has caught three shrews so far — one in the house and two out in the snow drifts (remember — shrews tunnel through the snow for safety from predators. But Sophie sniffs them out. See the previous post.) The cats have only caught two shrews in the basement. The Bad Boys didn't catch those. I know that because they never go into the basement. They sleep upstairs. They wake only to stumble to food and stumble back to bed.
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Shrews at the House

It seems that the shrews are wintering in the house with us. This photo is of one as it fed on birdseed under the bird feeders the other day. They are beautiful little creatures. They are not rodents, though. I don't know which shrew species this is — there are 5 types of shrews in Vermont. The Northern Short-tailed Shrew, the Cinereus or Masked Shrew, the Long-tailed or Rock Shrew, the Smoky Shrew and the American Pygmy Shrew.

The shrews tunnel through the snow just like the red squirrels. But the shrew tunnels look like worm casts and are very wiggly.

The day I took the photos of the shrews, there were two munching away under the tree. We have been hearing mice, we thought, in the walls since winter set in. Now we know that we are hearing shrews.

Mice, Shrews, Voles and Moles Set on Flickr

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Kitten & Daisy

From October again: Anna's Kitten and Daisy had a fun battle while I was there. They are pretty equally matched! And more good news: my Internet will return the last half of this month!

My Daisy the Chihuahua Set on Flickr

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Kalanchoe

The unknown houseplant that Amy rescued is a Kalanchoe:

prized for its attractive succulent foliage and long lasting, brilliant blooms from winter to spring.

Care — prefers well drained soil and cool temps. Allow to dry between thorough waterings. For best results remove old flower stalks, pinch foliage freely to retain bushy shape and fertilize regularly during flowering. Protect from frost.

Technorati Tags: Kalanchoe
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Unknown Houseplant

Amelia rescued this unknown houseplant. It is merrily blooming away! Today I saw the little planter stick in the pot but failed to copy the name of the plant. I will update soon!

Flowers That Are Not Wild Set on Flickr

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The Emile Henry Auberge Ruffled Loaf Pan

The first loaf of bread from my new Emile Henry Auberge Ruffled Loaf Pan from Andrew. See the Williams-Sonoma page for details. Today's loaf came out better.

My Food Set on Flickr

Technorati Tags: Emile Henry Auberge Ruffled Loaf Pan
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Light the Christmas Tree Game

You can find this game at A Kid's Math in the Math Games section. It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure this game out and now I'm addicted. Even though I still don't have the Internet, I can load the web site at school or at the library and then play at home. After I win a game and click "play again," a new game is loaded. Thank goodness for javascript.
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LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Epiphany Sunday

Epiphany Sunday
Isaiah 60.1–6
Psalm 72.[1–9] 10–15
Ephesians 3.1–12
Matthew 2.1–12

Isaiah 60.1–6
Waek up, kittehs - kammils b sittin on u

1 O hai, waek up. Teh Ceiling Cat haz turnd on hiz big flashlite and is standin on u.
2 Foer bhold, teh flur is black and gross liek teh pplz, but Ceiling Cat is standin on u, n all teh pplz can seez.
3 N the nonsnipt (Gentils) liek lite n kingz want tew watch u waek up.
4 Hai, luk up, evry1s heer tew seez u - ur kittehs fum far away, tew.
5 Then u can seez, n miks it up, n ur haert gits skeerd n biggins; cuz teh hol oshun, liek majik, ternz n-2 u! All teh nonsnipt (Gentils) won tew see.
6 Lotsa kammils sitz on u, teh dromdaires uv Midian n Ephah; all ov dems fum Sheba kum n sitz on u n singz teh prazez uv teh Ceiling Cat.

Psalm 72
Ov Solomon

1 Giv teh king wif ur justice, O Ceiling Cat, Teh royal son wif ur righteousnes.
2 he will [a] judge ur peeps in righteousnes, Ur afflictd onez wif justice.
3 teh mountains will brin prosperity 2 teh peeps, Teh hills teh fruit ov righteousnes.
4 he will defend teh afflictd among teh peeps An save teh children ov teh needy; He will crush teh oppresor.
5 he will endure [b] as long as teh sun, As long as teh moon, thru all generashuns.
6 he will be liek rane fallin on mown field, Liek showers waterin teh earth.
7 in his dais teh righteous will flourish; Prosperity will abound till teh moon iz no moar.
8 he will rule frum sea 2 sea An frum teh rivr [c] 2 teh endz ov teh earth. [d]
9 teh desert tribez will bow before him An his enemiez will lick teh dust.
10 teh kings ov tarshish an ov distant shorez Will brin tribute 2 him; Teh kings ov sheba an seba Will present him gifts.
11 all kings will bow down 2 him An all nashuns will serve him.
12 4 he will delivr teh needy hoo cry out, Teh afflictd hoo has no wan 2 halp.
13 he will taek pity on teh weak an teh needy An save teh needy frum death.
14 he will rescue them frum oppreshun an violence, 4 preshus iz their blood in his sight.
15 long cud he liv! Cud gold frum sheba be given him. Cud peeps evr pray 4 him An bles him all dai long.
16 let grain abound throughout teh land; On teh tops ov teh hills cud it sway. Let itz fruit flourish liek lebanon; Let it thriv liek teh gras ov teh field.
17 cud his naym endure forevr; Cud it continue as long as teh sun. All nashuns will be blesd thru him, An they will call him blesd.
18 praize be 2 teh lord ceilin cat, teh ceilin cat ov israel, Hoo alone doez marvelous deedz.
19 praize be 2 his glorious naym forevr; Cud teh whole earth be filld wif his glory. Amen an amen.
20 dis concludez teh prayers ov david son ov jese.

Teh Footnotez
a - Psalm 72:2 or cud he; similarly in versez 3-11 an 17
b - Psalm 72:5 septuagint; hebrew u will be feard
c - Psalm 72:8 dat iz, teh eufratez
d - Psalm 72:8 or teh end ov teh land

Ephesians 3.1–12

1 Cuz yu has envisble err,
2 CeilingCat sayes to me "Gib deez cheezburgs to bad kitteh".
3 I sayed "K" to him.
4 Yu kno I iz l33t kitteh cuz
5 HovrCat gib me nawledge to makez da cookies! HovrCat FTW!
6 K, big sekret! ready? ... l33t kitteh napzor in CeilingCat houz!! SRSLY!
7 Iz arredy napzor on sofa!
8 But CeilingCat sayed me to gib u deez cheezburgs reel fast, so I sayed "k!",
9 cuz dat wai i cn towd yu 'bout CeilingCat houz.
10 Him wantz all hims peeps to know dat himz iz v2.0,
11 cuz himz been leveling wif Jebus.
12 If we likez him, we cn napzor in CeilingCat houz,

Matthew 2.1-12

da visit to da maji, liek srsly
1 Nao, when Jebus was borned in teh dayz when Herod teh king wuz rockin the casbah, hai look, dere sum waiz doodz comin frm teh Eats into Jerusalem
2 n dey wuz all leik “rawr! we iz waiz d00ds from teh Eats! Lol but srsly wear iz teh new leet king j00 dat got borned? In teh eats we wuz in nait timez and omg der wuz dis star in a invisibel plaen n it saied to us ‘go to Jerusalem n find leet king j00 dat got borned, but do not eated him jus be liek hey leet king j00 yu pwn srsly. k?’ so ya wer is he?”
3 king herod (teh n00b king) was campin liek a ub3r n00b near der, n wen he heared dis he wuz liek “omfg hez in mah empaire, steelin ma gloriez (an mai cookiez wtf)?!??! n all d pplz in Jerusalem wuz leik “hey yea wtf?!”
4 So he got all d pplz who are has teh smartz, ne he sayed “sry im n00b but lol srsly wer doez king j00 spawn?”
5 N dey sed to him “lol.. d00d, obviusly king j00 spawns in beetleham, ceiling cat saied to sum gai wun time “oi rait dis down n stuff” n he rited:
6 “dw beetleham, u r not teh fail, cuz from u iz gunna come dis leet d00d who cn pwn evry1 n is haz cookiez. Hez gunna saev teh ppl of Israel n whatnot.”

wtf... star said to come here....
7 Den king herod was liek kk, n he aksed teh waiz d00ds “u know wen it wuz nait timez n dat star saied stuff 2 yuz, wen waz dat happen?” n teh waiz d00ds wuz like “lol wut?”
8 So king herod sed “omg dw, juz go too beetleham n look for teh new king j00 n wen u find him IM me coz I wanna sai to him how much he pwnz. (har har har I are smartz…)”
9 After dat dey wuz on der way n teh star in a invisibel plaen waz fast. Srsly. n it wuz liek “hai2u! good job d00ds! btw teh king j00 is ova here my plaen is pointing 2 wer he iz, k?”
10 Teh wiez d00ds wuz leik “kthx we cn see wer he iz now!” n wuz happi n stuff.
11 Dey goed dere n seed ickle kid Jebus n mary who wuz are who bornded him. n dey were liek “d00d u r teh new king u pwn srsly! lol u are so leet! omfg < ltrly! Btw we bringd u sum cheezburgrs n munniez n faierwerks n stuff u can has dem if u want.”
12 Aftr dat dey waz about to IM king herod den wun of dem sayd “o, actuly, I hasd a dream at nait timez n ceiling cat wuz like “hey sup d00d.” n I wuz liek “nm, u?” n he wuz liek “nm but d00d get dis, king herod r liez tbh. He iz lookin for Jebus so he cn pwn him wtf!!!?” Den I woke up bt srsly ceiling cat sed dat.” So teh udder waiz d00ds sayed “o wtf, I haet dat n00b king herod wtf is hiz problem” n dey all goed bak to der hoem in d eats bi differnt way.

more animals

more animals

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
Samantha Black & Mr Tigger at Life From a Cat’s Perspective

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
is hosted by Miz Mog and Kitties at Mind of Mog

(submit your post here or via mail at festivalchaos AT gmail [dot] com)

The Carnival of the Cats
#251 - Skittles at The Whole Kitten Kaboodle
(submit your post here or via mail at carnivalofthecats AT gmail [dot] com)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

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