Sunday, January 9, 2011
First Sunday after the Epiphany
Teh Survint of Ceiling Cat
1 "Heer is mi survint, whoom I are upholdz,
2 Him are wil dont beens shouted or has a cri outt,
3 A broosed reed he wil dont are brokded,
4 he wil dont aer faultered or b discurajed
5 dis is wat Ceiling Cat are sezed. Srsly—
6 "I, Ceiling Cat, are has calleded u in ritechusnis;
7 2 opin eyz dat has a blinded,
8 "Ize teh LRD; dat iz meh namez!
9 Se, teh formir tingz hav tookded place,
1 David has teh Psalm. Give cheezburger to Ceiling Cat, he iz teh l33t, give Ceiling Cat teh gl0ry An grace.
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CATNELIUS IZ LIEK "I CAN HAZ PETER?"
1 At Cezarea der wuz a d00d naemd Catnelius n he wuz da "big cat" in da Regimans.
2 He n hiz famileh luvd Ceiling Cat n talkd 2 him daileh n gave cookiez to kittehs who wuz liek "I has be in need."
3 One dai durin kitteh litter time he sees sum craezy-azz vishuns.
4 Catnelius wuz liek "oh shaet LOL"
5 Teh anjul sed "Ur praers n cookiez has be a memorial offerin 2 da Ceiling Cat.
6 Now send sum peeps 2 git Simon (most catz call em Peter, idk y).
7 Ya git hiz azz ova hear."
8 Wen teh anjul lef Catnelius got 2 d00ds n a Gawd-freain soulja. H gaev em teh dirt on Ceiling Cat n send em 2 Joppa.
TEH TRIPPEH VIJUNS OF PETER
9 Teh nex dai Peter wuz talkn 2 Ceiling Cat on teh roof.
10 Den he sez "I has hunger n I want sumtin 2 eatz."
11 He saw a big sheet like peepz hav on deir bedz.
12 It has animulz on its wit teh 4 feetz.
13 Den a voice (Ceiling Catz I think) sez 2 Pete, "Git up, Peter. Can has cheezburger."
14 Peter sez, "uh-uh, Loard, I dont eatz teh unclaen."
15 Den God wuz piszed n hes liek, "Do not call teh cheezburger unclaen dat I has made claen."
16 Repeat step 13-15 three tiemz.
17 While Petey wuz wunderin bout teh vishunz, sum d00ds is stopped at teh gaet.
18 "Haysup," dey sez, "Were iz Simon (most catz call em Peter but idk why)?"
19 Whiel Pete wuz still thinkin, Ceiling Cat sez "Hay, 3 d00ds r lookin 4 u.20 Git yo azz up n go downstaers."
21 Peter went downstaers n sed "Wut do u want."
22 Dey sez, "We has come from Catnelius da "big cat" from teh Regimans. He iz teh right-ness God-freain d00d. Da Ceilin Cat made uz come get u."
23 Den Pete invite dem 2 hiz litterbox, thx!
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Happy Cat gets Water Baf!
13 Den Happy Cat caem from Garary, to has water baf from John
14 But John was all "Ur doin it rong, j00 needz to water baf me"
15 And Happy Cat sayed "STFU and gib to me water baf n00b" and John did.
16 Wen he was gived water baf he gtfo of teh water and, ZOMG, teh ceilinz opened up and Hover Cat caem down liek a duv and landeded on him
17 And, ZOMFGWTF, a voice from heven sayed "Hai guise, dis my son, and I tink he teh 1337."