Sunday, December 26, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, December 26, 2010

First Sunday after Christmas Day
Sunday, December 26, 2010

Isaiah 63:7-9
Psalm 148
Hebrews 2:10-18
Matthew 2:13-23

Isaiah 63:7-9

Praize an prayr
7 Im gonna tell ov teh kindnesez ov teh lord, Teh deedz 4 which he iz 2 be praisd, Accordin 2 all teh lord has dun 4 us— Yez, teh lotz da gud things he has dun 4 da houz ov israel, Accordin 2 his compashun an lotz da kindnesez.
8 He sed, "surely they r mah peeps, Sons hoo will not be false 2 me"; An so he became their savior.
9 In all their distres he 2 wuz distresd, An teh angel ov his presence savd them. In his luv an mercy he redeemd them; He liftd them up an carrid them All teh dais ov old.

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Psalm 148

Prais four Ceiling Cat cuz Him Agsepshunilee Cool
1 Prais teh Ceiling Cat! Prais teh Ceiling Cat, SRSLY! {{verse   wai iz yuz no praising yet? }}
2 Prais Him an awl Him angles; {{verse    yuz srsly get praising riet nao }}
3 Prais Him,

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Hebrews 2:10-18

10 Inn bwingen manee kittehs tah gloary, its watz fitin dat Ceiling Cat, who haz maids evahweefi, shuld purrfekt salfaeshun bie sufahwen.
11 Dee kittehs dat maek dem kittehs holey an dah kittehs dat arr maid holey arr inz dah saem famawee. Soo Jebus no iz ashaimd tah call dem bwoatas.
12 Him sayzes, "Ai willz say my naim tah mi kittehs; en dah pwescense of dah kittehs ai wilz sing yuz prayzes."
13 An agan, "Ai willz puts my twast en hims." An agan himz says, "Hee am ai, an dah kittehs Ceiling Cat haz given tah mee."
14 Sinz dah kittehs haf furr n taylz, dey mae awso shware en beein kittehs so dat bi der defs dey mae destwoy dah Basement Cat hoo howdz dah powah of def
15 an fwee dah kittehs hoo arr en caiges bi der feerz of def.
16 Foe hims no hewps dah birdcats, buh Abraham's kittehs.
17 Caz of dis himz hads tah bee maid liek us kittehs en evahwee way, so dats hims may bee ah faiful kitteh tah Ceiling Cat, an dat himz mite atoan fur dee invisible errors of dah kittehs.
18 Caz him himzself sufahd wen himz wah temptaed, hims iz abah tah helpz dose hoo arr bein temptaed. Srsly!

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Matthew 2:13-23

scaping to teh ejiptz0rz
13 And wen dey were gone teh hover d00dz of teh Ceiling Cat appeareded to Jozif and sayed "Hai, get up nao, and taek kitlin and mudder into Eejippt0rz, and stay dere till I sez, cos Herrot is lukin for teh kitlin and him gonna pwn him!"
14 And him got up and taeked Happy Cat and him mundder into Eejippt0rz at nait:
15 and stayed dere til Herrot was "lol *dead*", so ting wud be liek teh profet sayed wen he sayed "Out of Eejippt0rz I done called mah son"
16 B4 he dyd, Herrot, wen he saw teh wies men was lollin at him, was rlly ticked, so him goed owt and pwned all teh kitlins dat woz in Beetleham, and teh beaches round dere, dat was under 2, cuz teh kitlin he waanted to pwn was dat age.
17 Dat was teh way teh profet Jer-Mewer sayed
18 In Romma dere was a mew herd, crine vaerdy sadly, Raychul crine for her kitlins, and wud not be comfortd, cuz dey iz gon.

Da return to teh Nazref
19 But wen Herrot wuz "lol *dead*", and hover d00d frm Ceiling Cat came to Joezif in a dreen
20 sayin "Hai, j00 can go hoem nao, Herrot am dead, lol"
21 And him went home to Izreal wit teh kitlin and him mudder.
22 But wen him herd dat Archie'lolz was n00b king nao afer him dad Herrot, him was scaerdy to go dere; also, Ceiling Cat sed, "hai, joo dreemin, but n00b king still wantz pwn joo." So him went Gallalee insted:
23 and him moved into Nazref, so teh profets wud be rite wen dey sed "Ppl gonna call him a Nazreem"


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Saturday, December 25, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Christmas Day, 2010

Christmas Day 2010

Isaiah 62:6-12
Psalm 97
Titus 3:4-7
Luke 2:(1-7), 8-20

Isaiah 62:6-12

.6 I has postd watchmen on ur walls, o jerusalem; They will nevr be silent dai or nite. U hoo call on teh lord, Giv yourselvez no rest,
7 An giv him no rest till he establishez jerusalem An makez her teh praize ov teh earth.
8 Teh lord has sworn by his rite hand An by his mighty arm: "nevr again will i giv ur grain As fud 4 ur enemiez, An nevr again will foreigners drink teh new wine 4 which u has toild;
9 Butt dose hoo harvest it will eat it An praize teh lord, An dose hoo gathr teh grapez will drink it In da courts ov mah sanctuary."
10 Pas thru, pas thru teh gatez! Prepare teh wai 4 da peeps. Build up, build up teh highway! Remoov teh stonez. Raize bannr 4 da nashuns.
11 Teh lord has made proclamashun 2 teh endz ov teh earth: "say 2 teh daughtr ov zion, C, ur savior comez! C, his reward iz wif him, An his recompense accompaniez him. "
12 They will be calld teh holy peeps, Teh redeemd ov teh lord; An u will be calld sought aftr, Teh city no longr desertd.

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Psalm 97

1 ceiling cat rools! Woot!
2 clouds n darkness be around himz laik he's on fire.
3 teh fire splodes in front of him and pwns his enemies
4 hiz lazor eyes shine light n make earthquaikes!
5 he uzes them to vaporize mountianz
6 even teh ceiling thinks he'z cool and teh peoplz liek him too
7 no want other kittehs. Only Ceiling Cat.

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Titus 3:4-7

4 But then Ceiling Cat came
5 An saveded us by peein teh Holy Spirit, maid fuzzyz wet, oh noes, do not want! An just cos he felt laik it, k?
6 Oh an Baby Jesus made lotz Holy Spirit come out, but did not eated it.
7 This meanz might live forevers tho, so not just wet furz for nothing.

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Luke 2:(1-7), 8-20

Jeebus iz bornd
1 'Roun dis tiyem, Agustis Seezr wuz like, "I can has sensus?"
2 ('Coz while Quirinius was Teh Boz of Syria, is invisible sensus!)
3 And all teh doodz went home for teh saying, "I iz heer!"
4 So Joseph went from Naz'reth to Judeeah to Bethlehemm whar David wuz borned, 'coz David wuz hiz graete-graete gran-daddie,
5 An Mary went wif him, 'coz she was gonna be married wif him an she had Jeebus n her tummy oven.
6 When they wuz ther, it wuz time for teh kittn to be borned.
7 it wuz a boy, so he wuz wrapd in blanket like burrito an placd him in fud dish (srsly!), cuz innkeeper wuz liek, no room here kbai!

Sheep-doodz n Angels
8 Then there wuz sheep-doods in teh field, an they wuz watchin teh sheep in teh dark. Iz vry vry boring. srsly.
9 An suddenly, visible angel! An glory! O noez!!
10 But teh angel sed, "DONT AFRAID OF ENYTHING! it r ok, you can has gud news for all teh doodz!
11 Todai in da city ov David, you can has sayvur! is Christ da Lord! w00t!
12 Iz sign fer u, find da kitteh wrapd like brrito in a big fud dish."
13 An suddenly, moar angelz! They sez,
14 "w00t to teh Ceiling Cat! An peace fer doodz he luffs! Kthxbai."
15 An when da angelz go invisible again, sheep-doodz sed, "sweet, nao we find teh brrito-baybee sayvur!"
16 So dey left da sheeps (sheeps r vry borng) and found Joe an Mary and da baybee in da fud dish.
17 An when dey saw it wuz baybee an not brrito, they told evrywun he wuz kewl,
18 An all teh doodz who herd were lyke, "neat-o brrito!"
19 An Mary wuz lyke, "o rly?"
20 Teh sheep-doodz sed, "Yay fer Ceiling Cat! Was not invisible brrito!"
21 On dai numbah 8 fr Jeebus's laif, it wuz tiem 2 circumcize him (iz laik getting fixd and naemd an stufs). Joseph wantd to call him George or Nathan or sumthin liek tht, but Mary wuz liek STFU we iz callen him Jeebus, coz Gabriowl sed tht wuz hiz naem an also coz we dont has naimz liek Billy Bob yet.

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Friday, December 24, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Christmas Eve 2010

Christmas Eve, Friday, December 24, 2010

Isaiah 9:2-7
Psalm 96
Titus 2:11-14
Luke 2:1-14, (15-20)

 

Isaiah 9

1 Mai proffercy, let me show you it. Iz gonna be awright. Fr Galileliliee anyways.
2 Cats that iz in dark haz evn bettah nihgt vizhun than befoar.
3 Cookies an cheezburgrs everywhrs!
4 Midian no can haz cheezburgrs.5 Evry warryuh's boot wll be burntd so no mre kickng cats, lol.
6 We haz boy kitteh yay lol!! Him wll haz governanmnt an wll be calld d00d, l33t, Ceiling Cat, leadr of the littah, teh most effectual Top Cat lol.
7 Hims governanenemnt wll get biggah an biggah an him wll sit on David's thron cushions forevah. Srsly. Ceiling Cat sayz.

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Psalm 96

1 Ceiling cat want nyoo song, k? So all teh kittehs be sings to him.
2 So sings to Ceiling Cat an sez he ful of win. And speekz his win for daze an daze.
3 An tel uther kittehs he reel gud, k? His win wiv all kines of kittehs.
4 Cos Ceiling Cat is gud! An you say he gud, k? Haz moar scary and fierce than uther kittehs!
5 Ceiling Cat is only reel Ceiling Cat! An he maeks Ceiling.
6 All nice thingz be befoar him, an hiz haus be big an tuff.
7 Yoo be folowin Ceiling Cat kittehs, k? Yoo be sez, 'he haz a strong, an he haz a glory!'.
8 So yoo sez Ceiling Cat is OSSAM, k? Yoo maeks him cookie an not eatz it for when see him, k?
9 Be sayin nice things bout Ceiling Cat, an be 'Oh Noes! Ceiling Cat be fwightning!'.
10 An tel uther kittehs he in charge, k? Urf is heer now, an is stuck, liek kitteh stuck in sofa. Ceiling Cat sez 'Yoo iz gud kitteh' or 'Yoo is bad kitteh'.
11 An let the Ceiling an Urf haz a happy! Let waterz and lolruses maek noizes!
12 An let garden haz a happy, an fings in garden (exept doggiez), an trees an fings in trees.
13 An all be sings to Ceiling Cat, cos he be comes to sez 'GOOD KITTEH' or 'BAD KITTEH' to all kittehs in Urf.

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Titus 2:11-15

11 Cos Ceiling Cat's pwr is savin us an everyone knows it, so tehre.
12 So dont do bad stuffs or has teh bad secks, and stay off teh catnipz for now
13 Cos then Baby Jesus might turn up on his invisible bike an bring cheezburgrs!
14 An you know he dedded for us, so we owez him, kthxbye.
15 So tehre.

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Luke 2:1-14, (15-20)

Jeebus iz bornd
1 'Roun dis tiyem, Agustis Seezr wuz like, "I can has sensus?"
2 ('Coz while Quirinius was Teh Boz of Syria, is invisible sensus!)
3 And all teh doodz went home for teh saying, "I iz heer!"
4 So Joseph went from Naz'reth to Judeeah to Bethlehemm whar David wuz borned, 'coz David wuz hiz graete-graete gran-daddie,
5 An Mary went wif him, 'coz she was gonna be married wif him an she had Jeebus n her tummy oven.
6 When they wuz ther, it wuz time for teh kittn to be borned.
7 it wuz a boy, so he wuz wrapd in blanket like burrito an placd him in fud dish (srsly!), cuz innkeeper wuz liek, no room here kbai!

Sheep-doodz n Angels
8 Then there wuz sheep-doods in teh field, an they wuz watchin teh sheep in teh dark. Iz vry vry boring. srsly.
9 An suddenly, visible angel! An glory! O noez!!
10 But teh angel sed, "DONT AFRAID OF ENYTHING! it r ok, you can has gud news for all teh doodz!
11 Todai in da city ov David, you can has sayvur! is Christ da Lord! w00t!
12 Iz sign fer u, find da kitteh wrapd like brrito in a big fud dish."
13 An suddenly, moar angelz! They sez,
14 "w00t to teh Ceiling Cat! An peace fer doodz he luffs! Kthxbai."
15 An when da angelz go invisible again, sheep-doodz sed, "sweet, nao we find teh brrito-baybee sayvur!"
16 So dey left da sheeps (sheeps r vry borng) and found Joe an Mary and da baybee in da fud dish.
17 An when dey saw it wuz baybee an not brrito, they told evrywun he wuz kewl,
18 An all teh doodz who herd were lyke, "neat-o brrito!"
19 An Mary wuz lyke, "o rly?"
20 Teh sheep-doodz sed, "Yay fer Ceiling Cat! Was not invisible brrito!"
21 On dai numbah 8 fr Jeebus's laif, it wuz tiem 2 circumcize him (iz laik getting fixd and naemd an stufs). Joseph wantd to call him George or Nathan or sumthin liek tht, but Mary wuz liek STFU we iz callen him Jeebus, coz Gabriowl sed tht wuz hiz naem an also coz we dont has naimz liek Billy Bob yet.

Our cat, our Xmas tree, & time-lapse from Griffin Hammond on Vimeo.

Weekend Cat Events


Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Yikes! Another Blog Break!

Red squirrel
Red squirrel (Tamiascurus hudsonicus)

Here I sit in the living room with a mask on my face, my new nebulizer drying in a clean towel, coughing and not looking forward to my next antibiotic. John is demolishing the kitchen. The former sun porch is now part of the new huge kitchen. The 110 year old plaster ceiling is coming down. The dust the past two weeks has been horrendous and has made me sick. I am feeling sort of lost here. Can't go outside, don't feel like blogging. I haven't even been taking photographs often! But I have been photographing the birds and squirrels at the feeders. Above is a cute, fat red squirrel that was at the feeder last week.


Ice cliffs of Mount Pisgah on the south shore of Lake Willoughby.

But more about the house later: I have been documenting the progress on the renovations. The photographs show how poorly people built additions on this old house. And how the little forest creatures love this house as much as I do. Enough about renovations and illness. I've had enough of that.

The big news is that the kids found a great place to live in Brownington. It is quiet here without them. There are no dogs to gobble up my spills in the kitchen or the cat yak all over the house. I miss the two little ones, Ironman and Catgirl, a whole bunch. But John has fixed my stereo and now I listen to VPR and VPR Classical. We seem to have stopped watching TV except at bed time. Occasionally we watch movies on the computers (they are still side by side in the living room as they were on the porch). Even though I miss the kids, it is best they are gone. The construction debris and activity is very dangerous and I don't want them around it. They are right up the road, though, so I'll be seeing them as soon as I am healthy again!


Clouded sulphur butterfly

I have been selling photographs, though. Matted and/or framed. I am doing fairly well. I want to get involved in stock photography and craft shows. I have been to two craft shows — the church's Christmas Bazaar and Moonlight Madness. Finally people know what I do! The reactions have been very positive. The photographs that are not of the red squirrel are the photographs that I have sold. I have much work to do with the Barton Library photos and website and blog. I can't work on my summer photographs because my four terabyte server is down! But I do have, and have been slowly editing, photos that are recent.


Nashville warbler

Just thought I should check in! I hardly ever get so personal in the blogs. But there has been lots going on. I hope your holidays are peaceful and I will once again work at getting up to date!


Fractal sunflower

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Monday, December 20, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fourth Sunday of Advent, December 19, 2010

Fourth Sunday of Advent
December 19, 2010

Isaiah 7:10-16
Psalm 80:1-7, 17-19
Romans 1:1-7
Matthew 1:18-25

 

Isaiah 7:10-16

10 Teh Ceiling Cat sez "O hai" to Ahaz agin and sez:
11 Ax teh Ceiling Cat fur a sign, doun in teh Basment or up in teh Ceiling.
12 But Ahaz is all liek "No wai!" I duzznt test teh Ceiling Cat!".
13 And Isaiah is liek "Wai! Stfu, n00b!
14 Ceiling Cat's sign. Lemme show u it. Teh yung girl cat gonna has a kitten (a boi). And we calls him 'Immanuel' (that means 'Ceiling Cat is in owr hizzouse').
15 He will eatz yogurt and honey by teh tyme he lurns to rejekt evil n chooz gud.
16 Befor dat boi lurns to rejekt evil and chooz gud, teh lands whoz two kings has u so skeert will be totly pwned, wif no peeps livin ther.

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Psalm 80

1 Heer us, shepurd of kittehs,
 U hu leded Joseph liek herd of shepez;
 U hu sitzed neks to teh cherubimimim, shiend on

2 Befur Ephraim, Benjamin an Manasseh.
 Waek up, u strongz;
 Com an saivz us!

3 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
  Maek ur fase shyn on us,
  dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

4 Oh hai, Ceiling Cat,
  How longs u wil has smoldrin angryz
  Aginst teh meows uv ur kittehs?

5 U has maided dem eets sad emo bredz;
  U has maided dem drink sad emo watrz.

6 U can has maided us has problms wif teh kittehs neks dor,
  An nao ar enuhmees mahkz us, srsly

7 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
 Maek ur fase shyn on us,
 dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

8 U bringed a vyn out ov Egypt;
 U chaesd out teh othr nayshuns an putted it in a hol.

9 U cleerd teh urfs for it,
 An it taekd ruut an filded teh hoel yard.

10 Teh mowntinz can has shayd,
  Teh big treez can be cuvred wif it, tu.

11 It sentd out it bahwz to teh big watrz,
  It has shuetz as far as teh skinyr watrz over der.

12 Why u has brokded its wals
 So dat jus enibudy can has graepses?

13 Baorz frm teh foerst ravgez it
 An teh amnals can eatdz it.

14 Ceiling Cat, coem bak!
 Luk dwn from hole in ceiling and si!
 Watch ovr dis vyn (masturbatin, LOL!),

15 Teh ruut ur riet hand can has plantd,
 Teh babee u has raisd up fur urslf.

16 Ur vyn, it r cut dwn, it can be on fyr nao;
 At ur rebuk ur peoplz dy, srsly!

17 Ur hand can sits on teh dood at ur riet hand (for hed scratchs tiem, yes?),
 Teh sun of manz u can has raisd up fur urslf.

18 Den we wil not turnz awai frm u;
 Halp us, an we wil sai ur naemz.

19 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
 Maek ur fase shyn on us,
 dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

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Romans 1:1-7

Paul Sez Hai
1 Dis r a letr frum Paul cuz Ceiling Cat askt me tells about teh Gud Nuuz.
2 R teh same Gud Nuuz dat Ceiling Cat sed a long tiem ago in teh holi skripchurs.
3 Teh Gud Nuuz r about teh Baybeh Jebus, who huz grate grate grate grate grate grandson uf King David,
4 an we can knows he r teh son uf Ceiling Cat cuz he wuz ded, then zomg, he r alive.
5 So Ceiling Cat ses we haf to tell evrbdy wat he did, an then they can obeh.
6 An Jebus, he r callsing all uf u.
7 I is writing to evrybdy in Rome who Ceiling Cat luvs. An may Ceiling Cat gives u cheezbrgrs an u can has cookiez.

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Matthew 1:18-25

How is Happy Cat Formed?
18 Now, teh burth of teh Nointed Cat was liek dis: After Mary and Joseph wuz all "We get maerdied, kthnx", but befor dey haz hankiez pankiez Mary was a muthur cat thanx 2 HovurCat.
19 Joseph was liek "I haz virjn - NOOOO dey be stealin my virjn! Must hied hur".
20 But when he was tihnkin, zomg, a BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat was liek, "Oh hai! Iz in ur dreemz, givin u messij. Don be scairdy cat. Taek Mary as ur wife - is virjn. But teh Forse is strong in tihs wun, lol! HovrCat is on hur, givn hur kitlin, srsly." So Joseph was liek " Oh yey. Iz gonna luv him and squeez him and call him George."
21 But BirdCat was liek "No, you gonna call him Happy Cat. cuz he save kittehs frum bein bad kittehs. Kthxbai."
22 So all dis was all did cuz Ceiling Cat had sed it wud be. Him proffit was all liek:
23 "Hay guise, luk! teh virjn is all preggers, and dey gonna call him A-manual", dat be joospeek for "Ceiling Cat wiv us"
24 Then Joseph walked up, dun wat teh BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat tolded him too, and was all liek "U wit me now lol" at Mary.
25 And dey didnt has Hankiez Pankiez affer dey gets a son and call him Happy Cat. Kthnx.

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Weekend Cat Events

Weekend Cat Blogging
#289 Dec 17-19 Nikita Cat
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Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
Optional Theme
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Sunday, December 12, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Third Sunday of Advent, December 12, 2010

Third Sunday of Advent
December 12, 2010

Isaiah 35:1-10
Psalm 146:5-10
or Luke 1:46b-55
James 5:7-10
Matthew 11:2-11

Isaiah 35: 1-10

1 Teh outside iz gud for dem an teh plants will grow
2 Dey shall blosom an look at teh wunderz of teh Hover Cat cuz he iz teh pwnz0r
3 Dis will mak kittens strong
4 So dey are not scareded cuz teh Hover Cat comez comez wif vengeance to save littel kittens hoo r scareded.
5 Den teh blind will see teh uber Urf and teh deaf will hear teh sound ov teh birds up in sky (an sum hoo cant fly) and teh sound of teh moomoo cows.
6 Den teh kittens shall jump an watr be in teh sandy parts ov teh Urf
7 Grass shall grow thru teh ground an watr will gush an kittens has lotz da cheezcake.
8 An the holy wai wuz thar. Only gud kittehs will pass thru, an teh naughty kittehs will be rejected.
9 Teh bad kittehs an monstrs can not pass but teh gud ones will will walk thur.
10 Thur wil be many cheezecaek thur for dose hoo can pass wer all teh bad thoughts be gone an dey can be happy.

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Psalm 146

1 Praise Ceiling Cat
     Praise Ceiling Cat, o mai sole
2 I iz in mai life praisin Ceiling Cat all teh timez
     I iz singin to Ceiling Cat all mai life
3 Don't be in ur base trustin ur princez
     Cuz they iz gunna die an can't do nuffin
4 When their spirits iz in teh sky returning to teh urfs
     They is nuffin
5 If u gets Ceiling Cat to help you can haz cheezburger
6 Teh lolcoder of Ceiling and urfs
     teh watres and teh fishes
7 He lets hungry kittehs has sammiches
8 Ceiling Cat maikz teh blind kittehs can see
     Ceiling Cat liftz up kittehs on 4 legz
     Ceiling Cat <3 teh right handed
9 ZOMG Ceiling Cat has seen UFO LOL an DO NOT WANT evil kittehs so he maikz dem DO NOT WANT
10 Ceiling Cat is watching you masturbate forever
    Can he haz cheezburger?

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Luke 1: 46-55

Mary's Song of Praise - the MagnifiCat (srsly)

46 Mary sed "Ceiling Cat is laik a big deal,
47 Mai I is happy about Ceiling Cat...
48 bcz he kepted me in maind an now evribodi knowz i can haz cheezburgr.
49 Thank u Ceiling Cat, u iz cool.
50 U iz niec to evribodi.
51 Xcept peeplz who doant dizrv it LOL.
52 U haz pwned teh r00lrz whiel stil bein niec to teh n00bz.
53 U givd cookies to teh hungri whiel u tolded teh rich "Niec trai."
54 U wuz niec to Israel 55 an to all Abraham's famili liek u promist."

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James 5: 7-10

Payshuns
7 Chill kittehs, Ceiling Cat iz coming. See how teh LOLrus wait for teh bukkit?
8 Be payshunt nd wait 4 teh Ceiling Cat, he brings yu teh cheezburgers soon.
9 No fighting whiel yu waitz, or Ceiling Cat bringz teh lazer eyes. Teh Lazer Eyer is almost here!
10 Be payshunt liek teh old kittehs who said teh FAQ.

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Matthew 11: 2-11

2 Now when liek John had hearded in teh place where u go if u liek preak teh rules, and ai mean really break em in teah works of Christ, he sended two of him disciples through teh ineternets,
3 And say to his, is u he that is to come, or does we sees another?
4 Jeus answered him and liek say to his, Go and show John more of teh tings you've seen and heard:
5 Teh no seeing gets some seeing, and teh no walk get walk, teah nasty, come clean, and teh no hear hear, teh no live come live, and teh poor have teh gospel preached to tem.
6 And goodly good in life are he, who will not be offended in my.
7 And as tey leaved, Jesus begun ta sez to teh many worring bout John, Wat gone yuz out into teh wildy to see? sees, tey tat were nice softly soft clothing are in head royal ppls hoze.
8 But wat goned yu oust fur to see? A good guy that sez da truf? Yes, ai sez to yuz, and more tan a profat.
9 But wat goned u oust fur too see? Yessum. A Seercat. Yes. ai saz to yuz, and more tan a Profat.
10 Fur dis are him, of who'd it r wroted. Looki, ai sent my meszage guy in ur face, I'll put yur idea nfront of yuz.
11 Importantly ai saz to u, wif teh kittehs of normaled woman wil raiz a great cat John teh Washerer : teh guy dat lowerest in teh kingdom of Ceiling. Srsly

Weekend Cat Events

Weekend Cat Blogging
#288 Dec 10-12 Salome at Paulchens FoodBlog?! stepping in for Breadchick and LB at The Sour Dough
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
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The Carnival of the Cats
#352 – Mind of Mog
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Friday, December 03, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, December 5, 2010

Second Sunday of Advent
Sunday, December 5, 2010

Isaiah 11:1-10
Psalm 72:1-7, 18-19
Romans 15:4-13
Matthew 3:1-12

Isaiah 11:1-10

Teh Twee Fwom Jesseh's Line
1 So liek, teh famuhlee uf Jesseh iz liek a twee dat wuz cutted. Widdle twee grozes bak, riet? Fwum da rutz o wuteva. An fwum it come shinies!
2 Ceiling Cat sits on da branch uv dat tree, not betuz him fraid of doggies tho. Him will give cheezburgers to teh branch soes it can beez full an reddy to maek choycez, an akchully dooz whut him sez. Ceiling Cat will maek shoor dat him noes dat Ceiling Cat iz da CatBoss.
3 Da branch haz hapyness betuz him noes dat Ceiling Cat iz da CatBoss. Him not juge fings jist bye teh wayz dey lukz. Him not maek desishuns betuz just whut uver kittehs sez eether.
4 Him ulwayz do whut iz gud, wen him juge kittehs dat needs cheezburgers, an kittehs dat needz shinies. Wen him sez u needs baff, sowwy, iz gonna hapin. Wen he sez da evul kittehs must neva haz shinies annemore, sowwy, iz gonna hapin.
5 Da part uv him dat iz liek Ceiling Cat, him stick dat in his coller, soes iz wif him all da tiem. Him loyultee too.
6 Wild dogses wull liev wif da wams, leepards wif goatz. Behbeh cowses an huge catses will liev togever an not eated each uver.Hoomun behbehs will wiv wif all dem too an not be eated.
7 Grown-up cowses will eates wif bearz. Da behbehs uv bof will sweep togever. Big catses won't liek cheezburgers nemore, we just haz cookies!
8 Behbehs will plays neer da snakeses howles, an pway wif da poiznous wuns.
9 Nun uv dese guyz will hurts or pwn anefin or ane1 in da Ceilin ware da CatBoss lievs. Dem oshuns haz lots uv water, which catses does not liek, but liek dat, da urf will haz lotz ov teh nowleg uf Ceiling Cat.

Teh Exield Kittehs Wil Rtrn
10 Den da kitteh dats caled da rut ov Jesseh's twee beez wike a giant cheezburger flotin in da air, soes every1 can seez him an come to sees him cwoser. Da pwace wheer dat kitteh is king will be teh awesomeness.


Open your hymnals. Piano Cat is about to play a Holy LOLZ tune.

Psalm 72
Ov Solomon

1 Giv teh king wif ur justice, O Ceiling Cat, Teh royal son wif ur righteousnes.
2 he will [a] judge ur peeps in righteousnes, Ur afflictd onez wif justice.
3 teh mountains will brin prosperity 2 teh peeps, Teh hills teh fruit ov righteousnes.
4 he will defend teh afflictd among teh peeps An save teh children ov teh needy; He will crush teh oppresor.
5 he will endure [b] as long as teh sun, As long as teh moon, thru all generashuns.
6 he will be liek rane fallin on mown field, Liek showers waterin teh earth.
7 in his dais teh righteous will flourish; Prosperity will abound till teh moon iz no moar.
8 he will rule frum sea 2 sea An frum teh rivr [c] 2 teh endz ov teh earth. [d]
9 teh desert tribez will bow before him An his enemiez will lick teh dust.
10 teh kings ov tarshish an ov distant shorez Will brin tribute 2 him; Teh kings ov sheba an seba Will present him gifts.
11 all kings will bow down 2 him An all nashuns will serve him.
12 4 he will delivr teh needy hoo cry out, Teh afflictd hoo has no wan 2 halp.
13 he will taek pity on teh weak an teh needy An save teh needy frum death.
14 he will rescue them frum oppreshun an violence, 4 preshus iz their blood in his sight.
15 long cud he liv! Cud gold frum sheba be given him. Cud peeps evr pray 4 him An bles him all dai long.
16 let grain abound throughout teh land; On teh tops ov teh hills cud it sway. Let itz fruit flourish liek lebanon; Let it thriv liek teh gras ov teh field.
17 cud his naym endure forevr; Cud it continue as long as teh sun. All nashuns will be blesd thru him, An they will call him blesd.
18 praize be 2 teh lord ceilin cat, teh ceilin cat ov israel, Hoo alone doez marvelous deedz.
19 praize be 2 his glorious naym forevr; Cud teh whole earth be filld wif his glory. Amen an amen.
20 dis concludez teh prayers ov david son ov jese.


Teh Footnotez
  * a - Psalm 72:2 or cud he; similarly in versez 3-11 an 17
  * b - Psalm 72:5 septuagint; hebrew u will be feard
  * c - Psalm 72:8 dat iz, teh eufratez
  * d - Psalm 72:8 or teh end ov teh land

Funny Pictures - Happy Hanukkat
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Romans 15:4-13

4 Cuz evrithin ritteh ysterday was sposed to teache us, so later we cud hav hopes for moar cheezbrgrz.
5 Ceelin cat hu givs cookies'n'cheezbrgrz shud giv u teh hug so dat yuz cud follo Happy Cat,
6 so that as one gaiant kitteh us cud prase teh daddie of Happy Cat, ceelin cat.

7 So makes nice wif all teh kittez, just like Happy Kitteh makes nice wif u, for teh gloriez of Ceelin Cat.
8 Cuz Happy Cat helpz all teh Jooz for teh trooths of Ceelin Cat so taht all teh stuffz he sed to Moses an Abraham and all teh old gyz happenz.
9 An so taht all teh otehr kittehz wud say "Ceelin Cat Pwns." Like teh old kittehz sez, "So I sez u ar Ceiling Cat, even to teh kittehz who dont sez u ar, an I prase u.";
10 An teh old kittehz also sez, "All u otehr kittez say 'Ceelin Cat pwns' jus lik us";
11 An tehy sez too, "Say 'w00t, Ceelin Cat!' all u otehr kittehz, an all kittehz evrywr say 'w00t!'";
12 An teh doodz Isyah sez "Jessz kitten, him pwns all teh otehr kittehz, an teh otehr kittehz sez tahts good."
13 So teh Ceelin Cat will makeses u feel guds an u haz lots of cheezburgerz cuz u bleev, an teh Hover Cat givez u it. k?

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Matthew 3:1-12

John Teh Baftis preepairs teh wai?
1 In dem dayz caem John Teh Baftis, preachin in teh wilderness of J00dea,
2 And sayin "ZOMG, Kingdom Of Cat Heving am at hand! Be vaerdy sardy!
3 For dis is him dat teh profet Zai-ass was speekin of, sayin" teh voice of teh one cryin in teh wilterness, Prepare teh way of teh Lord guise, make his pats strayt."
4 And teh saem John was wearin camul hair and leather pantz; and he eated bugs and hunnys.
5 Den he went out to Jeroozlem and J00dea and all round Jortan
6 And he gived water bafs to ppls in teh Jortan, and dey told ther Invizable Errors to him an Ceiling Cat
7 But wen he saw teh Fairy-sees and Saddu-sees com to his baf, he sayed "J00 snaky n00bs, who warned j00 to flea teh wrath that am comin?
8 If ur all rly sorry, do teh gud stuff Ceiling Cat told u 2 do!
9 And dont tink dat j00 has Abraham as j00r dad, cuz Ceiling Cat cud maek dese stones into kitlins of Abraham
10 And now teh axe pwns teh rute of teh tree, and all teh trees dat dont make leet fruitz get pwnd and burninated, LOL"
11 "For srsly, I give water bafs to ppls wit waters, but teh next gai dat comin, and he so 1337 I cant even has his shoos: he gonna give bafs to ppls wiv far and Hovercat!
12 He get all teh weets and put in weets house, and he gonna burninate teh straws thats left ovar with teh leet fire of pwnage!

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Weekend Cat Events
Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
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Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
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Ree-purrted by KC


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