Saturday, December 25, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Christmas Day, 2010

Christmas Day 2010

Isaiah 62:6-12
Psalm 97
Titus 3:4-7
Luke 2:(1-7), 8-20

Isaiah 62:6-12

.6 I has postd watchmen on ur walls, o jerusalem; They will nevr be silent dai or nite. U hoo call on teh lord, Giv yourselvez no rest,
7 An giv him no rest till he establishez jerusalem An makez her teh praize ov teh earth.
8 Teh lord has sworn by his rite hand An by his mighty arm: "nevr again will i giv ur grain As fud 4 ur enemiez, An nevr again will foreigners drink teh new wine 4 which u has toild;
9 Butt dose hoo harvest it will eat it An praize teh lord, An dose hoo gathr teh grapez will drink it In da courts ov mah sanctuary."
10 Pas thru, pas thru teh gatez! Prepare teh wai 4 da peeps. Build up, build up teh highway! Remoov teh stonez. Raize bannr 4 da nashuns.
11 Teh lord has made proclamashun 2 teh endz ov teh earth: "say 2 teh daughtr ov zion, C, ur savior comez! C, his reward iz wif him, An his recompense accompaniez him. "
12 They will be calld teh holy peeps, Teh redeemd ov teh lord; An u will be calld sought aftr, Teh city no longr desertd.

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Psalm 97

1 ceiling cat rools! Woot!
2 clouds n darkness be around himz laik he's on fire.
3 teh fire splodes in front of him and pwns his enemies
4 hiz lazor eyes shine light n make earthquaikes!
5 he uzes them to vaporize mountianz
6 even teh ceiling thinks he'z cool and teh peoplz liek him too
7 no want other kittehs. Only Ceiling Cat.

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Titus 3:4-7

4 But then Ceiling Cat came
5 An saveded us by peein teh Holy Spirit, maid fuzzyz wet, oh noes, do not want! An just cos he felt laik it, k?
6 Oh an Baby Jesus made lotz Holy Spirit come out, but did not eated it.
7 This meanz might live forevers tho, so not just wet furz for nothing.

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Luke 2:(1-7), 8-20

Jeebus iz bornd
1 'Roun dis tiyem, Agustis Seezr wuz like, "I can has sensus?"
2 ('Coz while Quirinius was Teh Boz of Syria, is invisible sensus!)
3 And all teh doodz went home for teh saying, "I iz heer!"
4 So Joseph went from Naz'reth to Judeeah to Bethlehemm whar David wuz borned, 'coz David wuz hiz graete-graete gran-daddie,
5 An Mary went wif him, 'coz she was gonna be married wif him an she had Jeebus n her tummy oven.
6 When they wuz ther, it wuz time for teh kittn to be borned.
7 it wuz a boy, so he wuz wrapd in blanket like burrito an placd him in fud dish (srsly!), cuz innkeeper wuz liek, no room here kbai!

Sheep-doodz n Angels
8 Then there wuz sheep-doods in teh field, an they wuz watchin teh sheep in teh dark. Iz vry vry boring. srsly.
9 An suddenly, visible angel! An glory! O noez!!
10 But teh angel sed, "DONT AFRAID OF ENYTHING! it r ok, you can has gud news for all teh doodz!
11 Todai in da city ov David, you can has sayvur! is Christ da Lord! w00t!
12 Iz sign fer u, find da kitteh wrapd like brrito in a big fud dish."
13 An suddenly, moar angelz! They sez,
14 "w00t to teh Ceiling Cat! An peace fer doodz he luffs! Kthxbai."
15 An when da angelz go invisible again, sheep-doodz sed, "sweet, nao we find teh brrito-baybee sayvur!"
16 So dey left da sheeps (sheeps r vry borng) and found Joe an Mary and da baybee in da fud dish.
17 An when dey saw it wuz baybee an not brrito, they told evrywun he wuz kewl,
18 An all teh doodz who herd were lyke, "neat-o brrito!"
19 An Mary wuz lyke, "o rly?"
20 Teh sheep-doodz sed, "Yay fer Ceiling Cat! Was not invisible brrito!"
21 On dai numbah 8 fr Jeebus's laif, it wuz tiem 2 circumcize him (iz laik getting fixd and naemd an stufs). Joseph wantd to call him George or Nathan or sumthin liek tht, but Mary wuz liek STFU we iz callen him Jeebus, coz Gabriowl sed tht wuz hiz naem an also coz we dont has naimz liek Billy Bob yet.

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