Friday, November 19, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Jeremiah 23:1-6
Luke 1:68-79
Jeremiah 23:1-6
Psalm 46
Colossians 1:11-20
Luke 23:33-43

Jeremiah 23:1-6

1 5"BEHOLD, TEH (J)DAIS R COMIN," DECLAREZ TEH LORD,"WHEN IM GONNA RAIZE UP 4 DAVID RIGHTEOUS (K)BRANCH;AN HE WILL (L)REIGN AS KING AN ACT WISELY AN (M)DO JUSTICE AN RIGHTEOUSNES IN DA LAND.
2 6"IN HIS DAIS JUDAH WILL BE SAVD,AN (N)ISRAEL WILL DWELL SECURELY;AN DIS AR TEH HIS (O)NAYM BY WHICH HE WILL BE CALLD,TEH (P)LORD R RIGHTEOUSNES.
3 7"(Q)THEREFORE BEHOLD, TEH DAIS R COMIN," DECLAREZ TEH LORD, "WHEN THEY WILL NO LONGR SAY, AS TEH LORD LIVEZ, HOO BROUGHT UP TEH SONS OV ISRAEL FRUM TEH LAND OV EGYPT,
4 8(R)BUT, AS TEH LORD LIVEZ, HOO (S)BROUGHT UP AN LED BAK TEH DESCENDANTS OV TEH HAUSHOLD OV ISRAEL FRUM TEH NORTH LAND AN FRUM ALL TEH COUNTRIEZ WER I HAD DRIVEN THEM. DEN THEY WILL LIV ON THEIR OWN SOIL verse

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Luke 1:68-79

Zechariah's Song

67 Hovr Cat wuz in Zechariah, makin him tell teh fyoochr.
68 "Good for u Ceiling Cat, u maed thingz bettr for Israel.
69 U pickted up a trumpit for us.
70 Liek teh profetz sed u wud.
71 U protectided us from all teh bulliez.
72 U wuz niec to our daddiz an remembrd dey hadded a deel wif u.
73 Teh deal u maded wif Abraham,
74 to protect us, n let us work for u wifout fear
75 n be good all our lievz.
76 Mai kittn, peeplz wil call u Ceiling Cat's profet
becz us wil get evrithin reddi for him,
77 so dat peeplz Invisible Errors will be forgivn,
78 bcz Ceiling Cat iz niec, liek teh sun
79 dat shienz an liets teh wai."

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Psalm 46

A Mightee Hidey Place is Our Ceiling Cat

1 Ceiling Cat iz our hidey place and our strenf, he iz dere for all timez we sez, "hlep!"
2 We iz not teh skered, even if the Urf eated itself and mountinz fallz down into oshun
3 Even if waterz go RAWR and mountains go RAWR
4 Dere is river wif streamz that make Ceiling Cat's citee pleased, is holy place where only holyist can sit and lick harblz.
5 Ceiling Cat iz inside her, she is not fall down. Ceiling Cat wakez her up with gentul pawslap to faec.
6 Nationz iz angry, kingdoms fallz, Ceiling Cat meowz loud and Urf turnz to smoosh liek wet fud.
7 CEILING CAT IS WIF US, the Cat of Jakob is our hidey place.
8 Come and seez the wurks of the CEILING CAT, the mightee scratchez he haz maded on the Urf.
9 He makez warz stop to the endz of da Urf; he breakz the claws and shatterz the teef, he burninates the kitty carriers wif fire.
10 "Make quietz, and seez I am Ceiling Cat; I am bestest in ur cuntrees, everyone is want wurship me on Urf."
11 Celing Cat Almightee is wif us; the Cat of Jakob is our hidey place.

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Colossians 1:11-20

11 b'ing stronged wif all da base laik he wanz so'z u may haz loong napz 'n pacient wait 4 cheezbrgr, 'n hapi
12 givin' thanx to da Dadz whu maik u valid 4 inheritunz ov All Saints 'n deir tunez. (r'ly! wan sentincz!)
13 4 He iz da wan who savez uz fron lotz ov darkniss (4 He is Cat and seez) 'n gived us dem ginkdom ov theez Son he <3 luvz <3,
14 whom wif we haz redempschun, da forgez ov sinz.

The Supremacy of Christ
15 'e is de imigz ov da invisibl Ceiling Cat, da furst cat ovr dem rest.
16 4 he maded all stufz: stufz in da hoodz ov da Ceiling Cat 'n stufz on dis planit, visibl an' invisibl, if they iz seatz ov base or bossmen or bossmen ov bossmen, he maded dem 4 himselfz!
17 He iz wat iz befor all stufz, and he maik all stufz b.
18 He iz da 'ead ov da body, da churchz!: he is da begining and teh furst cat from da zombicatz, so whatevir iz he iz bossman!
19 4 de Ceiling Cat was hapi to haf everithin in 'im,
20 'n be also da settlimnt-maker ov all playces, even if iz in da hoodz ov da Ceiling Cat or on dis planit, so he go to da X and bleedz.

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Luke 23:33-43

23 But evribodi wuz all "CROSS NOW"
24 so Pilate sed "k."
25 He let teh othr d00d go an gaev Jesus to teh pplz.

Teh Cross
26 Whiel dey wuz draggin him awai dey seed Simon from Cyrene an maed him carri teh cross.
27 Lotz of peepl wuz dere, includin sum ladiez who wuz cryin.
28 Jesus wuz liek "U shudnt crai for me. U shud crai for urselvz an ur kittnz.
29 Bcz teh tiem wil com when u wil wish u nevr hadded eni kittnz at all.
30 Den " 'u will be liek Mountinz, fall on us!"
an hillz, covr us!" '
31 If peepl do dis when there is cheezeburger, what thei do when thei can no has cheezeburger?"
32 Two othr d00dz wuz dere to be eksekutid. Dey wuz criminalz k.33 Dey caem to dis plaec called teh Skull (rock!) an crucified Jesus betwin teh criminalz.

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Ree-purrted by KC


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1 comment:

  1. oh my gosh... i love this... now this is truly kitty heaven... thank you for a wonderful post!!! having had 7 cats at one time i don't think my life will ever be the same... i am now down to two fixed males...

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