Saturday, October 23, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Joel 2:23-32
Psalm 65
Sirach 35:12-17
Jeremiah 14:7-10, 19-22
Psalm 84:1-7
2 Timothy 4:6-8, 16-18
Luke 18:9-14

Psalm 65

1 U iz rly gret o ceiling cat. Al teh kittehs will sez niez stuf bout u.
2 U haerz wen teh boel becum emmty en us meowz fur moar fuds. Alz teh aminals en hoominz en kittehs sez deyz sry
3 wen dey steelz ur cookiez, en u telz dem, "itz k, srsly."
4 Teh kittehs livinz neks to u can has lotz cheezburgerz.
5 U pwnz teh dogz wen teh dogz boffers us en we yammerz ur naem. O Ceiling Cat, u sendz teh cheezburgerz al ovr teh urf, to teh lolrus in teh norf and teh rinoceruses in teh souf,
6 wif ur lowd meowz u skeerd teh urf soo teh mountains groed laik graet fear bumpz awn teh landz,
7 wif ur graet pwnin pawz u turnz awf teh baff fawset, en openz up teh drain so teh kittehs no mus taek baff wich dey no laiks.
8 Alz teh aminals en alz teh urf fears ur pwnin pawz, u maeks teh dai purrz wif joi en teh nait wif hapiage.
9 U coemz down frm teh ceiling en fillz teh drinkin boels wif helfy vaitimen waturz, wich r betr den teh natsty fawset waturz dat teh hoominz givz us (al teh waturs in teh ceiling can has helfy vaitiminz, en bai teh waturz grows teh bes cookiez en teh mos gushi of teh gushifuds).
10 U maeks teh catgrass en teh catnips grow.
11 U maeks teh hoel yeer fulz wif teh happiez. Teh graivy gushies frm teh gushifud truk wich u draivz now en den.
12 Teh fields waer teh lionz livez r wet wif gravy, teh mountinz laf becuz de lionz r sticky.
13 Teh rinoceruses runz in teh fields, teh nip becumz high (en teh kittehs two) in teh valee, teh kittehs alz is joi en dey purrz laik dey is gettin teh scratchage on teh chin.

 
funny pictures-Wen ai find teh minion who pushed me, der will be hell tu pay for shur.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Jeremiah 14:7-10, 19-22

7 Iz rebenje foar ar invisibl error. Pleez, Ceiling Cat, can has mercees?
8 Pleez mayk teh ebil nynjas GTFO. kthx!
9 We crai to yu Ceiling Cat, do not foarsayk us!
10 Dis wat teh Ceiling Cat sez: "O Hai! I letz teh nynjas sneeks arownd, kthxbai!
Cuz wen dey dun eatedin ur twynkees, I pwn dem aneewai. Rly? Ya, rly!

19 Duz Ceiling Cat hayt us? We can has peece and bukkits?
20 O Hai, wez kno wez ben bad st00pid n00bs. Can has ur mercees?
21 Pleez don hayts us, kthx! Memer we has cobenent! Pleez keeps plomise.
22 Skyez no sendz rayns, Yu do, Ceiling Cat. Cuz yu teh shiznitz! Praiyz yu FTW!
So sayith teh Ceiling Cat. A-miaow!

funny pictures of cats with captions see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Psalm 84

1 Ceiling Cat haz teh bestestest ov houzez, O yeah.
2 I wantz 2 curl up in teh houz of teh Ceiling Cat and can haz cheezburgr.
3 Teh birdiez, teh swallowz An teh sparrowz who makez teh baybee chickeez I laiks 2 chase An eat, we haz all napped in teh houz of teh Ceiling Cat.
4 Hai Ceiling Cat, the kittehs in ur houz say kthx for making teh cheezburgrz alwaiz.
5 Hai Ceiling Cat, teh kittehs cldn’t chazez teh birdiez widdout u.
6 Teh Ceiling Cat alwaiz makz teh litter box cleen 4 teh kittehs.
7 An we climbz treez hai 2 see teh Ceiling Cat.
8 O yeah Ceiling Cat, we luv u. An dat Jacob dood laiks u 2, so lissen, eh?
9 Lookit Ceiling Cat, lookit ma tail.
10 I can haz ly in ur houz onlee 4 1day, itz bettr’n mastubatin out in teh tentz all teh time.
11 Cuz u givez cookiez An cheezburgrz An keepz teh dogz away from teh kittehs dat laiks u An walkz on 4 pawz bhind u.
12 Dey dat laiks teh Ceiling Cat will alwaiz have cheezburgrz An nap in ur houz. kthx bai.

 
funny pictures of cats with captions

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

2 Timothy 4:6-8, 16-18

Hao Iz feelin'
6 Iz not feelin so well, akshuly. Iz thinkin tiem fer las trip to de vet.
7 Iz ben gud kitteh
8 Nao I getz cheezburgers ferever in heven, wen Jeebus givz dem to meh – an not just meh, but fer all kittehs who wants hims cheezburgers reel bad.

Ai goes to vet
16 Wen I furst goed to vet, nobuddy helpded me, all de kittehs rans awai. I hops Ceiling Cat forgives dem
17 Jeebus wuz wit meh an givded meh strongness, so Iz cud preech lader an all de kittehs can heer. I scaped de eevil doggehs
18 Jeebus saves meh frum de doggehs an brings meh save to Kingdum ov Heven. Jeebus rocks

Luke 18:9-14
Storee of deh Farisee and deh Taks Kitteh

9 Jebus told dis storee speshulee 2 de kittehs dat tink theyr bettur dan deh udder kittehs.
10 2 kittehs went 2 deh plase where theh do deh best prayinz. One wuz a farisee kitteh and deh udder wuz a taks kitteh, for deh IRS or sumpin.
11 Farisee kitteh wuz prayin all stuk-up and arrogant, purrin bout hisself. “Tank Ceiling Cat dat I am a betteh kitteh dan all deh udders—-theevin kittehs, sinnin kittehs, cheatin kittehs—-or lyk dis taks kitteh heer.
12 I catch micez twys a week and giv my xtra kibbulz 2 deh chrch, srsly, kthx.
13 But deh taks kitteh, he wuz off bai himself. Hiz tayl wuz down, n he wuz not purrin. “Ceiling Cat, forgiv mai nottees, plz?” he sed.
14 Jebus sed 2 deh lolcats, ‘dis taks kitteh, not the farisee kitteh, made Ceiling Cat purr. Prowd kittehs will get lokd in deh closet, but humbul kittehs will get 2 lai in deh sun.”

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