Friday, September 10, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for September 12, 2010

Sunday, September 12, 2010
Jeremiah 4:11-12, 22-28
Psalm 14
Exodus 32:7-14
Psalm 51:1-10
1 Timothy 1:12-17
Luke 15:1-10



Jeremiah 4:11-12, 22-28

11 at dat tiem dis peeps an jerusalem will be told, "a scorchin wind frum teh barren heights in da desert blows toward mah peeps, but not 2 winnow or cleanze;
12 wind 2 strong 4 dat comez frum me. [a] nao i pronounce mah judgments against them."
22 "mah peeps r fools; They do not knoe me. They r senseles children; They has no understandin. They r skilld in doin evil; They knoe not how 2 do gud."
23 i lookd at teh earth, An it wuz formles an empty; An at teh heavens, An their light wuz gone.
24 i lookd at teh mountains, An they wuz quakin; All teh hills wuz swayin.
25 i lookd, an thar wuz no peeps; Evry bird in da sky had flown away.
26 i lookd, an teh fruitful land wuz desert; All itz towns lay in ruins Before teh lord, before his fierce angr.
27 dis ar teh wut teh lord sez: "teh whole land will be ruind, Though im gonna not destroy it completely.
28 therefore teh earth will mourn An teh heavens aboov grow dark, Cuz i has spoken an will not relent, I has decidd an will not turn bak."


Psalm 14

1 Short bus kittehs sez "No Ceiling Cat!"
Theyz bad.
2 Ceiling Cat watches you masturbate,
and iz like, do u getz it?
3 Theyz still bad
4 Dont thoze bad guyz
who eat teh kittehs like cheezburgers
reeulize that Ceiling Cat TOTALY RULEZ?!!
5 Ceiling Cat likez us better
6 We hidez under Ceiling Cat,
cuz hes like, really big.
7 When Ceiling Cat bring back teh kittehs,
that Jacob dood will be preety happi,
and Izrael is all liek, "Way cool!"

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
Meet Christopher, the so-called “guardian angel” of the Nine Lives Foundation’s Feline Well-Care Clinic in Redwood City. Christopher came to the clinic with a fractured pelvis, and, after recuperating, stuck around to help other unwell cats in the clinic.

What makes Christopher a “guardian angel” cat? Well, he seems to have a sixth sense that allows him to know when other cats require help. He has helped calm feral kittens, comforted cats in distress, and even assisted in a blood transfusion for an anemic kitten by making chief veterinarian Monica Thompson aware that he was the same rare blood type as the ill kitten:
“If I hadn’t paid attention to (Christopher), I probably would have lost the cat,” Thompson said.
We wish every kitteh could have a Christopher in its life.
Source: Mercury News / Via: GammaCat




Exodus 32:7-14

7 den teh lord sed 2 mosez, "go down, cuz ur peeps, whom u brought up out ov egypt, has become corrupt.
8 they has been quick 2 turn away frum wut i commandd them an has made themselvez an idle cast in da shape ov calf. they has bowd down 2 it an sacrificd 2 it an has sed, thees r ur godz, israel, hoo brought u up out ov egypt.
9 "i has seen thees peeps," teh lord sed 2 mosez, "an they r stiff-neckd peeps.
10 nao leef me alone so dat mah angr cud burn against them an dat i cud pwn them. den im gonna mak u into great nashun."
11 but mosez sought teh favor ov teh lord his ceilin cat. "lord," he sed, "y shud ur angr burn against ur peeps, whom u brung out ov egypt wif great powr an mighty hand?
12 y shud teh egyptianz say, it wuz wif evil intent dat he brought them out, 2 kill them in da mountains an 2 wipe them off da face ov teh earth? turn frum ur fierce angr; relent an do not brin disastr on ur peeps.
13 remembr ur servants abraham, isaac an israel, 2 whom u swore by ur own self: im gonna mak ur descendants as numerous as teh stars in da sky an im gonna giv ur descendants all dis land i promisd them, an it will be their inheritance furevr."
14 den teh lord relentd an did not brin on his peeps teh disastr he had threatend.

funny pictures-Somewhere . . . in the infinite wasteland of the Shadow Realm . . . the Basement Kittehs gather . . .
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Psalm 51

1 HALP, CEILING CAT; u said u wood luv me 4evar, and ur nice n stuff so plz make my invisible errors moar invisible
2 OH NOES TEH BATH but its ok coz mah invisible erorrs be washin' away
3 I knows what i done, mah invisible errors r like mirorrcat. Y U FOLLOWIN ME.
4 I dun u bad... u seen me doin it and sos u kan hit me with teh noosepapar and tell me to stfu.
5 I was bad even when i was a kittan.
6 U been lookin at me sinse i was all rollin around wit my bruders and sistars, wtf? How u been teechin me der?
7 I can has harbl? Den i will be kleen. Oh noes bath
8 I can has cheezburger? Mah broked legs will be dancin'
9 Plz dont be watchin' me masturbate, ceiling cat; if u watch plz foget.
10 Plz bake me a cookie, Ceiling Cat, but do not eated it :-( I can have ninja skills plz?
11 Noes pleez dont throw me into teh cold! Outside is bad 4 kittehs.
12 Halp me be moar like Happycat. I will maked a cookie for U.
13 Den I tell dogz 2 B like U. And all kittehs will love U 2.
14 Doan let nobudy eat me plz Ceiling Cat. Den I will say YAY!
15 Ceiling Cat, I can has singing plz?
16 U would not like I bring you the bukket I stoled.
17 Ceiling Cat likes sad kitteh? Cheezburger not mine? OK, I sorreh.
18 Nice Ceiling Cat. ::: pat pat pat :::
19 Cheezburgers for everybudy!

funny dog pictures-Did you jus calls mah momie a basement cat, goggie?!
see more dog and puppy pictures

1 Timothy 1:12-17

12 Ceiling Cat FTW cuz he noez I r faythful n he makeded me his servant,
13 even tho I useded 2 say bad thingz n persekyute othr cats n stuff: he showed me I r doin it rong,
14 n now I'z ok.
15 Iz faythful n good 2 say dat Jebus came 2 da world 2 help us stop doin it rong. I useta be da worst of all,
16 but Christ Jebus gaveded me mercy n now Jebus showz evryone how much he sufferd, so they can has eternal life 2.
17 Dear Invisibl Ceiling Cat, u pwn; plz hav honor n glory 4ever kthxbai.


Luke 15:1-10
Teh Storey Bowt Losted Sheeps

1 Den all IRS d00dz an bad kittehs coem to hear Jebus.
2 An Fariseez sez "LOL Jebus etz wit bad kittehs! Him sux!'
3 Jebus sez, "WTF?
4 If lolcat had hundrd sheeps an won gits losted, doan him leev naintee nain sheeps an go luk fr losted won?
5 Den him find it an iz liek 'w00t!'
6 An dem him coem hoem, trow partee cuz him finded losted sheep. Srsly!
7 Ceiling Cat moar happi wen a bad kitteh being maed lolcat den bowt naintee nain gud kittehs."

Teh Storey Bowt Losted Muneez
8 "Or if lolcat haz ten muneez an losted won, doan her luk all ovr an up on hai shalf an undr sofa and evrywher til her finded it?
9 Den she trow partee wit all her frndz and sez 'w00t! I finded mai losted muneez!'
10 Ceiling Cat liek dat wen won bad kitteh being maed lolcat."


Weekend Cat Events
Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
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Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
Optional Theme
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The Carnival of the Cats
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Ree-purrted by KC

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