Thursday, August 26, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, August 15, 2010

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Isaiah 5:1-7
Psalm 80:1-2, 8-19
Jeremiah 23:23-29
Psalm 82
Hebrews 11:29-12:2
Luke 12:49-56



Isaiah 5:1-7

1 O hai! Plz to be singing song fur mah bee-luved!
Dis song abaot mah luverz catnipz treez!
Mah bee-luved did haz catnipz farm
Dey wuz on srsly awesoem hill!
2 Nao, dis guy he be werkin hard to grow dat catnipz.
He maek da ground grate fur catnipz
He plant in dat ground sum awesoem catnipz
He even put a tall chaer der (all da bettar to watch catnipz!)
He wuz so exsaited fur da catnipz
But... wtf! Only wild catnipz growz nao! Dis NO GUD, srsly!!
3 "U lissen heer!" (sez Ceiling Cat)
"Kittehz uv Jerooselum
And lolcatz uv Joodah,
Plz to be tellin me abaotz mah catnipz farm!
4 "Wut else cud I haev dun fur deez catnipz?
I want da gud stuff! No wild catnipz!
Wai can I no haz gud catnipz?
5 "Furst, I sez wut I do wif dis catnipz farm.
I will dig up all deez bad catnipz,
Den I will kik at wall until it fallz.
6 "Den, I pee all over.
Dis farm be too stinkee! No can werk on it.
Weedz will grow, no catnipz!
Also, I tell claods not to rain. I can do dat."
7 Nao see, da catnipz farm of Ceiling Cat
Dat farm is da kitteh house,
And all dat catnipz, delishush catnipz,
dat is all u kittehz!
Ceiling Cat wantz gud kittehz,
But u kittehz is all bad!



Psalm 80

1 Heer us, shepurd of kittehs,
U hu leded Joseph liek herd of shepez;
U hu sitzed neks to teh cherubimimim, shiend on
2 Befur Ephraim, Benjamin an Manasseh.
Waek up, u strongz;
Com an saivz us!
3 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.
4 Oh hai, Ceiling Cat,
How longs u wil has smoldrin angryz
Aginst teh meows uv ur kittehs?
5 U has maided dem eets sad emo bredz;
U has maided dem drink sad emo watrz.
6 U can has maided us has problms wif teh kittehs neks dor,
An nao ar enuhmees mahkz us, srsly
7 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.
8 U bringed a vyn out ov Egypt;
U chaesd out teh othr nayshuns an putted it in a hol.
9 U cleerd teh urfs for it,
An it taekd ruut an filded teh hoel yard.
10 Teh mowntinz can has shayd,
Teh big treez can be cuvred wif it, tu.
11 It sentd out it bahwz to teh big watrz,
It has shuetz as far as teh skinyr watrz over der.
12 Why u has brokded its wals
So dat jus enibudy can has graepses?
13 Baorz frm teh foerst ravgez it
An teh amnals can eatdz it.
14 Ceiling Cat, coem bak!
Luk dwn from hole in ceiling and si!
Watch ovr dis vyn (masturbatin, LOL!),
15 Teh ruut ur riet hand can has plantd,
Teh babee u has raisd up fur urslf.
16 Ur vyn, it r cut dwn, it can be on fyr nao;
At ur rebuk ur peoplz dy, srsly!
17 Ur hand can sits on teh dood at ur riet hand (for hed scratchs tiem, yes?),
Teh sun of manz u can has raisd up fur urslf.
18 Den we wil not turnz awai frm u;
Halp us, an we wil sai ur naemz.
19 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
Maek ur fase shyn on us,
dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.



Psalm 82

1 Ceiling cat pwns in teh assembli he pwns faek ceiling cats, srsly!
2 Ho long will u defen teh bad catz and halp teh bad catz?! U R DOIN EET RONG! Stop an tink, nao, srsly, kthx.
3 O hai thar, halp teh weak an orphan catz; giv teh poor and oppressd catz cheeseburgrz an cookiez!"
4 Reskyu teh weak an needy; taek dem awai frm teh bad catz pawz.
5 Dei duno/understnd anyfing. Stoopid, srsly. Dei walk in teh dark; all of teh urfs' base iz shake.
6 Ai sez, 'o hai "godz"; u iz all sonz of teh vry high.
7 But u will dai! Srsly! UFAIL!!1!1!one!!1! Srsly! "Orly?" "Yarly." "Kthx." "Bai."
8 Get up nao, Celing Cat! NAO! kthx. Judge teh urfs! coz all teh nashuns iz ur inheritance. kthxbai


Hebrews 12
Ceiling Cat disipplens kittehs he luvs

1 K, we has lots of othar kittehs to halp us liv gud, so dont be lettin ur sinz wai u down, kthx. Ceiling Cat haz uh race, he wunts to show u it. U gots to run teh race fur him.
2 When u runnin ur race, be lookin at Jebus--hes teh champion!!!!1! He halp u. Srsly. He dide on teh cross, he pwn shame, n now he livs wit Ceiling Cat.
3 Member all teh meen stufz dat hapen to him, n he still pwn evryting, k? So dont giv ups!
4 Cuz u not givn in 2 sinz, no wai!!!!1!
5 Didz u furgetted alredy?! Ceiling Cat sez,
"O hai, u taeks mah disipplens srsly, k?
Dont giv ups if Ah taek ur cheezburger from u.
6 Cuz I only disipplens kittehs Ah luv,
N Ah thinks of u as mah litl kitten lolz."
7 So member teh Ceiling Cat treets u liek his very own kittns. Who evr heerd of kittn not gettin disipplens frum teh daddee or mommee kitteh?
8 If Ceiling Cat givs u no disipplens, dat meens u not his kidz.
9 Just liek we respck our kitteh parents, n do wat dey sez, we shud lissen to Ceiling Cat, so weez can liv wit him furever!!!1!
10 Cuz our kitteh momms and dadees onlie disiplens us for a few yrs, but Ceiling Cat givs us a disipplen whenevr we needz it, so we can has holyness liek he gots.
11 Disipplen is no funz, srsly. DO NOT WANT. But when we has a disipplen, we has a better lief after! Woa!!
12 So dont be discurged--be strongs! Make a strate path fur ur paws 2 follow!


Luke 12:49-56

Jebus Maeks Ppl Fiet

49 "I likez me sum firez on da urf,50 An Ima gettin impayshunt ta bringz dis firez!
51 U tink me coem 2 maek Peas on urf? WRONG!!!!1!! LOL!!!!! Me maek evrybody fiet!
52 If der 5 kittehs n 1 howse, den 3 fiet wit 2.
53 Daddi fiet wit son an mommi fiet wit dawtr an evrybody fiet wit evrybody."
See Wat Happnz
54 "Wen u see hoomin gits nekkid, u sez 'OH NOES!!!! Showr tiem!!!! Run awae!!!1'
55 An wen u see sunni spot, u sez 'w00t! NAPTIEM! YAY!'
56 P0zRz!!!1!! Wai u not seez wat happnz dis tiem?"
Git Along Wit Enemiz
57 "WTF, doan u evn no wat 2 do?58 Wen ur enemi takz u to cort, tri 2 settel owt ov cort, or u gettin thron into teh jael!59 An den u neber git owt! OH NOES!!!!1!!!!"

¡uʍop-ǝpısdn ɯnɹɟ n ᄅ uıʌɐʍ zı ¡ıɐɥ o



Weekend Cat Events
Weekend Cat Blogging
#271 Aug 13-15 Breadchick and LB at The Sour Dough
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)
Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
## Edition 119 | Sep 05, 2010 Nikita Cat
Optional Theme
(submit your post here)

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for visiting and for your comments!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails