Thursday, August 26, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for August 22, 2010

Sunday, August 22, 2010
Jeremiah 1:4-10
Psalm 71:1-6
Isaiah 58:9b-14
Psalm 103:1-8
Hebrews 12:18-29
Luke 13:10-17



Jeremiah 1:4-10

4 Ceiling Cat sed:
5 "Oh hai! Befour I maed u I knew u. U pwn n ur a prophet, k?"
6 I sed "No wai!"
7 Ceiling Cat sed "Wai! Do wut I tells u!8 Dun worry, I can help."
9 Den Ceiling Cat touched me an sed, "I'm in ur mouf, givin u werds."
10 Nao u maekz stuff an braekz stuff, k?

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Psalm 71

gud ceilin cat, u has kept me in teh snugglez ov ur luv thees lotz da yeers.
uve totally saved me lot ov tiems 4 REALZ.
ize comin 2 u lotz tiem when they all try 2 taek away mah cheezburgers!!!
i wuz always frum birf doin wut ceilin cat wantd.
but teh bad onez dat wants 2 taek mah cheezburgers when i wuz kitteh r still her an they try 2 find ways 2 RUIN EVERYTHIN 4 ME!!
nao i iz bout 2 dye srsly!!!
i wants luv from u ceilin cat.
i iz yelling dat ur teh bests totally i meen it an shout loud an i iz hopin u will gimie cheezburgers.

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Isaiah 58

1 Yu shud meow lotz cuz ya liek yu needa tell teh noobz there dumb.
2 Thar ahweyz lukin foar meh an liek but dat wuz before wen thay wuzent ghey.

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Psalm 103

1 Prayze Ceiling Cat, o mah soule, o Ceiling Cat, mah grate leeder, u is da shit. U gots nice fur too.
2 Prayz da Ceiling cat, O my fluffyness, an he stretchez out an purrs along the ceiling.
3 for Ceiling Cat iz grate for not skratchig de eyez out,
4 who letz youz live and letz you pettz him and snorgle
5 who gibs grate massazes with de paws and oh the clawz needin' da scalp and da swotting at birdz
6 for Ceiling Cat iz goooooood, an awwwwesome.
7 and u no when da ceiling cat iz there
8 wot wid da anger and de non petting an de strechin
9 he aint alwayz letz u pettz him, but he snuggles at nite
10 he duz the scratching when he wantz, eben when we be nice an feeeeed him
11 eben when da ceiling hi, he be there, redy to pounce
12 ceeling cat carez not as long as we feedz him
13 dont forgetz da fear, even wid da kittehs!!
14 cause he can kick out azzes enyday
15 watch da kittehs playin wid da grassez!!!! It eated da flower.
16 kitteh is ADD...a flutterby! me wantz it!!
17 be wary of ceiling cat, coz he gonna pounce on your bebbeh
18 'member da feedin and da pettin, and da no baths!
19 and no sittin in his ray-o-sun
20 obey!!! ceiling cat huuungry...gonna skratch if no food soon.
21 prayz da ceiling cat, for he be da koolest
22 prayz and feeded da ceiling cat, so he behave and no skratch u in eyez.

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Luke 13:10-17

Hurted Kitteh Gitz Maed All Bettr on Caturday
10 Den Jebus be teechng n sinagog on Caturday.
11 An him seez hurted kitteh. Her wuz all brokn an no cud walked fr ayteen yrs! Srsly!
12 An Jebus sez "O hai, uz all bettr now kthnxbai!"
13 An her sez "Yay Ceiling Cat!"
14 Endignent cat wuz endignent. Him sez "Is not spose to werk on Caturday! Dat meen no fix hurted kittehs on Caturday!"
15 An Jebus sez "U p0zr! Doan u taek caer ur moos an chikns on Caturday? So wai not dis kitteh dawtr ov Abrahamsammich who bin hurted by Basement Cat fr eyteen yrs git fixted on Caturday?"
17 Sew den Jebus's enemiz wuz ashamd, but evrybodee ellse wuz happi an sez "Woohoo! Ceiling Cat iz teh r0krz!!!!!11!!!1"


Weekend Cat Events
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