Friday, June 25, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, June 27, 2010

Sunday, June 27, 2010

2 Kings 2:1-2, 6-14
Psalm 77:1-2, 11-20 
1 Kings 19:15-16, 19-21
Psalm 16 
Galatians 5:1, 13-25 
Luke 9:51-62


2 Kings 2:1-2, 6-14
Elikhat Tha Robot Goes To Heaven

1 Omg so Ceiling Cat waz bout 2 take da robot in2 heaven rite? but not his pal! n his pal neva nooo tht he was goin 2 heavn by a tornado btw. so da robot n his pal were wokin
2 Da robot sed 2 his pal "plz stay here cuz Ceiling Cat wnts me 2 go 2 burger king, n its a long walk!" but his pal sed "no i wanna cum wiv u cos i wanna chikhen sammich n ull 4get" so they went 2 burger king
3 N da ppl who waz serving dem sed to da robot "do u no tht Ceiling Cat iz gnna take u 2 heaven but not ur pal???" n da he sed "yeh i no but dnt tell me!!!"
4 So den after he finshs tokin he tells his pal "plz stay here cos Ceiling Cat wnts me 2 go 2 mcdonalds cos dey dnt sell mcflurrys ere." but he seys "no im cumin wiv u" so they go ova 2 mcdonalds
5 So da guy who was servin da robot seys "do u no tht Ceiling Cat is takin u 2 heven but not u?" n da pal seys "yes but shutttup dnt remind me!!"
6 Den da robot seys 2 his pal "stay ere im goin to kfc, Ceiling Cat wants me 2" n da pal seys "no im cumin wiv u!!" so they went 2 kfc
7 Thy were almost dere but ther waz a huuuuge puddl in da way in da carpark so evey1 insyde kfc watched dem struggle haha!
8 Den da robot got a towel, throo it in da water n it all soakd up
9 Wen dey got in2 kfc da robot sed 2 his pal "wot do u want?" n he sed "double porshon ov chikhen plz"
10 An he sed "u hav askd suchs a hard fing cos i dnt hav enuf moneys"
11 An they toked for a bit an suddnly 2 horses on fire came n made a tornado n took da robot into heaven but not his pal.
12 N so his pal went mental n shoutd "da horses is on fire!!!" so took all da robots clothes tht he left n tore dem up
13 He took da towel dat wz still in da car park ov kfc n lookd arownd da car park
14 He den sqeeezd da woter out n shoutd "where da heck did my friend go??" den left
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Psalm 77

1 HALPZ Ceiling Cat!!!111ELEVEN
u lissen K?
2 iz scared
kittehs lik to stretch kittehs pawz
3 Ceiling Cat makez kittehs go
NO WAIZ
4 lemme go napz k
5 i want havez good dreemz too lol
6 (kittehs luv iPod)
7 why Ceiling Cat DO NOT WANT kittehs?
8 he liek, 'uz bad'
9 'i wilz pwn kittehs'
10 iz liek, ok d00d wtf
will tri make u happi
11 cuz uz dun cool stufs
12 ur liek way cool
13 Ceiling Cat TOTALY RULEZ
14 uz big kitteh
15 wiht big pawz
16 uz not eves scared of watur lolz
17 oh noes THUNDERZ!!!11!111
18 more thunderz!!
kitteh scared SRSLY
19 Ceiling Cat halpz teh kittehs
n ur pawz r invizubul
20 peepz r liek, kthxbai!


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1 Kings 19:15-16, 19-21

15 Den Ceiling Cat sed to him: "Go bak to teh Wildurnez uv Damascus; wen yu get dere, anoint Hazael as king ovah Syria.
16 Also yu shall anoint Jehu teh son uv Nimshi as king ovah Israel. An Elisha teh son uv Shapat uv Abel Meholah yu shall anoint as proffet in yur plaec.
17 An it can beez dat whoevah escaepz frum teh gunz uv Hazael, Jehu will pwn; an whoevah escaepz teh gunz uv Jehu, Elisha will pwn.
18 Yet Ai can has reservd seven tousan in Israel, all whoes nees no can has bowd to Baal uv Twine, an evereh mouth dat no can has kissd him."

Elisha Folloz Elikhat
19 So him departd frum dere, an foun Elisha teh son uv Shaphat, who wuz plowing wif twelv yoak uv oxen befor him, an him was wif teh twelf. Den Elikhat passd bai him an threw him mantel on him.
20 An him lef him oxen an runnd afetr Elikhat, an sed, "Let meh kiss meh daddeh an mommeh, an den I can has folloz yu." An him sed to him, "Go bak, fer wut has I dun to yu?"
21 So Elisha turnd bak frum him, an tuk a yoak uv oxen an pwnd dem an boild der flesh, usin teh oxen's equipmunt, an gaev it to teh peeps, an dey eated. Den him aroes an follod Elikhat, an becaem him servant.

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Psalm 16
Gud Stuffs

1 Hai, Celing Cat, I can has protekshuns?
2 I sez 2 Ceiling Cat: "Hai! Celing Cat! U R teh ooberest! LOL!!!11"
3 if u no lyke den u suck.
4 If u no lyke Ceiling Cat den F U, n00b! Sumthin bout libashuns!
5 Ceiling Cat can has my stuffses.
6 Thx 4 mah howse, Ceiling Cat!
7 U tells me 2 do stuff!
8 Ceiling Cat alwayz be wit me, kinda creepy
9 but oober asum!
10 Cuz u no leev me 4 woomun, Ceiling Cat, even if her chesticlz be hyoooooj!!
11 You teechz me 2 not suck

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Galatians 5:1, 13-25
Freedm in Jebus

1 Jebus setted us free so we cud be free, duh. Hang in ther an doan B slaves agayn.
13 Jebus maed us free, but not to do whatevr we want. We shud be free to help eech othr.
14 U can boil teh law down to wun thing: "Liek eech othr k."
15 If u keep bitin an scratchin each othr, sumbudiz goin to get hurted.

Livin bai da Spirit
16 So I sez, be livin by teh Spirit, and u wil no be gratifyin teh desirens of ur eevil selfz.
17 Becuz of ur naychur yu wantz teh opposit of what teh Spirit wantz, and teh Spirit iz wantin teh opposit of Invisible Errors. Dey dun liek teh otherz wai of doin stuf so dey turn yu confoozled and yu don do wut u wanna do.
18 But if teh Spirit leedz u, u dun needa worriez abowt teh lawz.
19 Teh thingz ur sinful naychur wantz are obvius: induhlgence in sexiness and impur things;
20 makin iduls dat arnt of Ceiling Cat and ridin on broomz; havin mean thotts toward other kittehs, nawt beeyin unifaiyd, beeyin jelus of other pplz cheezburgers, getin all mad reely quik, only thnkin of urself, speekin tings dat r dissagreeabel, teemin up to taek other pplz cheezburgers
21 and beeyin mad becuz dey hav dem and yu dont; gettin all drunk, havin sexiness with lots of pplz that arnt ur spows, and all dat stuf. Iz warnin yu, and I alredy told u dis, dat ppl doin deez thingz arnt goin to teh Ceiling Cat's howse, k?
22 But teh Spiritz froot iz luv, joyness, peec, beeyin kind, beeyin good, keepin teh fayth,
23 treetin ppl gently, and keepin contrl of urself. Dere iz no lawz agenst dose things.
24 Teh ppl who belong to Jeebus hav killd dere Invisible Errors and stuf.
25 We liv bai teh Spirit, so letz act liek it.26 Letz not get stuk up an pester each othr an start catfiets. Srsly.

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Luke 9:51-62
Jebus Pwns James an John

51 So Jebus sez "I'z goan to Jerusalem. Srsly."
52 An him frnz goed to Samaritan citee to git hotel.
53 But hotel sez "U'z goan to Jerusalem. GTFO."
54 An lolcats James an John sez "We can burnz citee? Jus liek Elikhat? LOL!"
55 But Jebus sez "WTF? We beez teh gud guyz, u n00bz!"
56 So dem goed to nother citee wher hotel wuz niesr to dem.

Teh Wannabee Lolcats
57 Den der was wannabee lolcat who sez "I goez wherevr u goez, Boss."
58 An Jebus sez "Mowseez has hoels an birdeez has nestes, but I'z got no hoem."
59 An him tell nother d00d "Fahlo me." But him sez "Boss, I gots to buri mai dadee firs."
60 An Jebus sez "WTF? Soembodee ells do dat. U go preech bowt Ceiling Cat."
61 An nother wannabee sez "Boss, I goed wit u, but gots to sae bai bai firs to mai homeez."
62 An Jebus sez "Ceiling Cat DO NOT WANT no lolcats who luk bak. Srsly!"




Weekend Cat Events
Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)
Weekend Cat Blogging
(see the week’s& host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)
Ree-purrted by KC

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