Friday, April 23, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fourth Sunday of Easter, April 25, 2010

Fourth Sunday of Easter
April 25, 2010

Acts 9:36-43
Psalm 23
Revelation 7:9-17
John 10:22-30




Acts 9:36-43

36 In Joppa, tehre waz a laydee. Hir name Tabitha. She waz a good ppl! She helpd poor ppl.
37 'Cept she getted sick and dide! Oh noes! Hur corpz waz plaecd in a room in the uppur flor.
38 Lyyda, o'courz iz neer Joppa, so it waz not long 'till wurd got aroun to Peter.
39 So Peter wented to Joppa an went to teh houws whaer Tabitha was ded. Tehr waz widowz. tehy all crowdud 'roun Peter, and craid. Tehy also shoewd Peter closthez n' stuf tat Tabitha maded wen she wuz not ded.
40 Peter told teh widows to scram. So tehy did. Tehn Peter neelded down an praed. He lookd at teh corpz an waz liek, "Hay, Ceiling Cat makez u unpwned. u getz up kkthx!" Tabitha stopd beein ded and Peter help'd hir get up. Tehn he sed to teh beleevirz and widowz to come inz and see wut Ceiling Cat had helpd him do.
41 Noos of Tabitha's rezurrecktshun spred throo Joppa. Lotz of ppl starded beeleeving in Ceiling Cat.
42 Peter tehn lived in Joppa wit soem gui naemd Simon. He wuz a tanner.

funny pictures of cats with captions
Psalm 23

1 Ceiling Cat iz mai sheprd (which is funni if u knowz teh joek about herdin catz LOL.)
He givz me evrithin I need.

2 He letz me sleeps in teh sunni spot
an haz liek nice waterz r ovar thar.

3 He makez mai soul happi
an maeks sure I go teh riet wai for him. Liek thru teh cat flap insted of out teh opin windo LOL.

4 I iz in teh valli of dogz, fearin no pooch,
bcz Ceiling Cat iz besied me rubbin' mah ears, an it maek me so kumfy.

5 He letz me sit at teh taebl evn when peepl who duzint liek me iz watchn.
He givz me a flea baff an so much gooshy fud it runz out of mai bowl LOL.

6 Niec things an luck wil chase me evrydai
an I wil liv in teh Ceiling Cats houz forevr.

funny pictures of cats with captions
Revelation 7:9-17

9 Ai was laik, "O Hai, bazillion pplz!" Dey lookn at teh frone an teh Lamb, all white kittehs, wlv palms in their paws, and they had a flavor;
10 Pplz was shoutin laik "keep dat Ceiling Cat on teh frone!!" an "yah ok ai likz teh Lamb 2"
11 All dem Birdcatz round teh frone an teh old catz an teh 4 beasts, dem falled dwn rite on dem kitteh nosez! OWCH it hurty but not too bad. Dey worshipin Ceiling Cat.12 Sayed, Ramen: "cheezburgrs, an powr an all good stuffs. You can has Ceiling Cat 24 7 forevers, plz?. kthxbye."
13 One of teh elderz kittehs is laik, "What white kittehs? Were dey at?"
14 So I's sayed, dun u know lol. He was liek, "Dese workin hard, an have licked demselfs clean, maid dem white in teh icky Lamb blood. It taste bad!"
15 U see, dey'z befoar teh frone of Ceiling Cat, dey bring him catnip an treats in his catbox: an he dat get petted on teh couch is allowed to lie on couch forever and not get teh sqwirt gun.
16 Dun be hungwy and firsty no moar; noar shall teh sun be warm on dey bellies.
17 For teh Lamb shall refill teh food bowl, an shall lead them unto teh awe-toe-matic water fountains: an Ceiling Cat promises to wipe gunk from all ur eyes.


John 10:22-30

teh unbeleif of teh jewz
22 THeRe wuz a parteh in teh big city Juhrusailm, an evryone wuz NOM NOM NOM! It was cold krissmussy time.
23 Jebus wuz wlking in Solomuns Colo... Calon... he took a walk in teh tempel.
24 Teh jooz wah liek, "OMG JEBUS STOP TEEZIN US!!! If U teh messiah kitty jus SAIZ SO!!!"
25 Jebus iz all liek "I alrdy tellz you dat!! I duz amzing stufs w/ teh Ceiling Cat so u noes!!
26 But you no heerz, cause you no iz mai shep!
27 Mai shepz heerz me; i knoz dem, and they comez wit me
28 Cause of me, they no haz death; and noonez can taekz them! I holdz onto teh shepz RLY TITE!!
29 Ceiling Cat gavez them to mez, and he pwnz you all!! No one can takez them from Ceiling Cat. NOT WUNCE!!
30 Me and Ceiling Cat are teh same!! SRSLY!"

Weekend Cat Events

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#319 – Kashim & Othello and Salome
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