Friday, March 19, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fifth Sunday of Lent, March 21, 2010

Fifth Sunday of Lent
March 21, 2010

Isaiah 43:16-21
Psalm 126
Philippians 3:4b-14
John 12:1-8




Isaiah 43

1 Dis iz wut TopCat sez: "Ai maded yuz, mai kittehs. Don b scardeyCatz; don b afrad. Ai luvz yu; yuz r mien.
2 Wen yu gose n 2 watr, ai b wif yu. Wen der b rain or fier, ai b wif yu. Yuz no drownded or b burnded.
3 Dis all cuz iz TopCat, yur Ceiling Cat. Ai giv yuz Egypt-land an Couch an Sofa.
4 Ai luvz yu. Yuz r prechus 2 me. Dis y ai protektz yu.
5 Liek ai sez b4, don b scardeycatz. Lyk srsly! Ai b wif yu. Yur lil kittehs, ai giv bak 2 yu.
6 Ai sez 2 mean peeps dat taek yur kittehs: 'giv dem bak! All kittens, giv bak 2 me.
7 All kittehs dat r mien anna ai maded - giv em bak.' Srsy!"
8 Yu gotz blind kittehs wit aiz? Yu gotz def kittehs wit eerz? Want!
9 Let da nashuns gadder. Yu see dis coming? O rly? Yu gotz pruf, so da kittehs can say "srsly?"
10 Yuz mah pruf, sez TopCat, mah servuntz what ai chuz to bleeve in me an unnerstan me. B4 me, derz no Ceiling Cat, and not aftur me needer.

funny pictures of dogs with captions
Psalm 126
Sing sawng uv ascents

1 When teh Ceiling Cat bringz us bak to teh Lolmountain, we were lik kittehs who dreem.
2 Our moufs were lik filld wit cheezbugerz an stuffz. Srsy! We wuz happeh!
3 Teh Ceiling Cat roxorz us and we beez happeh!
4 Give us many cheezburgerz dat are ours!
5 Doz who give veggiez can reep cheezburgers.
6 Wen we go out cryen and stuffz wit cheezburger seeds, we comez bak wit lotz of happeh cheezburgers! Awsome!!

funny pictures of cats with captions
Philippians 3:4b-14

4 Iz konfidentent
5 Ate day, iz ah Joo.
6 Iz followded teh law n PWNed many church doodz, k? Srsly.
7 Iz thunk it mattererded, but Jebus wuz all liek "Nope, kthkbye".
8 Nuttin matterers wifout Jebus. Jebus iz more betteh den cheezeburgers. Jebus make cheezeburgers luk liek poo. Iz ken frow away all mai stufz so I ken knowz Jebus.
9 I wanna bee part of Jebus. Been Okeedokee wif Ceiling Cat doant com frum roolz. Itz cuz Iz beeleeves in Jebus. Itz frum Ceiling Cat. Iz getz it frum faif.
10 I wanna knoe Jebus betteh. I wanna knoe whut hovrded Jebus from def and knoe hiz hurtz.
11 Den Ceiling Cat will hovr me.

Neveh gonna gif yu up
12 Iz doant haz dat stufz. Iz notz purfecks, k? But Iz keep moovin to getz what Jebus wantz me to getz.
13 Kittehs, I knoed bout soem stufz, but I eated it. Iz onlie knoes bout da fewcher.
14 Ceiling Cat wants me to haz Cheezeburger. Jebus iz teh troo Cheezeburger.

Funny Pictures of Cats With Captions
John 12:1-8
Jebus gets oilfeets in Bethany

1 An six days afore it was teh Passovr, Jebus wented to Befany, whar Lazarus livd (teh men he maded not ded).
2 An Martha was all liek, "OMG, eat lots, Jebus, becuz we luv u". An Jebus an Lazarus wuz all liek NOM NOM NOM!
3 Den dis gurl Mary, she gots reely nummy smelling oils an she rubbed Jebus's feets wid it. Den she tookded her hair and wipeded it off agian, and de hous smelled reely NUMMY, and de nummy smell wuz Jebus's feets.
4 But Judas (who wuz sposed to be Jebus's freind but reely wasn't) was all liek,
5 "OMG dat oil, it r worth so many cheezburgrs!!! U shood sell it for cheezburgrs an give dose cheezburgrs to all de poor kittehs. Srsly."
6 But reely, Judas was uncaring-cat, an stolded Cheezburgrs for hisself all teh timez.
7 But Jebus was all liek "STFU, kthx. Soon I go be dedz, so I can has oilfeets.
8 Dere will alwayz be more poor kittehs, but dere is only oen Jebus. Srsly."


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1 comment:

  1. The one about the sneakers and sulphur is really funny! :-D

    ReplyDelete

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