Saturday, March 13, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fourth Sunday of Lent, March 14, 2010

March 14, 2010
Fourth Sunday of Lent

Joshua 5:9-12
Psalm 32
2 Corinthians 5:16-21
Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32




Joshua 5:9-12

9 Den teh Lawrd Ceiling Cat seded to Joshua, "Todai I has rofld awai da reproch uv Eegipt frm u, by makin u cutz yur selves. Yur welcum." So dat why place cald Gilgal even noa. (LOL, wut?)
10 On teh evning ov teh forteenz dai ov teh monf, wawl campd at Gilgal on teh playnz ov Jericho, the Izrayelietz hadz teh Passovrz.
11 Teh dai aftr teh Passovrz dey ayt sum stuf frum teh landz.
12 Teh mana no did cumz no moar; teh invisible can opnerz went awai, so den dey ayted Canaanian foodz.

funny pictures of cats with captions
Psalm 32

1 Cheezburgerz iz for him who iz badnesh are forgeevenz, whoes invizible error hav hided.

2 Cheezberger for da cat whoes invizible erros teh Ceiling Cat doeshunt haz ues againsht him and in whoes speerits iz noes trickory.

3 When ai iz be quiet, mai bonse waisted awai cuz ai iz meowing all de dai lawng.

4 Foh dai and nite Yor big paw wuz on meh; and ai wuz week and fraid of getting crushord az in de heet of shummer. Srsly

5 Den ai told yu, Ceiling Cat, dat ai invizible errored and did nawt coverz up nuthin. ai sayz, "ai haz confesh meh transhazgreshonz to de Ceiling Cat"— and yu forgivend da gilt of meh invizible error. Srsly

6 Derfore let allz whoes iz luv Ceiling Cat prai to yuz Whaile yu may bez lickd; shurly when da mitey watahs risez, Dey will nots get him wets.

7 Yu are my shafe place; yu will hidez me from bad gaiz k? and seengz lotsh of songs plz. Srsly

8 ai will haz teachre yu de wai to goz; ai will haz watch yu az yu go, and shometiem whiel yu lick yurshelf.

9 Dunt be like de horsie or mulez, k? dey got no undershtanding and musht be ridden on bai kittiez wit bitz and bridles or dey wunt come to yu.

10 Many sadness iz for de bad kittie, but de Ceiling Cat luvs de kittie who haz trust him. kthx!

11 Be extatik wif da Ceiling Cat and be goowd kittie; seeng, allz yu hoo are uprites in de hart! kthxbai!

funny pictures of cats with captions
2 Corinthians 5:16-21

16 So we don't think laik u other lolcats do. We did thinked laik that, tho, but not anymoar.
17 If u is one wit teh Ceiling Cat then u old self is gone and a nu one tooked its place.
18 I gotted all dis from Ceiling Cat who dieded so our bad stuff wasn't so bad no moar and we could make up for it and stuff.
19 Cuz Ceiling Cat killed his self in hooman form so all the bad stuff we do not so bad no moar.
20 So now we ambasadoors of Ceiling Cat and we talk for him and stuff. Don't keep doin bad stuff and say youz sry if u does plzkthnx.
21 Ceiling Cat maded his self into a hooman and didunt do nuthin wrong so he could take care of all teh bad stuff for us and we cud be one wit Ceiling Cat.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Luke 15
Teh Storey Bowt Losted Sheeps

1 Den all IRS d00dz an bad kittehs coem to hear Jebus.
2 An Fariseez sez "LOL Jebus etz wit bad kittehs! Him sux!'
3 Jebus sez, "WTF?
4 If lolcat had hundrd sheeps an won gits losted, doan him leev naintee nain sheeps an go luk fr losted won?
5 Den him find it an iz liek 'w00t!'
6 An dem him coem hoem, trow partee cuz him finded losted sheep. Srsly!
7 Ceiling Cat moar happi wen a bad kitteh being maed lolcat den bowt naintee nain gud kittehs."

Teh Storey Bowt Losted Muneez
8 "Or if lolcat haz ten muneez an losted won, doan her luk all ovr an up on hai shalf an undr sofa and evrywher til her finded it?
9 Den she trow partee wit all her frndz and sez 'w00t! I finded mai losted muneez!'
10 Ceiling Cat liek dat wen won bad kitteh being maed lolcat."

Teh Storey Bowt Projijal Kitteh
11 Jebus telled them: "Dis naiz hooman had two kittehs, big kitteh and little kitteh.
12 Little kitteh says "i can haz cheezeburger?". So da hooman gives little kitteh cheezburgr.
13 Little kitteh goes out and lookz for gal kittehs and does lots of buttsecks.
14 But den therez no foodz anywheres and little kitteh want foodz.
15 So little kitteh goed to fish shop and sayed "i can haz fishes?"
16 But no hooman luvd little kitteh.
17 But little kitteh thinked "mai hooman haz foodz and luvs kittehs.
18 I goes home and getz foodz and warm bed.
19 I can getz cheezburgr."
20 So little kitteh goed home and his hooman hugged little kitteh.
21 Little kitteh sayed "can i haz cheezburger nao?"
22 His hooman sayed to his Mexican maidz "get naiz warm bed redi for little kitteh nao.
23 Get cheezburgr too.
24 My kitteh goed away and needz foodz and bedz.
25 Big kitteh was playing outside and smells cheezbugr.
26 Big kitteh askd maidz why smell cheezbugr nao.
27 Maidz sayd little kitteh comes home nao and eatz foodz.
28 Big kitteh sitted looking away from hooman and wagged tail. Kitteh don't want talk to hooman nao.
29 But Big kitteh sayd "i cant haz cheezburgr and i cant haz buttsecks, i hatez yu.
30 But you luv little kitteh and he can haz cheezburgr."
31 "Big kitteh", the hooman said, "yu iz old.32 but little kitteh is cute."


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