Friday, June 13, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fifth Sunday after Pentecost

Fifth Sunday after Pentecost

Exodus 19: 2-8a
Psalm 100 (Ps. 100:3)
Romans 5: 1-8
Matthew 9: 35-10: 8 (9-23)



Exodus 19: 1-8
At Meownt S1inaiz

1 after whilz dey found dis desert wif some sand n stuff.
2 dey lay on the sofas by da big mountain and snooozed
3 Ceiling cat sed "HAI Moses! tell ur doods
4 remembre all the cheezburgers I gaves u n dat other stuff 2
5 o! an do what i says and iz be protectin u like u'z mai cheezburger.
6 u guys can b mai posse!"
7 mozus went and told his d00ds
8 n him doods waz like WAI!!

Psalm 100

1 EVRYONE SAI YAY fr teh almity Ceiling Cat
2 Wurshop him wit teh happynez; giv him teh happy MEOWZ!
3 noe dat teh Ceiling cat is r god n he makes us n we r teh runtz0rz of t3h littaz
4 Be hapi wen he les us in ta his wurldz make him be hapi :) say YAY CEILING CAT YAY
5 Fer he iz gud nd luvs us nd he trusts uz nd stuff0rz

Romans 5
Happy Kittyz Wehn Dogz Bark
1 Lissenup, youse yammerin, wez miawing bout Ceiling Cat anna Kitten Jebus,
2 we seez Invisible Water Dish anna graze inna littrboxz, anna miaw-miaw to da Ceiling Cat.
3 More d00dz, webe yammerin bouts Tribbles, anna Trouble Wit Tribbles (datbe da Staw Twek, Season 2, Episode 15) makus gud catz;
4 anna keeps doon it, nice earz; anna nice paws, noses.
5 Miaws summore, slavin ta Ceiling Cat iz gud an youse bin miawin to da Hover Cat, gud fur youse, srsly.

Jebus mai seyvier in Ours Littrboxz
6 Youse be weak kittyz, wen da Jebus did da dirtnap fur da athiesties.
7 Goody two-pawz didda dirtnap; wood youse dirtnap fur da nice d00dz too.
8 Buttz Ceiling Cat scratchz our earz, even wehn wez poopd onna floor, Jebus hung onna nailz fur uz.
9 Lookey, dirtnap boogie, we not RAWR-RAWR cauz da Jebus.
10 Wen we poked his earz we miawed to dat Ceiling Cat bout da nailin of Jebus, Catfight!, scratchy earz, we drinkd warm milk den, srsly.
11 Mor stuffz, we miawed happy Ceiling Cat anna Kittn Jebus Krisp, demz gibbin uz lotsa cheezburgz fur ettin anna warm milk.

Adam's Dirtnap, Jebus Lives
12 Lissenup, I tellyuz one bad catz, anna dirtnap by Invisible Error, anna all catz ded, lotsa Invisible Error—
13 (Judge judy sez Invisible Error iz inna littrboxz, but Invisible Error still doin stuff even if not watchn judge judy.
14 Dirtnaps fur evry catz frum Adam to Moses, An demz too who et da applz lik Adam, whoze lik a Ceiling Cat who comes purring anna yammerin.
15 But a freebee iz notta furball. For iffn one cat koffs uppa furball many bit da dust, much more da graze uv Ceiling Cat anna new freebee frum one d00d kittn, Jebus Krisp, gibbin to all youse.
16 Anna freebee iz not a big furball. For da judge judy frum one furball wuz bad-bad, but the freebee frum many furballz izza new TV show, judge millz lane.
17 Fur iffn one catz furball cauzez dirtnappin, many many many more furballs willbe koffd up and da graze of freebee cheezbrgrz will be inna food dish frum da d00d, da One, Jebus Krisp.
18 Lissenup, one catz stuck furball maked uz sick, we don lik dat, even gibbin gud stuffz da freebee goes to all catz, makin no sense to mees, yammerin srsly.
19 One bad cat made many furball koffz, anna by one gud cat make nice bowl of kibble, sum warm milk anna cheezbrgrz, srsly.
20 Lissenup judge judy sed furballz git stuck sumtimz. But iffn lotza furballz, graze sum more,
21 so dat Invisible Error made dirtnapz, da graze youse be seein tru good kittyz anna furevva livin frum Kitty Jebus Krisp, our Lard cat, our fat cat.

Matthew 9: 35 - 10: 8

Jebus can has wurkrs?!?!
35 So newayz, Jebus walkd thru menny landz and stufz, heelin ppls and preechin de Gud Newz of da Ceiling Cat.
36 He saw lotz of ppls, and felt sorrie fur dems, cuz dey wuz like poor lttl sheepies wit no shperd :(.
37 So Jebus toldz his disyplles, "Ok guyz, dere's big hrvest of fudz, but no wurkrs fur gettin dose fudz. Oh noes!!!
38 Gotta pray to Ceiling Cat fur mor wurkrs, kthx."

Jebus sendz out his twelve
1 Jebus calld his twelve disciplez an givs dem teh powr to shoo demonz an heel efrybudy.
2 Deez r teh namez ov his twelve disciplez: furst, Simon (can also call himz Petr) an his bruthr Andrew; den Jamez an John hoo r bruthrz;
3 Filip an Bartholomew; Thomas an Matthew teh muneh taker; teh othur Jamez, an Thaddaeus;
4 Simon numbur two, an Judas Iscariot (hoo becomz stinkeh kitteh an betrayz Jebus later on!).
5 Befor Jebus sent out theez twelve gais, he teld dem: "DO NOT go over wif teh Gentilez or teh samaritanz.
6 Jus go find mai lost kittehs ov israel.
7 Deh whole tiem, shoutz dis: "CEILING CAT'S HOUS IS SO CLOSE GAIS! Is right ovr here!"
8 Gets rid ov teh fleez, raize teh ded, shoo teh demons, baesicly make evrybudy betteh. An remember getz all your cookehs for free, so don be takin any monehs from kittehs. Just gif to dem for free.

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______________________________________________

Gloria Catri

Ceiling Cat can has glories!
Jebus and Hover Cat can has them too!
Liek it waz in teh beginningz,
iz nao and alwayz will be,
Urfs with no endz, Amenz, Amenz.
______________________________________________

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator
(submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging is being held by Kashim and Othello
(see the weeks host to enter your WCB post
in the comments for the weekend roundup)

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos is at Mr. Tigger & The M-Cats Club
Optional Theme: Father’s Day Edition
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats is going to Mind of Mog Sunday Evening
(submit your post here)

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